The latest form of digital panhandling


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    www.crowdcube.com

    Like Kickstarter and IndiGogo, except you get equity!!

    So, now all of your average assholes can "invest" their money in to extremely fucking risky investments. It is no secret that I think that crowdfunding is fucking retarded, but in that case at least people realize they are only unlikely to get some schwag or some stupid cat ear headphones. In this case, you are "investing" in some stupid idea.

    And how much equity do you get?

    In this case they are panhandling for asking for $128K (converted from those silly British units) for 8.48% equity for a fancy keychain. They value their company at ~$1.5M. Rubbish. Their fucking website is down right now. And, I know they were trying to target the Apple fanboys by naming it to sound like an Apple product named iKey...but they inadvertently named their fucking company after the first worm to target iOS.


  • sockdevs

    :facepalm:

    no, too small

    <img src="https://what.thedailywtf.com/uploads/default/_emoji/facepalm.png" width="500" height="500"



  • You need height and width for your image tag. Also close your fucking tags.


  • sockdevs

    @locallunatic said:

    Also close your fucking tags.

    no! you can't make me!



  • @Polygeekery said:

    Like Kickstarter and IndiGogo, except you get equity!!

    Seeing how many people use things like kickstarter to try and start a company rather than just making a thingy I could see this as something to look at doing. I think it's a bad idea if you think of this as a way to invest, but running a site that helps people make poor decisions sounds like a winner to me.



  • Gah! That is ugly when enlarged that much.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @locallunatic said:

    running a site that helps people make poor decisions sounds like a winner to me.

    You're not wrong.


  • sockdevs

    Wouldn't this have been more apropos? :stuck_out_tongue:



  • @locallunatic said:

    running a site that helps people make poor decisions sounds like a winner to me.

    :laughing:



  • Oh, I guess that makes sense. Was confused by the image being fixed but the raw showing the same as it had been, raw button doesn't refresh if someone does an edit after it shows up.


  • sockdevs

    @RaceProUK said:

    Wouldn't this have been more apropos?

    maybe, but that's not the effect i wanted. :-P



  • @locallunatic said:

    You need height and width for your image tag. Also close your fucking tags.

    Closing tags is for weenies.

    </fuck>

  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @locallunatic said:

    running a site that helps people make poor decisions sounds like a winner to me.

    See also:

    • Chatroulette.com
    • AshleyMadison.com
    • Omegle.com
    • Stickam.com
    • Grindr
    • Tindr
    • etc.


  • I don't think the idea is bad, but it will depend on those valuations. Also, crowdsourcing isn't a bad idea either, at least for the receiver. It's also a great way to leverage interest in a product without doing any investment.

    Anyway, TRWTF is that valuation. About the product itself... Men!



  • But this one is financial poor decisions and (I'm assuming they run like others) gets a direct cut of said payment. Those have to make money off of ads or whatever don't they?


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @Polygeekery said:

    I know they were trying to target the Apple fanboys by naming it to sound like an Apple product named iKey...but they inadvertently named their fucking company after the first worm to target iOS.

    I wasn't the first to make this connection:

    The name has some serious googleability issues (Google thinks I meant Ikea, and when I insist I meant Ikee, it shows me pages of details about an iphone virus named Ikee). Also, an intuitive pronunciation of the name would be "icky" (it was what popped into my head when I first saw the pitch).

    I suppose there are company names that have probably overcome bigger hurdles, but have you considered picking a name with fewer handicaps?

    And then the CEO's reply:

    Thanks for the question. There is no issue with the name, the name 'Ikee' has no significance on google at present so it will give you alternatives and a lot of other random content as there isn't enough to generate content on the name. This is a 'kee' reason for the name, short and simple,. Brands with 5 characters or less are proven to gain more traction. When Ikee goes into the public domain it will dominate the Google pages and google will then stop asking did you mean something else like 'ikea'. We have developed many brands similar and this is proven with with similar results. Also the double 'ee' creates the 'eeee' sound not 'icky'. We also have the image and word marks filed, so we don't foresee any issues. Thanks


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @Eldelshell said:

    I don't think the idea is bad

    There is a very good reason that you are required to be a "Sophisticated Investor" in order to publicly invest in pre-IPO start-ups. You have a 99% chance of losing your money. I am usually for lowering the barrier to entry, but on absolute gambles like this...I tend to agree with the SEC.

