Let's create DUMB PASSWORD RULES



  • If an incorrect password is entered more than 0 times, user must change their password on next login.



  • @anotherusername And if it passes all that verification, disallow as it is obviously a robot.



  • @anotherusername said in Let's create DUMB PASSWORD RULES:

    Passwords may only be changed or reset by calling Customer Service.

    Who will email it to you at the end of the call for your convenience.



  • @pleegwat
    Unfortunately your mail account password is only synced with your main account every 48 hours.



  • Password resets apply to all user accounts. Only one password per server installation.

    Usernames are to be used on login instead of passwords (Jef Raskin? Who is that, and why would he want to do it the other way around?)

    All password changes must first be forwarded to the deposed Prime Minister of Nigeria for confirmation before use.



  • Passwords may not be used more than three (3) times after which they must be changed. You may not change your password more than once per week.



  • @scholrlea said in Let's create DUMB PASSWORD RULES:

    Password must cut down a tree with a herring before being accepted.

    ...and must not contain the characters I and T in sequence.



  • A strong password is vital to the protection of your identity, but simple machine-enforced rules are not effective in ensuring strong passwords. To ensure your security, your requested password will be sent to a company in Kerblekistan where a real person will verify that it is sufficiently hard for a hacker to guess.

    You may rest assured that the highest standards of password security are enforced, as we also send your username, real name, previous passwords, date of birth, place of birth, mother's maiden name, and pet's name, to allow common security pitfalls to be detected.

    Password change will not take effect until password has been verified.



  • Password must not be the same as any other password you use.
    Please enter all your passwords for

    • social media
    • email
    • banking
    • online shopping
    • entertainment

    At least one entry in each category is required. For verification purposes, we also require your usernames.

    For your convenience, if you use a password manager, click here to provide your master password instead.


  • Impossible Mission Players - A

    @carrievs
    Mildly disappointed that here isn't a link to zombocom.


  • kills Dumbledore

    Passwords are deemed insecure. We will be using biometrics from now on, specifically Iris scans

    Iris pattern must be changed every 9.0 days



  • @izzion said in Let's create DUMB PASSWORD RULES:

    @carrievs
    Mildly disappointed that here isn't a link to zombocom.

    Sorry. Link is now a link.


  • kills Dumbledore

    Password must score over 90 in our custom complexity algorithm.

    The algorithm is, sum(ascii value of each character) mod 100



  • Password must contain your Social Security number



  • Your username is your software license number, visible within the software.

    Your password is the email address you used to purchase the license. This cannot be changed.

    You use these to when you install it, when a software or OS update makes it want to check in with the server, and when you purchase add-ons for the software.


  • Notification Spam Recipient

    Password must use the Shift-JIS encoding.
    Password cannot be trademarked.
    Password must be approved by our Password Approval Team which we've outsourced to India.
    Password must be the same as at least one of your other passwords.
    Password must be artistic in some way.
    Password must be some sequence from the Bee Movie script.
    Password must not contain zero-width joiners because we haven't nailed down emoji rendering yet.
    Password must be pasted from the clipboard and cannot be typed directly.



  • WE'VE BEEN OUTDONE!


  • Impossible Mission Players - A

    @pleegwat said in Let's create DUMB PASSWORD RULES:

    You may not change your password more than once per week.

    MS has a policy that you can't reset your security info sooner than 1 month.

    Found that out because I lost the password to an account I intended to delete, and I don't have the phone the recovery info was set to.

    So fun.


  • kills Dumbledore

    @tsaukpaetra said in Let's create DUMB PASSWORD RULES:

    @Onyx said in Let's create DUMB PASSWORD RULES:

    lewd words

    No joke, we were discussing how to filter "bad words" from people's usernames not four hours ago....

    I was reading a list of them out loud for consideration. Flange.

    Too bad for Fred Langer



  • @pleegwat said in Let's create DUMB PASSWORD RULES:

    @anotherusername said in Let's create DUMB PASSWORD RULES:

    Passwords may only be changed or reset by calling Customer Service.

    Who will email it to you at the end of the call for your convenience.

    That would require hacking your email to get your password. One place I used to work did even better; the off-shored IT droid posted my new password in the service request ticket, which was visible to everyone in the company. undefined



  • @tsaukpaetra said in Let's create DUMB PASSWORD RULES:

    Because they they're going to want a column that says if their username is one-time, and their email is one-time, and their gender is one-time

    Twitter already exists.

