So I got this job offer...





  • (unedited except for the obvious redactions)

    Just in case you didn't catch that, one of the European Google recruiters saw my GitHub repositories and thought "that guy looks good. he should come work for Google instead of whatever company he's currently working for."

    I graduate from High School in about a week.

    I reply that I'm 18 years old and living on the wrong continent. He replies that he didn't know either of those things and that if I'm still interested in a job at Google, I should look into an internship.

    Gee, I wonder where he could have found out I'm a high school student. I wonder if there's some kind of information-finding tool for the internet. Someone should invent one of those.

    That wouldn't be a WTF on its own. Anyone could make that mistake. Heck, I have people calling me "that woman" when I'm sitting down playing with a cat at the local animal shelter (I volunteer). Here's more WTF goodness:


    Yes, that's right. Dublin Ireland is one of the suggested locations "near me".

    I'll just check the intern box.

    oh.



  • @Ben L. said:



    (unedited except for the obvious redactions)

    Just in case you didn't catch that, one of the European Google recruiters saw my GitHub repositories and thought "that guy looks good. he should come work for Google instead of whatever company he's currently working for."

    I graduate from High School in about a week.

    I reply that I'm 18 years old and living on the wrong continent. He replies that he didn't know either of those things and that if I'm still interested in a job at Google, I should look into an internship.

    Gee, I wonder where he could have found out I'm a high school student. I wonder if there's some kind of information-finding tool for the internet. Someone should invent one of those.

    That wouldn't be a WTF on its own. Anyone could make that mistake. Heck, I have people calling me "that woman" when I'm sitting down playing with a cat at the local animal shelter (I volunteer). Here's more WTF goodness:


    Yes, that's right. Dublin Ireland is one of the suggested locations "near me".

    I'll just check the intern box.

    oh.

    They're just pleased someone's figured out Go.

     



  • @Ben L. said:

    I have people calling me "that woman" when I'm sitting down playing with a cat at the local animal shelter (I volunteer).

    Based on that anecdote, I would suggest that you stay out of trouble because as Sonny Crockett once said, if you go to jail they'll pass you around like a pack of smokes. (on the plus side pretty quickly you'd become a silent farter).



    As for volunteering at the animal shelter: unless it's to be able to torture small animals that can't run away I'd say it's a pretty clear indicator that your parents shouldn't expect to become grandparents.



  • @Ben L. said:

    Yes, that's right. Dublin Ireland is one of the suggested locations "near me".

    It doesn't say "near you", it just says "suggested locations".



  • @Ronald said:

    As for volunteering at the animal shelter: unless it's to be able to torture small animals that can't run away I'd say it's a pretty clear indicator that your parents shouldn't expect to become grandparents.

    You don't want to play with cats but not have to take care of them?



  • What did you write.



  • Hey, I got my job because I understood a terrible technology that nobody should ever be writing new software in.

    Granted, Windows Forms used to be considered acceptable.



  • @Ben L. said:

    You don't want to play with pussies but not have to take care of them?

    That's why God created strippers and hookers (depending on what you mean by "play" - if you are into weird stuff like bouncing grapes on bosoms while wearing a bugs bunny costume then hookers may refuse, you'll need japanese college girls).



  • @Ben L. said:

    @Ronald said:
    As for volunteering at the animal shelter: unless it's to be able to torture small animals that can't run away I'd say it's a pretty clear indicator that your parents shouldn't expect to become grandparents.

    You don't want to play with cats but not have to take care of them?

    That's what the three strays that live in the courtyard of the block of flats here are for.  They come when you call them (curiously, all three are named "kitty"), they love you forever if you give them a can of wet food, and the nice lady from the council took them to get fixed and returned them under a "fix the ferals" program.  I'd invite them in, except I don't want cat crap everywhere in my house.  (When they crap outside, it's the groundskeeper's job to clean it up!)

    tl;dr: Ben is already a crazy cat lady in disguise.



  • @drurowin said:

    tl;dr: Ben is already a crazy cat lady in disguise[citation needed].

    That last word doesn't look quite right...


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    I, too, received a similar recruitment email once upon a time. Based upon my C++ contributions to the OpenTTD codebase. To this very day I have hacked around the codebase a little, and never actually built anything fully workable, nevermind pushed a patch. As of the date I received the email, I hadn't even hacked around at all - I was just contributing pixel art. 

    They became very un-keen when I pointed out I prefer having a machine more infalliable than I manage my memory for me. This was obviously before they started writing large-scale architecture in fucking Go.



  • Honestly I would go for it (no pun intended) or at least find out what the deal is.



  • Is it just me, or is using the word "function" instead of "department" a really weird use of language?



  • @Ronald said:

    [...] if you are into weird stuff like bouncing grapes on bosoms while wearing a bugs bunny costume [...]
    I swear, that photo was a PhotoShop job. It wasn't me.



