The Cooking Thread


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    Apparently at least a handful of us enjoy cooking. Or, in my case, I enjoy eating and tolerate cooking.

    This is for recipes, general discussion, techniques, etc.

    Here's a thing I made for a friend's BBQ the other day. Super low effort, super-well received.

    Baked Brie Fruit Croissant Thing

    Ingred:
    1 wheel of Brie
    1/4 jar of your choice fruit preserves
    Matching small quantity of fresh fruit (or just use more preserves if it's out of season or you're lazy).
    1 canister thingy of Pillsbury crescent roll dough
    Optional - An egg.

    Do:

    1. Unroll the dough onto a cooking sheet. Since you probably got the perforated kind (allegedly a non-perforated kind exists, but I'll be fucked if I can find it), pinch together the perforations.
    2. Plop the entire wheel of cheese right into the middle of the dough.
    3. Spoon some preserves on top of the cheese wheel.
    4. Chuck some fresh fruit on top of the preserves. You're aiming for a total fruit+preserves thickness of like half an inch.
    5. (Optional) Cut the edges of the dough in such a way that it'll cause gaps so you can see the fruit when you do step 6. I didn't bother.
    6. Fold the dough up around the cheese wheel
    7. (Optional) Maybe brush some egg on this fucker if you care. I didn't.
    8. Bake that fucker per the directions on the pillsbury package (Like 375 for 9-13 minutes)
    9. Let that fucker rest for 5 minutes (otherwise the brie is too molten to be able to serve).

    Serving:
    Slice the fucker open and serve with fancy assed chips, or toast points, or pita, or baguette or whatever.
    Alternatively, slice it like a tiny pie and put it on fancy little dishes.
    Warm is good, cold is good. As an appetizer is good. As a dessert is good.
    Be the fanciest summbitch in town.

    Total cost:
    Like $12 if you need to buy preserves and fruit. $7 if you have that laying around. Serves like 5 or 6. Literally 2 minutes of prep, 15 minutes of cook and whatever you want to do to plate it.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    Burgers:

    WTF?


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @Weng said in The Cooking Thread:

    Since you probably got the perforated kind (allegedly a non-perforated kind exists, but I'll be fucked if I can find it), pinch together the perforations.

    Look for puff pastry dough. You can find it at most supermarkets and it works a treat for baked brie.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @Weng said in The Cooking Thread:

    Burgers:

    I make a variation on this except I top it with shredded iceberg lettuce with a smear of homemade Thousand Island or Russian dressing (Russian is my preferred because of the horseradish) on the bun and some homemade pickles for the best version of the Big Mac there ever was. I agree with that article. You can fry the burger pretty much crispy without overcooking it if you start off with super high heat and just a thin layer of oil in the pan.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    This is what I cooked today for Memorial Day. Best thing I have ever grilled, and super easy.

    I had no idea where to get annatto powder with short notice so I looked up what it was and I substituted 1/2 turmeric and 1/2 paprika for the equivalent amount of annatto. I let mine marinate overnight and it worked out amazingly.

    The recipe does not seem to be picky as to the type of citrus. I just grabbed some lemons, limes, oranges and grapefruit that I had on hand and it worked. I would not sweat the details on this recipe too much. Marinate overnight in the citrus brine, drain, toss with some oil and then get your grill ready. Once you plop it down on the rocket hot grates, just fucking leave it alone until it releases. Flip the pork to a fresh (read: rocket hot) part of your grill and cook until it releases again. Poke it to check doneness (for me it was done at this point) and then allow to rest before you serve.

    Super easy, massively flavorful, and amazingly light in the fat department. We are going to make it again for Father's Day.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    Great cookout accompaniment. Best potato salad recipe I have come across. My changes are that I do not peel the potatoes. I actually slice them in to bite-sized pieces before I boil them. Easier, and I do not mind the skins. I think they add texture and flavor. I also substitute hot chinese mustard powder for half of the mustard powder it calls for. It adds a pleasant spiciness.

    I really like how Alton adds the vinegar to the warm potatoes. It adds a good flavor to what can be bland potatoes in the salad.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @Weng said in The Cooking Thread:

    Baked Brie Fruit Croissant Thing

    Also, I like what Chef John does with his baked brie. You slice the brie in half and stuff the brie with preserves and dried fruit and nuts before you wrap it in dough.

