The sad state of Steam (not software bugs, for once)



  • Wow.

    Nothing in this game's description is true: http://store.steampowered.com/app/360590

    It's shockingly fradulent, even for ex-Early Access games.

    ◾A cartoon art style that really accentuates the eyes of that undead cannibal about to eat your brains

    By "cartoon art style", they mean "assets bought from the Unity Asset Store, then we scribbled a few pixels of blood on the Lego-man's faces".

    ◾Explore a beautiful and deadly open world complete with day and night cycles! (What goes bump in the night will probably gnaw your face off..)

    No day and night cycles; everything just covered in a blue haze all the time. (Reminiscent of the green smoke in Superman 64.)

    ◾Multiple zombie types to keep you on your toes, by trying to chew them off when you least expect it!

    I saw a zombie and a zombie that kind of hopped a bit, so I guess this is technically true.

    ◾15 unique characters to pick from, each with their own skill set and a serious distrust of anything that shuffles and/or eats human flesh

    There's only 2 characters. Since there are (apparently) no bullets in the game, after the first 2 zombies, both characters have identical skill sets. ("Carries a hammer.")

    ◾Use different weapons and protective devices to fight monsters of the deep, mysterious automatons, and other players in PvP.

    No devices, no automatons, no other players present.

    ◾Over 50 weapons and 100 craft-able items, to help you prepare for and combat the horde! (Or at least look cool for screenshots)

    In 20 minutes of playtime, I saw 3 weapons, zero ingredients for crafting.

    ◾Online and offline play modes for those players that demand modes

    I guess I can't argue with this one.

    ◾Play online with up to 100 other people simultaneously across multiple platforms – Nobody likes to do the zombie stomp alone.

    If you count Windows 7 and Windows 8 as two different platforms? Not that that matters, since nobody's playing this trash.

    ◾Infected Mode (Coming Soon) - Play the game as the zombie: Crawl, jump and swipe your way across the land, stopping players in their wake

    Should be needless-to-say that since the stuff they claim is in the game isn't, the stuff they claim isn't in the game also isn't.

    ◾Mod support! (Coming Soon) This game will feature full mod support, for those who like to get a little crazy!

    Ditto.

    ◾Custom skins (Coming Soon)

    Ditto.

    ◾Over 50 different zombie types: From Police, to Wartime Soldiers, Average Joes, Firemen, Company Men, Doctors, and much more! (some may offend!)

    I saw a bikini zombie? It was pretty sexy.

    ◾Constant updates and game add-ons to keep this game fresh! (and not rot away..)

    Lies; the game isn't even finished according to the developers own store page, and they took it out of Early Access and "released" it. This is what's known as "fraud", kids. (Also needless-to-say, Valve no longer gives a shit about trash like this on their store and haven't now for years.)

    ◾No subscriptions! Don’t let them win!

    Games you subscribe to, like H1Z1, actually have... you know... gameplay.

    ◾Sense of humor that revolves around zombies (and maybe fart jokes)

    Nothing about this game is humorous.

    ◾FREE Frequent DLC!

    Hahahahahahahahahaha.


    Remember when Steam kicked Paranautical Activity off their store because the creator had a hissy-fit and said he wanted to kill Gabe Newell? Yeah. Paranautical Activity was actually a game at least. This is trash. Utterly trash.

    At least Steam's review system is working:

    I got this for FREE and I feel I got ripped off.

    The uninstall feature works well 10/10


  • BINNED

    Free game about zombies, what do you expect.
    But agreed, it should be hidden behind a too-crappy filter by default.



  • Check that store page again, buddy. $5.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @blakeyrat said:

    I put enough effort into it I made it into a new topic instead of a Status post.

    And you did not disappoint. I almost want to try it out just to see what a steaming pile of shit it is.


  • BINNED

    yes, undefined
    I think Buy Once Bitten, Twice Dead! should be Buy Once, Bitten Twice, Dead!



  • If you buy it, buy it here to minimize the amount of money the developers get:

    https://www.indiegala.com/aussie

    EDIT: Blade Kitten's probably worth $3 on its own, it's pretty fun.


