Stupid Psycho/Morale Test Questions



  • Many of the people in the Political Litmus Test thread commented on the lameness of the questions. These psychological test questions tend to be that way.

    Where I work, we have to take this poll every year that one especially lame question:

    You have a best friend at work.

    So here are the answers, and you get to choose. Let's see how we rate in this site:

    [poll name=bestFriend]

    • Strongly agree
    • Agree
    • Not sure
    • Disagree
    • Strongly disagree
      [/poll]

    As far as the rest of the thread goes, let's see just how confused we can get about what this question means.



  • I work in my mother's basement. There's nobody else at work unless you count the water heater.



  • I took it to mean "you have a coworker you prefer over the others" rather than a "you have a good friend who is also a coworker". Other twothree who voted, how's about you?

    :hanzo: ben got in a vote and reply



  • [quote="ben_lubar, post:2, topic:55506]
    unless you count the water heater.
    [/quote]

    At least it isn't a rock.



  • @locallunatic said:

    I took it to mean "you have a coworker you prefer over the others" rather than a "you have a good friend who is also a coworker". Other twothree who voted, how's about you?

    "Coworker" is correct.

    According to their strained definition, "a coworker you prefer" is wrong. It's supposed to be more than that, someone who is your best friend, where "best friend" means you can depend upon them.


  • Dupa

    @ben_lubar said:

    I work in my mother's basement.

    You should be visited by a health and safety inspector, then.



  • #DAILY SUMMARY -- MANAGEMENT THREAT

    For 9 people, the score is currently 2.1 on a scale of 1 to 5.

    Management insists you must do better. There will be endless meetings to discuss what is wrong with TD :wtf: unless you make at least the 90th percentile, which is 4.75.

    Get on the stick, get that score up!


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    I had probably the same questionnaire at a previous job. For the best friend one I was always of the opinion that I was there to work, not be great buddies



  • @Jaloopa said:

    I had probably the same questionnaire at a previous job. For the best friend one I was always of the opinion that I was there to work, not be great buddies

    Did they hold meetings to discuss your deficiencies if your team didn't score high enough? (Not that they want you to answer all 5's or anything like that.)

    Let us put it that there is no mandate, but that the hint is strong with our managers.



  • @ben_lubar said:

    unless you count the water heater.

    You racist scum! Excluding appliances based on their purpose!



  • @Luhmann said:

    You racist scum! Excluding appliances based on their purpose!

    My water heater lives outside. Does that make me racist for not wanting to keep it in my house at all?



  • Depends ... is it a white one?


  • sockdevs

    Can you add 'Fuck off and let me do my job' to the poll?


  • :belt_onion:

    Where does "I have one coworker I don't want to bludgeon to death" fall in?


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @CoyneTheDup said:

    You have a best friend at work.

    Having no work, I had to strongly disagree I have friend there.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @Onyx said:

    Where does "I have one coworker I don't want to bludgeon to death" fall in?

    Only one? I have a whole list.

    And I answered stongly disagree - I don't mix work and social life, therefore 'best friend' cannot overlap with 'coworker.'


  • :belt_onion:

    So, you get along with them well, or did you misinterpret my statement and think that my list of people to kill is of length 1?

    I'm fine with you liking your coworkers, I just find it weird that you'd go out of your way to point it out is all.


  • sockdevs

    @PJH said:

    I don't mix work and social life

    @PJH's identity revealed:



  • @locallunatic said:

    I took it to mean "you have a coworker you prefer over the others" rather than a "you have a good friend who is also a coworker".

    Ditto.

    @CoyneTheDup said:

    According to their strained definition, "a coworker you prefer" is wrong. It's supposed to be more than that, someone who is your best friend, where "best friend" means you can depend upon them.

    Where was the definition? I do feel like I can depend on him for work stuff. If I didn't, he probably wouldn't be the "coworker I prefer."



  • @PJH said:

    And I answered stongly disagree - I don't mix work and social life, therefore 'best friend' cannot overlap with 'coworker.'

    Yeah, I fully agree with that. But I took "best friend at work" to be a single noun phrase. As opposed to the possibly less ambiguous phrasing, "Is your best friend a coworker here?"

