There’s an app for that, and that only (aka nailing a single use case)



  • I hate this Dolo app. Basically all it does is help you find a friend when you both are in a specific park in San Francisco. I can understand a bunch of friends putting together a
    micro-app (bespoke in cool lingo) for a very specific need, but this thing got lots of attention on Techcrunch. There is even a dude in the comments pretending that facebook developers stole his idea.




    If this bespoke app thing becomes a trend, I propose the following business ideas. VC welcome.

    • ToiletGate: real-time ticker showing the latest developments in the toilet thread featuring the Solaris dude
    • Go IceCream: finding posts where Ben L brings up Go
    • FacialTime: vote for your favorite El_Heffe's facepalm girls
    • RonSig: receive an alert when my hilarious signature is replaced by an even more hilarious signature
    • NoReply: add a very long tag to a post to make sure that the Reply button gets pushed out of the screen
    • FakePassport: buy fake passports. With the possible freemium option of buying false passports.


    Days like today I'm ashamed to be part of such a ridiculous, self-centered industry.
    As a bonus, one of the Dolo app creators has the ugliest shirt I've ever seen (and I've been in Venice Beach artsy thrift shops):




  • @Ronald said:

    I hate this Dolo app.

    Wow, at first I thought you were talking about the Dolo app by that Twl guy (which has since been deleted from Google Play.. I guess that's another dream crushed by TDWTF.)

    Bonus points for the article mentioning "funemployment", a word which sums up everything I despise about the world.

    @Ronald said:

    As a bonus, one of the Dolo app creators has the ugliest shirt I've ever seen (and I've been in Venice Beach artsy thrift shops):



    Honestly, which? All three are the ugliest, douche-iest looking people I've seen in awhile..


    I would gladly revert to having to forage for berries and having all of my teeth fall out by 30 if it meant society could collapse and twats like these three would be killed for their meat.

    Seriously: fuck you civilization. You have failed.



  • Also, why the fuck are you reading TechCrunch? It's the asshole of the fucking Internet. It exists solely to hype up idiotic startups and piss away time and money of navel-gazing shitheads like the Dolo "developers".



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Also, why the fuck are you reading TechCrunch? It's the asshole of the fucking Internet. It exists solely to hype up idiotic startups and piss away time and money of navel-gazing shitheads like the Dolo "developers".

    I disagree. It's also there to praise the flawless Apple products.


    There are interesting things on TechCrunch, like the Cribs videos. I always believed that those million-dollar startups were working in really high-tech and cool workspaces, but really most are depressing, cliche (nerf guns, indian food catering, ping-pong tables) and usually either the place is half-empty or people are stacked like Singaporians sweatshop interns. And you always have the CEO/Spokeperson/ShortStrawPicker who shows uninteresting trinkets.



    I think one of the worst is Fab. The flamboyant CEO with his water-in-the-basement pants is entertaining, but the place is really depressing,with more room for art than people. At some point the dude shows the crappy tables the employees have and says: those cheap $30 Ikea table, no we don't sell those on Fab.



    People can say what they want, there is nothing like a closed office for productivity. Open spaces are distracting, that's why Microsoft has the best campus IMHO.



  • @Ronald said:

    I think one of the worst is Fab.

    I blame Google. They may not have originated the idea that your work space should look like the playroom for a retarded kid with gigantism, but they certainly popularized it to the point where the special little darlings who make up the start-up world have come to not only expect, but crave it.

    @Ronald said:

    People can say what they want, there is nothing like a closed office for productivity.

    My favorite place to work is a dark, quiet corner of a nearly-deserted pub. Getting drunk almost makes work not suck. But I don't get an opportunity to do it that often.

    Next best is working at home, so you can sit naked in front of a big window, enjoying the gorgeous view and cool breeze while you surf TDWTF.

    The worst place to work is a Starbucks or any other kind of crowded coffee shop. Seriously, you might as well just work at McDonald's; they have free wifi, too. (Although I did used to enjoy working in a nearly-deserted coffee shop a couple of blocks from my apartment. I had an entire sunny room to myself and could eat hummus and drink iced coffee.. Then I found out it was owned by anti-Israeli Palestinians so I had to stop going there...)



  • @Ronald said:

    Microsoft has the best campus
    When you make $73 Billion a year, you damn well better have the best campus.



  • @Ronald said:

    I think one of the worst is Fab. The flamboyant CEO with his water-in-the-basement pants is entertaining, but the place is really depressing,with more room for art than people. At some point the dude shows the crappy tables the employees have and says: those cheap $30 Ikea table, no we don't sell those on Fab.
     

