The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government
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@Adynathos
:shakes fist: Why must you give me funny thoughts that I can't post because of embargos?
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@izzion said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
@Adynathos
:shakes fist: Why must you give me funny thoughts that I can't post because of embargos?You can always post it in the appropriate thread :P
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@sloosecannon
Yeah, but it loses some of the wittiness there. And besides, bitching about a problem is much more WTDWTFinally correct than fixing a problem.
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Surprise human caravan has solved my bag crisis! Sort of. They brought a shitlaod of leather.
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@Weng said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
Surprise human caravan has solved my bag crisis!
They brought a shitlaod of leather.
...brought or... "brought"?
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@Yamikuronue I don't think I can tan human hides in the base game.
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@Weng said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
@Yamikuronue I don't think I can tan human hides in the base game.
Dwarves always find a way. With !!SCIENCE!!
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Oh. This is not good.
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@Weng said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
Oh. This is not good.
Well, at least it's not a dragon or a hydra or a roc or a bronze colossus or a GCS or a forgotten beast or a titan or an archangel or a demon...
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@ben_lubar .... Or my mostly unequipped single militia squad will just dogpile.
One of my marksdwarves, inexplicably fighting with a whip, has some muscle and kidney bruising according to the combat reports.
Fortunately I just built a hospital.
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Well, apparently so superficial that nobody needed actual treatment. Though my captain of the guard (the marksdwarf in question) is now missing his upper left back teeth. Somehow.
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@Weng said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
is now missing his upper left back teeth.
He heroically tried to chew the enemy.
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@Weng said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
@Yamikuronue I don't think I can tan human hides in the base game.
Granted, but there's pack animals?
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Generating a new world in 43.05 now. I forgot how long it takes to do history :/
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@e4tmyl33t Welp.
Built on an aquifer, because I figured I'd better see if I can wangle my way through it without dying. Managed to hit one of those maps that seems to have a dry spot in the aquifer itself. Also seemed to have a BUNCH of tetrahedrite right near the surface for good copper production. Thought myself somewhat lucky.
The game said:
Beware! The dead walk!Welp. Walling off the outside world again. There appears to be a siege consisting of one goblin, fighting the corpse of a goblin alongside him. Two goblins, one of which is already dead and just hasn't stopped moving yet.
More wall more wall more wall more wall more wall...
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@e4tmyl33t said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
@e4tmyl33t Welp.
Built on an aquifer, because I figured I'd better see if I can wangle my way through it without dying. Managed to hit one of those maps that seems to have a dry spot in the aquifer itself. Also seemed to have a BUNCH of tetrahedrite right near the surface for good copper production. Thought myself somewhat lucky.
The game said:
Beware! The dead walk!Welp. Walling off the outside world again. There appears to be a siege consisting of one goblin, fighting the corpse of a goblin alongside him. Two goblins, one of which is already dead and just hasn't stopped moving yet.
More wall more wall more wall more wall more wall...
Always check your neighbors before embarking! In order of bad-ness, Towers > Goblins > Kobolds
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@e4tmyl33t Well, they've been fighting each other for over a season now without bothering me, so I opened up the walls and let the dwarves out to gather more wood, since I had depleted my stocks making charcoal. Hopefully if they ever get around to being done with their little dance, my little squad of 3 copper-armored fuckwits will be trained enough to deal with them.
Not likely, but wishful thinking.
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@e4tmyl33t said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
@e4tmyl33t Well, they've been fighting each other for over a season now without bothering me, so I opened up the walls and let the dwarves out to gather more wood, since I had depleted my stocks making charcoal. Hopefully if they ever get around to being done with their little dance, my little squad of 3 copper-armored fuckwits will be trained enough to deal with them.
Not likely, but wishful thinking.
Yours have ARMOR?
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Music to dorf by:
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The bard population is... Kind of fucking outrageous.
Okay, which of you clownshoes bastards decided to wash off in the goddamned pool with the goddamned well on it, and taint it with giant blood?
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@Weng said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
@e4tmyl33t said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
@e4tmyl33t Well, they've been fighting each other for over a season now without bothering me, so I opened up the walls and let the dwarves out to gather more wood, since I had depleted my stocks making charcoal. Hopefully if they ever get around to being done with their little dance, my little squad of 3 copper-armored fuckwits will be trained enough to deal with them.
Not likely, but wishful thinking.
Yours have ARMOR?
I definitely made some after walling myself in :D
It's crappy copper armor, but it's better than nothin.
