Freelancer advert WTFs


  • kills Dumbledore

    It's amazing the kind of things people post on freelancer boards

    Fully featured web shop, with chat, payment handling, etc. Budget £50 and if the hirer finds any bugs in the demo you have to send first, they won't hire you


    This one pays more, but also includes an app. And that's all the information there is


    Budget: intermediate. First line for the ad: "Basically looking for the BEST only". This guy wants some F2P app hacked, so he can take money from people to sign into their account and get a load of gems. Expert black hat indeed


    Plz do mi homewurks. Here is $20


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    And all of them found idiots who contacted them.



  • To Be Fair: This first one you could do it with Shopify in a couple of weeks. Even shorter if you can get away with using a pre-built set of templates.



  • @Jaloopa freelancer seemed pointless to me because I can't compete with Indians on price



  • @Jaloopa said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    Expert black hat indeed

    1337h4xx0rz have hats instead of belts, right? 😕
    White Hat < Red Hat < Black Hat < 🎩



  • If you wanna get work that way (I have).

    1. You find an online service that is for your country i.e. only accept UK / EU nationas.
    2. You go through the root where they vet you first.


  • @LaoC How do gray hats fit into that scheme? Old white hats with insufficient personal hygiene?



  • @cvi

    Paging The Hatter™.

    @abarker



  • @Jaloopa said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    Fully featured web shop, with chat, payment handling, etc. Budget £50 and if the hirer finds any bugs in the demo you have to send first, they won't hire you

    Multiple times I've had business folk request live chat system, without realizing they will have to organize a workforce to field it. They always just assumed the person on the other end of chat came with the software, as a package deal.



  • @lucas1 said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    If you wanna get work that way (I have).

    You find an online service that is for your country i.e. only accept UK / EU nationas.
    You go through the root where they vet you first.

    From my perspective:

    • Sneak your way into such system
    • Undercut the EU/US citizens by 50%
    • Profit


  • @lucas1 said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    To Be Fair: This first one you could do it with Shopify in a couple of weeks. Even shorter if you can get away with using a pre-built set of templates.

    Shopify can generate a mobile app? Or at least provide an API?



  • @cartman82 They provide an SDK and an API:


  • kills Dumbledore


  • kills Dumbledore

    make unhackable software. If this is not possible, make it so hacking it formats the computer



  • I need real experts and very (VERY) good english speakers.
    You must be able to read the code and find and solve the issues directly reading and writing the code with Notepad++ or similar, without need of any debugger or framework.
    Ideally you must be able to find the issue, just following my instructions, without need to see the page working. For this reason, before I eventually give the grants to see the pages and the complete files, I will check if you are really able to understand snippets of code, that of course I will explain.
    If you have not this ability, please AVOID TO ANSWER.
    If you have this ability, the collaborations will be quick, but many. I WILL NOT accept answers that request more than 1 hour of work, because less than one our will be needed.



  • General information for the business: C++
    Kind of development: New program from scratch
    Num. of modules: 1
    Description of every module: Looking for an experienced coder to build an Aimbot/ESP > for the game Overwatch, needs to be bypassable through Anti-Cheat, with regular updates,
    proof of recent previous work will need to be given, preferably looking at someone who > had done this before.Looking for a private coded Aim software that will be secured.

    • Must also have a silent load for LAN.
    • Security needs to be one of a kind and top of the line.
    • Aimbot (Smooth, FOV, Key, Spot).
    • Lifetime Updates (Or provide source code in order to update).
    • Lifetime Support.
    • For adding further features I will pay additionally.
      PM me IF u are ready, Thanks

    Need someone who knows about VAC Battle Eye and other server side anti cheats to code some cheats that must be undetected please do not bid if you dont know what to do as this job needs past cheat experiences.

    Will also need a cheat loader to load/inject these cheats into game

    Hi there, I'm looking for someone who would be able to make me a bot. This bot is for entering giveaways on a website called Twitch.tv The bot would need to enter messages in a channels chat that consists of a keyword(that i would have to enter manually) and a randomly generated number between 50-200 (per say), so each bot guesses a random number with the keyword I input, then all type this into the chat. I.e 50 of my accounts all type (number between 50-200) Keyword. I know this is possible as others do it, but i may have explained it incorrect. Any info on this would be very useful!

