Blockchain Tomato



  • The IBM Cloud: The Cloud for You – 00:42
    — IBM

    This is a tomato tracked from farm to table on a Blockchain

    :wtf:


  • area_can

    all these crypto people talk about salts and hash browns, seems to me that this can only be unhealthy for us and should be banned


  • area_pol

    can help get thousands to work safely in a skyscraper whose elevators use IoT data and AI

    So now it is considered an achievement to stop the IoT plague from breaking elevators.
    Hooray for the heroic fight against problems created by yourself.


  • area_pol

    track a tomato on a Blockchain to help keep shoppers safe

    If Bitcoin's bandwidth is any indication, by the time the blockchain transaction is confirmed, the tomatoes will be rotten.

    designed for your data, AI ready, secure to the core

    "AI" (understood in this context as "machine learning") is about statistical analysis of big datasets, often employing black box methods.
    It is fun, but it is an opposite of verifiable security.

    0_1508979680600_612e7c0a-a4ce-400b-badd-a404a877a852-image.png

    IMB Cloud, powered by goto and C++ CLI programs.


  • :belt_onion:

    IBM wins today's round of Buzzword Bingo.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    Heh. So we have a hilarious little local IT "unconference" where a bunch of the area's "premier IT professionals" basically go bar hopping on week and scam it off on expense accounts.

    The "unconference" part refers to a conference where none of the talks are organized or scheduled in any manner until the morning of, when, "if you feel like it" you can just sign up for a slot and give a talk.

    My partner in automotive crime and youtube cohost goes to this thing for... Some reason. His wife also goes. I suspect it's her idea. Anyway, I've regularly threatened to go one of these years and give a talk entitled "You are all doing everything wrong"

    Next year, I'm actually going to do it. Why? Because apparently some fuckstick gave a 2 hour talk on blockchain and everybody was fascinated. It was full of dipshit concepts like this.

    Just throw it in a fucking regular database and have each fucking step along the way digitally sign the fucking transaction. It's a goddamn tomato, not a treaty that everybody in the entire universe needs to ratify.



  • @adynathos said in Blockchain Tomato:

    track a tomato on a Blockchain to help keep shoppers safe

    If Bitcoin's bandwidth is any indication, by the time the blockchain transaction is confirmed, the tomatoes will be rotten.

    designed for your data, AI ready, secure to the core

    "AI" (understood in this context as "machine learning") is about statistical analysis of big datasets, often employing black box methods.
    It is fun, but it is an opposite of verifiable security.

    0_1508979680600_612e7c0a-a4ce-400b-badd-a404a877a852-image.png

    IMB Cloud, powered by goto and C++ CLI programs.

    How is that C++/CLI? That looks like normal C++ with a using std; in it.



  • @ben_lubar said in Blockchain Tomato:

    How is that C++/CLI? That looks like normal C++ with a using std; in it.

    It's a reasonable assumption after seeing cout.



  • @ben_lubar said in Blockchain Tomato:

    That looks like normal C++ with a using std; in it.

    It has a goto in it; there's nothing normal about that.

    Filed under: And the braces are wrong. :trollface:


  • Notification Spam Recipient

    @hardwaregeek said in Blockchain Tomato:

    Filed under: And the braces are wrong.

    I would generally disagree with that statement no matter what the format is, but holy shit I'm not sure that code has ever known a format.


  • And then the murders began.

    @ben_lubar said in Blockchain Tomato:

    How is that C++/CLI? That looks like normal C++ with a using std; in it.

    C++ CLI, not C++/CLI.



  • @boomzilla

    Why is the table on a blockchain? Was it wobbly or something?



  • @luhmann That is the probably the best theory I've heard to explain the commercial.



  • @adynathos said in Blockchain Tomato:

    0_1508979680600_612e7c0a-a4ce-400b-badd-a404a877a852-image.png

    IMB Cloud, powered by goto and C++ CLI programs.

    Ignoring, for a second, the goto and the wooden-table-screenshot:
    The code indentation / braces style, or lack thereof, make me :face_vomiting:
    Seriously, WTF.



  • @weng said in Blockchain Tomato:

    Just throw it in a fucking regular database and have each fucking step along the way digitally sign the fucking transaction. It's a goddamn tomato, not a treaty that everybody in the entire universe needs to ratify.

    I'm going to be put on a project that involves blockchains down the road; I already warned my director that my non-client-facing role is probably going to be that of "naysayer", i.e. "If the client wants blockchain, we'll bloody well give them blockchain, but here's how everyone else should accomplish it with traditional cryptographic applications."

