Internet memes that make me slightly more angry than usual!



  • "Oh man this McDonalds food is like 8 years old and it still looks brand-new, it's not decaying at all, isn't that gross!?"

    No you fucking idiot. All it means is McDonalds is concerned about food poisoning, so they always cook their meat long enough to kill off any bacteria in it. It's like putting a stick of beef jerky on the shelf and commenting about how long it lasts without spoiling-- of course it does! That's the fucking point! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK WE AS A SPECIES COOK FOOD IN THE FIRST PLACE!

    You know what WOULD be gross? If it decayed in less than a few months, because that would mean it was full of nasty germs and could make you sick if you ate it.

    No links, because you see this shit EVERYWHERE about three times a week.



  • "X is so big it can be seen from space!"

    Without qualifying that you mean "with the naked eye", this particular meme is the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard. You can see almost ANYTHING from space. THAT IS WHY WE PUT SPY SATELLITES THERE, YOU DUMB FUCKS! In fact, I've noticed sites that pull this bullshit "seen from space" thing frequently also have stories on how good the resolution of spy satellite photos are.

    (Although that brings up another point: the bullshit about a spy satellite that can tell if a penny on the ground is heads or tails, or read the digits on a license plate? You can disprove that using LAWS OF PHYSICS. A satellite with that resolution would require a lens so large it could easily been seen from the ground at all hours. NOT A VERY EFFECTIVE SATELLITE THEN IS IT? If there were any satellites with better than a half-meter-or-so resolution, we'd already know about them. Not to mention the difficulties of launching a lens that large...)


  • area_deu

    @blakeyrat said:

    If there were any satellites with better than a half-meter-or-so resolution, we'd already know about them. Not to mention the difficulties of launching a lens that large...

    Even Hubble can't, apparently:


  • SockDev

    @blakeyrat said:

    the bullshit about a spy satellite that can tell if a penny on the ground is heads or tails, or read the digits on a license plate?

    why use a spy satellite that costs tens of millions of dollars when you can use disposable agents to put cameras on terrestrial objects to capture those images? that's gotta be at least a hundred times cheaper. even cheaper if you don't have to pay out death settlements when you dispose of your disposable agents.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    they always cook their meat long enough to kill off any bacteria in it

    Because after cooking, food doesn't get into contact with any substance that can contain bacteries... Like air, for example...

    @blakeyrat said:

    It's like putting a stick of beef jerky on the shelf and commenting about how long it lasts without spoiling-- of course it does!

    Because jerky gets separated from fat, salted and dried heavily. McD food is (supposed to be) raw meat that was cooked for 40 seconds just before you get to eat it. That's the difference.

    @blakeyrat said:

    You know what WOULD be gross? If it decayed in less than a few months, because that would mean it was full of nasty germs and could make you sick if you ate it.

    Because everyone knows that bacteria don't reproduce and after months there's just as much of them as there was at the beginning.

    @blakeyrat said:

    Without qualifying that you mean "with the naked eye", this particular meme is the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard.

    Flagged for pendantry.



  • @Gaska said:

    Because jerky gets separated from fat, salted and dried heavily. McD food is (supposed to be) raw meat that was cooked for 40 seconds just before you get to eat it. That's the difference.

    You do realize the cooking time has no bearing on how cooked the meat ends up, right? You need to know both the time and the temperature to make that meaningful.

    In any case, the point is: no it's not scary that the food stays preserved a long time. Anybody who thinks so is a fucking idiot.

    @Gaska said:

    Flagged for pendantry.

    "Pendantry?"

    Not sure I've ever been accused of that before.

    Assuming you meant "pedantry", because you're the fucking moron who also said earlier that nobody ever has clicked an ad accidentally-- it's not. There's no reason a naive user would assume "with the naked eye" in that circumstance without it being spelled-out.

    Which brings up YET ANOTHER annoyance: that the Great Wall of China can be seen from space by the naked eye. It can't. Not because it's too small, it's too thin. You need a telescope of some sort.


  • kills Dumbledore



  • @blakeyrat said:

    You do realize the cooking time has no bearing on how cooked the meat ends up, right? You need to know both the time and the temperature to make that meaningful.

    But you just said time isn... Ah, forget it. Anyway, it's about 40 seconds at about 180°C. And if you say anything about me using Celsius "instead of" Fahrenheit scale, you're an American dickhead with waist measured in miles, not centimeters. Anyway, the point is, it's nothing compared to the drying jerky goes through.

    @blakeyrat said:

    Assuming you meant "pedantry", because you're the fucking moron

    Gaska 1, Blakey 0. While I fail at word ordering sometimes, my spelling is always perfect unless I don't want it to.

    @blakeyrat said:

    There's no reason a naive user would assume "with the naked eye" in that circumstance without it being spelled-out.

    You're not the only kind of naive user on the planet.

    @blakeyrat said:

    Which brings up YET ANOTHER annoyance: that the Great Wall of China can be seen from space by the naked eye. It can't. Not because it's too small, it's too thin. You need a telescope of some sort.

    That's not as much meme as false folk knowledge.