    At least the aimbot guy is offering $1.5K. Three people have sent in a proposal, all of them web-devs. I guess he won't get his aimbot.

    Not sure why the last guy needs this in C/C++(*), I'd guess that there are way better tools for something like that.

    Heh. This is truly terrible.

    (*) Actually, oh, wait, I know - these people are clueless.


  • kills Dumbledore

    @cvi said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    Not sure why the last guy needs this in C/C++

    Duh, it's the fastest language so it will make bots that can aim fastest



  • The real WTF is that there are professional companies that make these and he just have just bought them.



  • @lucas1 I think he wants to try to monetize it, not use it himself, so that he can offer competition to Bossland (or replace them if the lawsuit shuts them down).



  • @djls45 The problem is that Blizzard will come after you because you have to reverse engineer the games or peak at the code underneath.



  • @Jaloopa said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    Duh, it's the fastest language so it will make bots that can aim fastest

    I was referring to the guy who needs a twitch bot that hangs around in chat.



  • @lucas1 AIUI, most, if not all, aimbots would have to have that.



  • @djls45 That why blizzard will fuck em.



  • @Jaloopa said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    make unhackable software. If this is not possible, make it so hacking it formats the computer

    Uh-huuuuuuuuuuh......

    We would like to turn the code into binary, then create an executable (exe) file, so we can load our software onto other computers.
    If it can be done, what we would like is that if someone tries to hack the code, the SSD gets re-formated.

    (Text formatting additions are mine.)

    "We want help creating a virus that wipes the target computer if someone tries to figure out how it works."

    Is it possible to charge this person (and everyone who's made offers) with conspiracy to commit a crime?


  • Dupa

    @wharrgarbl said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    @Jaloopa freelancer seemed pointless to me because I can't compete with Indians neither on price nor on quality

    FTFY 😃



  • @djls45 I reckon that would be rather easy to do. Most Windows apps give you admin access when installing.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @djls45 quoted in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    make unhackable software

    Not a trivial task, but possible with proper digital signatures and an OS that requires a signature to be fully verified before running the code. Probably not a good idea for anything nefarious though; part of the process of signing everything binds the developer's real ID into the software (given that the OS makers tend to be a bit careful about these sorts of things at best).

    Also much easier on iOS or Android.


  • area_pol

    Description of every module: We have python script and modules which we need to make un-hackable.

    Pyinstaller packages python programs into an executable, which probably makes reverse engineering slightly less convenient.

    This is all that this guy is going to get realistically for his unspecified but surely low amount of $.



  • @Adynathos He's probably already got that. The listing wants a tester to test that it works as expected.

    If he's offering to pay an hourly rate, I wonder how long someone could milk that particular goat.
    "Nope, hacking it doesn't wipe my system." 🏆


  • area_pol

    @djls45 said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    If he's offering to pay an hourly rate, I wonder how long someone could milk that particular goat.

    I guess you could, but I also expect him to disappear without paying your invoice 🙂



  • @djls45 said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    If he's offering to pay an hourly rate, I wonder how long someone could milk that particular goat.

    Considering what you posted in TimeSheets how is your company not being milked?


  • kills Dumbledore

    I think we have a lot of people here with this particular specialty


  • kills Dumbledore

    Up to a whole $7 per hour for someone who knows:

    • C# .Net
    • .Net
    • Assembly
    • Develop create graphic user interfaces (GUI)
    • Automotive knowledge
    • Engine Control Unit experience (ECU)
    • Data logging sensors
    • XYZ Interpolation
    • Unit Formula conversions
    • 2D/3D Graphing
    • Plotting data
    • Recording data
    • Overlay recording
    • Uart Hardware interfacing

  • area_pol

    @jaloopa
    And you can hire religious figures, who happen to have strong experiences in C#

    0_1515660882200_1c32779e-d89b-4303-9ad1-4572e952c306-image.png



  • @jaloopa said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    Up to a whole $7 per hour for someone

    Top level expertise in some of those areas [and I do mean the very top] can exceed that cost level per MINUTE.



