What's another word for failure?



  • A little over a year ago, I got a new laptop. Win7, standard bloatware shit to uninstall. After that was done, I needed to put on a word processor. Couldn't find my Office disks, and even so, wife couldn't whatever eLearning school access activation keys she has access to.  Fine, whatever-- I've always meant to try OpenOffice.org.

    At first the UI didn't feel right, which I chalked up to just being a new UI. Slightly different scroll speed, minor layout difference. It's just a word processor after all. Fundamentally they're all the same.

    SO I PUT UP WITH IT.

    Then the interesting glitches came along. Saving as .docx usually didn't work quiet right-- enough that there were random problems opening such files on other copies of Word or trying to import to Google Docs. Fine, just be sure to save as .doc (2003). Annoying, but solvable. Or at least work-around-able.

    SO I STILL PUT UP WITH IT.

    Then there were the more annoying UI glitches. Random tool tips that pop up while I'm scrolling. Annoying when I'm in the flow of things. You can disable them, but it also takes out useful tooltips-- like wtf each button does. And you need to know that, since the icons are weird, and you can't quite customize all the toolbars. Or the seemingly random indentation because of some "smart" feature or other.

    I CAN IGNORE AND MOSTLY PUT UP WITH IT.

    And then came the usability issues-- things that seem small but man are they ever fucking annoying and only go to highlight the praise that should be heaped upon the Office team. Mainly due to shit like bulleted lists. In Word, easy-- just start typing a list. It'll pick it up and create it for you. Tab and shift tab increase and decrease the indent level of the list. In general, hitting enter twice at the end breaks the list. Going to the end of a list, backspace once then enter continues the list again.  Pretty much NONE of that shit works in OO.org. Trying to make a numbered list is an exercise in frustration. More than once, I've had to delete a list and start again just to make the formatting work. And dumb shit like that extends to other formatting beyond the list. Headers, how the fuck do they work?  OMG OO.o can't figure out I've stopped using that font on the paragraph. ARG!  Lots of "copy into Notepad to clear formatting, paste back, redo".

    BUT I AM DETERMINED TO GIVE THIS HUNK OF PENIS SHIT THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

    And then-- {shudder} jesus fucking Christ, this.  So I'm writing my Featured Article, [url=http://thedailywtf.com/Articles/The-Call-of-WTF.aspx]The Call of WTF[/url]-- the Halloween special, "inspired" by Lovecraft and his writing style. If you aren't familiar with his style, it's VERY purple, very heavy, and Lovecraft was basically in sexual love with his thesaurus. He'd almost never use the same description twice, even in the same paragraph.  To help mimic that, I figure I'd use the handy-dandy built in thesaurus that every word processor has. The first half of the article I wrote on my lunch at work, and my work machine has Word. I would write a spooky description, then just right click on Spooky, pick the thesaurus flyout menu, and pick Creepy instead. Fucking awesome.

    I get home to write the second half, write a Mysterious description, right click on Mysterious and-- hmm. Weird. No thesaurus.  That can't be right. This is the latest version of OO. It was released in 2013. Everything has a thesaurus these days.  So let's ask the motherfucking Internet-- "OpenOffice right click thesaurus".

    And Jesus fucking Mary in her incest hole-- though it has a thesaurus, OO does not have a right click option to access it. You get "helpful" suggestions like "click here, here then here, open the Thesaurus, type in the word you want, and when you find it, type that word into your manuscript".  This is presented in every help thread as if it is an acceptable solution. Even threads titled "I fucking know OO has a thesaurus but it's goddamn retarded to go into submenus and type in words to use it. How the fuck do I just right click on a word like I've been able to do in Word for over a motherfucking decade?!?".

    The best and only solution anyone can give is "There's a feature request for customizable context menus, wait for that to be completed."

    That feature has been in "requested" mode since [url=https://issues.apache.org/ooo/show_bug.cgi?id=7449]September 2002[/url]. ELEVEN YEARS and they can't figure out how to put Thesaurus into the right click context menu. No fucking wonder this pile of monkey shit made of shit that another monkey at directly from the anus of a third monkey has never taken off. No wonder their adaption rate is abysmal. I know a lot of writers, and not a single goddamn one of them would use a word processor with a effectively non-existant thesaurus feature.

    So in summary, fuck this. I gave it a fair shot. I'm switching back to Word.



  • All the cool kids use LibreOffice instead



  • Seriously? I don't think I've used a built-in thesaurus ever.

    But yes, OpenOffice (and LibreOffice) is horrible. I'd rather use Office 2003. The other day I was trying to turn an image 90º in (a possibly old version of) OpenOffice Writer. That's one of the most basic things a word processor can do right? But I couldn't find an option to do it, so I googled it and turns out "you have to export the image to OpenOffice Draw, rotate it and then import it back again to Writer". What the fuck.

