Laidlaw's Rule


  • I survived the hour long Uno hand

    I learned about this today: Laidlaw postulated that any opening line of almost any story can be improved by changing the second line to "And then the murders began." Some examples:

    Marley was dead, to begin with. And then the murders began.

    "I wonder what Piglet is doing," thought Pooh. And then the murders began.

    Mr & Mrs Dursley, of number 4, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you. And then the murders began.

    We have some readers here; grab your favorite book or the one closest at hand and give it a shot. From my most recent book release:

    Until I was twelve, I'd never been suspended; I was a straight-A student, top marks in the class. And then the murders began.

    The most recent Drew Hayes novel:

    Flames cascaded down from the vent, moving like poured mercury rather than fire. And then the murders began.

    Eh, not as good...


  • BINNED

    Mary had a little lamb. And then the murders began.

    0_1489149700859_upload-a78d431d-35d9-481d-a48b-9ff2238c4fe0


  • sockdevs

    No books to hand, but I do have fanfictions, so I nicked a line from Lilac & Carol in Sonic the Hedgehog 2:

    Late at night, in a treehouse in the middle of Dragon Valley, two friends are having an argument. And then the murders began.


  • I survived the hour long Uno hand

    @RaceProUK I would assume in general it works less well with fanfiction, mostly because it hasn't been edited as well. Authors who publish usually spend a lot of time tweaking their first line to be just right; that's why it usually ends up so very funny.


  • sockdevs

    @Yamikuronue That's why I picked one of my own: I know it's been better edited than most ;)

    Obviously not the same as being professionally edited, but still, just because I write for fun, doesn't mean I shouldn't do my best.



  • The Cub Scouting Webelos program will open a new world of adventure for your son – a way to learn new skills, enjoy lots of outdoor activities, and most of all, have fun! And then the murders will begin.

    Tense adjusted for consistency.



  • @RaceProUK said in Laidlaw's Rule:

    That's why I picked one of my own: I know it's been better edited than most

    @RaceProUK said in Laidlaw's Rule:

    Late at night, in a treehouse in the middle of Dragon Valley, two friends are having an argument.

    So far I don't know if it's supposed to be prose or drama...

    Late at night, in a treehouse in the middle of Dragon Valley, two friends are having an argument.

    Enter SONIC

    SONIC:
    Friends, hedgehogs, countrymen, lend me your ears.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    There were a lot of things we couldn't do in an SR-71, but we were the fastest guys on the block and loved reminding our fellow aviators of this fact. And then the murders began.



  • In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. And then the murders began.

    Works pretty well, I think.



  • @Maciejasjmj said in Laidlaw's Rule:

    So far I don't know if it's supposed to be prose or drama...

    It's a fanfic so it's just porn in one way or the other



  • 0_1489151494932_upload-828ed5f5-9832-4bd9-90c7-eb01b6449a44


  • sockdevs

    @Luhmann said in Laidlaw's Rule:

    @Maciejasjmj said in Laidlaw's Rule:

    So far I don't know if it's supposed to be prose or drama...

    It's a fanfic so it's just porn in one way or the other

    I know you're joking ;) But FanFiction.net has a strict non-porn policy. Plus, that story's rated K (for Kids) :P


  • :belt_onion:

    "Microsoft has really stepped up their remote publishing game with their Visual Studio 2017 RC!" writes Robert M.

    And then the murders began.



  • Works with random web pages too.

    As stated in the high-level goals, the first release aims at being a Minimum Viable Product (MVP).
    And then murders begin.



  • It was seven o’clock of a very warm evening in the Seeonee hills when Father Wolf woke up from his day’s rest, scratched himself, yawned, and spread out his paws one after the other to get rid of the sleepy feeling in their tips. And then the murders began.

    Ok, interesting start...

    An author ought to consider himself, not as a gentleman who gives a private or eleemosynary treat, but rather as one who keeps a public ordinary, at which all persons are welcome for their money. And then the murders began.

    Breaks the style a bit...

    Last night I dreamt I went to Manderlay again. And then the murders began.

    Indeed they did.

    "Mother have you heard about our summer holidays yet?" said Julian at the breakfast table. And then the murders began.

    They never should have trusted that George character...



  • @Zecc said in Laidlaw's Rule:

    Works with random web pages too.

    As stated in the high-level goals, the first release aims at being a Minimum Viable Product (MVP).
    And then murders begin.

    Or HackerNews headlines.

    Google Cloud Platform Updated Its Always Free Usage Limits, And Then The Murders Began

    NASA finds lunar spacecraft that vanished 8 years ago, and then the murders begin

    Musk Bets He Can Fix Aussie Power Woes in 100 Days or It’s Free, And Then The Murders Begin

    I haven’t learned how to finish what I've started, and then the murders began

    Deep Learning Reinvents the Hearing Aid, And Then The Murders Begin


  • BINNED

    @RaceProUK said in Laidlaw's Rule:

    FanFiction.net has a strict non-porn policy.

    :fries: :eyes:



  • ========== Build: 0 succeeded, 1 failed, 1 up-to-date, 1 skipped, and then the murders began ==========


  • sockdevs

    I have read and accept the Terms & Conditions, and then the murders began



  • Microsoft has really stepped up their remote publishing game with their Visual Studio 2017 RC! And then the murders began.


  • I survived the hour long Uno hand

    @Mikael_Svahnberg
    E_DUPLICATE_POST And then the murders began with @Mikael_Svahnberg :trollface:


  • sockdevs

    TRUE, FALSE, AND_THEN_THE_MURDERS_BEGAN?



