Cash machine WTF



  • I spotted this whilst driving through Nottingham just before Christmas. It seems the news sites have recently picked up on it.

    Someone in the office suggested that it might be a special low cash machine for disabled people, but there aren't any regular ones there. It's the only one. I'm pretty sure it's just a cock up.

    From the article: "We have never had any customer complaints about this but we are looking at solutions to re-locate it."

    Yeah right, because as we all know: no complains = no problem.



  • Which came first, the bank machine or the asphalt incline that raised the ground level?

    More funny would be both. They get one (or more) "complaints" about disability access.

    1) "The bank machine is too high! Lower it!"

    2) "The ground is too low to reach the machine. Raise it!"

    Both are obliged without either project consulting the other. Result = teh funnies?



  • The ATM is located on a hill which caused it to be built so low to the ground.

    Yes, it is clearly geography that is at fault here. Who knew a hill was going to be there?



  • @Vanders said:

    The ATM is located on a hill which caused it to be built so low to the ground.

    Yes, it is clearly geography that is at fault here. Who knew a hill was going to be there?

    It is unclear to me why being on a hill caused it to be built so low. Everything in Seattle is on a hill, but our ATMs are at normal height. I suppose it is at normal height with respect to the floor of the building, but so effing what? If the hill were steeper, would they install it underground?



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    Which came first, the bank machine or the asphalt incline that raised the ground level?

    More funny would be both. They get one (or more) "complaints" about disability access.

    1) "The bank machine is too high! Lower it!"

    2) "The ground is too low to reach the machine. Raise it!"

    Both are obliged without either project consulting the other. Result = teh funnies?

     

    How about, "the ground is inclined, so my chair rolls away while I'm trying to use the ATM?"

     



  • @DoctaJonez said:

    I spotted this whilst driving through Nottingham just before Christmas. It seems the news sites have recently picked up on it.

    Someone in the office suggested that it might be a special low cash machine for disabled people, but there aren't any regular ones there. It's the only one. I'm pretty sure it's just a cock up.

    From the article: "We have never had any customer complaints about this but we are looking at solutions to re-locate it."

    Yeah right, because as we all know: no complains = no problem.

    Somebody needs to put a table in front of it.


  • The link doesn't work for me. Is this another accidental TDWTF DDOS?



  • In other news, Sainsbury has also contracted the same builders to make an 18 foot tall replica of Stonehenge.



  • @mott555 said:

    The link doesn't work for me. Is this another accidental TDWTF DDOS?

    Still working here.

    @http://www.express.co.uk/...built-15-INCHES-from-the-ground said:



  • Seem to me like clever marketing mick!



  • @Nagesh said:

    Seem to me like clever marketing mick!
    Leave the Irish out of this!



  • @anotherusername said:

    @mott555 said:
    The link doesn't work for me. Is this another accidental TDWTF DDOS?

    Still working here.

    [quote user="http://www.express.co.uk/...built-15-INCHES-from-the-ground"]
    [/quote]

    I think we're all missing TRWTF here. What's that story about myfreeimplants.com all about?

     



  • @Snooder said:

    I think we're all missing TRWTF here. What's that story about myfreeimplants.com all about?

    I'm more interested in the one about the chicken breeder. Someone paste a screenshot of that here.



  • @HardwareGeek said:

    It is unclear to me why being on a hill caused it to be built so low. Everything in Seattle is on a hill, but our ATMs are at normal height. I suppose it is at normal height with respect to the floor of the building, but so effing what? If the hill were steeper, would they install it underground?
    If you're in Seattle you need to take the tour of the Underground in Pioneer Square.  Seems that after a fire back in the 19th century destroyed most of the neighborhood, they rebuilt what was then the whole downtown area one full story higher.  There are but a few relics left to remind residents that they're actually walking around on the second story.



  • @Snooder said:

    What's that story about myfreeimplants.com all about?
    @Story About Boobs said:

    http://www.express.co.uk/life-style/life/470346/Users-of-American-website-MyFreeImplants-com-buy-British-girl-breast-implants

    A new website offers women the chance to raise money for implants by agreeing to paid-for "chats" and webcam sessions with male users. British girl Gemini Smith tells us why she used the American forum to raise money for her enlargement operation.

    Gemini Smith says her 34A boobs made her looks like a "12-year-old boy" and led to her being bullied at school.