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @Polygeekery said:

    I almost want to try it out just to see what a steaming pile of shit it is.

    "It was at this moment that blakeyrat realized he made a grave mistake. Posting a utterly trashing review of this game on TDWTF would not stop the league of nerds... it would encourage them to help the creators get all the money for their game and even play the abomination!
    Blakeyrat had no choice. He formed a bold plan: He would make more of these hillarious reviews to make everybody run out of money and then nobody could pay for Discourse anymore.
    It was a perfect loophole free plan. Would it work though? Tune in next time to find out"

    What I mean to say with this paragraph is: @blakeyrat 10/10 review would read again in future don't stop, don't ever stop posting these. Thank you!

    Filed Under:I said it!



  • Tell ya what, since I love you guys, I'll go ahead and fuck up my queue and post it early (whenever YouTube gets around to processing it):

    Once Bitten, Twice Dead! – 20:06
    — blakeyrat

    Note I hadn't read the store page before recording that, but after this I'm considering making that standard practice.



  • Ah, so then... artwork, content, detail, and gameplay that would have been embarrassing if it were competing against Castle Wolfenstein 3D circa 1992, then?

    I take that back. It wouldn't have completed against the original Apple ][ Castle Wolfenstein from 1981. Wonderful.

    I mean I know it's a voxel-icious and LEGO-esque game by design, but seriously, I threw together a better game in a game design class using Torque in about five hours of total work. C'mon, folks, can't you at least try to make it look like you're putting effort into this?

    Filed under: Admittedly, for the time, the original CW rocked like a house on fire... unlike this


  • area_pol

    Such games are made by buying [this][1] in Unity shop and reselling it on Steam.
    It seems there is no need to edit the template before releasing.

    Surely some terrible games are sold on Steam, however it is nice to have a rather free market.
    [1]: https://www.assetstore.unity3d.com/en/#!/content/26912



  • @Adynathos said:

    Such games are made by buying this in Unity shop

    Even as a template, I am not filled with confidence by that. If it's as filled with errors as the project's Unity shop page, it's probably not a good use of $50.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @Adynathos said:

    free market

    If you're going to have a free market, you're going to have asshole freeloading bottom-feeders scraping the barrel in there. Doesn't mean anyone needs to give them any money.

    At the other end, you've got Blizzard, who seem to be the Apple of video games with their pricing policies.



  • ORMFG!!! THAT'S YOUR VOICE!?!?!?!!?!

    shut up, dicsores, this is as descriptive as i get!



  • @Bort said:

    ORMFG!!! THAT'S YOUR VOICE!?!?!?!!?!

    shut up, dicsores, this is as descriptive as i get!

    YOU CAN USE HTML TO MAKE ALL CAPS POSTS



  • @Bort said:

    ORMFG!!! THAT'S YOUR VOICE!?!?!?!!?!

    You haven't watched any of the videos in Blakeyrat's Videos Thread (Robots in the News et al.)???



  • @ScholRLEA said:

    voxel-icious

    The hell is up with that lately? Yes, Minecraft could pull that off, because for Minecraft proper graphics would probably be somewhat confusing, and it has that whole "a shitload of open space" thing going for it.

    In pretty much every single other game, it just means "we're lazy and don't give a shit about graphics, so we'll do our textures in Paint on 800% zoom, slap them on half-a-polygon models and call it "indie retro style"".



  • Minecraft also made a kabillion dollars, so people naturally want something perceived as low-effort and high-reward.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @hungrier said:

    perceived as low-effort

    Anyone who thinks Minecraft was low-effort is ignorant at best. Here it is, what, 6 years after it became publicly available an they are still issuing regular updates with new functionality.



  • That stuff all comes later, or in the case of crappy knockoff games, never. But making a Minecraft-looking game with cubes, pre-made assets and 16x16 pixel textures is easier than making a knockoff of GTA V.



  • You forgot to mention: "Processor: Duel Core 2.1ghz or Higher". I guess "Duel core" is a good idea it you do a lot of gaming.


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