    That was horrible.  The CEO makes me want to punch him.  My wife would have a fit looking at that absolutely horribly fitting suit.  "Check out our super-ugly building with no ceiling! And everyone has a fish!"



  • @El_Heffe said:

    @Ronald said:

    Microsoft has the best campus
    When you make $73 Billion a year, you damn well better have the best campus.

    By that logic, shouldn't Apple have a better campus? (Of course, who gives a shit? Anyone who decides to work at Apple is such a mouth-breathing dipshit that I hope they end up working in a leaky basement with asbestos walls.)



  • @Sutherlands said:

    The CEO makes me want to punch him.

    "Haaaate crime!!!"



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Honestly, which? All three are the ugliest, douche-iest looking people I've seen in awhile...
     

    I think it's the one on the right. That must be their one actual coder. Notice his half-plastic smile - just before the photo, he realised he had to do something with his face, but wasn't sure what, so he looked at the guy on his right and tried his best to emulate him. Notice how his shirt is awful, but it still has a similar overall pattern to the other guy's. I am pretty certain he's only working there due to the recession and is just doing his damndest to fit in as best as possible, lest he be fired for not being a team player.  This is the saddest photo I've seen today so far. It's also the very first photo I've seen today, but I doubt it will be topped.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Honestly, which? All three are the ugliest, douche-iest looking people I've seen in awhile.
    I don't know; the girl's not bad, but WTF is that imitation dead animal??? Madras plaid; ugh. But the guy on the right! Oh, my head almost exploded when I saw that. Please, make it stop!



  • @Mo6eB said:

    I am pretty certain he's only working there due to the recession and is just doing his damndest to fit in as best as possible, lest he be fired for not being a team player.

    No, that's "there"--this is a joke they made in their spare time. The douche in the middle works for Facebook. The sperglord on the right works at Foursquare. (Lest anyone think Facebook and Foursquare weren't jokes..)



  • @HardwareGeek said:

    I don't know; the girl's not bad...

    I guess if you're into 10 year-old girls, sure. Also, her dress is ugly and that fake fur is the shit icing on the retarded cake.






  • Edit: Why the fuck is the original photo a 500k png? What the fuck is wrong with the dipshits at TechCrunch?



  • Wow, morbiuswilters is really participating in this thread. Why so much hate man? Why?!?



  • @ubersoldat said:

    Wow, morbiuswilters is really participating in this thread. Why so much hate man? Why?!?

    "Dolo". "Bespoke apps". "Funemployment." "San Francisco." "Hipster." "TechCrunch". "Facebook". "Foursquare". "Awful shirts."

    Is that enough?

    Admittedly, I should probably just shut up about it, but how much more terrible can you get? Think of the wasted effort creating an app so some self-satisfied hipster twats can find each other in a fucking trendy park in SF? It makes me physically ill to think about. They could have spent that time doing something good for the world, like feeding the homeless or microwaving their own reproductive organs so their awful, awful genes would never propagate..



  • @HardwareGeek said:

    @morbiuswilters said:
    Honestly, which? All three are the ugliest, douche-iest looking people I've seen in awhile.
    I don't know; the girl's not bad, but WTF is that imitation dead animal??? Madras plaid; ugh. But the guy on the right! Oh, my head almost exploded when I saw that. Please, make it stop!
    The guy on the right burned out one of my fucking monitors.  Now I'm going from serious-and-more-like-i-am-in-person-Drurowin back to i-dont-want-any-passwords-Drurowin. :(



  • @drurowin said:

    Now I'm going from serious-and-more-like-i-am-in-person-Drurowin back to i-dont-want-any-passwords-Drurowin. :(
     

    You should make separate accounts, so we know when to ridicule like howler monkeys and when to have proper grownup discourse.



  • @dhromed said:

    @drurowin said:

    Now I'm going from serious-and-more-like-i-am-in-person-Drurowin back to i-dont-want-any-passwords-Drurowin. :(
     

    You should make separate accounts, so we know when to ridicule like howler monkeys and when to have proper grownup discourse.

    I'll do it if someone makes Ben L. and Morbs do it too.

     



  • @drurowin said:

    @dhromed said:

    @drurowin said:

    Now I'm going from serious-and-more-like-i-am-in-person-Drurowin back to i-dont-want-any-passwords-Drurowin. :(
     

    You should make separate accounts, so we know when to ridicule like howler monkeys and when to have proper grownup discourse.

    I'll do it if someone makes Ben L. and Morbs do it too.

    You son of a bitch. You know damn well I'm incapable of grownup discourse.