  • @eViLegion said:

    Is it just me, or is using the word "function" instead of "department" a really weird use of language?

    Not necessarily. When it's used that way, it's usually a cross departmental thing. Departments will have people other than engineers, typically, even if it's only a secretary and a manager. Having functional stuff like this happens a lot in large organizations in an attempt to improve collaboration and coordination across the entire organization. Sometimes it works, often it's just another layer of organizational cruft.



  • I got one of those a couple of years ago. I still don't know why.

    Turned it down because I have no intention of moving to Hyderabad.



  • @Ben L. said:



    I'll just check the intern box.

                    [ . . . ] 

    oh.

    Why isn't that link about student internships what you're looking for?

     


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @DaveK said:

    @Ben L. said:



    I'll just check the intern box.

                    [ . . . ] 

    oh.

    Why isn't that link about student internships what you're looking for?

     


    Wow, I had banner blindness. It was totally invisible to me.



  • @eViLegion said:

    Is it just me, or is using the word "function" instead of "department" a really weird use of language?

    Department is an administrative concept. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Function_model#Business_function_model'>Function is a business concept.



  • @Ben L. said:

    I graduate from High School in about a week.
    And you haven't sold a worthless app to Yahoo for $30 Million yet?



  • @Ben L. said:

    @Ronald said:
    As for volunteering at the animal shelter: unless it's to be able to torture small animals that can't run away I'd say it's a pretty clear indicator that your parents shouldn't expect to become grandparents.

    You don't want to play with cats but not have to take care of them?

     

    I think you just proved Ronald's point.  Babies are like cats that are less concientious about where they poop.  And scream a lot at unpleasant times of day.

    Also, that graduation handbook is a great way to clear up any rose tinted vision about school days past.  I'd momentarily forgotten how badly high school administrations take themselves way too seriously.



  • @jello said:

    @Ben L. said:

    @Ronald said:
    As for volunteering at the animal shelter: unless it's to be able to torture small animals that can't run away I'd say it's a pretty clear indicator that your parents shouldn't expect to become grandparents.

    You don't want to play with cats but not have to take care of them?

     

    I think you just proved Ronald's point.  Babies are like cats that are less concientious about where they poop.  And scream a lot at unpleasant times of day.

    Cats poop in a box. Someone else cleans that up. I just have to sit down near a cat and play with it or pet it or whatever. It's fun and relaxing.



  • Alright, I'm sorry. But fuck you. No, that doesn't really get across my point.

    FUCK YOU.

    If Google emails me a job offer anywhere, I'm going to take it. Immediately. I'm giving two weeks notice and buying a plane ticket. You do realize that if you want to be a software developer, working for Google is a goddam career maker, right? Regardless of how you feel about the company itself, whether you really want to work there or not (I would do just about anything to work for Google, even if I had to use Go), you work there for a few years and you could get a job practically anywhere. You just got handed a golden ticket and turned it down, and now you're mocking them on the internet. You spoiled little shit, you're 18 goddam years old and you just passed on a better opportunity than I've ever even seen. Not to mention the fact that it would have gotten you out of Madison-fucking-Wisconsin. Fuck you, and fuck your stupid future.

    I wish I was motivated enough when I was 18 to do the shit you're doing. When I was 18 my career aspirations pretty much consisted of doing as much coke as I could get my hands on. Which probably has a lot to do with why I haven't got a job offer from Google yet.



  • @mikeTheLiar said:

    Y U NO

    Here is the entirety of the reply I sent:

    Thank you for your interest. I'm finishing High School next week, and
    planning to continue taking Computer Science courses at University of
    Wisconsin-Milwaukee. If you're interested in an 18-year-old in the
    United States doing some work with you, it'd be great to communicate more.

    And here's the recruiter's entire reply, unedited:

    Hi Ben,
    
    I wasn't aware you were still in education, we have hire interns across US
    offices, so I would encourage you to take at look at our intern positions on
    our jobs page if interested.


  • @Ben L. said:

    ...when I'm sitting down playing with a cat at the local animal shelter (I volunteer).

    Dawwww!



  • @mikeTheLiar said:

    You do realize that if you want to be a software developer, working for Google is a goddam career maker, right?

    Bleh, fuck that. There's no amount of money Google could offer me to work there.

    @mikeTheLiar said:

    When I was 18 my career aspirations pretty much consisted of doing as much coke as I could get my hands on.

    That's probably a better aspiration than working for Google. At least coke is fun.



  • @Ronald said:

    As for volunteering at the animal shelter: unless it's to be able to torture small animals that can't run away I'd say it's a pretty clear indicator that your parents shouldn't expect to become grandparents.

    Man, you're kind of a fucking psycho.





  • View pictures of all of the adorable cats and kittens available for adoption at the Ozaukee Humane Society! The photos are updated every 30 minutes so be sure to check back often!



