Representative e-mail



  • Quick background

    My employer was bought by a somewhat-larger company a couple months ago. Contractually, I still work for the "old" employer (long story, WTF for another day), so I don't exactly report to anyone working for the new corporate overlords. I thought we had plenty of WTFs before the acquisition, but now... wow.

    The individual who sent this e-mail -- let's call him "Arturo" -- is the Senior VP of IT at the new overlords, and he is willing to correct anyone who omits "Senior" when introducing him. Arturo requires that he approves all changes to our production environment, even if it does not affect the new overlords in any way. Arturo is completely non-technical.

    The e-mail

    @Arturo, Senior VP of IT said:

    Corgimonster please copy me on all emails

    Thanks
    Arturo

    Oh, the comebacks I could think of for that one... Post your own!



  • <font face="courier new,courier">From:  Corgimonster@dailywtf.com</font>

    <font face="courier new,courier">To:    Admin@hotxxxshemales.com</font>

    <font face="courier new,courier">Subject:  Forgot Password</font>

    <font face="courier new,courier">Cc:    Arturo </font>


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    Why not copy him on an email talking about how inept he is. Also, I don't understand how there can be more than one VP of anything, so senior VP doesn't really make sense.



  • Just copy him in on an email to your physician, describing in exquisite detail just how smelly some sore on your testicles has become, and how you're gonna need the nurse to sponge off all the accumulated pus.



  • @joe.edwards said:

    Also, I don't understand how there can be more than one VP of anything, so senior VP doesn't really make sense.
    Multiple VPs is common, at least in large compnaies.  I work for a company with 13 divisions, each headed by a "Group Vice President" who all report to the CEO.

    Senior VP, however, I have no idea.



  • @El_Heffe said:

    Senior VP, however, I have no idea.

    Maybe the OP has a typo?  Maybe he is actually "Arturo, Señor VP of IT!"  Olé!



  • @El_Heffe said:

    @joe.edwards said:

    Also, I don't understand how there can be more than one VP of anything, so senior VP doesn't really make sense.
    Multiple VPs is common, at least in large compnaies.  I work for a company with 13 divisions, each headed by a "Group Vice President" who all report to the CEO.

    Senior VP, however, I have no idea.

    I work for a company of about 3500 people. If I counted correctly, we have 10 Executive VPs, 6 Senior VPs, 30 plain VPs, and one Business Unit VP. I don't understand the difference between EVP, SVP, and VP (I think it's mostly "You've been doing a good job, so we're going to give you a fancier title"), but that is rank order; all EVPs report directly to the CEO, and most SVPs report to EVPs. EVPs and SVPs may or may not have any lower-ranking VPs under them. I have no idea how the BUVP fits into the picture. And that's not even counting our subsidiaries.



  • To answer everyone's question, there is no other VP of IT. There are VPs of other departments, but I am not aware of any other Senior VPs.

    Also, Arturo works in another state (still in the U.S.), so he doesn't really have much pull here other than calling last-minute, waste-of-time conference calls with no agenda so that people in his office can ask questions we've already answered in the previous four meetings, or in the documentation they specifically requested but didn't read.

    Since I don't work for him, and since we were previously a pretty independent, meeting-averse culture, and because I'm contractually guaranteed a rather large bonus if I am let go before a certain date (or if I continue in my current job until that date), I have been pushing back with decreasing tact. Observe one such e-mail conversation on a Thursday, when I had worked late on weekdays and over the prior weekend to meet one of their deadlines:

    @Arturo, Senior VP of IT, in a meeting request e-mail sent 39 minutes prior to the requested meeting time said:

    Antoine Accountant has a couple of follow up questions

    @corgimonster said:

    If these questions could be asked outside a meeting, please do. We're pretty busy trying to get the rest of the [deadline-specific] items ready, and I have to take off early today anyway.

    Antoine, could you tell us what your questions are?

    @Arturo, Senior VP of IT said:

    Corgimonster, please take 5 minutes to join us on the call. Thanks

    (Note: no conference call with these people has taken less than half an hour, and they typically run longer than scheduled.)

    @corgimonster said:

    Please take 5 minutes (or less) to give us an agenda. I don't want to be on a call where I'm asked questions that I'm going to need to look up anyway. It will be a much more efficient use of our time if we know what will be discussed.

    @My actual, in-house boss who is also sick of these people said:

    Please accept invitation. I understand your point, but let's accommodate. Thanks.

    I did get some questions from Antoine, and I answered them basically by pointing to where I had already answered them. Then we had the pointless, half-hour-long call anyway so they could ask "follow-up" questions that we had already answered. Or, at one point, there was silence because they were "thinking" about the answers.



