Confession Apps


  • :belt_onion:

    I always wanted to start my own religion, good business. However the problem is that I will have to attract new customers and should also think about inventing my own idiotic dogma for product differentiation. Banning Alcohol and Coffee are already patented and beheading the unbelievers is hard to sell nowadays.

    Anyways it might be easier to tap into the current market, fortunately it is not trademarked:

    Apparently it is more expensive to confess on iPhone because of sinful raisins:

    At least there is no apparent fee to confess on Windows phones. Good for the homeless then:

    I like the freemium model, it lures them in then we can charge for hard sins then display homeopathy pharma ads. But the Windows confession app rating is low, perhaps it does not give a full absolution as claimed, those scammers.
    There should be a customer satisfaction guarantee, so one could get his/her dollars back when enjoying the warmth of the Hell, that would be some comfort.

    Bonus material for the entrepreneurs who want to get into this market:
    Televangelists: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO) – 20:06
    — LastWeekTonight


  • Impossible Mission Players - A

    Then we get fun reviews like:

    And some absolutely fake reviews like:


    Filed under: I hardly believe this app has been around for eight years, considering Windows Phone 8 was barely announced in 2012...



  • Wow, check out the Amazon store one:

    • App will save the checked boxes if you use the home button to leave the app and then use the "running" apps button to resume using the app.

    It will save the checked boxes as long as you don't close the app... so it doesn't actually do anything, the checkboxes just naturally stay the way you left them.



  • Let's take the private act of confessing secretly to a priest.... and expose that to the internet.

    Unless you're confessing to your computers hard-drive?

    does hand cross sign
    The CPU, The RAM, the SSD.

    Hail Motherboard.


  • Impossible Mission Players - A

    @anonymous234 said:

    so it doesn't actually do anything
    I equate this to a Desktop OS "saving" your work when you click the Minimize (or Iconize/whatever else button that hides the window) button, and then click back into the same program (through said minimized button or icon).


    Filed under: I made those changes you asked. What do you mean "save"? It's right there on the screen!



  • Advancing in age, those of us beyond 70 are not so frequently tempted by the same attractions as are the young... Perhaps there could be a division of sins by age level that would help all Catholics.

    ...?



  • That's not an initial feature....

    It's an upgrade.

    So before, if you hit the home button, the information was lost.


    personal thought about confession.
    [spoiler]Apparently Catholics don't understand the symbology of the veil tearing in the temple.[/spoiler]


    List of future features includes:

    A guilt meter. Each sin is assigned a guilt value. The app displays how guilty one should feel by adding up the guilt of each checked sin.


  • :belt_onion:

    @xaade said:

    A guilt meter. Each sin is assigned a guilt value. The app displays how guilty one should feel by adding up the guilt of each checked sin.

    With Gamification of guilt you can share your next fornication sin on Facebook



  • Mary Sue just checked "Watched Porn" for this week.

    you hit like button

    Would you like to share this on Facebook?

    you share on facebook

    hit comment button

    "It's ok Mary Sue, we all have our lapses in repentance."


    Would you like to post new status?

    post status

    "Confession App hints. I found a new confessionable element. Drag fornication and animal cruelty together."

    comment nofitication

    "Oh thanks.... I'll be needing that one a lot."




  • :belt_onion:

    I am all for a continued revenue model. With a small subscription fee you can ensure those sins will never be seen by law enforcement. Law enforcement can also subscribe to capture the latest murderers.

    @xaade said:

    Drag fornication and animal cruelty together

    I think furry porn is in another thread.



  • I want to see the Virtual Jesus Kicking Moneychanger Ass app.


  • :belt_onion:

    On Windows phone that might be even free





  • @dse said:

    and beheading the unbelievers is hard to sell nowadays.

    Seems like a growth industry, actually.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @anonymous234 said:

    so it doesn't actually do anything

    Just like confessing at church, but with less chance of a pervy old man in a robe trying to fondle your junk! Brillant!



