:baby_symbol: Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit


  • β™Ώ (Parody)

    0_1504981652652_01eabe45-d97d-492a-9d2b-40ad0527c4e7-image.png

    Ugh...ignore these people.



  • Yesterday, it was time to feed the snake. For a while, she would have nightmares about a white snake getting her. But we have matching stuffed snakes (hers pink, mine purple).

    We were going to try to keep her out of the room but she insisted on staying so we showed her the rat and explained how the snake was going to bite and it would be real fast.

    We asked her if she was going to be afraid while also saying it is ok if she is.

    Watched like a champ. We explain the snake is happy now because he probably was hungry.

    She comes back, says in the cutesy voice she uses when referring to her baby cousin. "The snake is so happy now!"

    It was all pretty adorable.



  • @karla Oh, I see that the first step of your plan has worked perfectly. Now she won't suspect a thing when you put her close to the big snake, and she won't scream and alert neighbours before she's eaten.

    What, that's not what you have in mind?


  • kills Dumbledore

    @boomzilla said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    0_1504981652652_01eabe45-d97d-492a-9d2b-40ad0527c4e7-image.png

    Ugh...ignore these people.

    My wife follows some facebook groups for "gentle parenting" that sometimes veer towards this sort of thing. People agonising over how to convince their kids not to touch a hot cooker without shouting, snatching them away or otherwise disrespecting them. Sometimes you just need to act as if you have 30 years' more experience than this person who literally can't control their bowels


  • kills Dumbledore

    Speaking of bowel control:

    We've decided to try reusable cloth nappies instead of disposables.

    They've come a long way since the small towels I was put in as a baby. We went to a cloth nappy library, where for a Β£20 deposit you get an 8 week loan of nearly Β£200 worth of terry cloths, prefold nappies, extra inserts, all in ones, waterproof nappies with pouches for the absorbent inserts etc. They're a lot larger than a disposable, due to washable materials not being as absorbent, but so far seem to be holding in the waste and not causing any rash or anything. First wash coming up soon, which will be the real test


  • Java Dev

    @jaloopa said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    My wife follows some facebook groups for "gentle parenting" that sometimes veer towards this sort of thing. People agonising over how to convince their kids not to touch a hot cooker without shouting, snatching them away or otherwise disrespecting them. Sometimes you just need to act as if you have 30 years' more experience than this person who literally can't control their bowels

    I am reminded of a Dutch proverb: A burnt hand is the best teacher.


  • BINNED

    @pleegwat said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    A burnt hand is the best teacher.

    But bad healing masters make stinking wounds


  • Java Dev

    @luhmann said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    @pleegwat said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    A burnt hand is the best teacher.

    But bad healing masters make stinking wounds

    I wouldn't translate that like that. The proverb is "Een zachte heelmeester maakt stinkende wonden". I'd translate "A mild healer makes stinking wounds".

    The mild (or kind) healing master wants to spare the patient the pain of cleaning the wounds thoroughly, but that causes stinking (infected) wounds.


  • BINNED

    @pleegwat said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    I wouldn't translate that like that.

    Me neither.

    .. wait ... uh, yeah whatever.


  • kills Dumbledore

    @pleegwat said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    The mild (or kind) healing master wants to spare the patient the pain of cleaning the wounds thoroughly, but that causes stinking (infected) wounds.

    That actually happened to me when I had a motorbike accident. They started cleaning the grit out of my hand, and that was possibly the worst pain I've ever experienced (much worse than the two broken elbows). I started feeling faint so they sat me down and put casts on, covering the still quite dirty hand.

    When I had the cast changed and saw the green, stinking wound, the technician had the gall to accuse me of not keeping it clean enough. How they thought I would have been able to wash and dry something covered by various layers of bandage and plaster



  • @jaloopa said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    That actually happened to me when I had a motorbike accident. They started cleaning the grit out of my hand, and that was possibly the worst pain I've ever experienced (much worse than the two broken elbows). I started feeling faint so they sat me down

    They didn't sit you down before starting to debride your wounds?!?!


  • Trolleybus Mechanic

    @jaloopa said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    People agonising over how to convince their kids not to touch a hot cooker without shouting, snatching them away or otherwise disrespecting them.

    Fuck that. Loud "NO" is explicitly reserved for just this shit.

    Tiny baby kids don't really understand the idea of "no", it's true. So don't waste "nos" on tiny things like "No, don't pick up that toy". No is explicitly reserved for "Short, sharp I need your fucking attention right now and you WILL be shocked and surprised by it". They will associate NO with "OMFG stop what I'm doing right now".


  • Impossible Mission - B

    @jaloopa said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    People agonising over how to convince their kids not to touch a hot cooker without shouting, snatching them away or otherwise disrespecting them.

