Safe Space



  • So today we had a "Sprint planning session".

    You can tell that "Lean Consultants" have been around since their A3s (A3 printouts) are passed around and deeemed as important even though nobody looks at them

    In anycase I was invited i.e. forced to turn up for one.

    There was a set of A3 with screenshots of firefox, showing a screenshot of firefox. This apparently as the "front end integration specialist" was all I needed to know to produce an estimate.

    I told them "There is no way I can estimate this with this information".

    Scrum Lead said "All the information you need is present"

    I said "I haven't worked with front end long enough and I don't understand the business requirements to make a good estimate".

    I was pressed repeatedly to provide some sort of "break down".

    So I said in the end "these looks similar enough so the same for each?!"

    I was pressed again and I thought "fuck this" and said "Look I don't really know, how am I supposed to estimate when I don't know anything here well enough".

    Then i said after being told to make an estimate, I let my angry side slip and said "Seriously I am not going to give bullshit estimates". It wasn't loud and wasn't aggressive.

    I then just decided to ignore the rest of the planning to make a point.

    Later on that day at an hour and a half of unpaid overtime, I had the boss ask me to have a chat as I leave.

    Apparently telling the truth "upset others" in a "safe area". I am supposed to "have a think about how I approach things".

    I think I will be approaching the safe guy and I will be telling them I think I will be going home early for the weekend.

    EDIT: the sprint planning is a "safe and happy place". I was being polite .. imagine if I had gone full on. I don't hold hostages and no fucker will escape unscathed.



  • @lucas1 Probably you were supposed to score in fantasy complexity points rather than man-months. Still impossible if you don't know what it's supposed to do.



  • @lucas1 said in Safe Space:

    Then i said after being told to make an estimate,

    5 years, give or take 6 years.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    0_1466627928133_This_is_why_I_kill_people.jpg

    Seriously, do you work for a sheltered workshop or something?



  • @blek Apparently so. I am going to jack it in tomorrow.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @lucas1 said in Safe Space:

    @blek Apparently so. I am going to jack it in tomorrow.

    Good luck. Try not to swear too much, I hear it's generally frowned upon.


  • BINNED

    @lucas1 said in Safe Space:

    I am going to jack it in tomorrow.

    0_1466628295691_upload-7f2235bf-edf9-438a-b812-f50be9016221 ā“

    I'd advise against that, your ICE might be too weak for the sheer DoS caused by stupid that might result from that.



  • @lucas1 said in Safe Space:

    There was a set of A3 with screenshots of firefox, showing a screenshot of firefox. This apparently as the "front end integration specialist" was all I needed to know to produce an estimate.

    Our estimation "planning poker" "deck" contains an "infinity" card (meaning "this task can never be completed based on what we know of it's specification now"-- think something like "as a user, I'd like to have peace in the Middle East") and also a blank card to be used when you think there's not even enough information to even guess, and it should go back to the PM to spec-out the feature more. If you're actually doing Agile estimations, I'd expect you to have a similar arrangements. (And yes, as other people said, you estimate in "points" which are purposefully vaguely-defined, not hours and days.)

    From my experience, the normal way of solving unsolvable problems in Agile is to just explain what bit of Agile methodology you used at previous companies to solve the problem and then get into a dumb shouting match at people who like to discuss process 100 times more than they like to write code, until everybody gets annoyed and forgets why the issue was brought up in the first place and you can move on. (Use the phrase "time box".)



  • @blakeyrat Sounds like bollox. I tell them it is bollox and then I walk out the door if it gets too much.



  • @blek My favourite word is cunt, followed by fuck, followed by the phrase "sand nigger" and then "towel head" .. so might not be easy.

    BTW I am not a racist cunt, I was saying those above so you get the idea I am MR NOT Politically Correct.



  • @lucas1 yeah, but those bollocks will get you out of those meetings, sometimes you have to compromise to get peace



  • @Jarry No I was employed to improve the team, not to slow us down.

    So my job is to fight back when it is bullshit. If I can't ... I can't do my job.



  • @lucas1 said in Safe Space:

    Sounds like bollox. I tell them it is bollox and then I walk out the door if it gets too much.

    You might not have to walk out the door, you might get booted.

    But whatever, do what you think is best.



  • @blakeyrat WTF is a poker deck? This is the fucking problem.

    It should be

    1. Requirements
    2. Estimates
    3. Work
    4. Test
    5. Deliver

    It is just wanky terms. They literally used the word Window 4 different ways during it.

    I was like "A new browser window"
    Them - "This is a payment window"
    Then - "We need this to work with the browser Windows"
    Me - "IE8+ ???"