    "When I was 16 I just didn't develop at all, whereas all the other girls in my class in PE were all developed and had a decent sized chest," she said. "I just looked like a 12-year-old boy.

    "It was having an effect on my social life and knocked my confidence, I was always bullied in school and this just knocked me even more."

    She says the slurs about her figure made her feel so "depressed" that she used to hide under "big jumpers."

    Before and After:




  • @morbiuswilters said:

    I'm more interested in the one about the chicken breeder
    @Chicken breeder taken to court over 'noisy' rooster said:

    http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/470480/Chicken-breeder-taken-to-court-over-noisy-rooster

     A CHICKEN breeder is being prosecuted after villagers complained that her crowing cockerel keeps them awake at night.

    Neighbours of Helen Rogers claim the rooster – named Big Bird – is “particularly noisy” and crows “incessantly” from 3am to 11pm.

    Locals say it makes their lives a misery after starting a chain reaction among other cockerels in the village of Hambledon in the South Downs National Park, Hants.

    Winchester City Council – whose officers visited the site around five times – served Mrs Rogers with a noise abatement notice last August.

    But the 57-year-old has now been summonsed to Fareham Magistrates Court on Thursday accused of breaching the order on three occasions.

    Mrs Rogers denies the four-year-old Light Sussex bird is a nuisance or crows throughout the night. And she says she followed the council’s advice to cover the coop with a black-out blanket at dusk and remove it no earlier than 9am.

    She added: “Several people in the village own cockerels and they all make a noise. That is what cockerels do.

    "I don’t understand people who live in the countryside and then complain about country noises such as animals and farm machinery.



  • @El_Heffe said:

    @Snooder said:

    What's that story about myfreeimplants.com all about?
    @Story About Boobs said:

    A new website offers women the chance to raise money for implants by agreeing to paid-for "chats" and webcam sessions with male users. British girl Gemini Smith tells us why she used the American forum to raise money for her enlargement operation.

    Gemini Smith says her 34A boobs made her looks like a "12-year-old boy" and led to her being bullied at school.

    "When I was 16 I just didn't develop at all, whereas all the other girls in my class in PE were all developed and had a decent sized chest," she said. "I just looked like a 12-year-old boy.

    "It was having an effect on my social life and knocked my confidence, I was always bullied in school and this just knocked me even more."

    She says the slurs about her figure made her feel so "depressed" that she used to hide under "big jumpers."



    Oh, it's just a "dog bites man" story then (or a "chick with self-esteem issues pays for plastic surgery with minor sex work" story if you prefer). Disappointing.

     



  • @El_Heffe said:

    Before and After:

    NHS needs to cover this.



  • @El_Heffe said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    I'm more interested in the one about the chicken breeder
    @Chicken breeder taken to court over 'noisy' rooster said:

    http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/470480/Chicken-breeder-taken-to-court-over-noisy-rooster

     A CHICKEN breeder is being prosecuted after villagers complained that her crowing cockerel keeps them awake at night.

    Neighbours of Helen Rogers claim the rooster – named Big Bird – is “particularly noisy” and crows “incessantly” from 3am to 11pm.

    Locals say it makes their lives a misery after starting a chain reaction among other cockerels in the village of Hambledon in the South Downs National Park, Hants.

    Winchester City Council – whose officers visited the site around five times – served Mrs Rogers with a noise abatement notice last August.

    But the 57-year-old has now been summonsed to Fareham Magistrates Court on Thursday accused of breaching the order on three occasions.

    Mrs Rogers denies the four-year-old Light Sussex bird is a nuisance or crows throughout the night. And she says she followed the council’s advice to cover the coop with a black-out blanket at dusk and remove it no earlier than 9am.

    She added: “Several people in the village own cockerels and they all make a noise. That is what cockerels do.

    "I don’t understand people who live in the countryside and then complain about country noises such as animals and farm machinery.

    This is why angry mobs were invented. (Not for the lady, but for the whiny little bitches who complained.)



  • @Snooder said:

    Oh, it's just a "dog bites man" story then (or a "chick with self-esteem issues pays for plastic surgery with minor sex work" story if you prefer). Disappointing.

    Disappointing? Dude, we're totally winning the #WarOnWomen!