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My tavern is set up as a 40-room hotel. 23 of them are already occupied. Mostly by fucking bards.
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@Weng
The Dwarven Health Society does not recommended fucking bards. Very high risk of disease.
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Dear Human Traders: Why the fuck do you have a barrel of crow blood? And fly ichor?
AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY AM I BUYING IT?
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What the hell is a weretortoise?
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@Weng said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
What the hell is a weretortoise?
Imagine a werewolf, but instead of a wolf it's a tortoise.
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- DEAR CHRIST WHY IS IT SO FAST!?
- DEAR CHRIST WHY DIDN'T ANYONE SEE THIS THING UNTIL IT WAS LITERALLY EATING THE WAR DOGS AT THE FRONT GATE?
- Sucks to be the bard that was out front petting the puppies.
"The bard strikes the weretortoise in the right leg with her steel <randomly generated instrument>, bruising the fat"
"The weretortoise grabs the bard by the tongue with its left lower arm" (uhhhhh)
"The weretortoise takes the bard down by the tongue"
Hahahaha. The bard's name is Unib Roughscrape.
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@Weng said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
- DEAR CHRIST WHY IS IT SO FAST!?
- DEAR CHRIST WHY DIDN'T ANYONE SEE THIS THING UNTIL IT WAS LITERALLY EATING THE WAR DOGS AT THE FRONT GATE?
- Sucks to be the bard that was out front petting the puppies.
"The bard strikes the weretortoise in the right leg with her steel <randomly generated instrument>, bruising the fat"
"The weretortoise grabs the bard by the tongue with its left lower arm" (uhhhhh)
"The weretortoise takes the bard down by the tongue"
Hahahaha. The bard's name is Unib Roughscrape.
If anyone survives, you're screwed.
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@ben_lubar Nah, at this point I think we're probably good. The military (inempt and underarmed though they are) is almost on scene, and the bard has bought most of the civilian population time to get indoors (notably missing is a child, who is outside the gates vomitting in fear around the corner).
That said, this visiting bard was in the process of leaving when attacked, so if she lives, wherever she goes back to is going to have a good time.
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@Weng said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
@ben_lubar Nah, at this point I think we're probably good. The military (inempt and underarmed though they are) is almost on scene, and the bard has bought most of the civilian population time to get indoors (notably missing is a child, who is outside the gates vomitting in fear around the corner).
That said, this visiting bard was in the process of leaving when attacked, so if she lives, wherever she goes back to is going to have a good time.
If anyone was bitten, you'll see a... problem. soon.
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@ben_lubar said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
@Weng said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
@ben_lubar Nah, at this point I think we're probably good. The military (inempt and underarmed though they are) is almost on scene, and the bard has bought most of the civilian population time to get indoors (notably missing is a child, who is outside the gates vomitting in fear around the corner).
That said, this visiting bard was in the process of leaving when attacked, so if she lives, wherever she goes back to is going to have a good time.
If anyone was bitten, you'll see a... problem. soon.
Would show up in the combat reports, right? And I'm still one-stepping through the battle.
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@Weng My manager, who is not part of the military in any way, has somehow arrived on scene and is helping.
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@Weng Welp. Got off free. No bites on any of my people. The bard even lived - and walked right off the map without even asking for medical attention.
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@Weng said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
@Weng Welp. Got off free. No bites on any of my people. The bard even lived - and walked right off the map without even asking for medical attention.
If you're using dfhack or one of the lazy newb packs, type
cursecheckinto the console to make sure.
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In 1, Lorbam Fikodmetul became the general of Amemkivish. Iden Adagîton became the king of Amemkivish. Amemkivish founded Ushatsefol. The new government was named Meng Fôker. On the 10th of Moonstone, Amemkivish held a ceremony featuring telling of how Iden Adagîton became the king of Amemkivish in 1, a recital of the poetry Som Avan, images, costumes, and banners as part of Fazís Ubbul in Ushatsefol. On the 11th of Moonstone, Amemkivish held a procession featuring a performance of the dance Totmonesar, candles, and criers in front as part of Fazís Ubbul in Ushatsefol. On the 12th of Moonstone, Amemkivish held a performance of the dance Shosêl Thebil as part of Fazís Ubbul in Ushatsefol. On the 13th of Moonstone, Amemkivish held a wrestling competition as part of Fazís Ubbul in Ushatsefol. Competing were Iden Adagîton, Domas ònuloltar, Feb Alåthodkish, Tobul Tosidmafol, and Logem Imushemuth. The winner was Domas ònuloltar. On the 14th of Moonstone, Amemkivish held a ceremony featuring telling of how Iden Adagîton became the king of Amemkivish in 1, a performance of the music Sunggorvakist, the burning of incense, images, and acrobats as part of Fazís Ubbul in Ushatsefol.