    @Jaloopa said:

    Probably what keeps a burger from decomposing too

    Considering how they look like before and after cooking, they're either half-meat-half-water or half-meat-half-sunflower-oil. Seems like it's the latter.



  • @Gaska said:

    they're either half-meat-half-water or half-meat-half-sunflower-oil.

    They have meat in them? I find this somewhat difficult to believe.



  • @HardwareGeek said:

    They have meat in them? I find this somewhat difficult to believe.

    If by meat you mean bunch of proteins, then yes. They probably don't correspond to any composition of proteins that can be found in nature, though.


  • kills Dumbledore

    Yeah, because creating something with the taste and texture of meat artificially must be cheaper than slaughtering a cow, right?



  • @Jaloopa said:

    taste and texture of meat

    Um, we were talking about McD. Taste and texture need not apply.


  • kills Dumbledore

    Paging @boomzilla, McDonalds war II


  • area_deu

    [Obligatory Anarchy Burger Here]



  • @Jaloopa said:

    Yeah, because creating something with the taste and texture of meat artificially must be cheaper than slaughtering a cow, right?

    I'm not saying it doesn't come from cow. I'm saying it's so heavily processed that it wouldn't make much difference if they were made of crude oil. It would be more expensive, and more risky for health, but end user wouldn't spot the difference.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    You can disprove that using LAWS OF PHYSICS. A satellite with that resolution would require a lens so large it could easily been seen from the ground at all hours. NOT A VERY EFFECTIVE SATELLITE THEN IS IT?

    I used to work in the GIS industry, and what most outsiders don't know is that the majority of imagery on Google Earth et al is taken from low-altitude airplane, not satellite. Only the topmost few zoom levels are by satellite, precisely because the cameras aren't good enough to see the level of detail required for precision mapping purposes.

    We had coworkers who would follow the flight dates and set things out in their front lawn to see if they could find them online, but sometimes it takes years for the new photography to show up on public map sites.



  • @mott555 said:

    I used to work in the GIS industry, and what most outsiders don't know is that the majority of imagery on Google Earth et al is taken from low-altitude airplane, not satellite. Only the topmost few zoom levels are by satellite, precisely because the cameras aren't good enough to see the level of detail required for precision mapping purposes.

    Does google have their own planes they use for this? Curious....



  • Not that I know of, but my perspective is from the local/county level because local governments were our main customers. They contracted out pilots to take photography, and usually the pilot would also sell to Google/Bing when possible. Most counties would usually fly every few years, some of the larger ones every year or two. They actually used it for property appraisals because there are a lot of properties that assessors are afraid to visit for various reasons meth labs.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    I've never really looked into the math to see if it would work at the relatively short ranges of spy satellites, but a constellation of telescopes pointed at the same spot makes a much larger effective lens size than a single lens as a function of how spread out the individual components are.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    less than a few months

    Come on, it's meat. I'm sure the McDonalds thing is panic for the sake of panic, but I don't think you can get meat to not decompose over months without heavy treatment.

    Now, whether or not that treatment is actually harmful, that's a whole different matter. I'm leaning towards "people are afraid of anything that's not 'natural' even though if they avoided anything 'unnatural' they'd be dead by their 20s".


    Want a bad meme? Here's a bad meme - "reading makes you a better, more intelligent person". Without any consideration as to what you're reading. Be it Dostoyevski or Twilight, having a book in hand automatically raises your intelligence over those unwashed masses who don't read.


  • I survived the hour long Uno hand

    @Gaska said:

    McD food is (supposed to be) raw meat that was cooked for 40 seconds just before you get to eat it.

    And if you make a patty as thin as theirs out of 100% beef, cook it for 40 seconds, and leave it on the counter for months, it loses all moisture before it grows mold, just like McDonalds' do. Jaloopa already linked to that exact experiment.



  • @Yamikuronue said:

    And if you make a patty as thin as theirs out of 100% beef

    Uncooked it's about as thick as a male finger. That's the thing.



  • Is blakeyrat seriously trying to justify eating cardboard?



  • I like eating cardboard beef. Although I prefer Burger King.


  • I survived the hour long Uno hand

    A little research revealed that regular McDonald's patties are 10 to a pound, or 1.6 ounces. Quarter Pounders, unremarkably, weigh a quarter pound. I weighed out my beef formed them into thin patties slightly wider than the cooked patties I had (to account for shrinkage), seasoned them with salt and pepper, and fried them in a skillet with a little bit of oil.

    From the setup to that experiment



  • @blakeyrat said:

    There's no reason a naive user would assume "with the naked eye" in that circumstance without it being spelled-out.

    I guess I'm not naive. That's always been my assumption when someone says that. It doesn't make much sense, otherwise.



  • @HardwareGeek said:

    Um, we were talking about McD. Taste and texture need not apply.

    Food hipsters everywhere. Meh.



  • @Gaska said:

    I'm not saying it doesn't come from cow. I'm saying it's so heavily processed that it wouldn't make much difference if they were made of crude oil.

    If that's true where you are, your McDs are very different from the ones near me.