    We serve ours with sliced granny smith apples, water crackers and naan bread sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @Polygeekery The "WTF" is "I thought everybody knew this. I've cooked burgers that way all my life."

    I'm looking at that yucatan pork business and thinking it may not be difficult to adapt to the Containerized Frozen Lunch. Just need to do something more freezer-friendly (and subsequently microwave-friendly) than ye olde bed of lettuce.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @Weng said in The Cooking Thread:

    Just need to do something more freezer-friendly (and subsequently microwave-friendly) than ye olde bed of lettuce.

    We did not serve it over cabbage and it was quite tasty. But, if you want to do that just separate it in two containers. Nuke one and keep the other in the fridge.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @Polygeekery I suspect tacoifying might be good. I'm considering making a run to the grocery store right now, since I don't have a lunch planned for the week.

    I was just going to eat the tailings that have accumulated in the work freezer - 2 month old beef stew, 2 week old failed kale-curry-thing that was actually kinda gross, and a thai chicken noodle soup from last week.

    Incidentally, I'm always on the hunt for stuff I can do up a batch of on Sunday, chuck in tupperware and deposit in the work fridge to supply a week of lunch.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @Weng said in The Cooking Thread:

    Incidentally, I'm always on the hunt for stuff I can do up a batch of on Sunday, chuck in tupperware and deposit in the work fridge to supply a week of lunch.

    Chili.

    I made many a lunch out of chili and a peanut butter sandwich.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @Weng I know you kinda sorta like cooking, and you try to lighten up recipes, we have been a subscriber to Cooking Light magazine for many years now and I always pick up their annual cookbooks (to get rid of the magazines and clean up the bookshelf in the kitchen). They have amazing light recipes that are really flavorful and tasty. We tend to cook most of the recipes in each edition and they tailor them to the seasons so it works out even better.

    Also, another on the subject of:

    @Weng said in The Cooking Thread:

    Incidentally, I'm always on the hunt for stuff I can do up a batch of on Sunday, chuck in tupperware and deposit in the work fridge to supply a week of lunch.

    Now that we are in to summer, Gazpacho. I love Gazpacho. It is like salsa soup. Light, tasty, and just the ticket for hot days.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @Polygeekery I've been meaning to steal out-of-date editions of Cooking Light magazine from a friend's coffee table.

    The primary problem I have to solve is scaling down to 'Single dude cooking for himself'. The Same Meal All Week freezer plan lets me skip that part, but locks me into stuff that will not turn into Soylent Food (or is at least palatable if ill-textured Soylent Food) when frozen and reheated.

    Gazpacho, chili, curry, soups and stews, assorted rice dishes, gumbos all do well.

    Additionally, scaling down poses some serious economies of scale issues. Buying potatoes 5lbs at a time (unless you happen to want one of the varieties that aren't prebagged) is a nightmare. Garlic and onions will try to grow, guaranteed. Tortillas? Half the pack wasted every time. Why in the hell would I buy a loaf of bread? It's covered in mold by the time I get around to using more than a quarter of it. It doesn't help that I don't have A/C (FUCK WHOEVER DID THE ORIGINAL DUCTING IN THIS HOUSE GOD DAMN), so 'warm humid environment' is a thing all damn summer.

    I just stuck a thing in the oven.

    Casserole dish.
    1 cup of dry jasmine rice
    2 cups water
    12oz of beef sausage.
    Cayenne powder.
    Shitload of garlic.
    Fresh squeezed orange juice (from a satsuma that was sitting around)
    A chunked yellow potato (why not, I have like 4lbs of them left and they're getting eyes - this is one of those 'economies of scale' issues)

    Any luck and something yummy will come out.



  • @Polygeekery said in The Cooking Thread:

    Chili.

    A small cornbread will keep as well and is a good addition to chili. Plus if you are portioning them out in tupperware then it is put a piece in and smother the fucker in chili, just remember to stir it up mid reheat (though this will lose some of the varied texture of not turning it into a big mush).


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @locallunatic I've occasionally cut out the middleman and just crumbled the cornbread into the chili before portioning.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @Weng said in The Cooking Thread:

    I've been meaning to steal out-of-date editions of Cooking Light magazine from a friend's coffee table.

    The fucked up thing about their cookbooks is that the 2016 version of their annual cookbook has all of the recipes from 2015. NFC why they chose to do it that way. It is rather confusing.