    But I definitely have personal and friendly relationships with some of my coworkers. We just don't interact outside of work related activities.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @Onyx said:

    or did you misinterpret my statement and think that my list of people to kill is of length 1?

    Misread, not misinterpret, but yes - this.


  • sockdevs

    E_INVALID_PREMIS

    I have friends at work, and i have a best friend that works, my best friend does not work for the same company I do.



  • There is many people that pretend to be friends at work, but will badmouth you to management if they think you're better rewarded or is competing with them for a possible promotion, even if it's a very unlikely to happen one.

    Work is a terrible place to make friends.


  • mod

    You can't really trust coworkers. There's way more opportunity to profit from backstabbing in a work relationship than a purely friendship one. I mean, how often can you really expect to gain from betraying someone you don't work with? Usually it's, at best, a no-win situation, like turning them over to the cops getting them arrested and losing you a friend. But that said, there are people I enjoy interacting with and would happily make proper friends if we stopped working together, so... agree I guess?



  • @Yamikuronue said:

    You can't really trust coworkers.

    But you can trust friends. If you don't really trust any coworkers, then they aren't friends.

    I have a few Facebook "friends" from work but only really 3 or 4 people I'd consider actual friends.


  • mod

    Right. To me, "work friend" is like "facebook friend" in that the trust level is much lower than a real friend, but they're still considered more trusted than "work non-friends" or "facebook strangers". So a "work best friend" would be a higher trust level than a "work friend" but lower than a "best friend"



  • Yeah, I pretty much have a mental wall that tends to keep coworkers from being considered "good friends" unless I previously knew them outside the workplace.

    I could probably grow into that if I hung out with them outside work long enough, but with as reclusive and antisocial as I am that would probably never happen. A pity, since I know there are a couple people here who I could pretty easily get along with, but because I'll never see them outside the office, they'd never be more than "a guy at work" or "a girl at work".


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @ben_lubar said:

    There's nobody else at work unless you count the water heater.

    Did you draw a face on the water heater, put a hat or any other clothes on it, or do anything else to anthropomorphize it?



  • @FrostCat said:

    Did you draw a face on the water heater, put a hat or any other clothes on it, or do anything else to anthropomorphize it?

    Nah, that's reserved for the volleyball.


  • :belt_onion:

    I'd sooner suspect he fed it minced bread.



  • @Onyx said:

    I'd sooner suspect he fed it minced breadwater.

    I would have also accepted natural gas, assuming it's not electric.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    I think I saw the same question on our latest "associate survey". I wonder what would happen if everyone answered No. We're being assured at every turn that the results will be acted upon. Would they hold some sort of a speed dating event? Would they sit us all down on pillows and talk to us like preschoolers? "Why don't you have any friends? Why not be friends with Timmy over there? He's nice, isn't he?"

    They could plaster the office with posters advertising some "meet new people" group where you're supposed to go to a certain location at a certain time wearing a specific, unusual piece of clothing (not a fedora, what a wasted opportunity) and "smile at others wearing the same thing". But someone already beat them in this particular cringe olympics discipline, so...



  • @Yamikuronue said:

    But that said, there are people I enjoy interacting with and would happily make proper friends if we stopped working together, so... agree I guess?

    I think, it was a brilliant paragraph concluded with a non sequitur... The question was, after all, Do you have a best friend at work?



  • I don't have friends at work.

    I have rather high expectations from friends, and high expectations usually result in disappointment. So I have low trust, and at the same time I have low expectations, I can tolerate most people, and even like some of them. But that's far from calling them friends. I think any of them can, and will, backstab me if this is going to advance their career a little bit.

    It's a really very neat concept, that I can leave office and leave all those people behind, totally erasing their existence from my mind until the next working day. That's a luxury I cannot afford once I make friends with them.



  • @Jaloopa said:

    I had probably the same questionnaire at a previous job. For the best friend one I was always of the opinion that I was there to work, not be great buddies

    I take that even further. I have my own family and my own life outside of work. I DO NOT want to join your company "family." Work functions, at work, during work hours, are fine. Anything after hours? Nope. Anything requiring prep work outside of work hours, that is for a social thing at work? Nope. Any pressure to conform and join in and socialize, or actual threats to do so (or else) and I am out.