    What I've always heard is that the best way to do it is to tell them not to, and then let them do it anyway. They'll learn quickly enough why you warned them, and never make that mistake again.



  • @masonwheeler
    Though obviously YMMV depending on the age of the little. Most littles in the nappy stage don't really do "cause" and "effect", AIUI.


  • Impossible Mission - B

    @izzion Sure, but they're also too small to reach the stovetop. :P


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @lorne-kates said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    @jaloopa said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    People agonising over how to convince their kids not to touch a hot cooker without shouting, snatching them away or otherwise disrespecting them.

    Fuck that. Loud "NO" is explicitly reserved for just this shit.

    Tiny baby kids don't really understand the idea of "no", it's true. So don't waste "nos" on tiny things like "No, don't pick up that toy". No is explicitly reserved for "Short, sharp I need your fucking attention right now and you WILL be shocked and surprised by it". They will associate NO with "OMFG stop what I'm doing right now".

    If you are properly parenting small kids they should start to think that their name is "No".


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @pleegwat said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    @luhmann said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    @pleegwat said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    A burnt hand is the best teacher.

    But bad healing masters make stinking wounds

    I wouldn't translate that like that. The proverb is "Een zachte heelmeester maakt stinkende wonden". I'd translate "A mild healer makes stinking wounds".

    The mild (or kind) healing master wants to spare the patient the pain of cleaning the wounds thoroughly, but that causes stinking (infected) wounds.

    :No_Half_Measures.mpeg:



  • @polygeekery said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    @lorne-kates said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    @jaloopa said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    People agonising over how to convince their kids not to touch a hot cooker without shouting, snatching them away or otherwise disrespecting them.

    Fuck that. Loud "NO" is explicitly reserved for just this shit.

    Tiny baby kids don't really understand the idea of "no", it's true. So don't waste "nos" on tiny things like "No, don't pick up that toy". No is explicitly reserved for "Short, sharp I need your fucking attention right now and you WILL be shocked and surprised by it". They will associate NO with "OMFG stop what I'm doing right now".

    If you are properly parenting small kids they should start to think that their name is "No".

    QFT

    My daughter's nickname plus the word no equals another actual word.

    Kassie + no = casino


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    I handed my two year old one of those yogurt drink thingies. 30 seconds later it had vanished. Like a fart in the wind.

    Either it will turn up or in a few days I can follow the trail of 🐜 to its location.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    Our oldest broke the big picture window in our living room. Fucking hell.



  • @polygeekery
    Hopefully your oldest is not significantly injured. Either now or after you give the richly earned whupping :trollface:


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @izzion this was the first time I legitimately had to walk away.

    He is fine. No injuries. Yet...



  • @polygeekery said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    Our oldest broke the big picture window in our living room. Fucking hell.

    Ah. He now gets to learn what "financial responsibility" means!

    @polygeekery said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    He is fine. No injuries. Yet...

    And consequences.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @dcon yes and yes. The wife is out of town to a conference. We spoke briefly and the preliminary plan is a chore chart with dollar values applied to chores and he will work it off.

    He has also had a really hard time listening since he started kindergarten so I am going to find an empty Rubbermaid tub in the basement and he is going to start losing things when he does not listen.

    His room will be bare walls and a bed within two weeks, or he will learn his lesson.



  • @polygeekery If you're taking things away with a time limit (e.g. "you can't have this for a week"), do try to remember to give the stuff back eventually. I've had a few cases where I look at something in our room or wherever and wonder what it's doing there, then realise it was something I confiscated off the kids months ago and forgot to return :)

    Our youngest tried the phone campaign for a while, but we fortunately had a fixed policy for that - we just said that the other two got their phones when they graduated from primary school and that was when she would get hers too. She eventually accepted that.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @scarlet_manuka we tend to do it more like "We are taking this away, here is why, and you have to earn it back". Good behavior and chores is necessary to get stuff back.



  • @polygeekery Fair enough. We generally use chores as a way for them to earn some pocket money - or repay any debt incurred by, for example, going over their data cap on their phone.



  • @polygeekery

    the big picture window

    You know, in my day, in the longbeforetime, we called those 'television sets'.

    Did he do it on purpose, or was he just playing too wildly and things happened? In both cases, didn't the broken window calm him down already?


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @mikael_svahnberg playing too wildly. I have told him a thousand times to not swing stuff around because...he will break the window. Tonight we had a little talk about the carrot and the stick and how I am now out of carrots. The stick will be losing toys and working off the cost of a new window.

    I joked to the wife about putting a shock collar on him. She did not laugh. She seemed ok with the idea. :)

    (No, we would never put a shock collar on our child.)

    (Probably not anyway...)



  • @polygeekery am I a bad person if I told you that I once threw a bucket of water on my kid to calm her down?