    Who knows, I may find their requirements may not be suited to traditional applications. I'd honestly be shocked but it's at least a little more plausible than in the tomato scenario.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @adynathos said in Blockchain Tomato:

    If Bitcoin's bandwidth is any indication, by the time the blockchain transaction is confirmed, the tomatoes will be rotten.

    That's why we need a new cryptocurrency, tomatocoin! Coming soon to a pyramid scam near you…


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @weng said in Blockchain Tomato:

    Just throw it in a fucking regular database and have each fucking step along the way digitally sign the fucking transaction.

    Track it in git? :trophy:



  • @dkf said in Blockchain Tomato:

    @adynathos said in Blockchain Tomato:

    If Bitcoin's bandwidth is any indication, by the time the blockchain transaction is confirmed, the tomatoes will be rotten.

    That's why we need a new cryptocurrency, tomatocoin! Coming soon to a pyramid scaman ICO near you…

    2TFY



  • @weng I fucking hate that "blockchain" has become a popular corporate buzzword.

    The only reason why Bitcoin uses this bizarre contraption of intentionally wasted computer cycles is because it wanted to be completely, 100% decentralised.

    If you're OK with just a tiny bit of centralization, the whole thing becomes unnecessary.

    Guess how much centralization companies and consumers are willing to tolerate? A LOT. Google, Amazon, banks, governments, Verisign, we all let tons of third parties handle critical stuff every day.

    So unless you're trying to tell me that millions of people became cypherpunks overnight, this whole thing is stupid and absurd.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    Let's cut straight to the chase.

    @anonymous234 said in Blockchain Tomato:

    this whole thing is stupid and absurd



  • @anonymous234 This reminds me of an article I read (Joel Spolsky?) where he talked about after Napster got popular, a bunch of pundits thought it got popular because it was peer-to-peer and completely missed the point that it actually got popular because you could type in the name of a song and hear it right away.

    I think it was this article: https://www.joelonsoftware.com/2001/04/21/dont-let-architecture-astronauts-scare-you/

    People don't use Bitcoin because "blockchain", they use it because they can do nearly-untraceable drug deals from Panamanians. The fact that it uses a blockchain to implement anonymous drug deals is implementation-detail.



  • @blakeyrat said in Blockchain Tomato:

    and completely missed the point that it actually got popular because you could type in the name of a song and hear it right away

    For all the stupidity and WTFery you see in programming and IT, I find that end users are pretty consistent in just picking whatever is easiest and more convenient to them at the time.



  • @anonymous234 Or what they're told is the easiest and most convenient.



  • Of course, the real entertainment is how hack crime dramas like NCIS and CSI explain this stuff.

    CYBER CRIME : BITCOIN CSI – 03:11
    — myCryptoLife PLT

    It actually started reasonable enough, but it went off the deep end pretty quickly with the "two passkeys" stuff.



  • @blakeyrat Interestingly, after reading that post, I started moving on from there, and found a post about some people here :p



  • @anonymous234 said in Blockchain Tomato:

    cypherpunks

    0_1509120164111_df92e664-bdfe-40ad-afa8-c3a48556c2d8-image.png ?


  • Notification Spam Recipient

    @the_quiet_one Regardless of how retarded cop shows' representations of computers are, they still get points in my book for their characters not repeatedly saying some local equivalent of "fuck off with your nerd shit", unlike nearly every other movie, show, or book I've ever seen (excluding futuristic high tech settings).


  • kills Dumbledore

    @pie_flavor in English, please, braniac



  • @pie_flavor They're still pretty insulting on some level. I mean, when they have two people typing furiously at the same keyboard simultaneously to thwart an active hacking attack, depicted as "a bunch of windows showing up and 'hacker' code that's just CSS some intern copied from a random website" clearly everyone involved assume their viewers have never touched a computer in their lives. Hell, even a typewriter.

    My favorite was the one show (forgot which one) that had them do a police chase through Second Life, though. That was epic.


  • Notification Spam Recipient

    @the_quiet_one said in Blockchain Tomato:

    @pie_flavor They're still pretty insulting on some level. I mean, when they have two people typing furiously at the same keyboard simultaneously to thwart an active hacking attack, depicted as "a bunch of windows showing up and 'hacker' code that's just CSS some intern copied from a random website" clearly everyone involved assume their viewers have never touched a computer in their lives. Hell, even a typewriter.

