I Lost on Jeopardy



  • Local TV station is having [url="http://www.chch.com/contests/jeopardycontest/"] contest to get front-of-the-line[/url] to the Jeopardy! auditions. I like both trivial and winning money, so it's perfect for me.

    They must have also know I love posting to this forum, given the site.

    Put aside the aesthetics for just one moment, though a image banner that takes up at least 60% of the screen is a personal wtf. No delve deeper.

    Jeopardy! Round

    I'll take Globalization Fails for $100, [url="http://thedailywtf.com/Authors/Alex_Papadimoulis.aspx"]Alex[/url].

    A: These geographical divisions account for the majority of the time-based WTFs you'll ever see.
    ding
    Q: What are timezones?
    CORRECT!  The contest hinges on entering a clue from the show, which finishes airing at 8pm EST.  The station is in EST. I am in EST. Pretty much anyone who will ever receieve a broadcast from this station is in EST.  But when I went to the contest page Friday evening at 9pm EST, I got the following message:

    @wtf said:

    This contest is open Monday to Friday only.  Please return on Monday to enter.

    So not only do they pull a Mabel and shut down the site outside of weekdays, but they did it wrong. Looking at the source, there's a line like var day="Sat";  if (da=="Sat") {$("#fuckoffmessage").show(); }

    Their server should only have to deal with one and only one timezone, and it did it wrong.

    Double Jeopardy! Round

    I'll take "User Account Standard Practices" for $800, Alex.

    A: In addition to using forms or automation to reset passwords, they can also be done via this protocol-prepended hyperlink
    bing
    Q: I hope to fuck my status bar is wrong on this-- but what is mailto:
    CORRECT!

    Yes... look at the source code, ponder over the implications of this, and let your soul wither and die ever so slightly.

    @webmaster said:

    <a href="mailto:webmaster@chch.com?subject=Forgot%20my%20Jeopardy%20Contest%20password" style="color:#0088cc;">Forgot your password?</a>

    Final Jeopardy!

    Okay, players. Here's the category.  "Get Ready".  Make your wagers. Here's your clue:

    Q: Gross misunderstanding of javascript, tainted by cargo-cults and timepods, results in this script placement structure. It'll only matter if you're still using Netscape.

    <HTML5TagThatPlaysFuckingAnnoyingSounds src="Final_Jeopardy.ogg" />

    Pens down. Let's see your response.

    A: For the love of God's dick, please let me be wrong.  What is-- {whimper}-- putting document.ready scripts needlessly at the end of the HTML document?

    CORRECT!

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    @This snarky comment by the dev just explains everything said:

    <!-- DO NOT NEED TO INCLUDE JS IN FOOTER - SEE functions.php TO DO IT PROPERLY -->
    <!-- The following scripts are positioned here since they must be after the tags that they affect -->

    <!-- BEGIN main nav hover effect -->
    <script type="text/javascript">
    jQuery(document).ready(function() { ... all the fucking scripts ...};

     

    $(document).ready().  DOCUMENT.... DOT... MOTHERFUCKING READY!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You win: a year's supply of turtle wax, the home version, and the complete loss of your sanity!

     



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    a image banner that takes up at least 60% of the screen is a personal wtf

    On a monitor with decent resolution it's at most 30%. Maybe it's time for you to replace that Trident/PackardBell display package you must be using.



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    A: For the love of God's dick, please let me be wrong.  What is-- {whimper}-- putting document.ready scripts needlessly at the end of the HTML document?

    That entire script block could be simplified to $(function(){ ... all the fucking scripts ... }), or if it's after the elements it interacts with, /* fuck fuck fuck / all the fucking scripts / cunt */.

    Also, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU USE JAVASCRIPT TO DO HOVER EFFECTS?



  • @Ben L. said:

    WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU USE JAVASCRIPT TO DO HOVER EFFECTS?

    Yeah, those javascript hovers don't work on my tablet or mobile.





  • @Ronald said:

    @Lorne Kates said:

    a image banner that takes up at least 60% of the screen is a personal wtf

    On a monitor with decent resolution it's at most 30%. Maybe it's time for you to replace that Trident/PackardBell display package you must be using.

    What have I told you about making fun of Canadians? Next you're going to be getting on to him because he says the site makes use of all 16 simultaneous colours permitted by EGA and that's just showboating.



  • @Ronald said:

    On a monitor with decent resolution it's at most 30%. Maybe it's time for you to replace that Trident/PackardBell display package you must be using.
     

    Laptop. Between tab bar and status bar, I have 717px.

    The banner plus the whitespace above the form take up 355px.  So fine, it's only 50% of the screen wasted until the first usable element.

