Intranational Fair



  • Markham Fair is this weekend. For those of you not in Canada, it's like a State Fair-- big agricultural event, midway, some food, etc. A huge component are the competitions. Livestock competition. Biggest pumpkin. That stuff.

    There's also a baking section, which I enter every year. It's fun, but the only downside is the competition is a little-- what am I thinking of-- white-break hick filled. Despite living in quite possibly the most Asian city in all of Canada (outside of Vancouver, maybe), the fair has stuck to it's 200 year old roots. I still shock and scandalize the little old ladies running the thing by entering one of the baking categories aside from "men only". (Gee, I can enter a jar of chex mix-- or I can enter a real category).

    Every year, there tends to be one section dedicated to some sort of theme. Fall flavors. Apples. Something like that. So colour me surprised when this year's prize book had a section for "International Fare". Wow. I mean, these are the sort of people who probably still consider spaghetti to be "ethnic food from the EYE-tallians". Alright, let's get INTERNATIONAL here. What exotic and crazy things do they want to see?

    • Flavoured Oil: ooookay. That's kinda exotic. I guess they're thinking about those sorta spicy oils you get at some Thai restaurants. What's next?

    • Hummus: mmm... technically international. But given the large south Asian population Toronto and the surrounding area has, it's one of those "accepted ethnic" foods already-- like salsa.

    • Granola bars: I-- what? Granola bars. I think oats and nuts used by pioneers isn't exactly International. I...

    • Fudge: What The :wtf: I mean arguably, it was invented in Vassar College, in America-- which is only very technically international by Canadian standards. But we produce fudge. HALF THE FOOD VENDORS SELL FUDGE! You literally couldn't get any more non-international than that. {sigh} Fine, what's the last item in the section?

    • Canadian Picnic Container: :expressionless:

    Section 73:


    Filed under: I'm not geographyist, but I don't think that counts as international



  • @Lorne_Kates said:

    canadas-largest-4-day-agricultural-fair-6

    That reminds me of the MST3K of Diabolique.

    "This is the largest money transfer ever made at 7:00 in the morning."

    Bots: "There was a larger one at 7:45 once."

    Also from the link:

    • Entry Forms Accepted From Monday, June 1st, 2015 to
      Thursday, September 17th, 2015
    • No Entries will be accepted after 8:00p.m.
      September 17th, 2015 Will be strictly enforced.

    Uh, you're a little late bringing this up.

    NO MEAT! YES VEGGIES!



  • @blakeyrat said:

    Uh, you're a little late bringing this up.

    I already entered my forms. But if I had drawn attention to it beforehand, y'all might have entered and competed with me. =(

    @blakeyrat said:

    That reminds me of the MST3K of Diabolique.

    It reminds me of The Final Sacrifice.

    @blakeyrat said:

    NO MEAT! YES VEGGIES!

    Typing on a type-writer and having your farm-hand transcribe it via morse to the Modem Teletype Machine is hard.

    Does it include zuchinni? If not! Zuchinni loaf with chocolate!



  • @Lorne_Kates said:

    y'all might have entered and competed with me

    Yeah, I'd totally move out of my parents' basement and then go north through another state and a lake to get to a country I don't have citizenship in and then enter a baking contest after never having baked in my life.



  • @ben_lubar said:

    Yeah

    I knew you would be up for a challenge


  • BINNED

    @ben_lubar said:

    Yeah, I'd totally move out of my parents' basement and then go north through another state and a lake to get to a country I don't have citizenship in

    Not to mention having to learn the language!



  • @Onyx said:

    language

    They don't speak lobjim?


  • BINNED

    @Luhmann said:

    They don't speak lobjim?

    It's lob, Jim, but not as we know it



  • @Jaloopa said:

    @Luhmann said:
    They don't speak lobjim?

    It's lob, Jim, but not as we know it

    Don't make the Belch post that video again.

    It's still in my head from last time.





  • @ben_lubar said:

    to get to a country I don't have citizenship in

    Yeah, what business do people have going to countries they don’t have citizenship in, huh? Coming over here just to collect our women, marry our jobs and take over our welfare benefits …

    @ben_lubar said:

    never having baked in my life.

    No problem — there are plenty ofFAR too many TV shows that’ll teach you how in no time at all!



  • @Gurth said:

    marry our jobs and take over our welfare benefits

    Are you speaking of Poles or Muslims? Because with each of them, different part of your post makes no sense.



  • @Lorne_Kates said:

    There's also a baking section, which I enter every year. It's fun,... I still shock and scandalize the little old ladies running the thing by entering one of the baking categories aside from "men only".

