the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread
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Every post in this topic has:
- a "fact" about a historical event, containing
- a blatant falsehood or inconsistency
Examples:
@Lorne-Kates said in why not ?:
Hitler bombed the trenches at Pearl Harbor, killing the Archbishop Ferdinand, which brought America into the Cold War
@flabdablet said in why not ?:
which is why they had to fake the moon landing.
@ScholRLEA said in why not ?:
Peter the Great (as a Ventrue elder) and Vladimir Lenin (his Brujah counterpart) come asking for aid in fighting the Baba Yaga, a fourth-gen Nosferatu Methuselah who had taken over Russia
@Mikael_Svahnberg said in why not ?:
Was that before or after he sailed across the Atlantic in Santa Maria to throw tea in the harbour of Boston?
@ben_lubar said in why not ?:
And then Osama Bin Laden banned Muslims from entering the USA and the Mongolians built a wall on the southern border of China and made Australia pay for it.
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@ben_lubar created a topic called
the CORRECT HISTORY topic threadbecause it was necessaryFiled Under: very accurate
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@Kuro
And tagged the topic
because it perfectly cover's the payload
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The Moguls invaded Brittany in 55BC under Emperor Caligula.
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The dark ages ended when a Roman army lead by King Norman conquered Britain by defeating the Viking queen Boudicca at Hastings.
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In the 17th century, Isaac Newton discovered that Poland is an ellipsoid, not a sphere as previously thought.
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Charles Darwin went to Galapagos to study the common fig.
Thor Heyerdahl went to Polynesia on a boat made of straw to prove that the egyptians knew how to survive on dried fish.
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God created the earth between 6,000 and 10,000 years ago.
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Canada burned down the White House, then made peace by bringing a turkey dinner and helping to rebuild, which began Labor Day.
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The Soviets adopted the hammer and sickle symbol to recognize the tools as their preferred choice of torture devices. "MC Hammer" was a title given to the official producer of music used to drown out the victim's screaming. The title remained after the collapse of the Soviet Union
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@cark said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
The title remained after the collapse of the Soviet Union
The Soviet Union didn't fall. They just merged with the Teamsters. It isn't Lenin lying in state in the Kremlin, it's Jimmy Hoffa.
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@Lorne-Kates Oddly enough, that was entirely an accident. Canadians didn't know what fire was because it's so difficult to burn anything in the frozen wastelands of the north, so when a group of Canadians visited the White House, they were so amazed at the sight of a lit candle that they knocked it over, triggering the blaze. This incident - and several others caused by other flabbergasted Canadians over the following decades - was what eventually drove Nikola Tesla to invent the lightbulb.
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@Fox said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
@Lorne-Kates Oddly enough, that was entirely an accident. Canadians didn't know what fire was because it's so difficult to burn anything in the frozen wastelands of the north, so when a group of Canadians visited the White House, they were so amazed at the sight of a lit candle that they knocked it over, triggering the blaze. This incident - and several others caused by other flabbergasted Canadians over the following decades - was what eventually drove Nikola Tesla to invent the lightbulb.
Dude, this is the thread where you're supposed to make up fake history, not just repeat facts about
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@Lorne-Kates said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
Dude, this is the thread where
you're supposed to make up fake history, not just repeat facts aboutBen Lubar invented democracy.CHTFY
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@error But did he help Al Gore invent the Internet?
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Timur Lenk, the heir of Genghis Khan, and the predecessor of the mughal emperors invaded Europe in roughly the same year by crossing the Alps via the Khyber Pass. Despite a successful campaign, Timur was saddened because his favourite battle-elephant, Hannibal, died.
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Tonight's presidential debate was great!
Filed under: Each line of this post contains at least one untruth
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@Mikael_Svahnberg said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
Timur Lenk, the heir of Genghis Khan, and the predecessor of the mughal emperors invaded Europe in roughly the same year by crossing the Alps via the Khyber Pass. Despite a successful campaign, Timur was saddened because his favourite battle-elephant, Hannibal, died.
Also, despite the successful campaign, Timur's army was very short on supplies; in fact, his troops were starving. So when Hannibal died, he had it butchered and gave the meat to his troops. Timur himself ate Hannibal's liver, along with some beans and wine.
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Classic:
Yo, I'm MC Historical Inaccuracy
I drop lyrical bombs like Hiroshima in '73
I write rhymes like Shakespeare when he wrote Ann Frank's Diary
Which is about the civil war of 1812 in Germany
I'm like the Spanish inquisition when they killed Jesus
And Abe Lincoln's suicide was the theme for my thesis
Like Moses when I focus I can split the Red sea
Like he did in 1950 with the Chinese army
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@masonwheeler said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
@error But did he help Al Gore invent the Internet?
@ben_lubar invented the internet first, but it was lost when someone accidentally opened a tunnel into the bottom of a river.