    @Ronald said:

    Yeah, those javascript hovers don't work on my tablet or mobile.

    Yes. YES!



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Next you're going to be getting on to him because he says the site makes use of all 16 simultaneous colours permitted by EGA and that's just showboating.

    It also uses Ajax, so it busies up BOTH Canadian TCP ports.  If they ever upgrade the Internets to use 3.0, we're completely scrood up here.



  • @Ben L. said:

    You sure milk that depressing QR code. Also: why is that window not maximized, are you turned on by that small piece of fur?



  • @Ronald said:

    Also: why is that window not maximized,

    You browse maximized? This is a netbook, not an iPad. This might amaze you, but I can have multiple windows open at the same time.

    @Ronald said:

    are you turned on by that small piece of fur?



  • @Ben L. said:

    @Ronald said:
    are you turned on by that small piece of fur?
    So . . . . .  the answer is yes.

     

    Also, I can't believe this wasn't posted yet

    "Weird Al" Yankovic - I Lost On Jeopardy – 03:50
    — alyankovicVEVO

     



  • @Ronald said:

    You sure milk that depressing QR code.

    Oh, there's a QR code? I couldn't tell because some idiot posted a 1366px wide image which gets chopped off by the forum software.


    I did think it was odd they had something about Jeopardy without Alex Trebek.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @Ronald said:
    You sure milk that depressing QR code.

    Oh, there's a QR code? I couldn't tell because some idiot posted a 1366px wide image which gets chopped off by the forum software.

    Yeah, what kind of moron would do that?



  • @Ben L. said:

    You browse maximized? This is a netbook, not an iPad. This might amaze you, but I can have multiple windows open at the same time.

    Yeah, you're going to have a lot of useful information in that 120px to each side of the browser. And clearly you're making use of it.

    Sure, if you had an actual big monitor it makes sense to have side-by-side windows, but you have a tiny screen and yet are still wasting large portions of it. That is dumb. And wasteful. And dumb.

    Seriously, what the fuck is this thing with idiots being against maximizing windows to make use of the actual screen they have? And then being like "herp de derp, that's windowing" not realizing that one of the things a windowing system does is let you maximize a fucking application to actually use the full goddamn screen and then switch to other applications.



  • @Ben L. said:

    @morbiuswilters said:
    @Ronald said:
    You sure milk that depressing QR code.

    Oh, there's a QR code? I couldn't tell because some idiot posted a 1366px wide image which gets chopped off by the forum software.

    Yeah, what kind of moron would do that?

    (I think he was talking about you.)



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @Ben L. said:
    @morbiuswilters said:
    @Ronald said:
    You sure milk that depressing QR code.

    Oh, there's a QR code? I couldn't tell because some idiot posted a 1366px wide image which gets chopped off by the forum software.

    Yeah, what kind of moron would do that?

    (I think he was talking about you.)

    What kind of moron would do that?



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    It also uses Ajax, so it busies up BOTH Canadian TCP ports.

    I'm surprised Canada has ports left that aren't closed due to oil spills ROFL ROFL ROFL



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Seriously, what the fuck is this thing with idiots being against maximizing windows to make use of the actual screen they have? And then being like "herp de derp, that's windowing" not realizing that one of the things a windowing system does is let you maximize a fucking application to actually use the full goddamn screen and then switch to other applications.

    Goddammit, now the blood is all angered up. It reminds me of several years ago when I was dealing with a Mac-using teenager. I was trying to browse with Safari and I asked him how the fuck I was supposed to maximize the fucking window. His response?

    "You don't need to maximize the window."

    What did you fucking say to me you little cockstain? Maybe you don't think I need to, but I want because right now what I'm trying to do is view a fucking web site and I'd like for it to use more than 60% of the motherfucking screen I paid for.

    You know, I don't know what life is like when you have Down's Syndrome, but I didn't spend a bunch of money of a fucking computer so I could spend all day looking at the goddamn wallpaper while I'm trying to browse the fucking web. The nice thing about a proper window manager is that it let's me go maximized when I want to focus on a single thing and use all of that screen real estate for that task, and it lets me quickly switch to other windows, and it gives me the option of running a non-maximized window if I want look at more than one window at once, you stupid ignorant fucking bastards.

    This shit with retarded youngsters acting like maximizing a window is just "grandpa using the computer wrong" is goddamn asinine. It's like how they think that not having the waist of your pants around your knees so everybody can see your tiny, shriveled dick poking through the piss-hole* in your boxers is "wearing pants wrong". Or that having a haircut which makes you look like a man (or, at the very least, a lesbian) is "using hair wrong". Motherfuckinghell.