    I am lucky, however, my kids have never played so wildly that any windows were in danger.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @mikael_svahnberg said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    @polygeekery am I a bad person if I told you that I once threw a bucket of water on my kid to calm her down?

    No. It sounds like something I would do.

    A while back our oldest kept spraying his little brother with the water hose while they were playing on the water tables. This pissed Lil' Guy off to no end. I told him to stop, he didn't. I then told him that if he didn't stop I was going to hose him down. He did it again.

    So I made him hose himself down with the hose and told him not to stop until he was completely soaked. Then I made him do it some more. At first he refused to do it but I gave him the choice between him doing it himself or I would do it. He decided it was best to do it to himself.

    There was lots of crying, but he didn't do it again.





  • Our snake was stretch out in the tank rather than hiding in his rock which he does most of the time.

    karla to πŸ‘§πŸΌ Oh, what's the snake doing?
    πŸ‘§πŸΌ He's chillin'.

    karla and πŸ‘¨πŸΌ are like:

    http://www.kappit.com/img/pics/201408_2031_cbibe_sm.jpg


  • β™Ώ (Parody)

    Don't do this, either:

    https://youtu.be/eicurgykZtk

    Every five years, artist Ragnar Kjartansson asks his mother to spit on him for several minutes in front of a camera. The Icelandic mother and son here discuss the fascinating performance, which Kjartansson argues has become β€œlike a part of our family life.”



  • My mother in law came round for dinner last night. Her Dad and her dog passed away in the last couple of months so it's been a rough time. She was talking to my 4 year old about jigsaws...

    πŸ‘§ I like jigsaws Grandma, I'll do a jigsaw with you
    πŸ§“πŸ» Thank you, that would be nice
    πŸ‘§ It's nice to do things together
    πŸ§“πŸ» Yes, I suppose it is
    πŸ‘§ It's not nice to do things on your own
    πŸ§“πŸ» No, it isn't
    πŸ‘§ And everyone in your house is dead
    πŸ§“πŸ» ...
    boner 😱


  • Impossible Mission - B

    @mikael_svahnberg said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    @polygeekery am I a bad person if I told you that I once threw a bucket of water on my kid to calm her down?

    One of the family stories that goes around on my mom's side is about the time when my uncle, home from college on break, decided he was too cool to be one of grandma's kids anymore and he'd just do whatever he wanted. Well, one day he wanted to sleep in, even when his parents wanted him up and about and helping out.

    Unfortunately, he had a nice room with an exterior door that opened out onto the back yard. So grandma came in through that door carrying a garden hose, and proceeded to thoroughly soak him and his bed until he decided he was ready to get up!



  • So I came home from work yesterday:

    πŸ‘§πŸΌ Mommy, I want a hug.
    <--me going over to hug her ->
    πŸ‘§πŸΌ <- while hugging me -> Mommy, when I grow up, I want to be just like you!


  • kills Dumbledore

    My daughter has learned to undo the poppers on her sleep suit. I discovered this after bringing her downstairs this morning, making a cup of tea and turning round to see her almost naked, just trying to get her nappy off her foot



  • @boomzilla said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    0_1504981652652_01eabe45-d97d-492a-9d2b-40ad0527c4e7-image.png

    Ugh...ignore these people.

    This mother was a bad parent waaaay before this incident; she shouldn't have allowed her son to become such a brat in the first place.


  • β™Ώ (Parody)

    @djls45 said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    This mother was a bad parent waaaay before this incident; she shouldn't have allowed her son to become such a brat in the first place.

    Fuck off with that shit. Every kid's temperament is different and there's only so much reasoning and whatever you can do with small children.

    It's possible that you're correct, but it's not possible to tell from this anecdote, and just because you've been lucky enough that your kids don't do stuff like this doesn't mean that it all comes from the way parents raise the kids.



  • @polygeekery said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    I then told him that if he didn't stop I was going to hose him down.

    My dad claims to have never lost a water fight. He always finds a bigger source. So whenever any of my siblings or I would start to throw water (or worse, juice) on another sibling who didn't want it, he'd just tell us he'd scale it up on us, and if we weren't in a suicidal mood, we'd stop.



  • @boomzilla Respectfully, I'm going to disagree. The kid was able to ask why they were leaving and to be set down. That's old enough for him to learn to (mostly) control his own responses. The mom's grabbing him without (I assume) telling him to get ready to go didn't help at all, but the (apparent) fact that he immediately resorted to screaming indicates that she has not actually engaged in raising her child. She probably feeds and clothes and houses him, and she obviously enforces her will on him, as in this incident, but she hasn't actually taught him how he ought to behave or what are right responses.


  • β™Ώ (Parody)

    @djls45 Nope. 2 - 3 year old is old enough to cry "Why?" Also:

    @djls45 said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    that he immediately resorted to screaming indicates that she has not actually engaged in raising her child.