    I almost posted it here but turns out it's fixed in the latest version of LibreOffice and that kinda ruined it.



  • For $100/year you can get the latest Office version that you can install on 5 machines (PC or Mac, with an easy revoke option on office.com if you need to swap a machine). You also get 20 extra GB on Skydrive and 60 minutes of Skype per month. Also comes with Office On Demand, which is basically a throw-away stream version for the times where you are not using your own computer and need access to Office.

    Unless you have AIDS or visible genetic defects you can probably get more than that by jerking off once or twice at the sperm bank. I know they have outdated porn mags but that's still a more pleasant experience than using OpenOffice or LibreOffice for a year.



  • @anonymous234 said:

    Seriously? I don't think I've used a built-in thesaurus ever.
    I have. IMPASSE!

    @anonymous234 said:

    But yes, OpenOffice (and LibreOffice) is horrible. I'd rather use Office 2003. The other day I was trying to turn an image 90º in (a possibly old version of) OpenOffice Writer. That's one of the most basic things a word processor can do right? But I couldn't find an option to do it, so I googled it and turns out "you have to export the image to OpenOffice Draw, rotate it and then import it back again to Writer". What the fuck.

     ... fuck.

    For the record, I originally picked OpenOffice over LibreOffice for "reasons I'd researched". It'd take me longer to remember them than to just install Office.



  • @Ronald said:

    For $100/year
     

    And you lost me. Why the fuck should I pay every year for a fucking word processor? Especially if there's even a remote chance my writing will suddenly vanish into the cloud or get locked up behind a paywall?

    Fuck that. I'll gladly pay for a discounted copy of Office 2007, but paying each year for a word processor? No.



  • The best and only solution anyone can give is "There's a feature request for customizable context menus, wait for that to be completed."

    That feature has been in "requested" mode since September 2002. ELEVEN YEARS and they can't figure out how to put Thesaurus into the right click context menu.

    Why don't you fork it, then?... okay, just kidding.

    But really, in 2012 you didn't know that OO.o is a gastrointestinal byproduct of a Monkey Centipede? Must have been a pretty comfy rock you've been living under.



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    @Ronald said:

    For $100/year
     

    And you lost me. Why the fuck should I pay every year for a fucking word processor? Especially if there's even a remote chance my writing will suddenly vanish into the cloud or get locked up behind a paywall?

    Fuck that. I'll gladly pay for a discounted copy of Office 2007, but paying each year for a word processor? No.

    Why would your "writing suddenly vanish"? There is no difference between a retail DVD or an office.com version of Office, except that you need to renew the office.com subscription every year (and you are fucked if you lose the DVD). This works just like MSDN. If you choose to store documents in your Skydrive folder they will be replicated on Microsoft's servers and on any devices where you connect that drive, but they don't disappear, it's a local folder*.

    The retail version of Office is around $400. And you can install it on ONE machine. With the $100/year deal you can run it on FIVE machines, plus you get some perks (more Skydrive space, etc). I fail to see a situation where buying the $400 copy makes sense, but if that's the price you are ready to pay so you can feel like you "own" Excel, go for it.

    * with SkyDrive Pro business users can use placeholder files to avoid replicating the entire drive on every machine but that's a different product.



  • @Ronald said:

    except that you need to renew the office.com subscription every year
    Problem #1 - You stop paying,the program stops working. I don't have that problem with Office 2003 which still works just fine and still does exactly what I need. @Ronald said:
    (and you are fucked if you lose the DVD)
    Anyone with half a brain makes backup copies. @Ronald said:
    I fail to see a situation where buying the $400 copy makes sense
    If Microsoft's current pricing scam scheme had been in place when I bought Office 2003, I would have paid $1000 by now. And forced to upgrade to newer shittier versions with a fucked up, user-hostile UI. Since the spreadsheet and word processing functions that most people do today are no different that they were in 2003 (or 1993) I fail to see how paying $1000 (and increasing every year) is a better deal than $400.



  • @El_Heffe said:

    If Microsoft's current pricing scam scheme had been in place when I bought Office 2003, I would have paid $1000 by now. And forced to upgrade to newer shittier versions with a fucked up, user-hostile UI. Since the spreadsheet and word processing functions that most people do today are no different that they were in 2003 (or 1993) I fail to see how paying $1000 (and increasing every year) is a better deal than $400.

    Those pesky kids with their new-fangled interfaces and pricing schemes. It's a good thing that Wordstar still works as it should.



  •  You know that I could write most of that rant but substitue Word for OpenOffice?  Like how Word likes to totally fk up lists if you try anything other then a simple bullet list?  Or that stupid auto-formatter that wants to rape your carefully formatted paragraph and turn it into a abortion of Lovecroftian proportions.  Or how opening a Word document in any other version of Office will subtley mess up any formatting.