  • Maybe he has more experience in another language.



  • @thecpuwizard what area? $7 is OK-ish for .NET programming in the global market, and nothing on that list seems that complicated


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @boner said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    Maybe he has more experience in another language.

    That and HolyC



  • @sockpuppet7 said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    @thecpuwizard what area? $7 is OK-ish for .NET programming in the global market, and nothing on that list seems that complicated

    High end 3D graphics consultants [those who write the "engines"] can easily command $500/hr or more [USA]. Similar for real-time [thus assembly] software consultants [think timing interactions with hardware at sub microsecond levels]



  • @thecpuwizard said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    High end 3D graphics consultants [those who write the "engines"] can easily command $500/hr or more [USA].

    Since they also mention "Automotive knowledge", I believe it's about vehicle engines.

    Also, any of us could get experience working with some opensource graphics engine, and I doubt it would easily get us anything like a $500/hr job.



  • @sockpuppet7 said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    Also, any of us could get experience working with some opensource graphics engine, and I doubt it would easily get us anything like a $500/hr job.

    From a recent engagement (paraphrased): Provide a sample data layout for vertices to maximize performance when being processed across the primary dimension. take into account L1 and L2 caches consideration (including multi-core and multi-processor page synchronization), identify specific optimization that could be leveraged if the processor type and family were known.

    This was one of about 20 questions (and moderate in terms of complexity) for the consulting position...



  • @thecpuwizard you mean that same $7 position? (I can't see it, it's blocked here where I am)



  • @sockpuppet7 said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    @thecpuwizard you mean that same $7 position? (I can't see it, it's blocked here where I am)

    No I mean an actual [New York City] contract engagement that paid over $500/hr.

    One does not get that level of experience "working with some opensource graphics engine"



  • @thecpuwizard Right, but if you're looking for that sort of thing you've probably decided to avoid the trap of hiring recent graduates in Bangalore or whatever similar sort of target audience the advertisement was going for.



  • @boomzilla said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    @thecpuwizard Right, but if you're looking for that sort of thing you've probably decided to avoid the trap of hiring recent graduates in Bangalore or whatever similar sort of target audience the advertisement was going for.

    Of course... I was simply expounding on my previous post that unlike the low end body shops (aka "$7/HOUR on the global market") there are developers who make that much for one MINUTE of work. There better be some significant difference in skill levels (and thus expectations) between those two extremes - yet come people seem to think they can get the same results from either....



  • @thecpuwizard We already know the ad isn't about game engines.

    But even if it was, they just asked for experience with game engines, not 500$/h worthy knowledge about them.



  • this thread reminded me of this, it's in spanish, but you guys should have enough just seeing the images.
    it's lings cars, but made by a guy that offers "senior programmer services"



  • @jarry Popups and tabs that change by themselves before I finish reading them


  • area_pol

    @thecpuwizard said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    Top level expertise in some of those areas [and I do mean the very top] can exceed that cost level per MINUTE.

    Yes, so think hard for half a minute, then for the rest of the hour just write the code you designed.



  • @boomzilla said in Freelancer advert WTFs:

    @thecpuwizard Right, but if you're looking for that sort of thing you've probably decided to avoid the trap of hiring recent graduates in Bangalore or whatever similar sort of target audience the advertisement was going for.

    You seem to have much more faith in the sanity of your typical wannabee businesscritter than is probably warranted.

    Seriously, the sheer number of people on these freelance sites who think that they can hire someone to write a Facebook clone in a week for $50 is staggering. It is entirely plausible that some who is so megalomaniacal that they think they can start up a new car company on a shoestring (as opposed to, say, the profits off of starting and then selling a major financial business) probably isn't too clear on the requirements of the venture.

    A guy with a history of business successes and crazy amounts of cash can afford to be insane. Some random dude off the street with a wild idea for cars that run on butterfly farts, not so much.


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