    You left out the most important part - what category are you entering, and what will you be baking?


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @Lorne_Kates said:

    I mean arguably, it was invented in Vassar College, in America

    I would strongly hesitate to accept that claim. The WP page on fudge is unusually terrible.



  • @RobFreundlich said:

    You left out the most important part - what category are you entering, and what will you be baking?

    Prediction: Cinnamon rolls.


    Filed Under: Possibly packed with fudge



  • @ben_lubar said:

    Yeah, I'd totally move out of my parents' basement and then go north through another state and a lake to get to a country I don't have citizenship in and then enter a baking contest after never having baked in my life.

    @ben_lubar has died of dysentery

    @Gurth said:

    No problem — there are plenty ofFAR too many TV shows that’ll teach you how in no time at all!

    Far fewer than there should be. FoodTV has gone almost entirely reality-TV / competition show now. They've given up on teaching people to cook and making educational shows. Alton Brown has gone on record saying (paraphrase) "The era of cooking shows is over. It was killed by cheap to produce reality TV. Given the current management at FoodTV, Julia Childs would never have gotten a show."

    @RobFreundlich said:

    You left out the most important part - what category are you entering, and what will you be baking?

    Cinnamon rolls (glazed), and corn bread. I drop them off tonight, will have results by Friday.

    @dkf said:

    The WP page on fudge is unusually terrible.

    It's fudgin' terrible!

    @boomzilla said:

    Prediction: Cinnamon rolls.

    Cheater



  • @Lorne_Kates said:

    @RobFreundlich said:
    You left out the most important part - what category are you entering, and what will you be baking?

    Cinnamon rolls (glazed), and corn bread. I drop them off tonight, will have results by Friday.

    Sounds delicious! I eat dinner around 5:30 PM EST. Please have them here a bit early so I can warm them up.



  • @Lorne_Kates said:

    the fair has stuck to it's 200 year old roots

    The fair has stuck to it is 200 year old roots? What?

    <!-- also, do you even know what hyphens are? -->


  • @Gaska said:

    Are you speaking of Poles or Muslims? Because with each of them, different part of your post makes no sense.

    Only for those two categories? Damn, I was aiming higher than that.

    In any case, I wasn’t thinking of either of those, or indeed of any group in particular at all. Just twisting stereotypical comments a bit.

    @Lorne_Kates said:

    Far fewer than there should be.

    I stand by my “far too many” remark. I can honestly say that the only cooking show I’ve ever seen that I actually enjoyed watching, was [i]Can’t Smeg, Won’t Smeg[/i].

    [quote="Lorne_Kates, post:16, topic:51509”]FoodTV
    Alton Brown
    Julia Childs[/quote]
    What? Who? I can guess what FoodTV is. The other two … not a clue, and can’t be arsed to look them up because I have a feeling they’re cookery show presenters and thus of no interest to me whatsoever. When people talk about food, especially about how much they enjoy it or showing how to cook all these supposedly wonderful things, I get less appetite — no, I’m not kidding. I have several food- and kitchen-related channels on my TV, all of which would be in the very first batch to go if the cable company ever gets its act together and allows me to choose individual channels I want in my subscription instead of only serving me packages of totally unrelated channels of which I want some but don’t care about others.



  • Julia Child is the star of the ancient PBS show "The French Chef" and many, many others. She's occasionally worth watching, both for her absurd (to me) voice and for how imprecise and irreverent she is.

    The Chicken Sisters! – 01:40
    — Lauren McShea



  • @RobFreundlich said:

    You left out the most important part - what category are you entering, and what will you be baking?

    NO MEAT! YES VEGGIES!

    The question is answered right there in the link.

    EDIT: Oh wait he asked a clarifying question about a category he didn't enter? Well shit.



  • @Gurth said:

    In any case, I wasn’t thinking of either of those, or indeed of any group in particular at all. Just twisting stereotypical comments a bit.

    These two are the most stereotypical of stereotypes you can get. At least in Europe.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    EDIT: Oh wait he asked a clarifying question about a category he didn't enter? Well shit.

    Check the date/time stamp. The 160 year old fair is being run by people who were there for the first one. They haven't quite figured out Wordpress yet.



  • @TwelveBaud said:

    Julia Child is the star

    :belt_onion:

    One of her last series, that she did with Jacques Pepin was great!

    The two of them worked very well together - and it's a pleasure to watch people who enjoy what they're doing.