  •  Actually, I kinda get the app. It's an iOS version of the sort of cheap maps you get on college campuses and state parks to help figure out where various things are. Google maps is ok, but it doesn't really show fine detail like walking trails and buildings all that well, especially in a place where the street view van can't go. And being able to see where the people you are trying to meet are in relation to you is definitely a bonus. Personally, I suspect the eventual end-goal of the app would be something like a generic "maps with friends" app where users and businesses can upload different maps for specific locations. Imagine being able to meet up with someone in an unfamiliar location without doing the "So I'm by the big yellow sign thingie, where are you? I'm at the restrooms, do you know where that is?" dance for 5 minutes.

    On the subject of clothing, none of them really feels like douches, unless morbs has a wildly unfamiliar definition of the word. Dude on the left just seems like a nerd with no fashion sense. Dude in the middle maybe had the right general idea but failed in execution. The western style plaid shirt was in a few years ago, but seems to be out of style now, and even when it was cool, that color choice is unfortunate. His facial hair could use some work, but we've all been young and too enamored of the ability to have any facial hair at all. With any luck he'll grow out of it. The girl looks ok except for the feather boa.



  • @Snooder said:

    Dude on the left just seems like a nerd with no fashion sense. Dude in the middle maybe had the right general idea but failed in execution.

    The dude on the left of the middle is a girl. Fat asian chick, still a girl.



  • Done!



  • @Snooder said:

    Dude on the left just seems like a nerd with no fashion sense.

    That is not an excuse. Look, if he just had on some neutral shirt, I'd be okay with it, but he went out of his way to wear that monstrosity.

    @Snooder said:

    The western style plaid shirt was in a few years ago, but seems to be out of style now...

    And this is why people think you are stupid for following "fashion".   "Oh, hey, the other douchebags have stopped wearing their old, hideous shirts and have started wearing new, hideous shirts. Better head to the Gap* so there's no chance anybody would confuse me for anything more than an absolute tool!"

    @Snooder said:

    ...but we've all been young and too enamored of the ability to have any facial hair at all.

    What the fuck are you talking about? I've cursed facial hair since the day I had to start shaving.


    (*Assuming here.. I don't really know where you go to get douchebag clothes.)



  • @Ronald said:

    @Snooder said:

    Dude on the left just seems like a nerd with no fashion sense. Dude in the middle maybe had the right general idea but failed in execution.

    The dude on the left of the middle is a girl. Fat asian chick, still a girl.

    I think he meant "stage left". Which only confirms my misgivings.



  • @Ronald said:


    I think that's some kind of dazzle camouflage. At a distance it becomes impossible to tell the exact shape and orientation of his torso, providing perfect protection against WWII-era rangefinders.



  • @j6cubic said:

    I think that's some kind of dazzle camouflage.

    +1 quasi-obscure military reference

    @j6cubic said:

    At a distance it becomes impossible to tell the exact shape and orientation of his torso, providing perfect protection against WWII-era rangefinders.

    Are you suggesting a ship from a future that has reverted to early 20th century technology has traveled back through time to assassinate him and prevent some horrible evil from being unleashed?


    I'm not disagreeing, I just want to make sure we're on the same page here.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @Snooder said:
    Dude on the left just seems like a nerd with no fashion sense.

    That is not an excuse. Look, if he just had on some neutral shirt, I'd be okay with it, but he went out of his way to wear that monstrosity.

    Someone probably told him he needed to wear more color. Which was probably true, but when filtered through someone with no taste leads to that shirt.

    @morbiuswilters said:

    @Snooder said:
    The western style plaid shirt was in a few years ago, but seems to be out of style now...

    And this is why people think you are stupid for following "fashion".   "Oh, hey, the other douchebags have stopped wearing their old, hideous shirts and have started wearing new, hideous shirts. Better head to the Gap* so there's no chance anybody would confuse me for anything more than an absolute tool!"

    A) As I said that shirt would look ugly even when madras was in.
    B) The whole point is to demonstrate social awareness by monitoring what other people wear. Hence why it keeps changing.

    @morbiuswilters said:

    @Snooder said:
    ...but we've all been young and too enamored of the ability to have any facial hair at all.

    What the fuck are you talking about? I've cursed facial hair since the day I had to start shaving.



    Well, some of us didn't grow facial hair until midway through college.

    @morbiuswilters said:
    (*Assuming here.. I don't really know where you go to get douchebag clothes.)
     

    The Gap hasn't been fashionable since about 1999. They're on the level of JCPenny and Old Navy these days. If that's your metric, no wonder you'd complain about being behind the trend.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Are you suggesting a ship from a future that has reverted to early 20th century technology has traveled back through time to assassinate him and prevent some horrible evil from being unleashed?