  • @mikeTheLiar said:

    View pictures of all of the adorable cats and kittens available for adoption at the Ozaukee Humane Society! The photos are updated every 30 minutes so be sure to check back often!

    Someone did an UPDATE without a WHERE



  • @mikeTheLiar said:

    If Google emails me a job offer anywhere, I'm going to take it. Immediately. I'm giving two weeks notice and buying a plane ticket.

    Hahaha seriously?

    Mike: "Yes!! Google!!! It cost $20,000 to move but it was ALL WORTH IT! GOOGLE BABY GOOGLE!"
    (one week later, in shitty beige office building somewhere in the mid-west)
    Mike: (on phone) "So you say your Google Apps email account won't correctly show cat photos? Ok, we're going to do a little troubleshooting, to start with could you clear your cookies and reload the website..."

    @mikeTheLiar said:

    You do realize that if you want to be a software developer, working for Google is a goddam career maker, right?

    Oh this is your problem. You think Google only hires software developers. Maybe you should qualify your statement a little bit:

    @mikeTheLiar said:

    FUCK YOU assuming that when you say "job offer from Google" you mean "software development job" and not something tedious like front-line support and when you say "move anywhere" you mean move to Google's main campus which is the only one that has things they always play-up to potential employees, like a on-staff chef and masseuse, and not one of their dozens of other offices and/or data centers which are nothing but drab beige cube-farms

    There we go. All better.

    @mikeTheLiar said:

    I wish I was motivated enough when I was 18 to do the shit you're doing. When I was 18 my career aspirations pretty much consisted of doing as much coke as I could get my hands on. Which probably has a lot to do with why I haven't got a job offer from Google yet.

    Maybe your problem is you don't research companies enough before taking jobs.



  • @mikeTheLiar said:

    If Google emails me a job offer anywhere, I'm going to take it. Immediately.

    Thing is; given Ben's situation, it was very likely a goof by a recruiter working for Google. (Which indeed; it did turn out to be.) Had he taken them up on the job offer blindly, there would have been a serious chance that this misunderstanding would end up with Ben being bounced during preliminary interviews. Lack of knowledge, lack of experience, lack of a degree; plenty of reasons you could end up being shown the door and the administrative paper mill would have no sympathy for the conditions; misunderstandings be damned. Imho Ben did the exact right thing here; a courteous reply that left him with a door ajar in the form of a potential internship and a reference from what is hopefully a respectful recruiting firm. Something to tap once he lands a degree.

    I hope you got the names of the recruiting agent and firm, Ben and that you've saved any correspondences. Being picked out as a prospective employee for Google during your highschool days, because you were already showing exceptional knowledge in key indicator fields back then? Having a reference like that is almost universally a good thing.

    Even if the subject matter is bloody Go. ;-)





  • @blakeyrat said:

    assuming that when you say "job offer from Google" you mean "software development job" and not something tedious like front-line support

    Alright, that is one major assumption. You got me there. But I would move (almost) anywhere, not just limited to the Plex. I'd say about 75% of these locations would be acceptable. And I know what the majority of the Google offices look like, the one in Cambridge isn't particularly impressive. But you bring up some valid points, if they are vaguely spittle-flaked and vitriolic.



  • @mikeTheLiar said:

    I'd say about 75% of these locations would be acceptable.

    Google Cairo: Complementary, on-site masseuse. Then, complementary, on-site stoning of that whore.

    @mikeTheLiar said:

    ...the one in Cambridge isn't particularly impressive.

    But you'd be only a block from Meadhall!



  • Google's office in Seattle is nice, but only marginally nicer than the company I work in now. And it's not like they have any more benefits than I have now. (Then again, Seattle is REALLY competitive for IT, so).

    My beef with Google is 3-fold:
    1) They fucked-up an interview with me once
    2) Every time I get contacted by a Google rep (twice so far) they offer me a shitty position much worse than what I'm doing now (the one time they gave me a chance at a GOOD job position, well, see point #1)
    3) They use shitty tools I hate



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    But you'd be only a block from Meadhall!
    Don't remind me. My last job was across the street from Google Cambridge. Commute kinda sucked, though.



  • @mikeTheLiar said:

    My last job was across the street from Google Cambridge.

    At the Cancer Building?

    @mikeTheLiar said:

    Commute kinda sucked, though.

    Ha ha. I used to walk to work over near-ish to there.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    At the Cancer Building?

    Yeah. Do I know you? Are you stalking me?
    @morbiuswilters said:
    Commute kinda sucked, though.
    Really the problem was taking the T during rush hour. That shit blows goats.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @Ben L. said:
    <meta name="keywords" content="cat, cat, cat, cat, cat, cat, cat, cat, cat, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, adoption, kittens, kittens, kittens, kittens, kittens, kittens, kitten, kitten, kitten, kitten, kitten, kitten">

    Sigh.