  • @blakeyrat If I get booted tbh It would be nice. No notice period šŸ˜ƒ



  • @lucas1 That's my favourite. I've been told I'm a "no man", that I should respect their shitty ideas even if it could ruin the project. Problem is they never explained why saying "that's not a good idea, here is what it would require and how long it would take" is a bad thing. So fuck em, I'm a no man. šŸ™‚



  • @lucas1 said in Safe Space:

    WTF is a poker deck? This is the fucking problem.

    Planning poker.

    Ok, here I am a person who doesn't even believe in Agile/Scrum explaining it.

    BLAKEYRAT TEACHES AGILE ESTIMATIONS

    First, assumptions:

    1. Getting suggestions from 20 people, then averaging them, produces a better estimates than a single person giving the estimate
    2. No task worth doing requires less than about half a day of work

    So you get a "poker deck" with the following cards:

    1/2
    1
    2
    3
    5
    8
    13
    21
    (blank)
    āˆž

    You somewhat arbitrarily define 1 unit as being half-a-day's work-- don't let people pedantic dickweed you by asking stuff like, "does that include the lunch break?" or whatever, it's just a vaguely-defined "half a day's work". Specifics don't matter for planning points.

    You have a group of developers sitting around a room, and the PM or whoever reads the story out loud to the group, then calls for a vote. Each developer will show the card they think best matches the amount of work to have done.

    Anybody who shows "infinity" or "(blank)" will generally be asked to briefly explain why. (Unless a majority did.) Anybody whose estimate is WIDELY off the average likewise will be asked to briefly explain why. Then you re-vote until the team more-or-less agrees, and write the number on the ticket. If it gets voted as infinite or blank, it goes back to the PM (or whoever) to flesh-out the story. Otherwise, it goes into the backlog of work to do (where it gets fetched our during the next spring planning. Since you used the term "sprint planning" I'm assuming you don't need that explained.)

    Anything estimated at 13 or larger probably should be broken up into smaller tasks, but 13 is barely acceptable if the developer has absolutely nothing else to do that sprint.

    In theory, when the task is completed, you then get the amount of time taken and share the delta between the actual time and the estimate with the developers before the next planning poker session, so they get a better idea of how accurate their "story points" were and can adjust them upwards or downwards over time, but I've never worked on a team that really did that.



  • @lucas1 said in Safe Space:

    Apparently telling the truth "upset others" in a "safe area". I am supposed to "have a think about how I approach things".

    We're currently doing a merger with another school which has the main audience of slightly older pupils training to become child care workers and similar. This merger means that some of their pupils are on our school grounds for two days a week, after the summer they'll be here the whole week (as the merger then has completed, at least in a legal sense).

    We have two large recesses so that our pupils can grab something to eat in the break hall. We also have at least one teacher patrolling the break hall during those recesses to tell some pupils that, no, we're not their mother and, yes, it doesn't break their bones if they carry their dishes to the dish rack.

    This is a point of contention with the other school as their pupils are 'so much older and almost adults!'

    Yes, almost. Almost means "not quite", which coincidentally is the adverb I'd use to describe their ability to clean up after themselves.

    Some of the other teachers seem to be stuck in the 60's.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @aapis Yeah, I kept having the same problem. Not when actual work was being done, because the idiot clique on our team is rarely involved in that, but occasionally some of them get some really revolutionary idea for completely changing everything we do and vomit it out on a mailing list or our horrible internal "social collaboration tool" where they discuss it to no end, one-upping each other with stupid bullshit and virtue signaling. "Thank you $idiot for sharing your thoughts! I'm so excited about this new initiative and I think it would help us leverage our customer successes to achieve synergy." Kill me.

    I used to join these discussions and explain to them in great detail - and with no personal attacks; I'm calling them idiots now but I never did that on the job - why they're wrong and why their ideas won't work. I used to do that because I was concerned that some of this retarded bullshit would end up being actually implemented in some way and prevent anyone from doing their jobs. Problem was, most of these people act like they've never heard anyone in their entire lives call their ideas wrong, so they're convinced that any half-baked stupid thought they have is solid gold - and they're completely unable to distinguish between a personal attack and a criticism of their ideas. It always ended up with someone whining to my boss.

    Over time I learned that there's actually no need for me to join these discussions at all, because in my several years at the company I have never seen any of these discussions and initiatives produce any result at all. It's sad and infuriating that the company I work for spends money on dead weight like that, but whatever. As long as I get paid.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @Rhywden said in Safe Space:

    Some of the other teachers seem to be stuck in the 60's.

    What do you mean?


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