    I'm not disagreeing, I just want to make sure we're on the same page here.

    Well, this madman has already given us the Dolo app. I can't even imagine what other atrocities he'll commit if the benevolent future dieselpunk assassination squads don't get him soon.



  • @Snooder said:

    B) The whole point is to demonstrate social awareness by monitoring what other people wear. Hence why it keeps changing.

    Once again: this is why people think you are retarded.

    @Snooder said:

    The Gap hasn't been fashionable since about 1999. They're on the level of JCPenny and Old Navy these days. If that's your metric, no wonder you'd complain about being behind the trend.

    I just picked a place that seemed sufficiently douchey; I apologize for it not being the right kind of douchey. And I never "complained about being behind the trend"--are you just making up the conversations you want to hear in your head? I actually mocked you for being so stupid and tasteless that you dress like a cuntwaffle because some gay guys in New York told you to.



  • @j6cubic said:

    benevolent future dieselpunk assassination squads

    I now know why I was put on this Earth.



  • @Snooder said:

    B) The whole point is to demonstrate social awareness by monitoring what other people wear.
     

    snort

    HAHAHAHAHA



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Honestly, which? All three are the ugliest, douche-iest looking people I've seen in awhile...

    I bet she's less ugly than you.


    I also bet that, if we're killing people for meat, you've got more in your left buttock than these 3 put together.


    This is conjecture, of course, but that doesn't make it any less true.




  • @eViLegion said:

    I bet she's less ugly than you.
     

    Morbius is a tiny hobbit person.



  • @dhromed said:

    @eViLegion said:

    I bet she's less ugly than you.
     

    Morbius is a tiny hobbit person.

    You still would though, right? :P



  • @eViLegion said:

    You still would though, right? :P
     

    The girl in the photo? Sure. If she's cool. Can't really judge that form here— although she obviously keeps bad company. Nyeh.



  • Not the girl.... I meant Morbs. :o/



  • @eViLegion said:

    Not the girl.... I meant Morbs. :o/
     

    I fuck Morbs all the time.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Next best is working at home, so you can sit naked in front of a big window mirror, enjoying the gorgeous view
    I know that's what you wanted to write.



  • @j6cubic said:

    I think that's some kind of dazzle camouflage.

    And it works! You guys have failed to look at this shirt long enough to notice that it's an obvious photoshop job.



  • @Planar said:

    @j6cubic said:
    I think that's some kind of dazzle camouflage.

    And it works! You guys have failed to look at this shirt long enough to notice that it's an obvious photoshop job.

    It might be... it might not be.

    I just get an intense combination of moiré and white noise, like my visual cortex is trying to upscale an SD signal using Samsung hardware.



  • A rush job, but you get the picture:

    I opted to respect the missing arm.

     



  •  

    ...And that's enough wasted time for today.



  •  I have the same shirt as on the guy in the middle.

     My Gay friend convinced me to buy it.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    "Dolo". "Bespoke apps". "Funemployment." "San Francisco." "Hipster." "TechCrunch". "Facebook". "Foursquare". "Awful shirts."

    Is that enough?

    You need one more to make it a perfect 10 out of 10.



  • @Ronald said:

    FacialTime: vote for your favorite El_Heffe's facepalm girls
    Much to my disappointment, the domain <font face="courier new,courier">facialtime.com</font> [mod - warning; NSFW] is taken.



  • @Snooder said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    Look, if he just had on some neutral shirt, I'd be okay with it, but he went out of his way to wear that monstrosity.

    Someone probably told him he needed to wear more color. Which was probably true, but when filtered through someone with no taste leads to that shirt.

    The expression we came up with years ago for that situation is "someone ate a box of Crayolas and then threw up on him".

     



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @HardwareGeek said:
    I don't know; the girl's not bad...

    I guess if you're into 10 year-old girls, sure. Also, her dress is ugly and that fake fur is the shit icing on the retarded cake.

     

     Now I hope no one laughs, but I genuinely thought that she had a tree stump on her shoulder. After which my mind for some reason decided "yep, looks legit". And I have no idea why. 


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @fire2k said:

    I genuinely thought that she had a tree stump on her shoulder. After which my mind for some reason decided "yep, looks legit". And I have no idea why.
    I would mock you for this, but that observation has one advantage in that it encourages looking at someone whose dress sense is only somewhat bizarre, rather than wasting good eyesight on That Shirt.



  • Whatever her dress sense I still would. Get clothes off and the dress sense doesn't matter.


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