    Look in the other sellers section. Anything I have bought from the sellers that is listed as in "Good" condition or above has been brand new and just a few bucks. Then you get all the recipes for the year in one volume.



  • @Weng said in The Cooking Thread

    The primary problem I have to solve is scaling down to 'Single dude cooking for himself'. The Same Meal All Week freezer plan lets me skip that part, but locks me into stuff that will not turn into Soylent Food (or is at least palatable if ill-textured Soylent Food) when frozen and reheated.

    Something that doesn't work for lunch but does for dinner is to do a batch of ravioli (or other noodle) with a lotta sauce and leave it in the fridge. Is a good side thing for thinish porkchops/chicken and those take 10 minutes while the side is reheating. With a fresh chop it tastes close to all fresh and just slightly longer than just reheating dinner.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @locallunatic Essentially anything Italian will withstand being portioned out and reheated and most can be frozen. I also used to make a week out of pasta leftovers when I was a single man. I would cook a big pot of it on Sunday for dinner and have it all week.

    Another favorite for that period of time was jambalaya. I would grill out on the weekend and throw on some extra sausages or something and then use them to make a pot of jambalaya. Jambalaya is great for using up leftovers.

    So are omelettes for that matter. It is rare that I cannot look through our fridge and come up with leftover bits that would not work wonderfully in an omelette. Leftover cooked veggies (especially off the grill), bits of cheese, some sort of leftover meat and toss it all in an omelette and you have a great dinner that uses up stuff in the fridge and tastes really good.


  • Fake News

    @Weng said in The Cooking Thread:

    Why in the hell would I buy a loaf of bread? It's covered in mold by the time I get around to using more than a quarter of it.

    BITCH COMPLAIN, get a freezer, split a loaf of bread into several batches, freeze each batch individually, thaw a batch when you need some. I bet you could do that for tortillas, too. And since you have a proper standalone freezer now, do the same damn thing for all your cookin'.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @Weng said in The Cooking Thread:

    The primary problem I have to solve is scaling down to 'Single dude cooking for himself'. The Same Meal All Week freezer plan lets me skip that part, but locks me into stuff that will not turn into Soylent Food (or is at least palatable if ill-textured Soylent Food) when frozen and reheated.

    Cooking Light does recipes pretty regularly that would work out great for you. They do "make one, freeze one" recipes where you make a recipe that you portion out and one gets baked and the other gets frozen for later. They work really well and we do it pretty regularly. Being busy people, who like good food, that also have two kids, it is great. On those nights that we get home and just want to fuck off to the porch with a drink while the kids play in the yard we can just toss something in the oven.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @lolwhat My proper freezer is busy!
    0_1464660127805_upload-dc2c9ebe-35ff-4bc4-a7b1-0cebdc82c5f2
    (Although technically it's been converted into a very large refrigerator)


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @Weng said in The Cooking Thread:

    The primary problem I have to solve is scaling down to 'Single dude cooking for himself'. The Same Meal All Week freezer plan lets me skip that part, but locks me into stuff that will not turn into Soylent Food (or is at least palatable if ill-textured Soylent Food) when frozen and reheated.

    One thing I do occasionally is this:

    Ingredients:

    • Chicken breasts
    • Lettuce/greens
    • Shredded cheese
    • Dressing (usually something spicy, in my case)
    • Wraps

    Instructions:

    • Chicken:
      • Put chicken breasts into a hot, oven safe skillet and brown each side (about 2 minutes per side).
      • Insert pan into ...er, forgot the temperature... oven for ~20 minutes (cook until at safe temperature).
      • After letting them rest, chop them up into bite-sized pieces.
      • Stick in a zip lock bag and put in fridge (or freezer if longer than whatever length is appropriate).
    • Wrap:
      • Spread dressing on wrap
      • Lay chicken, lettuce, cheese and any additional toppings on wrap
      • If necessary, put additional dressing on top.
      • Roll it up and save for later or consume immediately.

    I usually make these and eat immediately, but it should be easy enough to accommodate your needs by simply preparing the wraps ahead of time with the dressing separate.


    One book I have (this one) has a delicious recipe for navratan korma, though I made that for family and it disappeared fast enough for me not to know what it tastes like microwaved.