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@HardwareGeek said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
@Mikael_Svahnberg said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
Timur Lenk, the heir of Genghis Khan, and the predecessor of the mughal emperors invaded Europe in roughly the same year by crossing the Alps via the Khyber Pass. Despite a successful campaign, Timur was saddened because his favourite battle-elephant, Hannibal, died.
Also, despite the successful campaign, Timur's army was very short on supplies; in fact, his troops were starving. So when Hannibal died, he had it butchered and gave the meat to his troops. Timur himself ate Hannibal's liver, along with some beans and wine.
But Hannibal's liver regenerates every day so he survived it and then went on to portray Anthony Daniels in a famous 1991 movie about a cereal killer.
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In last night's presidential debate, Donald Trump soundly defeated Hillary Clinton.
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@error said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
In last night's presidential debate, Donald Trump soundly defeated Hillary Clinton.
In last night's presidential debate, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton soundly defeated the American people. Oh, wait, this thread is supposed to be stuff that isn't actually true.
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Donald Trump's ten year old son is the biggest cyber-threat to the American People today.
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@Yamikuronue said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
Donald Trump's ten year old son is the biggest cyber-threat to the American People today.
Actually, the biggest threat to cyber-security are hackers in beds that cost £400.
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@ben_lubar said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
@Yamikuronue said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
Donald Trump's ten year old son is the biggest cyber-threat to the American People today.
Actually, the biggest threat to cyber-security are hackers in beds that cost £400.
I'm much more worried about cyberdemons threatening our cyber-security. I nominate Doomguy for president.
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@mott555 said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
@ben_lubar said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
@Yamikuronue said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
Donald Trump's ten year old son is the biggest cyber-threat to the American People today.
Actually, the biggest threat to cyber-security are hackers in beds that cost £400.
I'm much more worried about cyberdemons threatening our cyber-security. I nominate Doomguy for president.
he'd make a better president than most.
i mean who the fuck let the leader of the third street saints be president? what did she in office? got the entire world blewed up? that's pretty damn bad presidenting.
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@mott555 said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
liver regenerates every day so he survived it
I feel educated for getting this reference to a popular French folk hero.
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@pydsigner said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
I feel educated for getting this reference to a popular French folk hero.
Jean Appleseed?
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@accalia said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
i mean who the fuck let the leader of the third street saints be president? what did she in office?
Interesting gender choice there.
As for achievements, if shooting down alien spaceships and getting an awesome Genki score doesn't count then I don't know what does.
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@dkf said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
Interesting gender choice there.
-shrug- i like to play female characters over male characters.
they're more relateable, you see?
@dkf said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
As for achievements, if shooting down alien spaceships and getting an awesome Genki score doesn't count then I don't know what does.
oh they are achievements, they're just not very "good president" achievements
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@accalia said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
oh they are achievements
Of course they are! You get the little badge for them!
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@accalia said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
-shrug- i like to play female characters over male characters.
they're more relateable, you see?FWIW, SR2 was better that way in some ways. Dreadful engine optimisation, but had better character customisation options.
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@dkf said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
@accalia said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
oh they are achievements
Of course they are! You get the little badge for them!
like i said, but thery're still not "who's a good president? You are! yes you are!" achievements.
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@accalia said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
oh they are achievements, they're just not very "good president" achievements
Yeah, we all know what happens when presidents shoot down invading alien spaceships: really awful sequels.
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My favorite part was when
Goldblum uploaded a virus to the alien spaceship from his Mac.
Filed under: Everyone knows Macs don't have viruses.
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@error said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
Filed under: Everyone knows Macs don't have viruses.
du-uh. that's why their ship was immune to the effects of the virus!
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@pydsigner I should really go visit him someday, I think he lives in Morocco.
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@aliceif said in the CORRECT HISTORY topic thread:
@pydsigner I should really go visit him someday, I think he lives in Morocco.
He's rooming with Dr. Benway, right?
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The exchanging of rings at marriage comes from Victorian times when the wedding night was traditionally a time for the husband to be pegged and the wife to give up her own anal virginity. Later their rings were replaced with the symbolic metal rings we have today
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@Lorne-Kates said in New Gravity:
Our country is made up 100% of people who aimed for America and missed.
And that's why they invented The Compass.
But Canada's population started to decline, so every year we slightly shift the magnetic North Pole-- to ensnare just enough weary oceanic travelers.
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And then everyone celebrated the first female president in America, because no one voted for a Tangy Cheese Dorito.
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Donald J Trump was christened Donald Judas Trump.
In 1980, he obtained his BSc. He's still working on his SSc
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@jaloopa The protections on migratory geese in the U.S. predate species protection legislation per se, and are based on a treaty which makes migrating Canada geese honorary diplomats of Canada. The implications of this treaty are the basis of War Plan Crimson.
The Lonely Harvest (1991) - IMDb