  • Might want to get your resume up to date. Whenever a VP starts asking to be included as a CC on all your emails, that's never a good sign. Either he's an incompetent micromanager or he's looking to get you replaced/fired/made redundant.



  • @CodeNinja said:

    Might want to get your resume up to date. Whenever a VP starts asking to be included as a CC on all your emails, that's never a good sign. Either he's an incompetent micromanager or he's looking to get you replaced/fired/made redundant.

    Already done. I was already looking before the acquisition, and the only reason I'm still here is the contractual retention bonus offer. I had a job offer from a company aware of the situation that may want to hire me when this is all done. Either way, developers have a pretty easy time finding jobs in our market, and I don't expect any problems.

    And, yes, the guy is an incompetent micromanager. He wants all communication from our small team to anyone on their end to go through him, regardless of whether he would understand any of it. Also, the new company already told us they do not intend to keep IT at our location after the contractual date and that we would, in all likelihood, be let go at that time.



  •  Corgimonster, please take 5 minutes to join us on the call. Thanks

     

    I would go this way then:

     

    "Hello, your 5 minuts is starting ...."

    exactly 5 minutes later:

    "Ok, you time passed on. goodbye." Click.

     

    What you ask for is exactly what you got.



  • @joe.edwards said:

    Also, I don't understand how there can be more than one VP of anything, so senior VP doesn't really make sense.

    Worked in a company once that had a VP of development, a Director of development (who reported to the VP, and was the only report) and a software development manager (who reported to the director, and was the only report).

    So three levels of managers, when we really just needed two -- one to manage the employees, and one to manage the budget/planning. Also, why "levels" when these two could have been side-by-side. Don't know; eventually the VP left, the Director was fired, and everything just sort of flattened out. Much nicer working environment after that.



  • Or, he just wants to get up to speed about what everyone is working on/talking about at the remote location. Nothing makes you feel more cut off than being out of the communication loop. It takes ME a long time to get up to speed when I start a new gig, and I'm right there in the middle of all the people.



  • @malaka said:

    @El_Heffe said:
    Senior VP, however, I have no idea.
    Maybe the OP has a typo? Maybe he is actually "Arturo, Señor VP of IT!" Olé!
    Or maybe it's actually part of his name?


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @gilhad said:

    Corgimonster, please take 5 minutes to join us on the call. Thanks

    I would go this way then:

    "Hello, your 5 minuts is starting ...."
    [exactly 5 minutes later:]
    "Ok, you time passed on. goodbye." Click.

    What you ask for is exactly what you got.

    Not a bad plan. If you're really wanting to be annoying, the Countdown theme is perfect for when you get to the last 30 seconds.



  • @dkf said:

    Countdown theme.

    OK, how would you spell the last notes of that? I suggest:



    Bidup! Bodup! Bibbity Bip! Booooooohhhhhh.



  • @gilhad said:

     Corgimonster, please take 5 minutes to join us on the call. Thanks

     

    I would go this way then:

     

    "Hello, your 5 minuts is starting ...."

    exactly 5 minutes later:

    "Ok, you time passed on. goodbye." Click.

     

    What you ask for is exactly what you got.

     

     

    Especially if you a) get a bonus when fired now and b) you will be let go anyway rather sooner than later. Perfect times for playing "rebel".

     



  •  Wait, you get a bonus if you are fired before a certian date ... and you work on the weekends to complete stuff before a deadline? Are you afraid they wont let you go if your work isn't finished?



  • @corgimonster said:

    @Arturo, Senior VP of IT said:

    Corgimonster please copy me on all emails

    Thanks
    Arturo

    From: Corgi

    To: Arturo

    Arturo,


    I am shocked and appalled that you would make such an inappropriate suggestion to me. If there is any recurrence, I will have no hesitation in reporting your continued sexual harassment to the appropriate entities within the company.


    Corgi

    You could have a lot of fun with that one if you're leaving anyway. All those conference calls where he apparently just wants to hear the sound of your voice? The constant demands for your personal attention? Obviously you sympathise with him for being struck with unrequited love, but his behaviour is thoroughly inappropriate in the workplace.



  • @corgimonster said:

    I had a job offer from a company aware of the situation that may want to hire me when this is all done.
     

    And you'll also have a nice backlog of WTFs to release. Write now, post later.

    @corgimonster said:

    And, yes, the guy is an incompetent micromanager. He wants all communication from our small team to anyone on their end to go through him, regardless of whether he would understand any of it.