    My favorite was the one show (forgot which one) that had them do a police chase through Second Life, though. That was epic.

    Yeah, I've seen those. But that's not exclusive to computers. You'll routinely see surgeons ignoring full scrubs, depictions of all massage parlors as being brothels, etc. in all manner of shows. The reality is that their knowledge of hacking pretty accurately represents the average American's knowledge of hacking. A cop show's job is to accurately represent cops, not necessarily computers.

    Also, TR:wtf: was that the guy actually ran away from them instead of just, y'know, logging off.



  • @pie_flavor said in Blockchain Tomato:

    @the_quiet_one said in Blockchain Tomato:

    @pie_flavor They're still pretty insulting on some level. I mean, when they have two people typing furiously at the same keyboard simultaneously to thwart an active hacking attack, depicted as "a bunch of windows showing up and 'hacker' code that's just CSS some intern copied from a random website" clearly everyone involved assume their viewers have never touched a computer in their lives. Hell, even a typewriter.

    My favorite was the one show (forgot which one) that had them do a police chase through Second Life, though. That was epic.

    Yeah, I've seen those. But that's not exclusive to computers. You'll routinely see surgeons ignoring full scrubs, depictions of all massage parlors as being brothels, etc. in all manner of shows. The reality is that their knowledge of hacking pretty accurately represents the average American's knowledge of hacking. A cop show's job is to accurately represent cops, not necessarily computers.

    An average American thinks one can counterattack by having two people on the same keyboard at once? That isn't just a lack of computer intelligence, that's a lack of all common sense and logic. I can understand some of the over-the-top displays of computer screens going all haywire during hacking attacks, since I'm sure the average American has had the misfortune of going on a malicious site and getting hijacked with a ton of malware that does similar stuff. I can understand the overly simplified explanations of what IRC, botnets, and trojan horses are, even if in the case of IRC they seem to think anyone who uses it are 1337 hax0rs. But the keyboard and Second Life scenes looked more like a Mel Brooks parody of these shows than the shows themselves. I mean, how many takes did it take before everyone involved with that scene stopped laughing at themselves as they did it?

    And NCIS seems to be a bit more technology-based than other procedurals. They have a resident technologist (an awkward punk-styled nerd to boot), so while I don't expect it to be completely grounded in reality, I'd still expect more than "2 idiots, 1 keyboard."

    Also, TR:wtf: was that the guy actually ran away from them instead of just, y'know, logging off.

    Yep. You made my point.


  • Impossible Mission - B

    @pie_flavor said in Blockchain Tomato:

    depictions of all massage parlors as being brothels

    You mean they're not? :trolleybus:


  • Notification Spam Recipient

    @masonwheeler said in Blockchain Tomato:

    @pie_flavor said in Blockchain Tomato:

    depictions of all massage parlors as being brothels

    You mean they're not? :trolleybus:

    My mother would probably throttle you for that.



  • @pie_flavor Fox had a series called "Mob Doctor" and the ads show this doctor woman holding bloodied surgical gloves like 0.1 microns from her tear ducts.

    I was hoping that make the premise of the show is that only REALLY shitty doctors would work for the mob, but I think it was just utter ignorance of all surgical procedures by the showrunners.



  • :headdesk:



  • @boomzilla said in Blockchain Tomato:

    :headdesk:

    Don't worry. Next week everyone will sell.


  • Impossible Mission Players - A

    @pie_flavor said in Blockchain Tomato:

    @masonwheeler said in Blockchain Tomato:

    @pie_flavor said in Blockchain Tomato:

    depictions of all massage parlors as being brothels

    You mean they're not? :trolleybus:

    My mother would probably throttle you for that.

    Kinky... Is that on the super-amazing-secret menu, or just the alternate menu?



  • @boomzilla

    Didn't virtually every company in 1998 have the same treatment when they prefixed their name with "e" or appended "Online"?



  • @the_quiet_one Pretty much. *cough*Pets.com*cough*


  • Notification Spam Recipient

    @the_quiet_one To the average American, hacking involves quick typing, terminals, code, and incomprehensible jargon. The two-people-on-one-keyboard thing is actually moronic, but most of the other shit they pull is just to be expected.



