The Twelve Days of XCoding



  • Continuing the discussion from "Signs that you're a good programmer":

    @Polygeekery said:

    Not even a cat would use Xcode.

    Or, judging by his expression, he may be trying it for the first time?

    This is about a week late, but oh well.


    On the first day of coding, my Xcode gave to me
    No such file called Main.c.

    On the second day of coding, my Xcode gave to me
    Two bricked iPads,
    And a no such file called Main.c.

    On the third day of coding, my Xcode gave to me
    Three broken updates,
    Two bricked iPads,
    And a no such file called Main.c.

    On the fourth day of coding, my Xcode gave to me
    Four cores a-burning,
    Three broken updates,
    Two bricked iPads,
    And a no such file called Main.c.

    On the fifth day of coding, my Xcode gave to me
    Five kernel panics,
    Four cores a-burning,
    Three broken updates,
    Two bricked iPads,
    And a no such file called Main.c.

    On the sixth day of coding, my Xcode gave to me
    Six return is not a keyword's,
    Five kernel panics,
    Four cores a-burning,
    Three broken updates,
    Two bricked iPads,
    And a no such file called Main.c.

    On the seventh day of coding, my Xcode gave to me
    Seven out-of-RAM errors,
    Six return is not a keyword's,
    Five kernel panics,
    Four cores a-burning,
    Three broken updates,
    Two bricked iPads,
    And a no such file called Main.c.

    On the eighth day of coding, my Xcode gave to me
    Eight spinning beach balls,
    Seven out-of-RAM errors,
    Six return is not a keyword's,
    Five kernel panics,
    Four cores a-burning,
    Three broken updates,
    Two bricked iPads,
    And a no such file called Main.c.

    On the ninth day of coding, my Xcode gave to me
    Nine missing headers,
    Eight spinning beach balls,
    Seven out-of-RAM errors,
    Six return is not a keyword's,
    Five kernel panics,
    Four cores a-burning,
    Three broken updates,
    Two bricked iPads,
    And a no such file called Main.c.

    On the tenth day of coding, my Xcode gave to me
    Ten empty clang errors,
    Nine missing headers,
    Eight spinning beach balls,
    Seven out-of-RAM errors,
    Six return is not a keyword's,
    Five kernel panics,
    Four cores a-burning,
    Three broken updates,
    Two bricked iPads,
    And a no such file called Main.c.

    On the eleventh day of coding, my Xcode gave to me
    Eleven zombie processes,
    Ten empty clang errors,
    Nine missing headers,
    Eight spinning beach balls,
    Seven out-of-RAM errors,
    Six return is not a keyword's,
    Five kernel panics,
    Four cores a-burning,
    Three broken updates,
    Two bricked iPads,
    And a no such file called Main.c.

    On the twelfth day of coding, my Xcode gave to me
    Twelve hours of failed compiling,
    Eleven zombie processes,
    Ten empty clang errors,
    Nine missing headers,
    Eight spinning beach balls,
    Seven out-of-RAM errors,
    Six return is not a keyword's,
    Five kernel panics,
    Four cores a-burning,
    Three broken updates,
    Two bricked iPads,
    And a no such file called Main.c.



  • /me applauds



  • xcoding has a risk of bricking an ipad?



  • @fbmac said:

    xcoding has a risk of bricking an ipad?

    Normally what happens is someone borrows the development iPad and then unwittingly updates iOS. Apple sucks at keeping Xcode up-to-date so you end up with a two month period where you can't deploy to the dev iPad because Xcode can't talk to the newest version of iOS. It's bricked in the sense that it's literally useless for development/debugging/testing work. And if you try to roll back to the previous version of iOS you'll almost certainly brick it because Apple doesn't support that.





  • @mott555 said:

    Apple sucks at keeping Xcode up-to-date so you end up with a two month period where you can't deploy to the dev iPad because Xcode can't talk to the newest version of iOS.

    Wait what?

    So if Apple upgrades their iPad, it's literally impossible for app developers to check/fix compatibility with the new OS for TWO MONTHS?



  • Normally it's only a week or two but I seem to recall it taking a couple months at least one time. After that incident I wanted to keep the dev iPad under lock and key but I got overruled on it and it happened again with the very next iOS update. :facepalm:



  • Seems like Apple gives zero shits about having a working development system.

    Locked platforms, competition not allowed, etc.


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @mott555 said:

    Normally what happens is someone borrows the development iPad and then unwittingly updates iOS. Apple sucks at keeping Xcode up-to-date so you end up with a two month period where you can't deploy to the dev iPad because Xcode can't talk to the newest version of iOS.

    Seriously? I'm glad I never ran into that issue when I was still developing for iOS.

    You know what also sucks? As soon as you upgrade the iOS SDK (which you have to do whenever you upgrade XCode), you automatically use the latest API. There's no way of checking whether your app is actually compatible with the iOS version you're targeting. XCode will happily compile an app which will crash on the device you want it to run on. The only way to find out whether your app actually works is to manually test every single feature with the lowest iOS version you claim to support and pray you didn't miss some branch in the code.

    Android has been doing this right forever (IDE support, your code won't compile), Apple simply refuses to even acknowledge that developers might want to support iOS versions other than the latest one.


  • BINNED

    @asdf said:

    Apple simply refuses to even acknowledge that developers might want to support iOS versions other than the latest one

    Why would people be using an old version of iOS? We make it very easy to upgrade, you just have to buy the latest iPhone


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