    0_1464660090342_Mains-mooli-paratha-korma-3477.jpg
    (The pot at the bottom. This is the 'restaurant presentation' version, but I made the "white" version).


  • Fake News

    @Weng said in The Cooking Thread:

    My proper freezer is busy!

    Indeed, it is performing an honorable service! However, a small chest freezer may be had for ~$200 new, or perhaps roll the dice on Craigslist or Facebook.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @Weng said in The Cooking Thread:

    (Although technically it's been converted into a very large refrigerator)

    A man has to have priorities.

    Yours seem to be in line. Carry on. :)

    BTW, when can I come drink at the @Weng compound? :D


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @Polygeekery Actually, one of my WtfCorp exit strategies is to go public with the brewing.



  • @Weng said in The Cooking Thread:

    Garlic and onions will try to grow, guaranteed.

    Are you storing them dry enough?

    @Weng said in The Cooking Thread:

    Why in the hell would I buy a loaf of bread? It's covered in mold by the time I get around to using more than a quarter of it.

    Bread freezes fine. Best defrosted by laying it out ~30 minutes before the meal; can be microwaved but that may make it soggy.


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @PleegWat said in The Cooking Thread:

    Are you storing them dry enough?

    Given he then said

    @Weng said in The Cooking Thread:

    I don't have A/C (FUCK WHOEVER DID THE ORIGINAL DUCTING IN THIS HOUSE GOD DAMN), so 'warm humid environment' is a thing all damn summer.

    I'm gonna guess "no", because he can't (well, without additional inconvenience).


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @Weng said in The Cooking Thread:

    tacoifying

    My new favorite word.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    Best macaroni salad ever:

    Seriously, this is amazing stuff. I don't like macaroni salad, but this one promised to be not so sweet. I made it for Father's Day, and ate it for every meal after until it was gone.



  • I learned you can flash-pickle red onions yesterday as part of a blue apron meal.

    1 tablespoon red wine vinegar, 1 tablespoon sugar, in very small pan. Dice half an onion, once the liquid is boiling add onions, let cook for 1 or two minutes, sling into a heatproof bowl and fuck off for ten minutes. You might need to stir the bowl occasionally so they all get covered in vinegar.

    Pickled things are ok, but they a) take forever b) end up not crispy. This does both.


  • I survived the hour long Uno hand

    @AyGeePlus Holy shit that sounds amazing! I recently found a place that does Indian food the way Chipotle does Tex-Mex, and they have pickled onions that were awesome as a topper.



  • @Yamikuronue said in The Cooking Thread:

    they have pickled onions that were awesome as a topper.

    My mom always called those 'sambles' (sp?) and we'd never have curry without them. The surprisingly good one? Banana slices. Little bit of sour cream, banana slices, mango pickle, chutney.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @AyGeePlus said in The Cooking Thread:

    I learned you can flash-pickle red onions yesterday as part of a blue apron meal.

    I didn't know we had any blue apron customers here. How are the recipes? Do they require any fancy equipment? Are herbs and spices included?



  • @antiquarian said in The Cooking Thread:

    How are the recipes? Do they require any fancy equipment? Are herbs and spices included?

    Did a free trial thing. No fancy equipment, recipes are odd? Delicious but oddly schizophrenic. They keep asking me to clean as I go("rinse and wipe out the pan") but for instance asked me to put the corn flour patty things I made in the pan I'd cooked beef in, clearly for delicious fat purposes, but also asked me to clean the pan in between. I ignored this directive.

    Literally everything except for salt+pepper+water is included. Little packets of sugar, little packets of vinegar, a sad little packet of cilantro, little packets of 'peruvian spice blend' etc. All the spice blends contain extra, I guess in case you spill or something, but if you just dump it all in you'll be overspiced.


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @AyGeePlus said in The Cooking Thread:

    Delicious but oddly schizophrenic.

    Sounds like my ex-girlfriend.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @Polygeekery Unfortunately, that video is blocked for me.



  • Ok, trying out a Slater's 50/50 style burger, using this as my guide. Had originally planned to grill, but thunderstorms have rained on that parade, so just going to fry on the stovetop as they recommend.

    Also, I had cut a package of bacon into quarters and froze those for the grinding. Then I put all of them into the food processor at once, because I are idiot. Chipped the...uh...whatever the giant plastic cup that contains the food is called. Not big, so it still works, but I sense that I'm going to be in trouble when She Who Must Be Obeyed comes home. Worked better doing them one at a time.