    (*Why does this still exist? Is there a man alive who tries to fish his dick through that fucking slit to take a piss? Is there a man alive who would admit to possessing such a thin, nimble cock? You use the left hand to slide down the front band of the boxers while sending the right hand on a magical journey down to your ballsack to grab the willie so you can flop the whole thing over the top of the waist band like a beautiful, gleaming whale breaching the ocean's surface. That, my friends, is how you take a piss.)



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @Lorne Kates said:
    It also uses Ajax, so it busies up BOTH Canadian TCP ports.

    I'm surprised Canada has ports left that aren't closed due to oil spills ROFL ROFL ROFL

     

    You're thinking of Alaska, our shared retarded cousin who picks its nose deep enough to leak neurons. Our ports are closed because of [url="http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2013/06/05/xl_foods_independent_review_blames_lax_attitudes_for_beef_recall.html"]shit contaminated beef[/url].

    I'm not sure where this joke is going.  Unless it's to e-coliville, which is exactly like coliville, but ELECTRIC!



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Why does this still exist?

    It makes it easier to get blowjobs in the car.

    @morbiuswilters said:

    You use the left hand to slide down the front band of the boxers while sending the right hand on a magical journey down to your ballsack to grab the willie so you can flop the whole thing over the top of the waist band like a beautiful, gleaming whale breaching the ocean's surface. That, my friends, is how you take a piss.)

    You forgot that one needs to put both hands on his hips (or flat on the wall) while taking the piss. That's the manly way to do it.



  • @Ronald said:

    It makes it easier to get blowjobs in the car.

    Or you could just slide down your boxers. Shoving it through that little cotton slit is just going to lead to chafing, assuming you can fish it through there in the first place (especially if you're already at four bells..)

    @Ronald said:

    You forgot that one needs to put both hands on his hips (or flat on the wall) while taking the piss. That's the manly way to do it.

    Both hands??



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    @morbiuswilters said:
    @Lorne Kates said:
    It also uses Ajax, so it busies up BOTH Canadian TCP ports.

    I'm surprised Canada has ports left that aren't closed due to oil spills ROFL ROFL ROFL

     

    You're thinking of Alaska, our shared retarded cousin who picks its nose deep enough to leak neurons. Our ports are closed because of shit contaminated beef.

    I'm not sure where this joke is going.  Unless it's to e-coliville, which is exactly like coliville, but ELECTRIC!

    Unless you work at Apple, then you get iColi.

     



  • @El_Heffe said:

    Unless you work at Apple, then you get iColi.

    Or pancreatic cancer.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @Ronald said:
    It makes it easier to get blowjobs in the car.

    Or you could just slide down your boxers. Shoving it through that little cotton slit is just going to lead to chafing, assuming you can fish it through there in the first place (especially if you're already at four bells..)

    Men with decent-sized penises don't wear boxers because of the lack of support.

    @morbiuswilters said:

    @Ronald said:
    You forgot that one needs to put both hands on his hips (or flat on the wall) while taking the piss. That's the manly way to do it.

    Both hands??

    Men with decent-sized penises don't have this problem, the sheer weight of Nessie keeps it perfectly aimed at the mint.



  • @Ronald said:

    Men with decent-sized penises don't wear boxers because of the lack of support.

    Are you implying they wear tighty whities? Because those don't tend to be "supportive" so much as "constraining to a degree which is medically concerning for any man of average-or-larger size".

    @Ronald said:

    Men with decent-sized penises don't have this problem, the sheer weight of Nessie keeps it perfectly aimed at the mint.

    Weight has nothing on a wide, powerful stream of urine. The Saturn V weighed tons, but it still got into orbit.

    Also, your logistics are all wrong. A big, heavy wang points straight down. Clearly you have never experienced this, or you'd realize it's impossible to piss straight down unless you're pressed so close to the urinal that you're rubbing on it. Now, a tiny wang is going to point forward or at a slight declination, so your no-hands trick is acceptable in those circumstances.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Now, a tiny wang is going to point forward or at a slight declination, so your no-hands trick is acceptable in those circumstances.

    You must be one of those guys who prefer to use the blower to dry their hands because it also dries their pants.



  • @Ronald said:

    @morbiuswilters said:
    Now, a tiny wang is going to point forward or at a slight declination, so your no-hands trick is acceptable in those circumstances.

    You must be one of those guys who prefer to use the blower to dry their hands because it also dries their pants.

    Naw, I usually just wipe my hands on my pants. I hate those fucking blower things, especially those ill-conceived Dyson contraptions which you have to reach your fucking hands down into and trying to extract them without touching the sides (and necessitating another round of hand-washing) is about as demeaning as Michael J. Fox trying to play Operation.