    I realize that this company is British, and the investments are in British companies, and I have no fucking idea how their laws work in regards to this. But this is just asking for a hell of a lot of people to be separated from their retirement funds.



  • @Polygeekery said:

    @CEO said:
    Also the double 'ee' creates the 'eeee' sound not 'icky'.

    Misses the 'ick' part coming from the letters 'ik'. Also ignores the virii, but I didn't look at what his pitch actually is so don't know how big an issue that is.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @locallunatic said:

    (I'm assuming they run like others) gets a direct cut of said payment.

    Yep. I would assume so also. I am not entirely for certain though, but that is the only way I see that they could keep their lights on.

    And if so, the pre-IPO companies are just further diluting their shares. Less money for the same number of shares.



  • @Polygeekery said:

    I realize that this company is British, and the investments are in British companies, and I have no fucking idea how their laws work in regards to this. But this is just asking for a hell of a lot of people to be separated from their retirement funds.

    I was actually looking at their FAQ about what happens on funding and it looks like the funding place has some things in place.

    @the site faq said:

    Once a pitch has closed to further investment the company in question will then begin the completions process. During this time the pitch page will be hidden from the main Crowdcube website whilst all necessary anti-money laundering checks are completed and legal documents prepared. During this time Crowdcube will also familiarise the entrepreneur with our standard Crowdcube Articles of Association and make any amendments necessary before they fully adopt them.

    Once this stage of the process has been completed investors will then be emailed a copy of the adopted Articles of Association and given seven working days to review them. During this period an investor can ask any questions that they may have and edit or withdraw their investment if they wish.

    Finally, once these seven working days have elapsed, Crowdcube will then capture payments from all investors and transfer funds to the entrepreneur. Following a short period to complete the final legal documentation an email will then be sent out to all investors to confirm that their share certificates have been issued and are available to download via their Crowdcube portfolios.

    and they seem to have more warnings on about investing (as it is different then fund for a thingy). What is kinda interesting is they have something for "you raised all you were asking for, done?"

    When a company has raised 100% of its funding target entrepreneurs have the option ‘overfund’. This is where entrepreneurs can raise more money for their business in exchange for releasing more equity.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @locallunatic said:

    Misses the 'ick' part coming from the letters 'ik'. Also ignores the virii, but I didn't look at what his pitch actually is so don't know how big an issue that is.

    The best part for me was:

    Brands with 5 characters or less are proven to gain more traction.

    Proven by what? I can't even think of a brand that has gained traction with 5 or less characters.

    Google - 6
    Twitter - 7
    Facebook - 8
    Amazon - 6
    YouTube - 7
    LinkedIn - 8

    Apple has 5, but they "gained their traction" a long time ago. Tindr is the only other one to come to mind, and that is a cheat as the correct spelling is 6 letters.



  • @Polygeekery said:

    And if so, the pre-IPO companies are just further diluting their shares.

    If you use the amount raised vs. equity given away for valuation I guess so, but really you should be looking at company got vs. equity given. Does make it easier to pull a smoke and mirrors thingy for later rounds though.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @locallunatic said:

    and they seem to have more warnings on about investing (as it is different then fund for a thingy)

    I noticed that, and it is appreciated. It is also likely required by law. I still don't know if it is firm enough to be moral. In reality is should have a big flashing box that says, "YOU ARE 99% LIKELY TO NEVER SEE THIS MONEY AGAIN. ARE YOU SURE? PLEASE VERIFY THAT THIS IS NOT YOUR CHILDREN'S COLLEGE FUND, YOUR RETIREMENT FUND OR YOUR RENT MONEY."