  • @boomzilla They were pretty good. Damn but they cook down. Not surprising given the bacon content. I had several of them with some sautéd caramelized onions. Yum. Saving the rest for snacking.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @boomzilla said in The Cooking Thread:

    Ok, trying out a Slater's 50/50 style burger, using this as my guide.

    What I have done in the past is have my butcher do the heavy lifting. You get a more consistent mix if it is done in a proper meat grinder. Also, you have to go to a proper butcher where they cut the bacon on demand. Have them cube up a pound of sirloin, and a pound of bacon, toss it together and then grind. Doing both at the same time keeps the bacon fat from gumming up the works.

    You also want proper bacon. Actually smoked. It renders out some of the fat, and sets what is there to a more solid consistency that can be ground. I go to a little butcher shop here owned by a German guy who talks like he is fresh off the boat. He makes a bacon that is mahogany colored on the outside due to the proper smoking, and he cuts to order. Good stuff. When I cook it in the house, you have to be careful in the kitchen because the dogs literally drool on the floor

    And yes, you have to make big patties. They cook down a ton. I would guess that 20% renders out in the process.



  • @Polygeekery said in The Cooking Thread:

    You get a more consistent mix if it is done in a proper meat grinder.

    No doubt. I'm pretty satisfied with the result of my frozen bacon, though. The local store sells a really cheap bacon where shit didn't slice right for some reason. It's great, because it's still good so long as you don't want to cook up slices. I like to cut it up and cook it and mix it with scrambled eggs, so it's super cheap (like...$2.99 per pound) but still awesome because bacon. And often higher fat content than "normal" bacon. :homer:


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @boomzilla said in The Cooking Thread:

    The local store sells a really cheap bacon where shit didn't slice right for some reason. It's great, because it's still good so long as you don't want to cook up slices.

    Ends and pieces. Smaller supermarkets here, that actually slice their own shit, usually have something similar. I will get that if I need something that has to be chopped up anyway. If I am going to run through it once or twice with a knife anyway, who cares if it is not full slices?

    Back to OP: Last night I made jerk chicken on my new pellet grill, and it turned out a-fucking-mazing. It was a bit spicy for the wife's tastes, but tons and tons of flavor. It was made from this recipe:

    I bought some whole allspice berries and ground them fresh for the marinade and to sprinkle on the chicken before grilling. I let it marinade for ~24 hours. Also, it does not say it in the recipe but I cut two big slashes through the meat before marinading. On the skin side, one cut with the knife through the meat down to the bone to let the marinade penetrate better.

    It was easily the best chicken I have ever had in my life. I served it with grilled plantains and tomato-cucumber salad.

    Also, the pellet grill made all of the cooking super easy. They are a good compromise between gas and charcoal unless you need super high heat (I also bought a kamado grill last weekend which I can use for that, and pizza). Just set the dial to the temperature that you need and it just does it. As long as you feed it pellets, it will maintain temperature. Very cool. I might give it a try on some pulled pork next weekend.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @boomzilla said in The Cooking Thread:

    that I'm going to be in trouble when She Who Must Be Obeyed comes home.

    Sounds like the pilot for a sitcom. Hide the thing in a place you think she'll never suspect to look, but that she'll find in 3 seconds!

    Also, have a laugh track ready.



  • @FrostCat said in The Cooking Thread:

    Hide the thing in a place you think she'll never suspect to look, but that she'll find in 3 seconds!

    Actually, I'm considering looking for replacements on Amazon or whatever when I sober up tomorrow.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @boomzilla said in The Cooking Thread:

    when I sober up

    What's that mean? What is this "sober up" that you speak of?



  • @Polygeekery said in The Cooking Thread:

    What is this "sober up" that you speak of?

    Usually happens while sleeping. Maybe you're not getting enough of that?


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @boomzilla said in The Cooking Thread:

    Usually happens while sleeping. Maybe you're not getting enough of that?

    Given my current narcolepsy, this seems like an entirely plausible explanation.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @Polygeekery said in The Cooking Thread:

    narcolepsy

    Provigil is a terible and wonderful thing.


  • BINNED

    @FrostCat so's a small baby


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @Jaloopa in a very different way, though.


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