Java fails sexily



  • Java demanded to be updated on my gaming PC yesterday. I don't think it went as planned.

    Also, not bothering to clean these screen caps up or resize them:

    Followed by:

    Followed by a "you have successfully updated Java" screen.

    Also, have this random screen cap fail that I found while taking the above:



  • Hmm, no Ask toolbar, no viruses swimming around desktop, haven't sold soul to Oracle by clicking the wrong checkbox. You got off light.





  • Here's how to fix it:

    1. Google "jdk"
    2. First result
    3. Click on "JRE"
    4. accept license agreement, Windows x64
    5. Enjoy the lack of ASK! TOOLBAR


  • Here's an even better idea: never install Java ever.

    Even at gunpoint.

    It's better to be bleeding from the lungs than having Java on your computer. MUCH better.



    1. Play your modded Minecraft



  • No video game is worth that.

    I bow before your ability to type a six followed by a period without Markdown or whatever completely destroying the intent of your post. I can only assume you accomplished this via. voodoo ceremony?


  • area_deu

    7. Programming in JVM languages


  • area_deu

    You should change the title to "Java fails" if you really hate it that much.



  • If you inspect element on my post, you will see that it is superior.



  • Oh yeah how would I breathe without Scala.

    @aliceif said:

    You should change the title to "Java fails" if you really hate it that much.

    I can't anymore. But someone else did apparently. So... thanks whoever.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    So... thanks whoever.

    yw



  • @riking said:

    If you inspect element on my post, you will see that it is superior.

    Hey you're in the Atwood Junior Science Squad, right? Why don't you just fucking fix the bug so you don't have to type HTML? Just a thought.




  • SockDev

    That doesn't mean the spec is inherently right...



  • Serious question: is there any chance/hope that any other JVM will replace the current "Oracle Java" as THE Java? That should be theoretically possible right?

    Maybe if there were a bit of competition, like the browser wars, things would stop being so shitty.



  • Most Minecraft servers run openjdk instead of oracle-java, simply because of the fact that they're on Linux, and it's not like they provide a .deb in addition to a .rpm, that would be too much work..



  • <p><ol start="6"><li>

    Voodoo ceremony indeed.



  • I'm not even sure what the difference is. Isn't HotSpot part of OpenJDK? What exactly is "Oracle Java"? Can I get "OpenJDK" for Windows? Fuck all that confusing shit.

    @Matches said:

    <p><ol start="6"><li>

    Or you could just do "6\. "



  • I don't give a shit what the spec says. The spec that Atwood constantly says doesn't even fucking exist, BTW.

    If I type "6." and see "1." on the screen, that is a bug.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    If I type "6." and see "1." on the screen, that is a bug.

    This.



  • @riking said:

    'cause it's not a bug according to the spec

    It's not so much a bug as a crime against humanity.



  • @anonymous234 said:

    I'm not even sure what the difference is. Isn't HotSpot part of OpenJDK? What exactly is "Oracle Java"? Can I get "OpenJDK" for Windows? Fuck all that confusing shit.

    Java = Classpath + VM

    "Oracle Java"

    • JRE/JDK classpath, proprietary, binary form
    • HotSpot VM

    OpenJDK

    • Reference implementation for JavaSE classpath, opensource (and main contributor Oracle...)
    • HotSpot VM

    OpenJDK for Windows exists in form of unofficial builds. The OpenJDK project sends you to Oracle site if you want Windows/Solaris/MacOS



  • Reading the title (Sexy Java Fails, ATM) reminds me of the Taster's Choice commercials with Giles, except maybe the coffee gives them the shits and the romance fails.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @presidentsdaughter said:

    OpenJDK for Windows exists in form of unofficial builds. The OpenJDK project sends you to Oracle site if you want Windows/Solaris/MacOS

    Is that for 7 or for 8? (There's also OpenJDK 6, but don't use it as it is a pile of buggy shit.) We use OpenJDK 7 for binary distributions of one of our products, and we're mostly happy with it; the exception is a nasty OSX font bug on high-DPI displays that craps all over usability of monospace fonts.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    Here's an even better idea: never install Java ever.

    Even at gunpoint.

    It's better to be bleeding from the lungs than having Java on your computer. MUCH better.

    This, this, so many times over, this.