    Trigger Warning
    One thing I liked very much was the way Jacques would just very nonchalantly pick up the slack for things Julia could no longer do* and she was treated as a completely equal partner in the goings on.
    <\sensitivity >

    *By this time her Parkinson's Disease was kicking in.



  • @Lorne_Kates said:

    Cinnamon rolls (glazed), and corn bread

    Together!! :100: must have!!



  • @TwelveBaud said:

    Julia Child is the star of the ancient PBS show "The French Chef" and many, many others.

    I remember watching those with my mom. Very enjoyable.



  • @ijij said:

    <\sensitivity >

    :twitch:



  • When you are there, you should 100% find those people and challenge them to explain how a "Canadian picnic basket" is "international" for people who live in Canada.



  • @ijij said:

    By this time her Parkinson's Disease was kicking in.

    This portion was outside your sensitive fence, you insensitive clod.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    Fun fact: I once wrote software and did process engineering to make sure all the animals, quilts, cookie trays, etc. made it back to their owners at a similar fair

    And print the prize checks.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @ben_lubar said:

    Yeah, I'd totally move out of my parents' basement and then go north through another state and a lake to get to a country I don't have citizenship in and then enter a baking contest after never having baked in my life.

    I can't tell if this is sarcasm or not, coming from a guy who plays with Lojban, DF, and Go.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @Onyx said:

    Not to mention having to learn the language!

    I hear all you have to do is randomly end sentences with "eh?" and say "aboot" instead of "about".



  • Foodporn time!

    #Cinnamon Buns!

    #Cornbread



  • @Weng said:

    Fun fact: I once wrote software and did process engineering to make sure all the animals, quilts, cookie trays, etc. made it back to their owners at a similar fair

    And print the prize checks.

    I'm shocked that the Markham Fair uses software at all. But I guess something sends vendor list and entry tags to be printed on the DOT MATRIX PRINTERS!



  • @Gaska said:

    These two are the most stereotypical of stereotypes you can get.

    Then why ask if I was talking about them specifically? Or didn’t you get that my scrambling up the supposed reasons was meant as sarcasm?

    @Lorne_Kates said:

    The 160 year old fair is being run by people who were there for the first one. They haven't quite figured out Wordpress yet.

    Or maybe a lifetime’s avoidance of dishes made with flavoured oils, hummus and granola bars has given them the lifespan humans used to have before those exotic ingredients were introduced into their diets. Did you think Kenan and Jared and Enoch and them had any of that newfangled foreign chow?



  • @Gurth said:

    Then why ask if I was talking about them specifically?

    To continue the joke.



  • I'll see your Julia Child and raise you Fanny Cradock.
    Fanny Cradock makes Mincemeat out of an Omelette – 04:41
    — simonellson


    After watching this video, I still have no desire to add mincemeat to an omelette. Or drown one in icing sugar. Or both.



  • @Gribnit said:

    This portion was outside your sensitive fence, you insensitive clod.

    Not really, since I improperly closed my tag.


    Filed under: footnotes are a :barrier:...



  • #Moar food porn!

    Thursday night is a live cooking competition. Cook on stage; Under $20, under 20 minutes, using 3 food groups and 3 local ingredients.

    Markham Cheese Steaks: a fried cheese shell, stuffed with seasoned ground beef, sauteed peppers, and a melt mozzarella and brie cheese.


    Filed under: :cheese: + :cow2: + :fire: = :yum: :heart:


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    Fucking hell tell me how to get cheese shells to turn out like that.

    II have no idea what I'm going to do with that information because it's fundamentally incompatible with my diet but I need to know. Maybe I'll feed other people and live vicariously through their cheesegasms.

    (Diet started when I was watching the last Republican debate and got really drunk and vowed to, and I quote, "Never Ever Be Like Chris Fucking Christie ". The capital letters were audible. At which point I was informed I needed to reverse dietary course immediately)



  • @Weng said:

    Fucking hell tell me how to get cheese shells to turn out like that.

    Heat a non-stick skillet (or in my case, a non-stick panini press) to medium or medium high. You're looking for about 375-400. Enough to get the cheese oil frying.

    Shred about a cup of cheddar and a half cup of mozzarella, but don't mix them. High fat cheese is okay. Most of the grease is going to sweat out.

    Once the cooking surface is hot, spread the cheese out. The above picture was an 8" circle. It should be a thin layer. Don't worry about complete coverage, the melt will take care of that.

    First it will melt. It you poke at the sides, you'll get melted cheese on your spatula. It isn't ready yet.