  • I reckon that these sort of apps should have a penitence feature where you have to do 100's of "tinder" type swipes (get too many wrong and you start again), before you can use any other function of whatever device is running the app.


  • :belt_onion:

    @boomzilla said:

    @dse said:
    beheading the unbelievers is hard to sell nowadays.

    Seems like a growth industry, actually.

    You have to admit it is a dwindling market, because the customers tend to blow themselves up.



  • @anonymous234 said:

    It will save the checked boxes as long as you don't close the app...

    You never “close” an app on Android. It does not have such function.

    @anonymous234 said:

    so it doesn't actually do anything

    Well, yes, due to intricacies of Android, it does.

    On Android when you leave an app, it gets “paused” (which is just another word for minimized). But on Android paused applications are ripe for harvesttermination. When the system gets short on memory, it sends out a rampaging gorillaOOM killer and it will terminate the application. With a shotgunSIGKILL.

    Now the documentation clearly states all this and says that application should, in the onPause handler, save its state, so it can continue where it left off when it is restarted. So it shouldn't be worth mentioning. But many applications don't, which makes it worth mentioning in practice.

    @Tsaukpaetra said:

    I equate this to a Desktop OS "saving" your work when you click the Minimize

    From user point of view, Android pretends to work like that. But under the hood it doesn't.


  • area_deu

    @Bulb said:

    You never “close” an app on Android. It does not have such function.

    Wrong. You don't commonly use it but it exists. It's in the system settings, under running applications ("Force Stop").

    Not everyone uses their phone only for sharing cat photos on instagram.



  • @aliceif said:

    Wrong. You don't commonly use it but it exists. It's in the system settings, under running applications ("Force Stop").

    Actually, I used adb -e am force-stop some.package.id at least 20 times yesterday. I know well it exists. But I don't call that “close”, because it's like going to task manager and selecting terminate in the process list.


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    Also, Cyanogenmod has a setting where long-holding back button closes the app.

    And, by extension, I discovered Opera on Android actually has some kind of close: long-holding back actually shows its own "close all tabs?" thing (also accessible by the means of a quit button in the app); while not proper close it's a nice thing for an app to have IMHO, since it will clean up most of the memory that way. Which is important if you use Discourse...



  • That John Oliver video was equal parts hilarious and depressing.


  • Dupa

    @xaade said:

    "It's ok Mary Sue, we all have our lapses in repentance."

    Yeah, I think Mary Ann with the shaky hand would love that, too.



  • How about some kind of CAPTSSA system?

    "Select all pictures featuring Sloth/Envy/Greed..."



  • What about swiping left (or tapping the x button) on the app switcher view? Isn't that closing?


  • area_deu

    @anonymous234 said:

    What about swiping left (or tapping the x button) on the app switcher view? Isn't that closing?

    Nope. That's "remove this from history".



  • @aliceif said:

    Nope. That's "remove this from history".

    Just checked, and it force-closes at least my browser.



  • @dse said:

    @boomzilla said:
    @dse said:
    beheading the unbelievers is hard to sell nowadays.

    Seems like a growth industry, actually.

    You have to admit it is a dwindling market, because the customers tend to blow themselves up.

    But not faster than they are being created/replaced, apparently.


  • :belt_onion:

    @boomzilla said:

    But not faster than they are being created/replaced, apparently.

    If you want to target a demographic for whom 0.99$ feeds an entire village, be my guest. But you will have difficulty collecting next month's subscription fee. That does not make sense when there are juicier fools to milk.
    Unless you think it is the right time to invest in the mainframe technology, then I will have my agents call you for a very sweet deal.



  • @dse said:

    If you want to target a demographic for whom 0.99$ feeds an entire village, be my guest.

    There's something to be said for that. Especially if you can take over oil fields.


  • :belt_onion:

    @boomzilla said:

    There's something to be said for that. Especially if you can take over oil fields.

    Yes the upside could be big. But be careful, the established monopolies have a track record of beheading or crucifixion of new entrepreneurs. Dangerous waters to walk on.


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