  • Without hot women with no self-esteem porn, and therefore the Internet, would not exist.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @Snooder said:
    Oh, it's just a "dog bites man" story then (or a "chick with self-esteem issues pays for plastic surgery with minor sex work" story if you prefer). Disappointing.

    Disappointing? Dude, we're totally winning the #WarOnWomen!



    I was expecting something like a charitable fund for the endowment of the under-endowed. Or a kickstarter campaign. Not just "oh yeah, I did some camshows for a few months to save up for new tits."



  • @Snooder said:

    I was expecting something like a charitable fund for the endowment of the under-endowed.

    You mean an Under-endowment Endowment?





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  • @Story About Boobs said:

    "It was having an effect on my social life and knocked my confidence, I was always bullied in school and this just knocked me even more."

    So, it's all about the knockers then?



  • @RTapeLoadingError said:

    @Story About Boobs said:

    "It was having an effect on my social life and knocked my confidence, I was always bullied in school and this just knocked me even more."

    So, it's all about the knockers then?

    Those new boobs will increase her chances of getting knocked up.

     



  • @Mike Hunt said:

    @RTapeLoadingError said:

    @Story About Boobs said:

    "It was having an effect on my social life and knocked my confidence, I was always bullied in school and this just knocked me even more."

    So, it's all about the knockers then?

    Those new boobs will increase her chances of getting knocked up.

    Not to worry: National Health has some buildings that need heating.



  • @El_Heffe said:

    @Chicken breeder taken to court over 'noisy' rooster said:

    http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/470480/Chicken-breeder-taken-to-court-over-noisy-rooster

     A CHICKEN breeder is being prosecuted after villagers complained that her crowing cockerel keeps them awake at night.

    Neighbours of Helen Rogers claim the rooster – named Big Bird – is “particularly noisy” and crows “incessantly” from 3am to 11pm.

    Locals say it makes their lives a misery after starting a chain reaction among other cockerels in the village of Hambledon in the South Downs National Park, Hants.

    Winchester City Council – whose officers visited the site around five times – served Mrs Rogers with a noise abatement notice last August.

    But the 57-year-old has now been summonsed to Fareham Magistrates Court on Thursday accused of breaching the order on three occasions.

    Mrs Rogers denies the four-year-old Light Sussex bird is a nuisance or crows throughout the night. And she says she followed the council’s advice to cover the coop with a black-out blanket at dusk and remove it no earlier than 9am.

    She added: “Several people in the village own cockerels and they all make a noise. That is what cockerels do.

    "I don’t understand people who live in the countryside and then complain about country noises such as animals and farm machinery.

    If she decides to get rid of the rooster, I know a neighborhood near me where she can swap it out for a feral peacock.

     



  • @El_Heffe said:

    A new website offers women the chance to raise money for implants by agreeing to paid-for "chats" and webcam sessions with male users.
     

    I'm not sure I understand the feelings of inadequacy.  Obviously feelings are what they are whether right or wrong, but seriously, if small cup sized women were so poorly off, why would "chats" and webcam sessions work to raise money?  

    BTW, I prefer the before.  

     

     



  • @mahlerrd said:

    I'm not sure I understand the feelings of inadequacy.  Obviously feelings are what they are whether right or wrong, but seriously, if small cup sized women were so poorly off, why would "chats" and webcam sessions work to raise money?

    I dunno, people are self-absorbed zombies. I mean, big ones are nice, but big fake ones are only good to look at from afar.



  • Ms. Ueto didn't need surgery:



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    I'm more interested in the one about the chicken breeder.
    So... morbs likes cocks. Somehow, I'm not surprised.



  • @Anonymouse said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    I'm more interested in the one about the chicken breeder.
    So... morbs likes cocks. Somehow, I'm not surprised.

    Really big ones that keep the neighbors up.



  • @DoctaJonez said:

    Perhaps this ATM is meant for low-income customers...?

    @The news article said:

    Customers are forced to squat, crouch and bend down to get the extremely low ATM
    Well, bank customers by now should be used to having to bend over for the banks to screw them - this is just a bit more literal than usual.



  • @Mike Hunt said:

    @RTapeLoadingError said:

    @Story About Boobs said:

    "It was having an effect on my social life and knocked my confidence, I was always bullied in school and this just knocked me even more."

    So, it's all about the knockers then?

    Those new boobs will increase her chances of getting knocked up.