    At least they're not using completely irrelevant tags in hope that somebody with the attention span of a goldfish goes to the site from a search for something else they're looking for.

    Seriously, did that ever work? More importantly, did the keywords meta tag ever work?


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @MiffTheFox said:

    Seriously, did that ever work? More importantly, did the keywords meta tag ever work?

    Our site has its own internal search engine (TRWTF - at least it's not homegrown), so we use the meta keywords (among other spidered data) when we search ourselves, and let Google use its own algorithm to find its search results.



  • @MiffTheFox said:

    Seriously, did that ever work? More importantly, did the keywords meta tag ever work?

    It worked for about 20 minutes on old-school search engines. It never worked on Google.

    But it'll be one of those little bits of cult IT wisdom that gets passed down for decades, despite being completely obsolete.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    There's no amount of money Google could offer me to work there.

    I think they already have enough unpleasant people on staff anyways. However they are apparently low on the "queer underage Go programmers" quota.



  • @mikeTheLiar said:

    Yeah. Do I know you? Are you stalking me?

    In order: No. Yes, but my guess was merely an educated one and not the result of my stalking: I assumed you didn't work at The Kendall or that bank, so the most logical choice was Cancer Building.

    @mikeTheLiar said:

    Really the problem was taking the T during rush hour. That shit blows goats.

    Especially when it breaks down!

    Or when it's 72 degrees above ground and 110 below ground!

    Or there's a game in the middle of the day!

    Or when another empty Chipotle bag falls onto the tracks and they have to call in the bomb squad to deal with the "terrorist threat"!

    Or when another drunk bum falls onto the tracks and--oh, nevermind, they don't stop the trains for that..



  • @Ronald said:

    I think they already have enough unpleasant people on staff anyways.

    They need me to tell them why they're doing things stupidly.

    @Ronald said:

    However they are apparently low on the "queer underage Go programmers" quota.

    Are there any other kinds of Go programmers?

    No, probably like most of the industry lady programmerettes are dramatically underrepresented, and they saw Ben playing with kittens..



  • @Ben L. said:

    @morbiuswilters said:
    @Ben L. said:
    ...when I'm sitting down playing with a cat at the local animal shelter (I volunteer).

    Dawwww!




    Filed under: Ben L. is good people.

    <meta name="keywords" content="cat, cat, cat, cat, cat, cat, cat, cat, cat, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, adoption, kittens, kittens, kittens, kittens, kittens, kittens, kitten, kitten, kitten, kitten, kitten, kitten">

    There are a lot of important cat-handling items missing on their shopping list, like lighter fluid, tie wraps or cigar cutters.



  • @Ronald said:

    There are a lot of important cat-handling items missing on their shopping list, like lighter fluid, tie wraps or cigar cutters.

    I think Ronald might be legitimately a crazy person.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @Ronald said:
    There are a lot of important cat-handling items missing on their shopping list, like lighter fluid, tie wraps or cigar cutters.

    I think Ronald might be legitimately a crazy person.

    Nope, I'm just trying to put the universe back into balance following the overdose of sweetness injected earlier in this thread.



    This being said, could be a matter of taste but I find the idea of someone torturing animals less disturbing than someone volunteering to pet animals at the local cat shelter. Sounds more genuine.



  • @Ronald said:

    This being said, could be a matter of taste but I find the idea of someone torturing animals less disturbing than someone volunteering to pet animals at the local cat shelter. Sounds more genuine.

    No, that sounds fucking crazy. Like, legitimately "lock the son of a bitch up and throw away the key" nuts. Let me fill you in on the next steps you're going to go through:

    1. "Well, humans are just animals, so what's so wrong with torturing humans?"
    2. Kidnapping women from the Aldi parking lot and taking them back to your basement.
    3. ???
    4. Die in a hail of gunfire.


  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @Ronald said:
    This being said, could be a matter of taste but I find the idea of someone torturing animals less disturbing than someone volunteering to pet animals at the local cat shelter. Sounds more genuine.

    No, that sounds fucking crazy. Like, legitimately "lock the son of a bitch up and throw away the key" nuts. Let me fill you in on the next steps you're going to go through:

    1. "Well, humans are just animals, so what's so wrong with torturing humans?"
    2. Kidnapping women from the Aldi parking lot and taking them back to your basement.
    3. ???
    4. Die in a hail of gunfire.

    You blur the line between making a comment about torturing animals and actually torturing animals. It's like Jack Thompson blaming GTA for all the violence in today's society.



    The guy is not cooking soup for the homeless or nursing dogs that walked in bear traps. He's actually going to the cat shelter to pet cats. This is disturbing. It's like Ted Bundy volunteering at the rape crisis center (which he did).


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