    I have never been on the job market for longer than a week, my skills are valuable. I am there to work. The less of my time you waste with meetings, and social functions, and other nonsense, the more productive I am. If the rest of you don't have enough to do to fill the day, then that speaks to a larger problem with the company structure. I don't object to the occasional chit-chat, and I don't object to others socializing around me. Just leave me out of it, for the most part. Sometimes I will feel like socializing, once I have been there long enough and know people, and I am waiting on something to complete. But that will be the exception, not the rule.

    I know that if I don't have enough to do to fill my day enough to feel like I am doing something, then I start to look for a new position if that continues for too long.

    I am there to do a job. Not socialize. That's why you have to pay me to be there. Let me do my job, and get out of my way. We'll both be happier that way ^_-


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    Why do you hate joy?



  • @Jaloopa said:

    Why do you hate joy?

    You drove me to it



  • How is the answer not 'strongly agree'? No matter where 'at work' associates the answer is always yes. (If you have a friend and a coworker. You don't need them both to be the same person. Or people.)

    best(friend at work): Even if you don't have friends at work, among a group of non-friends, one is best at friendship by the Pauli exclusion principle. That is the best friend-at-work. If you have a coworker, you have a best coworker.

    (best friend) at work: While you are at work do you forget about your life? If you have a best friend that person is still your best friend at work unless you work at the Dollhouse.

    Poor @blakeyrat, he has but a water heater as a best friend-at-work.

    <INB4 ben_lubar boasts lojban could pose this question unambiguously.



  • @Jaloopa said:

    Why do you hate joy?

    It's the password requirements. :tropical_drink:


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @AyGeePlus said:

    (best friend) at work:

    Ambiguity detected. Who is at work?



  • @Jaloopa said:

    @AyGeePlus said:
    (best friend) at work:

    Ambiguity detected. Who is at work?

    Does a friend who chooses not to work deserve to be besties? :tropical_drink:


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    I think the whole "we're one big family and we care about each other" play is a part of the overall corporate propaganda BS meant to make you "proud" of your job position and of the company you work for - and therefore to be more likely to put up with bad things like unpaid overtime.

    Which is retarded. I can see volunteering with Medecins sans Frontieres as something a person would be proud of, but being one of a thousand software developers at a multinational corporation, spending a half of your day in meetings and the other half trying to keep some hacked-together pile of shit running? What's wrong with these people? Do they feel loyalty to Tesco or Walmart because they shop there often - to the point that they'll refuse to shop at places with better prices? :wtf:



  • @blek said:

    What's wrong with these people? Do they feel loyalty to Tesco or Walmart because they shop there often - to the point that they'll refuse to shop at places with better prices? :wtf:

    In Japan? Yes.
    In the United States ... nope :wink:



  • @AyGeePlus said:

    Poor @blakeyrat, he has but a water heater as a best friend-at-work.

    The water heater doxxed him, get him fired, and stole his job.



  • @Lorne_Kates said:

    The water heater doxxed him, get him fired, and stole his job.

    Only fair after being replaced due to the breaker.



  • #DAILY SUMMARY -- KINDLY MANAGEMENT MESSAGE

    For 48 people, the score is currently 2.33 on a scale of 1 to 5. We are very disappointed that there seems to be such poor relationships in our team. This places us at percentile 34, which is a very poor showing compared to other sites of this type.

    We feel we must make it clear that a best friend at work is not your best friend. It is merely someone you can trust and depend upon for support. This is very important to meeting the human needs of our team.

    This score really needs to improve. To help our team to form better intra-team bonds, we will be holding a 3-hour discussion meeting on this subject in the near future.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @CoyneTheDup said:

    To help our team to form better intra-team bonds, we will be holding a 3-hour discussion meeting on this subject in the near future.

    Scheduled for 15:30 on a Friday.



  • Scheduled for 16:30 on a Friday. Or if that's not available then 07:00 Monday. Must minimize effects on the regular workday.

    Meeting is mandatory.


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    The beatings will continue until morale improves


  • :belt_onion:

    :giggity: :question:


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