  • @morbiuswilters said:


    Also, your logistics are all wrong. A big, heavy wang points straight down. Clearly you have never experienced this, or you'd realize it's impossible to piss straight down unless you're pressed so close to the urinal that you're rubbing on it. Now, a tiny wang is going to point forward or at a slight declination, so your no-hands trick is acceptable in those circumstances.

    What does it mean when your dick arches up like it's trying to see God, and if you're not careful you'll piss in your own face?



  • @drurowin said:

    @morbiuswilters said:


    Also, your logistics are all wrong. A big, heavy wang points straight down. Clearly you have never experienced this, or you'd realize it's impossible to piss straight down unless you're pressed so close to the urinal that you're rubbing on it. Now, a tiny wang is going to point forward or at a slight declination, so your no-hands trick is acceptable in those circumstances.

    What does it mean when your dick arches up like it's trying to see God, and if you're not careful you'll piss in your own face?

    "Stop trying to wiz with an erection", for one.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @Ronald said:
    @morbiuswilters said:
    Now, a tiny wang is going to point forward or at a slight declination, so your no-hands trick is acceptable in those circumstances.

    You must be one of those guys who prefer to use the blower to dry their hands because it also dries their pants.

    Naw, I usually just wipe my hands on my pants. I hate those fucking blower things, especially those ill-conceived Dyson contraptions which you have to reach your fucking hands down into and trying to extract them without touching the sides (and necessitating another round of hand-washing) is about as demeaning as Michael J. Fox trying to play Operation.

    I think the worse I've experienced as hands drying goes was that time where an Indian guy finished pissing before me, and I heard him use the drier on his way out. The missing sound of him using water or soap will stay with me forever.



  • @drurowin said:

    @morbiuswilters said:


    Also, your logistics are all wrong. A big, heavy wang points straight down. Clearly you have never experienced this, or you'd realize it's impossible to piss straight down unless you're pressed so close to the urinal that you're rubbing on it. Now, a tiny wang is going to point forward or at a slight declination, so your no-hands trick is acceptable in those circumstances.

    What does it mean when your dick arches up like it's trying to see God, and if you're not careful you'll piss in your own face?

    That explains a lot. Such as why you use Solaris. Abominations always come in clusters.



  • @Ronald said:

    I think the worse I've experienced as hands drying goes was that time where an Indian guy finished pissing before me, and I heard him use the drier on his way out. The missing sound of him using water or soap will stay with me forever.

    Yeah, I've seen people do that before. (Although why you felt mentioning his nationality was important is beyond me.) I figure they're just trying to aerosolize whatever droplets of wee landed on their hands.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Although why you felt mentioning his nationality was important is beyond me.

    Ok let me educate you about international bathroom manners.


    • Indians do weird noises and most don't wash their hands
    • Chinese pick their nose and rub out their boogers on the wall while pissing and don't seem ashamed of it
    • Once they are done pissing, Arabs fix their hair with their hands *before* washing them
    • Latinos look at their dcks while pissing


    I don't have a good one for blacks or caucasians because there are two many types of them.


  •  I just sit.



  • @dhromed said:

    I just sit.
    I just let it dangle out of the bottom of my pants leg, so I only have to put up a foot on the edge of the seat.

     



  • @Anonymouse said:

    @dhromed said:

    I just sit.
    I just let it dangle out of the bottom of my pants, so I only have to put up a foot on the edge of the seat.

     

     

    Anonydawg

     



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Why does this still exist? Is there a man alive who tries to fish his dick through that fucking slit to take a piss? Is there a man alive who would admit to possessing such a thin, nimble cock?
    In all seriousness, it's because the alternative makes men look like a fucking barbie doll. Or Ken doll, or whatever it is Blakey plays with these days. Plain fronted jockeys - which I'm pretty sure is what you mean, because a) no-one wears boxers these days and b) boxers have an opening in the front like a crackwhore at a fisting convention - make things down there look like the featureless bulge of an android. It's not a good look.



  • @TDWTF123 said:

    it's because the alternative makes men look like a fucking barbie doll. Or Ken dol
     

    I don't know what you mean.

    @TDWTF123 said:

    Plain fronted jockeys

    I don't know what this is.

    @TDWTF123 said:

    a) no-one wears boxers these days
     

    I'm wearing some right now. They're great. Loose yet supportive.

    @TDWTF123 said:

    b) boxers have an opening in the front like a crackwhore at a fisting convention

    No, not really, no.

    @TDWTF123 said:

    make things down there look like the featureless bulge of an android. It's not a good look.