     

    Enough puns. Knock it off.

     



  • @Anonymouse said:

    Perhaps this ATM is meant for low-income customers...?



  • @HardwareGeek said:

    @Vanders said:
    The ATM is located on a hill which caused it to be built so low to the ground.

    Yes, it is clearly geography that is at fault here. Who knew a hill was going to be there?

    It is unclear to me why being on a hill caused it to be built so low. Everything in Seattle is on a hill, but our ATMs are at normal height. I suppose it is at normal height with respect to the floor of the building, but so effing what? If the hill were steeper, would they install it underground?

    They installed the cash machine from inside the building (the shop entrance is at the bottom of the hill, and therefore the ground level inside the shop is lower than the road at the side of the shop). They didn't realise the cock up until they put the hole in the wall, by which time it was too late.

    Of course at that point you just say fuck it and carry on, if it's going to be a cock up you may as well make it a complete cock up.



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    Which came first, the bank machine or the asphalt incline that raised the ground level?

    The hill was there first, the cash machine was installed fairly recently, so yes it was just an incredible display of incompetence.



  • @DoctaJonez said:

    They installed the cash machine from inside the building (the shop entrance is at the bottom of the hill, and therefore the ground level inside the shop is lower than the road at the side of the shop).
     

    I am experiencing that strange feeling of placation when a surreal situation gains an adequate explanation.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    One of the Cheezburger websites (There I Fixed It) has a picture of the opposite problem--an ATM that's mounted several feet too high.

    ATM Fail.

    ETA: stupid braindead software doesn't automatically format links if you're using Chrome.



  • @dhromed said:

    @DoctaJonez said:

    They installed the cash machine from inside the building (the shop entrance is at the bottom of the hill, and therefore the ground level inside the shop is lower than the road at the side of the shop).
     

    I am experiencing that strange feeling of placation when a surreal situation gains an adequate explanation.

    You deem it an adequate explanation that the people installing the ATM gave no consideration whatsoever to the the outside of the building -- you know, the side where customers use the ATM -- before cutting a hole in the building? We have different definitions of "adequate."


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @bstorer said:

    @dhromed said:

    @DoctaJonez said:

    They installed the cash machine from inside the building (the shop entrance is at the bottom of the hill, and therefore the ground level inside the shop is lower than the road at the side of the shop).
     

    I am experiencing that strange feeling of placation when a surreal situation gains an adequate explanation.

    You deem it an adequate explanation that the people installing the ATM gave no consideration whatsoever to the the outside of the building -- you know, the side where customers use the ATM -- before cutting a hole in the building? We have different definitions of "adequate."

    The contractors presumably made some buttumptions (like, "ground level" is the same both inside and outside the building) that would've been correct 98% of the time. The result is pretty stupid, but I can see why they maybe didn't even consider that possibility.



  • @joe.edwards said:

    @bstorer said:
    @dhromed said:

    @DoctaJonez said:

    They installed the cash machine from inside the building (the shop entrance is at the bottom of the hill, and therefore the ground level inside the shop is lower than the road at the side of the shop).
     

    I am experiencing that strange feeling of placation when a surreal situation gains an adequate explanation.

    You deem it an adequate explanation that the people installing the ATM gave no consideration whatsoever to the the outside of the building -- you know, the side where customers use the ATM -- before cutting a hole in the building? We have different definitions of "adequate."

    The contractors presumably made some buttumptions (like, "ground level" is the same both inside and outside the building) that would've been correct 98% of the time. The result is pretty stupid, but I can see why they maybe didn't even consider that possibility.
    So they cut the hole in the building and noticed the ground was a couple feet above them. At this point, they apparently shrugged, shoved the ATM into place, and called it a day? And then whoever hired the contractors paid them for a job well done? Oh, yeah, that sounds totally adequate to me...



  • @bstorer said:

    @joe.edwards said:
    @bstorer said:
    @dhromed said:

    @DoctaJonez said:

    They installed the cash machine from inside the building (the shop entrance is at the bottom of the hill, and therefore the ground level inside the shop is lower than the road at the side of the shop).
     

    I am experiencing that strange feeling of placation when a surreal situation gains an adequate explanation.

    You deem it an adequate explanation that the people installing the ATM gave no consideration whatsoever to the the outside of the building -- you know, the side where customers use the ATM -- before cutting a hole in the building? We have different definitions of "adequate."

