Kids today...



  • Our company makes various software packages for school districts, and sometimes we get some very special requests from our sales contact form:




    Name: Tarun

    Email: [not really going to put it here]

    Message:

    sir i need a fake report card of my school


    So, one of our sales guys decided to do the "Right Thing(tm)". He emailed the kid to tell him the way to get a great looking report card is to study and do well in school.

    Of course, we got an email back:

    i need it for colege transcipt i will pay $5000

    Well, the sales guy google'd the kids email address and found him on facebook with a completely public profile. The email trail was then forwarded to the school. 3 hours later, the sales guy was contacted by that school's admin to request a demo. Some things you just can't make up.



  • Think I would've done the trolling route and asked for the money up front, then mailed him a letter (and a separate one to his parents) telling them why their kid is an idiot and why they're missing 5 thousand bucks.



  •  Bad idea, Master Chief, considering you'd have effectively stolen 5 grand. Don't money where you lulz.



  • @Master Chief said:

    Think I would've done the trolling route and asked for the money up front, then mailed him a letter (and a separate one to his parents) telling them why their kid is an idiot and why they're missing 5 thousand bucks.
     

    Or take the $5k, and send him a fake report card with a D- average.

    Bonus points if you can arrange the grades so it LOOKS like a great report card at first glance. Put a few A+ and A on the first and last few lines. Then jam pack the rest of the card with Cs and Ds.

    Double bonus points if the kid spots it, calls to tell you off, and you assure him that the low grades are to make the report card look more realistic. Tell him it works out if he does the math. (Which he won't be able to do, or he wouldn't need a fake report card).

    Triple bonus points for selling him a second report card a few years down the road for the college he didn't get into. 

    Ten Times Ultra Point Bonus when he ends up presenting his Bachelor of Dumbfuckery to potential employers.

    Ultimate Final Bonus Points when, ten years down the road, he's appointed to be the CFO of Daddy's Company Inc.  That's when you contact him, let him know that you're willing to go public with all his fake credentials unless he starts making regular "education recertification" payments.

    Then enjoy both your profits and the gong show that follows as Daddy scrambles to shelter his golden son from the fallout of an embezzlement charge, votes of no-confidence from the board of directors for faking his education, PR disaster as the public learns of the rampant incompetence and nepotism in the company.

    Optional sidequest unlocked: Attempt to whip up an angry "anti-1% mob" and get as many members of the family lynched and quartered as possible.



  • You sir, have a devious mind. I approve



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    Or take the $5k, and send him a fake report card with a D- average. ...
    I was going to say take them money and send him a high DPI, i.e. "good quality", but filled with F's



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    Bachelor of Dumbfuckery
    May I use that?



  • @snoofle said:

    @Lorne Kates said:

    Bachelor of Dumbfuckery
    May I use that?

     

    No, snoofle: given who you work with, you can only award Doctor of Dumbfuckery degrees.

     



  • @clively said:

    i need it for colege transcipt i will pay $5000

    Careful; idiots like this tend to get promoted because they know how to inflate themselves. He might just end up being your boss. "I need that report right now; can you stay late and get it done for me; I'll give you a bonus"...



  • @Master Chief said:

    Think I would've done the trolling route and asked for the money up front, then mailed him a letter (and a separate one to his parents) telling them why their kid is an idiot and why they're missing 5 thousand bucks.
    I worked for a while for a company that would write essays for cash. They'd also happily sell you a 'certificate' from a non-existent school if you were dumb enough to buy one, because that's not illegal - although obviously presenting it in an application for admission would be fraud. A lucrative secondary stream of income was selling the client-list to universities - one of the t&c's gave the company that right, because yes indeedy the people buying this stuff are total idiots.


    TRWTF at that place was that the vast majority of the essays we wrote weren't for good grades. We'd be aiming for Cs and Ds, mostly, because anything higher would have been too obvious.



  • Yeah.... send him straight Fs, but printed on wedding invitation paper, in embossed gold lettering, with a bit of glitter confetti and a touch of perfume.

    Lovely job.



  • @clively said:

    Name: Tarun
    ...

    sir i need a fake report card of my school

    ...

    i need it for colege transcipt i will pay $5000

     

    ...

    sales guy was contacted by that school's admin to request a demo

     

     Now, this may just be me, but this sounds like a tranfer-employee of some public school ordering a new report card template or -software.

    Maybe the state has outsourced purchases to India.

    @clively:

    Did the guy in the Facebook photos look old enough to work in India?

     

     


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