  • @pie_flavor I get that. Like I said, those relatively pedantic details are fine for entertainment purposes. It's the more heinous acts of disillusion of suspension of belief that get me. Like, during a hacking attack if someone said something like, "Did you try changing the router's firewall to connect to our auxiliary proxy to deflect the attack?" such a question makes no sense to a professional system administrator, but at least it uses terms that are somewhat related to rerouting connections from a hacker, such as router, firewall, and proxy. If, on the other hand, someone said, "We should use XCode to mipmap the splines on the midi files and see if that will fool the hacker into thinking it's connecting to our live 686 Pentium Megabyte." then it's worthy of mockery never seen since MST3K's Eegah! riffing.



  • @the_quiet_one said in Blockchain Tomato:

    We should use XCode to mipmap the splines on the midi files and see if that will fool the hacker into thinking it's connecting to our live 686 Pentium Megabyte." then it's worthy of mockery never seen since MST3K's Eegah! riffing.

    Yeah. No serious person would ever suggest using XCode for anything.



  • @boomzilla That's another thing with popular buzzwords... even if you know they're bullshit, you can still play along and make some money. So it's impossible to tell what percentage of the people are "true believers" and what percentage are just trying to cash in on a trend.



  • @the_quiet_one said in Blockchain Tomato:

    @boomzilla

    Didn't virtually every company in 1998 have the same treatment when they prefixed their name with "e" or appended "Online"?

    I bet a lot of people were disappointed the first time they went to http://JSONLine.com



  • @pie_flavor said in Blockchain Tomato:

    @the_quiet_one To the average American, hacking involves quick typing, terminals, code, and incomprehensible jargon. The two-people-on-one-keyboard thing is actually moronic, but most of the other shit they pull is just to be expected.

    Which is ironic because hacking, at least in my rare red team experience, certainly doesn't involve quick typing, it sometimes involves code (which you stare at until your eyes bleed), but it's more taking notes, diagramming, reading through the vast amounts of data collected (99% of which is totally worthless) looking for that fatal flaw or at least a foothold... so basically the opposite of the media perception.



  • @the_quiet_one said in Blockchain Tomato:

    @pie_flavor They're still pretty insulting on some level. I mean, when they have two people typing furiously at the same keyboard simultaneously to thwart an active hacking attack, depicted as "a bunch of windows showing up and 'hacker' code that's just CSS some intern copied from a random website" clearly everyone involved assume their viewers have never touched a computer in their lives. Hell, even a typewriter.

    To be fair, the Star Trek guys made a byte more of an effort:
    0_1509248304568_2017-10-02+17_52_40-Netflix.png

    The insulting assumption here is just that Windows for Submarines will evolve into Windows for Starships in the next 240 years. Plus the more realistic one that if it does, it will still have a compatibility mode that runs Stuxnet.



  • @the_quiet_one said in Blockchain Tomato:

    An average American thinks one can counterattack by having two people on the same keyboard at once? That isn't just a lack of computer intelligence, that's a lack of all common sense and logic.

    Allow me to introduce you to the average level of common sense and logic among the US' military-industrical complex (and toby faire, presumably pretty much everyone else's) #nottheonion:

    2_1509248760348_csfi-dcoe.jpg 1_1509248760348_CPAk2h_UEAASFsV.png:orig.png 0_1509248760348_C4AfSQOWcAAaU9U.jpg:large.jpg

    Edit:

    I'm sure the average American has had the misfortune of going on a malicious site and getting hijacked with a ton of malware that does similar stuff.

    0_1509248992081_virus_venn_diagram_2x.png



  • @laoc Remember when "cyber" as a verb used to mean "sexting"? We're gonna cyber all over that enemy military organization!


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @laoc said in Blockchain Tomato:

    @the_quiet_one said in Blockchain Tomato:

    An average American thinks one can counterattack by having two people on the same keyboard at once? That isn't just a lack of computer intelligence, that's a lack of all common sense and logic.

    Allow me to introduce you to the average level of common sense and logic among the US' military-industrical complex (and toby faire, presumably pretty much everyone else's) #nottheonion:

    2_1509248760348_csfi-dcoe.jpg 1_1509248760348_CPAk2h_UEAASFsV.png:orig.png 0_1509248760348_C4AfSQOWcAAaU9U.jpg:large.jpg

    Edit:

    I'm sure the average American has had the misfortune of going on a malicious site and getting hijacked with a ton of malware that does similar stuff.

    0_1509248992081_virus_venn_diagram_2x.png

    Looks pretty normal for military style advertising to me... Now if anyone actually think those "cool" images displayed there have anything to do with reality, they should take a computer to the face, but I doubt anyone does.


  • area_can


Log in to reply
 

Looks like your connection to What the Daily WTF? was lost, please wait while we try to reconnect.