    NOPE NOPE NOPE

    Now I'm having a difficult time believing that you're from a large family and have kids of your own. None of them have ever been tired or hungry or sick or whatever? None of them have ever thrown tantrums?



  • @boomzilla said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    Now I'm having a difficult time believing that you're from a large family and have kids of your own. None of them have ever been tired or hungry or sick or whatever?

    Sure, and being tired or hungry are acceptable reasons to cry. That's a natural part of being an infant, and parents have to learn to respond quickly to take care of those issues before they reach the screaming stage, so it's much easier to wean them as the kids grow older. As babies grow into toddlers and older, they can learn to be more and more patient as they learn that Mom and Dad will get to them, even if they're busy at this exact moment.

    None of them have ever thrown tantrums?

    Sure. Tantrums are opportunities to teach young children that they can't always get their way. Giving in to a tantrum is the worst thing a parent can do in the rearing of that child, because it reinforces the child's feelings of entitlement. Weaning a child partly involves teaching them to not rely on the immediate care that infants naturally expect.



  • @djls45 said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    Sure. Tantrums are opportunities to teach young children that they can't always get their way. Giving in to a tantrum is the worst thing a parent can do in the rearing of that child, because it reinforces the child's feelings of entitlement. Weaning a child partly involves teaching them to not rely on the immediate care that infants naturally expect.

    I'm pretty sure that is not what @boomzilla was saying.

    Kids are going to get upset regardless if they understand and as do freaking adults.

    I empathize with my daughter at the same time I tell her what I want.

    When she is having a tantrum, all I do simply hold her until she settles down. In a library that would mean taking her out to not disturb others any more than necessary.

    Only after she is calm is there any chance to teach anything.



  • @karla said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    @djls45 said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    Sure. Tantrums are opportunities to teach young children that they can't always get their way. Giving in to a tantrum is the worst thing a parent can do in the rearing of that child, because it reinforces the child's feelings of entitlement. Weaning a child partly involves teaching them to not rely on the immediate care that infants naturally expect.

    I'm pretty sure that is not what @boomzilla was saying.

    Kids are going to get upset regardless if they understand and as do freaking adults.

    Even so, both kids and adults can still learn to act right even when they're upset. For example, I can't recall except maybe once or twice when any of my siblings or I actually threw a tantrum after about 12 or 18 months old. My two-year-old hasn't either, since about the time he started learning to talk. He's been obstinate and rebellious at times, but he hasn't simply turned to screaming, throwing himself on the floor, and falling limp.

    I empathize with my daughter at the same time I tell her what I want.

    Empathy is good, and helps the parent to keep perspective and to be friendly, but in the end, a parent is supposed to be primarily the child's authority, not their friend.

    When she is having a tantrum, all I do simply hold her until she settles down. In a library that would mean taking her out to not disturb others any more than necessary.

    I agree that sometimes that's all you as a parent can do.

    Only after she is calm is there any chance to teach anything.

    Perhaps in a verbal, sit-down-and-talk-about-it kind of lesson, but there are also other methods of training as well, including non-verbal and non-physical ones (at least directly, although physical methods can be effective tools, too).

    If you ever get the chance to watch a horse trainer "softly" break a foal to ride in a roundpen, I highly recommend it, especially if he talks about what the horse is thinking and how to tell when the horse is trying to taking the lead or is submitting to the trainer. Children act exactly the same way, with the added benefit that they can learn and understand human language.


  • kills Dumbledore

    @djls45 said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    Empathy is good, and helps the parent to keep perspective and to be friendly, but in the end, a parent is supposed to be primarily the child's authority, not their friend

    I disagree. A parent is supposed to give their children the tools to live a happy and productive life. Sometimes that will mean being an authority figure, sometimes it will mean empathising with them and sometimes it will be about laughing together at a silly joke.


  • β™Ώ (Parody)

    @djls45 said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    For example, I can't recall except maybe once or twice when any of my siblings or I actually threw a tantrum after about 12 or 18 months old.

    You are all freaks of nature, then. Do not project your weirdness on others.



  • @djls45 said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    Empathy is good, and helps the parent to keep perspective and to be friendly, but in the end, a parent is supposed to be primarily the child's authority, not their friend.

    Empathy is not about being her friend it is both to model and help her deal with her feelings. She can be mad but she still has to behave.

    Kids have to be taught empathy...they are little sociopaths until they learn it.


  • :belt_onion:

    @boomzilla said in 🚼 Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:

    You are all freaks of nature, then. Do not project your weirdness on others.

    This is the same guy who thinks if there's a father in the picture he should be the authority figure or something's wrong.

    In my mind, parenting advice shouldn't be prescriptive. Every family is different.


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