    You're thinking of those hybrid models: the boxer tights, right? I don't like the look of those at all. They probably feel like crap.



  • @dhromed said:

    @TDWTF123 said:

    a) no-one wears boxers these days
     

    I'm wearing some right now. They're great. Loose yet supportive.

    If they offer support, they're jockeys, not boxers. Boxers are loose all over.
    @dhromed said:

    @TDWTF123 said:

    b) boxers have an opening in the front like a crackwhore at a fisting convention

    No, not really, no.

    Native English speakers often refer to jockeys as boxers because they're idiots; I can see why you might have picked up the wrong term, and it really sounds like you're talking about jockeys.

    @dhromed said:

    You're thinking of those hybrid models: the boxer tights, right?
    I'm not quite sure what you mean. Americans seem to have some really freaky tight pants that look like they're designed to cut off the circulation to the balls of passive gay men and would be hideously uncomfortable.

    Here are some ordinary jockeys: http://www.clothingattesco.com/underwear/f+f-2-pack-of-big-banana-trunks/invt/fc313138/


    Tesco seems to have decided to avoid the terminology debate by calling them 'trunks', which ought to result in at least a few people getting a nasty surprise in the swimming pool this summer.


    I'd link some boxers, but apparently Tesco don't sell them and I can't be bothered to go looking. Think non-stretch fabric in a very loose cut extending to mid thigh. A lot like the shorts a boxer wears, hence the name, although shorter and more lightweight.



  • @TDWTF123 said:

    Americans seem to have some really freaky tight pants that look like they're designed to cut off the circulation to the balls

    It's not about circulation, it's about getting them closer to the body where heat solves the "I want a baby" discussion with the wife.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Seriously, what the fuck is this thing with idiots being against maximizing windows to make use of the actual screen they have?

    Yuck. I can't browse like that, because so many sites (HELLO COMMUNITY SERVER) expand to the entire size, making it very difficult to read. Others don't expand at all, so it doesn't make a difference.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    "You don't need to maximize the window."

    An incomplete list of more things you definitely don't need:

    • A start button and menu
    • Dildo longer than 5 inches
    • Gun with more than 3 bullets
    • Lightbulb that works when you flip the switch, doesn't give you a headache and costs less than the fixture you're putting it in.
    • Your health insurance, just because you like it


  • @boomzilla said:

    Gun with more than 3 bullets

    Rifle or smooth bore? Muzzle-load or fully automatic? Pistol, revolver, lever-action? What kind of bullet? Hollow-point, FMJ, depleted uranium? You have to be more specific if you want people to take you seriously.



    Here is an example. Suppose you talk about an AR-15 modified to fire SOCOM 458 ammo; that's a totally different scenario than having a tiny .22 rimfire.






  • @Ronald said:

    @boomzilla said:
    Gun with more than 3 bullets

    Rifle or smooth bore? Muzzle-load or fully automatic? Pistol, revolver, lever-action? What kind of bullet? Hollow-point, FMJ, depleted uranium? You have to be more specific if you want people to take you seriously.

    That's ludicrous. None of the gun control loudmouths have any sort of clue about....ohhhhhhh.



  • @dhromed said:

    I'm wearing some right now. They're great. Loose yet supportive.

    As am I. Tighty whities look and feel like shit.



  • @boomzilla said:

    @morbiuswilters said:
    Seriously, what the fuck is this thing with idiots being against maximizing windows to make use of the actual screen they have?

    Yuck. I can't browse like that, because so many sites (HELLO COMMUNITY SERVER) expand to the entire size, making it very difficult to read. Others don't expand at all, so it doesn't make a difference.

    Sure, on a high-rez monitor, full-width could be a problem, which is what I said. But on a dinky laptop screen like Ben posted, it's not a problem.



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    I'll take Globalization Fails for $100, Alex.

     

    I like how you linked to his profile page in case we've forgotten who he is, even though Alex is probably in the Guinness Book of Records as "Owner of the only properly ironic installation of Community Server".

     



  • I wouldn't be surprised if this was the only installation of Community Server still running.



  • @Ronald said:

    @boomzilla said:
    Gun with more than 3 bullets

    Rifle or smooth bore? Muzzle-load or fully automatic? Pistol, revolver, lever-action? What kind of bullet? Hollow-point, FMJ, depleted uranium? You have to be more specific if you want people to take you seriously.



    Here is an example. Suppose you talk about an AR-15 modified to fire SOCOM 458 ammo; that's a totally different scenario than having a tiny .22 rimfire.


    If you can't get the job done in three shots, you need a bigger gun.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    I wouldn't be surprised if this was the only installation of Community Server still running.

    Time to migrate to phpBB!


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