    Then it will bubble. You'll get what looks like smoke. This is just the steam from the water in the cheese boiling away. If you poke at the sides, they'll clump a bit. You'll get melted cheese on your spatula that will harden. It isn't ready yet.

    Soon the whole thing will be bubbling with tiny bubble, and sitting in a pool of grease. The smell will start to noticably turn from melting cheese to frying cheese-- heavier, nuttier. Unmistakable. If you poke the sides, they'll hold their shape but still be plyable and liquid. It isn't ready yet

    Stare at this frying marvel and drool as your entire kitchen smells like fried cheese. Fucking amazing. In about 2 minutes, it'll be ready.

    Start to poke at the sides, and you'll be able to slide your spatula under a hardened shell. It will look brittle. It isn't. Work your way around and around until you can get the spatula all the way under and lift it whole.

    Flip it. AWAY FROM YOU. There is a puddle of 400 degree oil in the pan. Respect it.

    Let it fry for 10-20 more seconds, just to firm up the inside of the shell. Flip back over.

    Now work quickly, because it's going into "solid" mode. Spread the mozz cheese around the shell, leaving some space around the edges. Don't worry about letting it melt. It will. Add whatever fillings you want to the middle. If you imagine the shell divided into a tic-tac-toe board, you're aiming mostly for the centre square, and the centre-right square.

    Do a tri-fold. Fold the bottom edge up to the middle. Note, this doesn't mean fold it in half. Again, tic-tac-toe-- the bottom of the board should touch the middle of the middle square. Do the same with the top edge.

    Keep in mind that the shell is FUCKING HOT. Don't touch it. Use two spatulas. Lift with one, and press down along your fold-line with the other.

    Once the two sides are folded, take the third side (the left-most-side) and fold it into the middle. Then fold the whole thing from left to right again. Press down to seal the crease with melted cheese.

    Remove from heat, place on a paper towel to catch some of the excess grease. Wait about a minute for it to cool and the flavors to mix. Enjoy. Make more.

    Note: Given how much grease comes off the fried cheese (I worked on an open Panini press, on a slight tilt, so most of it rolled off), you can almost classify this as low fat. Almost.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @Lorne_Kates said:

    Note: Given how much grease comes off the fried cheese (I worked on an open Panini press, on a slight tilt, so most of it rolled off), you can almost classify this as low fat. Almost.

    Good call on the Panini press. I need to get one of those. I would like to nominate you for sainthood



  • @Lorne_Kates said:

    Foodporn time!

    ... And now it's lunch time. I'm not sure if that's a good combination or not. If I come back stuffed full of desserts I really didn't need, I'm blaming you.



  • @Lorne_Kates, can you do a Scotch Egg? I am a bit, uh<!-- backed up. Wait, no, -->, peckish.



  • @Lorne_Kates said:

    @Weng said:
    Fucking hell tell me how to get cheese shells to turn out like that.

    Shred about a cup of cheddar and a half cup of mozzarella, but don't mix them.....

    Once the cooking surface is hot, spread the _____ cheese out. ...

    Now work quickly, because it's going into "solid" mode. Spread the mozz cheese around the shell, leaving some space around the edges.

    Just checking... start off with just the cheddar? Right?

    Asking for a friend.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @ijij said:

    Just checking... start off with just the cheddar? Right?

    Assume that it is. Mozzarella isn't what your typical Canadian means by cheese



  • IME @Lorne_Kates isn't your typical Canadian, eh?

    @dkf said:

    :arrow_double_up:

    ...but then again. Neither are you.



  • @ijij said:

    Just checking... start off with just the cheddar? Right?

    Asking for a friend.

    Yes. Cheddar for the shell, mozz for the filling. Or any other softer-meltier cheese, like jack.



  • @Weng said:

    Good call on the Panini press. I need to get one of those. I would like to nominate you for sainthood

    :innocent:

    I got the Cuisinart Griddler Deluxe. Large enough for 6 hamburger patties, or 3 large sandwiches. Good swiveling / floating head. Sear option. Fairly light, so it folds up nicely for storage. Folds open to become a griddle. Detachable, dishwasher safe plates.

    There's also a smaller model for less $$$:

    Other pro to the smaller model, you can buy waffle plates for it:



  • @Gribnit said:

    @Lorne_Kates, can you do a Scotch Egg? I am a bit, uh<!-- backed up. Wait, no, -->, peckish.

    Step 1: Scotch
    Step 2: ... scotch
    sTep 3 scoot
    fep tour.... ummm... egg? {crack} oopsie outtaegg SCOGTH!


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