  • kills Dumbledore

    @Maciejasjmj said:

    Here's a bad meme - "reading makes you a better, more intelligent person". Without any consideration as to what you're reading. Be it Dostoyevski or Twilight, having a book in hand automatically raises your intelligence over those unwashed masses who don't read.

    I spend all day reading TDWTF. It probably doesn't make me any better at my job



  • @Yamikuronue said:

    A little research revealed that regular McDonald's patties are 10 to a pound, or 1.6 ounces. Quarter Pounders, unremarkably, weigh a quarter pound. I weighed out my beef formed them into thin patties slightly wider than the cooked patties I had (to account for shrinkage), seasoned them with salt and pepper, and fried them in a skillet with a little bit of oil.

    Note 1: he weighed them after cooking.
    Note 2: McD burgers are fried without any additional fat besides the one contained in the raw meat itself.

    @boomzilla said:

    If that's true where you are, your McDs are very different from the ones near me.

    I like to overexaggerate.



  • @Gaska said:

    I like to overexaggerate.

    Does that mean, "lie" in your squiggly letter language?


  • kills Dumbledore

    @Gaska said:

    Note 2: McD burgers are fried without any additional fat besides the one contained in the raw meat itself

    All meat has some fat in it. I doubt the mince they use for these burgers is particularly lean. That means a good quality non stick surface will cook them fine with no extra fat.

    More importantly, WTF is your point by now? What does the amount of extra fat have to do with anything?


  • I survived the hour long Uno hand

    Obviously using a little oil in your skillet turns beef into non-beef, invalidating the experiment results :rolleyes:



  • @blakeyrat said:

    it's not decaying at all, isn't that gross

    Fire needs three things.

    It's like complaining that your food isn't cooking when you try to light a fire in a vacuum.... "but there's fuel in there".

    Same thing. "Fuel" isn't the only component needed to facilitate decomposition. Otherwise, refrigeration and freezing things would be a waste of energy.



  • Go squiggle yourself, it doesn't. @Gaska is just your average Polish tinfoil wielder.



  • @Jaloopa said:

    All meat has some fat in it. I doubt the mince they use for these burgers is particularly lean. That means a good quality non stick surface will cook them fine with no extra fat.

    Bro do you even cook? No natural meat will cook perfectly with only self-contained fat in such a short period of time if no additional fat was artificially injected in it. Also, McD meat gets on the plate straight from the freezer.

    @Jaloopa said:

    More importantly, WTF is your point by now?

    Actually, I don't know. Honestly. I've lost track of the discussion and now just throw random (although true) shit around.

    @Yamikuronue said:

    Obviously using a little oil in your frozen meat turns beef into non-beef, which has nothing to do with the experiment results

    FTFY

    Even though it might rot at the same rate, McD burger is still far from Mom&Pops burger.


  • I survived the hour long Uno hand

    Lol okay then. :rolleyes:



  • @boomzilla said:

    Food hipsters everywhere.

    Actually, I'm just playing this for laughs. I don't really dislike McD. They're not my favorite fast-food burger, but they're the ones I buy most often; they're relatively inexpensive, and they happen to be generally the most conveniently located for me. I'd go to BK (cheaper and better), but they're really scarce around here.



  • @Gaska said:

    (although true)

    Citation needed.



  • I don't touch McDonald's unless I want only ice cream.

    BK is the lowest I'll stoop for fast food. If I'm having trouble pooping, a BK burger is the easiest cure.


  • kills Dumbledore

    @Gaska said:

    now just throw random (although true) shit around.



  • Looks like Polish league.



  • @hungrier said:

    Citation needed.

    #DEFINE random TRUE
    

    Filed Under: Lame joke attempt



  • @hungrier said:

    Citation needed.

    Which part do you want? I know you don't want citation for anything, you just wanted to make fun of me.



  • No. Too masculine.



  • @Maciejasjmj said:

    Here's a bad meme - "reading makes you a better, more intelligent person"

    No, no, that's about right.
    You underestimate the effect the starting position has on the end result.

    It's generally shown that intelligent people underestimate their intelligence, whereas stupid people overestimate.



  • @Jaloopa said:

    Is one of those guys Blakey?

    Filed under: Moving the goalposts



  • @blakeyrat said:

    No. Too masculine.

    Come to Kraków for the next Wisła vs Cracovia match and see for yourself. Just don't forget your machete.



  • @HardwareGeek said:

    I'd go to BK (cheaper and better), but they're really scarce around here.

    Same here, sadly. Other than that, I've tried Five Guys back in London - the burger itself was tasty, but they just dumped it together with fries into a paper bag and mangled everything in the process.

    That, and a line rivaling the Apple stores.

    @Gaska said:

    Come to Kraków for the next Wisła vs Cracovia match and see for yourself. Just don't forget your machete.

    You do realize what the machetes are supposed to compensate for, right?



  • @Maciejasjmj said:

    Same here, sadly.

    Scarce? Yes. Cheaper? Quite the opposite.

    @Maciejasjmj said:

    You do realize what the machetes are supposed to compensate for, right?

    Yep, the thing you lost to the other guy's machete.


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