  • @Yamikuronue How to develop on color terminals describes the differences between the color modes on [redacted] terminals. And then the murders began.


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    Doesn't work too well with the first three English books I found on my shelf:

    I am seated in an office, surrounded by heads and bodies. And then the murders began.

    Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. And then the murders began.

    The more language applications you build, the more patterns you'll see. And then the murders began.

    Actually, the last one is probably the best.

    I have a :cookie: for the person who can name the titles of all three books without a Google search.



  • @asdf I know the 2nd for sure and could hazard a guess for the 3rd, but I have absolutely no clue for the 1st, so I'll pass.


  • I survived the hour long Uno hand

    @remi
    Just use Bing for the first, and the :cookie: can be yours! And then the murders begin.


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @remi said in Laidlaw's Rule:

    I know the 2nd for sure and could hazard a guess for the 3rd, but I have absolutely no clue for the 1st, so I'll pass.

    Yeah, the first one is probably the most exotic book from the point of view of an average nerd. And everyone who doesn't recognize the second one can borrow my copy, because they have a serious education deficit.

    @izzion said in Laidlaw's Rule:

    Just use Bing for the first

    You should have read the fine print:

    You're not allowed to search anything except your own book shelf, excluding electronic devices, for information.


  • BINNED

    @asdf said in Laidlaw's Rule:

    And everyone who doesn't recognize the second one can borrow my copy, because they have a serious education deficit.

    Paging @ben_lubar !

    Oh, and the murders may begin as well, I guess.




  • Fake News

    Classic revised:

    It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.
    And then the murders began.



  • @asdf said in Laidlaw's Rule:

    @izzion said in Laidlaw's Rule:

    Just use Bing for the first

    You should have read the fine print:
    You're not allowed to search anything except your own book shelf, excluding electronic devices, for information.

    OK, I cheated (thus won't claim the :cookie:) and found it. I've never heard of this book before, and I'm not so sure from the description that it will go very up on my reading list.



  • In a distant and second-hand set of dimensions, in
    an astral plane that was never meant to fly, the
    curling star-mists waver and part.
    And then the murders began.



  • The second cataclysm began in my eleventh life, in 1996. And then the murders began.

    Seems like a bit of a downgrade.



  • @Onyx said in Laidlaw's Rule:

    @RaceProUK said in Laidlaw's Rule:

    FanFiction.net hasd a strict non-porn policy. And then the murders began.

    :fries: :eyes:

    FTFTT


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. And then the murders began.

    Eh, that doesn't really work.


  • BINNED

    @blek got :hanzo: 'd. And then the murders began.


  • BINNED

    SPEAKING OF.

    Like a ninja in the night, Hanz M., AKA Hanzo, stalks across Hesse University’s Dresden campus. And then the murders begin.


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @remi said in Laidlaw's Rule:

    I've never heard of this book before, and I'm not so sure from the description that it will go very up on my reading list.

    It's definitely not for everyone.



  • From a classic on Agile and Lean:

    The armed victory of the Cuban people over the Batista dictatorship was not only the triumph of heroism as reported by the newspapers of the world; it also forced a change in the old dogmas concerning the conduct of the popular masses of Latin America. And then the murders began.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @Onyx I also almost got :hanzo: 'd for the second time by @Mikael_Svahnberg ... I need to start reading some hipster shit.


  • sockdevs

    I learned about this today: Laidlaw postulated that any opening line of almost any story can be improved by changing the second line to "And then the murders began."

    And then the murders began.



  • The man in Black fled across the Desert, and the Gunslinger followed. And then the murders began.


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @RaceProUK went one level deeper. And then the murders began.


  • I survived the hour long Uno hand

    It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. And then the murders began.

    Emma Woodhouse, handsome, clever, and rich, with a comfortable home and happy disposition, seemed to unite some of the best blessings of existence; and had lived nearly twenty-one years in the world with very little to distress or vex her. And then the murders began.

    The family of Dashwood had been long settled in Sussex. And then the murders began.

    About thirty years ago Miss Maria Ward, of Huntingdon, with only seven thousand pounds, had the good luck to captivate Sir Thomas Bertram, of Mansfield Park, in the county of Northampton, and to be thereby raised to the rank of a baronet’s lady, with all the comforts and consequences of an handsome house and large income. And then the murders began.

    No one who had ever seen Catherine Morland in her infancy would have supposed her born to be an heroine. And then the murders began.


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @hungrier I still need to read that book. I accidentally bought part 5 of the series a while ago.



  • Cookie Monster: (As he stops inflating the balloons) There! Oh, Boy! Oh, Boy! Oh, Boy! Me going to have a terrific birthday party. And invite all me friends. And have prizes....

    And then the murders begin



  • @asdf I've no idea what any of these books are. I suspect the 3rd to be design patterns


  • sockdevs

    @fbmac said in Laidlaw's Rule:

    I've no idea what any of these books are. And then the murders began.



  • 0_1489156774305_upload-f839b8d7-19a6-4fae-9271-dcae8eb406f4 And then the murders began.



  • Mountain View, California has approved Google’s plans for a campus expansion, and the images reveal a daring, futuristic look for the tech company, which previously played it safe with complexes of fairly standard-looking office buildings. And then the murders began.


Log in to reply
 

Looks like your connection to What the Daily WTF? was lost, please wait while we try to reconnect.