    Filed under: The Poe or Noe thread is undefined



  • @hardwaregeek Google lets you set your gender as an arbitrary string and it doesn't seem to have a length limit: https://myaccount.google.com/gender



  • @ben_lubar Unlimited length genders would make introductions very awkward.

    "Hi, I'm Joe Smith, a 25 year old Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Nulla tincidunt dignissim magna facilisis semper. Sed bibendum mauris ac rutrum interdum. Nullam eu dolor semper, gravida orci et, ultrices augue. Nulla fringilla convallis faucibus. Nunc bibendum maximus malesuada. Proin hendrerit dui vel ligula ultricies, sit amet finibus magna ornare. Nulla non efficitur risus, ac ornare mi. Proin sed velit lorem. Praesent tortor elit, ultricies in nisl volutpat, sodales suscipit tortor. Morbi imperdiet venenatis neque, sed volutpat nulla fermentum sit amet. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Maecenas a magna vel ipsum ullamcorper posuere. Proin volutpat eros metus, id auctor mi vehicula vitae. Sed lacinia est diam, non cursus erat facilisis at. Aenean rutrum fringilla neque, nec pellentesque libero sollicitudin vitae. Maecenas non velit dapibus, rhoncus magna ac, tempor mi. Praesent efficitur velit sit amet nulla scelerisque viverra. Nam sit amet dolor in urna volutpat tincidunt sit amet sit amet mi. Integer fringilla odio sed lorem vulputate scelerisque. Nullam malesuada feugiat pellentesque. Orci varius natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Pellentesque semper orci vel nunc accumsan mollis. Maecenas turpis turpis, ultricies nec libero nec, eleifend mollis lorem. Nunc nec diam id ligula tincidunt ornare. Morbi sagittis vulputate enim non pharetra. Etiam in eros non sem tempus ornare quis ac lectus. Aenean nec mattis risus, at pharetra elit. Nulla lacinia felis pharetra justo tempor fringilla. Pellentesque non vestibulum dui, sed ornare dolor. Ut nec est ex. Quisque pharetra sapien eu urna ultricies, eget convallis magna dapibus. Sed sodales, quam non ullamcorper molestie, purus lorem iaculis nisi, vel iaculis tortor felis eget nulla. Phasellus nisl ipsum, interdum non nisi nec, venenatis dapibus erat. Donec a libero leo. Maecenas in iaculis sem. Suspendisse luctus, magna sed euismod rutrum, sapien massa dignissim velit, a tristique urna nunc vitae ipsum. Fusce eget felis gravida, ullamcorper sem ut, ultricies enim. Sed condimentum dapibus lobortis. Etiam ac felis suscipit, sollicitudin sem ac, congue ex. Quisque ac sem vitae sem rhoncus mattis a sit amet sapien. Quisque ac nisi id orci euismod sagittis in ac dolor. Aliquam dignissim ut erat a venenatis. Maecenas hendrerit, erat laoreet suscipit mollis, sem orci egestas quam, et tincidunt eros tortor id tellus. In dapibus arcu et mauris volutpat, in pretium tellus pulvinar. Suspendisse ornare dolor eget fringilla ullamcorper. Fusce sit amet porta purus. Aliquam risus diam, dictum id iaculis non, pharetra tempor lorem. Cras molestie volutpat ultrices. Nulla dapibus velit eget orci dictum dapibus. Nunc vulputate ante id neque scelerisque varius. Curabitur ultricies eu neque nec rutrum. Nulla ullamcorper placerat mauris sed dictum. Nulla efficitur egestas imperdiet. Cras placerat ipsum eros, sed sollicitudin urna dignissim at. Nulla non sagittis velit, at facilisis enim. Maecenas ut nunc mauris. Donec sit amet nisl placerat, sodales odio nec, mollis mauris. Donec maximus tellus quis eros tristique, non placerat libero lacinia. Etiam nec metus vitae nisi rhoncus vulputate ac in diam. Nullam in placerat nibh, vel tempor magna. Proin id velit rhoncus, dictum risus sed, dapibus est. Nam nec congue lacus living in California"



  • @anonymous234 I sexually identify as ma[entire text of the AGPL]le.



  • @ben_lubar To be fair, I appreciate being able to publicly identify as a 💩.


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @ben_lubar said in Let's create DUMB PASSWORD RULES:

    AGPL

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH



  • To be fair, I list my own as, "In a state of quantum superposition".

    Which is about as accurate as any explanation I can think of, frankly.


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