  • IBM
    Chevy
    MSN
    CNN
    Honda
    Dell
    bit.ly
    Nokia

    :trolleybus:



  • Good point, I can only think of: Pepsi, Volvo, Honda.


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    Ikea, anyone?



  • Oh, Nokia!


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    IBM - Initialism for International Business Machines
    Chevy - Is actually Chevrolet
    MSN - Also an initialism
    CNN - Initialism
    Honda - Fair enough, but that is an old brand
    Dell - Same
    bit.ly - You have a winner here
    Nokia - Old ass brand



  • I didn't think you were going to bite after you "liked" my post.



  • @Polygeekery said:

    PLEASE VERIFY THAT THIS IS NOT YOUR CHILDREN'S COLLEGE FUND, YOUR RETIREMENT FUND OR YOUR RENT MONEY

    Dunno about their site as it is billed as investments, but normal crowd funding things generally don't have tiers in those amounts. Also have tiers of what to expect, vs. percentage of raised == percentage of equity you get. So normal ones don't need to worry so much there.



  • Nike, Puma, Guess, Levi, HBO, XBox, LG, Sony.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @mott555 said:

    I didn't think you were going to bite after you "liked" my post.

    Unlike other people, I can like something that also proves me wrong.

    Although, to be fair to my statement, it was that I could not immediately think of any. It was not that they did not exist.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    You have to get to #12 on list of largest companies before you see your first <=5 letters business name (Apple), and #35 before the next one.



  • Largest by market, assets, employees or campus?


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    You have to get to #31 on the list of fastest growing companies before you hit 5 letters or less also.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    @Eldelshell said:

    Largest by market, assets, employees or business city?

    I would have to go back to it to be certain, but I believe it was by market capitalization.



  • @Polygeekery said:

    I would have to go back to it to be certain, but I believe it was by market capitalization.

    It pretty godsdamn rare for those kinds of lists to be by something else.


  • Grade A Premium Asshole

    Which is why I hazarded a guess. ;)



  • @locallunatic said:

    It pretty godsdamn rare for those kinds of lists to be by something else.

    If you know market capitalization you probably also know stuff like revenue or income. Revenue is a common ordering for lists of companies.



  • @boomzilla said:

    Revenue is a common ordering for lists of companies.

    It would make sense to be, but personally I only very rarely see something other than market cap. Is there a place you find that style ordering regularly, interested in expanding things I look at for that stuff?



  • You mean like really obscure stuff like the Fortune Lists (500, 100, etc.)?

    Companies are ranked by total revenues for their respective fiscal years.



  • Hrrm didn't realize that is how fortune's were done, guess should add them back to "things to check" (normally use things with bunch of qualifiers when I'm looking for those kinds of lists).



  • Revenue to me is a lot more interesting and useful than market cap.



  • Well yeah of course it is, just that the cut up lists I tend to use don't look at it.



  • I apparently can't read, nevermind.



  • Founder: Brian Elgey

    "Serial Entrepreneur"

    Hmmm... someone who has started several companies. I do not interpret that in a good way.



  • It makes complete sense that if I give money to a project because I want to see it succeed, I get something proportional in return if it succeeds. That's why I don't get kickstarter, where the rewards are limited to N backers and are often symbolic. If you're making stuff, I want at least one of that stuff.

    Of course most "startups" are going to be shit, but so are most kickstarters.



  • @anonymous234 said:

    That's why I don't get kickstarter, where the rewards are limited to N backers and are often symbolic. If you're making stuff, I want at least one of that stuff.

    What kinds of projects have you been looking at? Limits for signed/sketched in books are pretty common, but that is due to actually getting things.



  • I always assumed one reason for limits was to encourage people to sponsor the higher level stuff.



  • Coke, Pepsi.


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