HEY GUYS DID YOU HEAR THAT WE HAVE A KING? WE HAVE A KING. HERE'S THE STORY OF HOW WE HAVE A KING. OK, THAT WAS HARD. LET'S HAVE A PARTY. LET'S HAVE TWO PARTIES. FUCK IT, LET'S HAVE THREE PARTIES.
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I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the
prince of a town called Belairking of Amemkivish.
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This human baby was killed at negative ten months four days old. His mother was 13 years old and his father was 14 years old and also died on the same day after being punched really hard by a giant bronze statue.
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"I wrote this scroll. Then I put it over there. I should write a scroll about this."
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@ben_lubar said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
negative ten months four days old
Uh...I'm pretty sure that just means that the mother's ovaries were punched out before it could be conceived.
@ben_lubar said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
His mother was 13 years old and his father was 14 years old and also died on the same day after being punched really hard by a giant bronze statue.
Called it.
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@e4tmyl33t said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
@ben_lubar said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
negative ten months four days old
Uh...I'm pretty sure that just means that the mother's ovaries were punched out before it could be conceived.
@ben_lubar said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
His mother was 13 years old and his father was 14 years old and also died on the same day after being punched really hard by a giant bronze statue.
Called it.
They already had a child at that point.
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@ben_lubar said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
"I wrote this scroll. Then I put it over there. I should write a scroll about this."
Was it an infinite scroll?
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@loopback0 said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
@ben_lubar said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
"I wrote this scroll. Then I put it over there. I should write a scroll about this."
Was it an infinite scroll?
Discourse on Discourse on Discourse on Discourse. It contains a copy of Discourse on Discourse on Discourse, written on goat leather parchment.
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@ben_lubar said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
Why are those links leading to web.archive.org copy of your site?
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@Weng said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
Well, apparently so superficial that nobody needed actual treatment. Though my captain of the guard (the marksdwarf in question) is now missing his upper left back teeth. Somehow.
Welcome to Dwarf Fortress, the only universe simulator where the residents can get in a brawl from terrors in the deep and only have their 7th rear molar served, and flew off in an arc (which then gets resurrected by the local necromancer and ends your civilization).
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@Adynathos said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
@ben_lubar said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
Why are those links leading to web.archive.org copy of your site?
Two reasons:
- I'm hosting it on MilwaukeePC.
- If I ever change which world is on weblegends or turn off Dwarf Fortress, the original link won't work anymore.
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@NCommander said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
@Weng said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
Well, apparently so superficial that nobody needed actual treatment. Though my captain of the guard (the marksdwarf in question) is now missing his upper left back teeth. Somehow.
Welcome to Dwarf Fortress, the only universe simulator where the residents can get in a brawl from terrors in the deep and only have their 7th rear molar served, and flew off in an arc (which then gets resurrected by the local necromancer and ends your civilization).
Cripes I forgot necromancy is a thing now. I should probably move the corpse pile out of the front gate and the mausoleum out of the main hallway.
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I assume I need to go read the Impossible Mission threads now?
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@Weng
Well, the most recent encounter in ImpMisA was a graveyard, lots of undead. Seems to have been spontaneous necromancy though, rather than an actual necromancer.Dammit, now I need to find some wood to knock on...
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@izzion said in The Perplexing Complexity of Failure, a local dwarven government:
@Weng
Well, the most recent encounter in ImpMisA was a graveyard, lots of undead. Seems to have been spontaneous necromancy though, rather than an actual necromancer.Dammit, now I need to find some wood to knock on...
I haven't looked closely at the save/maps, but some evil biomes can have a resurrection effect on anything within their square on the local map. It's randomized, and the only way to know is to test it (or DFHack).
Necromancer attacks will only happen if you're within 10 world map squares of a tower (Tab on embark screen to check). They can happen at any point until the tower runs out of necromancers. Necromancers can ambush onto the map and invisibly raise stuff. You're going to want a LOT of hammer dwarfs to put them down, and you don't want anything that can dismember crud, because of a bug where a moving feather and such can't be put down and it can end a fortress by itself.