    This spells fail in two flavours:

    1. he becomes a bottleneck to some processes
    2. he looks incompetent when something goes adrift and people learn he was made aware of it but didn't bother to check his CCs

    @gilhad said:

    I would go this way then:

    Ditto - I would make it clear that I have another appointment in 5 mins and once those 5 mins are up some audible warning lets me (and them) know their time has run out.

     



  • @dkf said:

    Not a bad plan. If you're really wanting to be annoying, the Countdown theme is perfect for when you get to the last 30 seconds.

    If in the United States, substitute the Final Jeopardy! music.

     


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @silverpie said:

    @dkf said:

    Not a bad plan. If you're really wanting to be annoying, the Countdown theme is perfect for when you get to the last 30 seconds.

    If in the United States, substitute the Final Jeopardy! music.

     

    I have a compulsive habit of humming that whenever someone spends too long thinking about something.



  • @silverpie said:

    If in the United States, substitute the Final Jeopardy! music.

    LTFY. Lazy fuck.



  •  Perhaps instead of "Senior Vice-President", he's really the President of Senior Vices.  

     You know, like topless bocce ball or "hide the jell-o".

     



  • @silverpie said:

    @dkf said:

    Not a bad plan. If you're really wanting to be annoying, the Countdown theme is perfect for when you get to the last 30 seconds.

    If in the United States, substitute the Final Jeopardy! music.

     

    Seems obligatory: [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jK-NcRmVcw]The Final Countdown[/url]



    (Oh, and just because I remembered how well-polished-yet-amazingly-wrong this is: [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rr06IyWMf4Y]The Final Teen Spirit Mashup[/url])



  • @derari said:

    Wait, you get a bonus if you are fired before a certian date ... and you work on the weekends to complete stuff before a deadline? Are you afraid they wont let you go if your work isn't finished?

    Two reasons.

    1. For some misguided reason, I take pride in at least attempting to do a good job. It might help me with later employment.
    2. The faster we get the necessary conversions done, the sooner we are no longer needed, and the sooner I can take the bonus money and run.

    That said, I highly doubt we'll be released before the deadline. The new company has royally messed up pretty much every step of this transition so far, and they keep needing us to clean up their messes. I'd say it's about 50/50 that the end date will come and that we will be made some other offer to stay longer. It would need to be one spectacular offer for me to take it.



  • @eViLegion said:

    @silverpie said:

    @dkf said:

    Not a bad plan. If you're really wanting to be annoying, the Countdown theme is perfect for when you get to the last 30 seconds.

    If in the United States, substitute the Final Jeopardy! music.

    Seems obligatory: The Final Countdown



    (Oh, and just because I remembered how well-polished-yet-amazingly-wrong this is: The Final Teen Spirit Mashup)

    I think your links are wrong.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @silverpie said:

    @dkf said:
    Not a bad plan. If you're really wanting to be annoying, the Countdown theme is perfect for when you get to the last 30 seconds.
    If in the United States, substitute the Final Jeopardy! music.
    While that has the right popular connotations, as music goes it's not quite so suitable; there's less of a feeling of hurry-hurry about it. (I think it's got something to do with the use — or not — of drum rolls.)

    Sometime I need to look up the equivalent in German/Austrian gameshows; there must be something like it, and I can think of a few people I work with who like telephone meetings a whole lot and who really need this sort of “encouragement”…



  • @dkf said:

    @silverpie said:
    @dkf said:
    Not a bad plan. If you're really wanting to be annoying, the Countdown theme is perfect for when you get to the last 30 seconds.
    If in the United States, substitute the Final Jeopardy! music.
    While that has the right popular connotations, as music goes it's not quite so suitable; there's less of a feeling of hurry-hurry about it. (I think it's got something to do with the use — or not — of drum rolls.)

    Sometime I need to look up the equivalent in German/Austrian gameshows; there must be something like it, and I can think of a few people I work with who like telephone meetings a whole lot and who really need this sort of “encouragement”…

    Before there was "Jeopardy!" (the "think" music was written by the show's creator, Merv Griffin), we used to musically indicate the passage of seconds with this classic.

     



  • @da Doctah said:

    Merv Griffin


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @da Doctah said:

    we used to musically indicate the passage of seconds with this classic.
    Alas, that also doesn't convey the sense of "hurry up, hurry up" that I'm after.

    It's a much better piece of music though.



  • @dkf said:

    Alas, that also doesn't convey the sense of "hurry up, hurry up" that I'm after.
     

    The [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uH8Fr38Pqo"]drowning music[/url] from Sonic still gives me anxiety attacks.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @Lorne Kates said:

    The drowning music from Sonic still gives me anxiety attacks.
    Crude, but would actually work.

     


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