    The contractors presumably made some buttumptions (like, "ground level" is the same both inside and outside the building) that would've been correct 98% of the time. The result is pretty stupid, but I can see why they maybe didn't even consider that possibility.
    So they cut the hole in the building and noticed the ground was a couple feet above them. At this point, they apparently shrugged, shoved the ATM into place, and called it a day? And then whoever hired the contractors paid them for a job well done? Oh, yeah, that sounds totally adequate to me...
    That is what I was alluding to when I wrote "I suppose it is at normal height with respect to the floor of the building." It's not a good, nor even adequate, explanation, but it is very likely the true one.



  • @bstorer said:

    You deem it an adequate explanation that the people installing the ATM gave no consideration whatsoever to the the outside of the building
     

    You are confusing the words "explanation" and "excuse".



  • @bstorer said:

    So they cut the hole in the building and noticed the ground was a couple feet above them. At this point, they apparently shrugged, shoved the ATM into place, and called it a day? And then whoever hired the contractors paid them for a job well done?
    Also, most likely that's what the blueprints said to do, so they did it. Construction monkeys are hired to follow the plans, not to think, so they did what the plans told them to do. It's not their fault the plans failed to account for the exterior grade, so the client had no choice but to pay them for meeting the specification they were given.

    I thought about adding a tag very relevant to this situation, but every single Google result (at least on the first page) points directly or indirectly to the company I work for, so in the interest of anonymity (even though in this particular case it is by no means a WTF) I won't. Pity, because it is a lot more concise than:

    1. Do exactly what the specification says.
    2. If the specification is wrong, get it changed.
    3. If you are unsuccessful in getting it changed, do exactly what it says anyway, and document everything you did, especially what you did to try to change the specification. That way, when the shit hits the fan you won't be the ritual scapegoat.
    Item 3 is not actually part of the concise version, but may be inferred by the astute reader.



  • @bstorer said:

    So they cut the hole in the building and noticed the ground was a couple feet above them. At this point, they apparently shrugged, shoved the ATM into place, and called it a day? And then whoever hired the contractors paid them for a job well done? Oh, yeah, that sounds totally adequate to me...

    European work ethic: coming soon to an America near you!



  • @joe.edwards said:

    @bstorer said:
    @dhromed said:

    @DoctaJonez said:

    They installed the cash machine from inside the building (the shop entrance is at the bottom of the hill, and therefore the ground level inside the shop is lower than the road at the side of the shop).
     

    I am experiencing that strange feeling of placation when a surreal situation gains an adequate explanation.

    You deem it an adequate explanation that the people installing the ATM gave no consideration whatsoever to the the outside of the building -- you know, the side where customers use the ATM -- before cutting a hole in the building? We have different definitions of "adequate."

    The contractors presumably made some buttumptions (like, "ground level" is the same both inside and outside the building) that would've been correct 98% of the time. The result is pretty stupid, but I can see why they maybe didn't even consider that possibility.

    Unless the building in question has dirt floors, "ground level inside the building" doesn't even exist.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @anotherusername said:

    Unless the building in question has dirt floors, "ground level inside the building" doesn't even exist.
    The UK (highly relevant, given the location of the ATM in question) typically numbers floors “Ground, First, Second, …” where the Ground Floor is the one conventionally entered into from street level. (This is, of course, confusing on a sloping site.) Some buildings instead use 0, 1, 2, … (and yes, negative numbers for basements). As a programmer who has used zero-based indexing for years, I like that.

    Mind you, some buildings have crazier numbering schemes. One of the buildings at work (and it's a flat site) has at least 3 different first floors. Yes, wholly different levels; there's one stairwell where you can go in at first, go up one floor to third, and then another floor back to first again; it's quite mad. Construction and building management have plenty of their own WTFs…



  • @dkf said:

    Mind you, some buildings have crazier numbering schemes. One of the buildings at work (and it's a flat site) has at least 3 different first floors. Yes, wholly different levels; there's one stairwell where you can go in at first, go up one floor to third, and then another floor back to first again; it's quite mad. Construction and building management have plenty of their own WTFs…
    In the house I live in, you have to go up some stairs (11 to be precise) to reach the ground level. 1st level is another 22 stairs higher.


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