  • I like how the silent installer always fails because they've had a typo in their Windows Installer script for three years. Between having to use a undocumented switch to actually run it silently (because the documented switches don't work), having to fuck around in the registry and folders with the C# program that is being used to deploy it to prevent it from instantly returning an error code, and having to deal with an unavoidable "the file C:\Program Files (x86)\Java\jre7\bin\installer.dll could not be found" error thanks to a three year old bug that they marked fixed immediately but didn't actually fix, the fact that the slowest part of our product is how we shell out to Jasper Reports, I'm not sure how Java has managed to survive. The only reason it's even relevant at all is probably Minecraft. Oracle hasn't really been paying attention and setting up a development environment is like pulling teeth. Dealing with the Java "community" is even better- between git itself and having to deal with them talking about how great maven is or how everybody in the world should be using maven or how it solves world hunger and prevents disease and war and cures cancer, you also have to deal with them basically acting as apologists for why the language is such a verbose pile of crap.

    I like how the choice to use Jasper Reports was apparently originally made because it is Open Source and has no licensing cost to use. It's quickly approaching the point where it's probably cost us more to fuck around with Java than it would have been to just use a proper .NET reporting tool.



  • @BC_Programmer said:

    maven

    ... Gradle's where it's at these days... ducks and runs for cover



  • Still using ant.



  • gradle is fucking annoying.... 3-minute build times...

    Actual build times:

    Maven, Bukkit + Craftbukkit: 51 seconds
    (that's two separate projects, with the second shading in the first)
    Gradle, Cauldron: 2 minutes 25 seconds to tell me that there was a compile error



  • Only played with for a few minutes, but that's pretty consistent with my experience. I thought I had something incorrectly configured or something, but perhaps not.



  • Oh, and the second project (CraftBukkit) has a custom-coded maven plugin that fucks with the bytecode of the jar. Adds about 5-10 seconds to the build.

    In fact, I wrote about it before:

    http://what.thedailywtf.com/t/rewriting-java-classfiles/1228/


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @riking said:

    'cause it's not a bug according to the spec

    Considering how loose and wooley the spec is, if it were up to me I'd take the hit and follow the rule of least astonishment.

    i.e. if you type 6. you get 6.

    That HTML trick is cute, but not discoverable at all for any average users. It is consistent with the rest of Discourse however.


    Filed under: consistently inconsistent

  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @BC_Programmer said:

    The only reason it's even relevant at all is probably Minecraft.

    Minecraft doesn't come even close to why Java matters. The things that really keep it alive are Android and JEE, both of which are massive behemoths (and JEE is likely to be with us for decades, given that it's operating in the line-of-business applications area).

    I find it fascinating how so many Windows developers fail to grasp how large the rest of the computing industry is these days. Yeah, there are a lot of Windows systems, but there are a vast number of other ones too, and the CLR-based languages are far less relevant on them.


  • BINNED

    How come whenever a Java installation topic comes up, nobody ever addresses the 5 tonne elephant in the room...

    #The Java updater is fundamentally broken!

    Windows Vista was released 8 years ago, We have had UAC for 8 years. It has been 8 years since the default use case was switched to regular user, having to enter an administrator's password to perform admin functions.

    So why, in those 8 fucking years, has the Java updater never been fixed to work in a limited account? Why does it ask for admin before showing you the "new version available" popup (which always shows up whether you allow the UAC or not), then immediately fail to download the required installation files? Is it trying to download temp files to C:\Windows or something?

    dear God, I hate the Java updater. Piece of shit


  • Fake News

    @jaloopa said:

    How come whenever a Java installation topic comes up, nobody ever addresses the 5 tonne elephant in the room...

    The Java updater is fundamentally broken!


    You must be new here.



  • My previous Windows installation was in a state where the Java updater would announce that there was a new version available, and the installer would tell you it was already installed.



  • I just bookmarked the shit out of this. This may be the most useful thread on the internet ever.



  • Gamer pc
    Not resized screen caps
    Resolution of 1776x1000

    TRWTF here is not in the Java installer



  • I'm late to the party, but this page has a direct link... the only time I remember it moving is when Oracle deprecated http://java.sun.com and made it redirect to the main oracle site.

    Incidentally, despite being a Java developer at work, I don't have Java installed at home... I don't need it there because I don't do Java development outside of work and don't play MineCraft.

    Yet... I have Visual Studio at home because I do use it to do some C++ and .NET development in my spare time. In fact, I'm just getting around to switching from 2010 to 2013 as I need it for a specific app I'm modifying in C++... its latest version uses C++ 11 features. I also really need to add Xamarin to that list at some point.


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