     In all honesty, they are all frustrating to use if you are not following their use cases.  I personally use Libreoffice because it is free.  It may have its own stupid quirks but at least I am not paying any cash for the privilage of using it...



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    No fucking wonder this pile of monkey shit made of shit that another monkey at directly from the anus of a third monkey has never taken off.
    Seriously, dude, get yourself some St John's wort before you blow out an artery.



  • @Maciejasjmj said:

    @El_Heffe said:
    If Microsoft's current pricing scam scheme had been in place when I bought Office 2003, I would have paid $1000 by now. And forced to upgrade to newer shittier versions with a fucked up, user-hostile UI. Since the spreadsheet and word processing functions that most people do today are no different that they were in 2003 (or 1993) I fail to see how paying $1000 (and increasing every year) is a better deal than $400.

    Those pesky kids with their new-fangled interfaces and pricing schemes. It's a good thing that Wordstar still works as it should.

    Wordstar? That's bleeding edge. My IBM Selectric does the job pretty well. Since the number of letters that people can type today is no different that it was in 1961, I fail to see how paying money for "software" is a good deal at all.



  • @Emu said:

    I personally use Libreoffice because it is free.


    "I approve of that".
    -Ebenezer Scrooge



  • @Ronald said:

    @Emu said:

    I personally use Libreoffice because it is free.


    "I approve of that".
    -Ebenezer Scrooge

    I use LibreOffice because it's free, too. And it's not because I'm cheap. You see, none of my hobbies involve using a word processor. You know what I use a word processor for? For formatting set lists for my band. That's it. Now, we do about three shows a year, and I'm not shelling out at least a hundred bucks for three fucking set lists. If like Lorne my hobbies involved writing, then I'd be tempted to buy a decent word processor. Hobbies cost money, which is fine, and Office is worth the cash if you use it. But since I don't (at least not at home), it's not for me. I'd rather spend my money on strings and effects pedals and stuff.



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    ... Mainly due to shit like bulleted lists. In Word, easy-- just start typing a list. It'll pick it up and create it for you. Tab and shift tab increase and decrease the indent level of the list. In general, hitting enter twice at the end breaks the list. Going to the end of a list, backspace once then enter continues the list again.  Pretty much NONE of that shit works in OO.org. Trying to make a numbered list is an exercise in frustration. More than once, I've had to delete a list and start again just to make the formatting work. And dumb shit like that extends to other formatting beyond the list. Headers, how the fuck do they work?  OMG OO.o can't figure out I've stopped using that font on the paragraph. ARG!  Lots of "copy into Notepad to clear formatting, paste back, redo"...

    Sounds like Google's wiki editors. Seriously, fuck Google.

    @El_Heffe said:

    If Microsoft's current pricing scam scheme had been in place when I bought Office 2003, I would have paid $1000 by now. And forced to upgrade to newer shittier versions with a fucked up, user-hostile UI. Since the spreadsheet and word processing functions that most people do today are no different that they were in 2003 (or 1993) I fail to see how paying $1000 (and increasing every year) is a better deal than $400.

    Welcome to Software as a Service, also known as legal extortion. Soon everything will be in "the cloud", so get used to this business model.



  • @anonymous234 said:

    The other day I was trying to turn an image 90º in (a possibly old version of) OpenOffice Writer. That's one of the most basic things a word processor can do right?

    Um … no? The most basic thing a word processor does, is enable you to write text in a convenient manner and — if/when you want to — print out that text. Just about everything related to formatting that text, never mind graphics, is encroaching into what is properly DTP software territory.



  • @Gurth said:

    @anonymous234 said:
    The other day I was trying to turn an image 90º in (a possibly old version of) OpenOffice Writer. That's one of the most basic things a word processor can do right?

    Um … no? The most basic thing a word processor does, is enable you to write text in a convenient manner and — if/when you want to — print out that text. Just about everything related to formatting that text, never mind graphics, is encroaching into what is properly DTP software territory.
     

    You must be one of those people that insist that calling them "bytes" is wrong because it could mean any amount of bits and we should use "octets" instead.



  • @Ronald said:

    Wordstar? That's bleeding edge. My IBM Selectric does the job pretty well. Since the number of letters that people can type today is no different that it was in 1961, I fail to see how paying money for "software" is a good deal at all.

    Oh, you kids and your new-fangled toys...

    Old School...



  • @Ronald said:


    The retail version of Office is around $400. And you can install it on ONE machine.

     

    That's because MS removed the more sane options like the family and student editions which contained Word, Excel and Power point for like $100 for usage on 3 computers for unlimited time period.

    Yeah, the online one contains Access but who really cares? Who cares about skype minutes? I already can call for free on land lines so forth. The annoying thing is MS clearly removed the cheapest most obvious options for like 95% of users by replacing it with a way, way more expensive subscription based solution.

     


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