Heroku



  • Ok so one of the apps we've had running on Heroku was shut down a few weeks ago, we "let go" the idiot dev who was developing and maintaining it, and the slightly-less-idiot dev who knows Heroku is on PTO today. And guess what? The boss wants to grab some data from it, so he asks me if I can temporarily restart it.

    Well I have a Heroku login so let's give it a go! It can't be that much worse than AWS can it?

    Yes.

    Yes it can.

    I can get a list of VMs, but I can't figure out how to connect to any of them, or figure out what's in them. (I can get a list of changes and roll-back to previous versions though.) There's a list of "Dynos" (No definition of the term, natch, obviously everybody knows what a "dyno" is, duh!) There's a list of domains and error pages I can get to. And a GitHub repo URL which is somehow and for some reason attached to the VM? There's an Info section that reads like this:

    @Heroku said:

    Stack: cedar
    Framework: Ruby/Rails
    Git URL: ---@heroku.com:---.git
    Repo size: 13.8 MB
    Slug size: 14.8 MB of 200 MB

    (In addition to "Dynos" the VM also has a "slug size". Obviously. Don't bother putting a tooltip on that or defining it anywhere, Heroku, everybody knows what a "slug size" is.)

    Heroku has a .exe installer that installs-- something? It doesn't put any icons on the desktop or in the Start menu, but digging around in my Program Files it seems to install:
    1) Ruby. Because of course it does.
    2) Yet another copy of Git, because this computer didn't already have fucking 2 installed already
    3) A batch file that, when clicked, does nothing but close itself. (Yes, yes, I know I could open a console window and see if it spit out text but frankly I don't give a shit.

    But hey look it's all open source-y!!!!!



  • @blakeyrat said:

    A batch file that, when clicked, does nothing but close itself.
     

    ...you ran a batch file without having a look inside?



  • Never seen or heard of heroku until I saw this sidebar forum post. So I decided to google it and find out what you're complaining about.
    Turns out that you could read, well, anything on their site about "how it works" and have answered every question you just had in less time than it took to complain about it.








    But I'm sure it's easy to stumble through every other non-heroku type of development environment without reading any documentation on how it works.



  • Just yesterday I was able to analyze a Haskell program without ever having read about the language before!



  • @blakeyrat said:

    There's a list of "Dynos" (No definition of the term, natch, obviously everybody knows what a "dyno" is, duh!)

    @blakeyrat said:

    (In addition to "Dynos" the VM also has a "slug size". Obviously. Don't bother putting a tooltip on that or defining it anywhere, Heroku, everybody knows what a "slug size" is.)

    Yes, isn't it terrible when people use technical terms and acronyms without defining them?  It's not like Google exists or manuals or anything like that.

    @blakeyrat said:

    the slightly-less-idiot dev who knows Heroku is on PTO today.

    Oops!

    (Fortunately I have a brain and can work it out for myself.) 

    This space intentionally left blank for Blakey to explain why it's OK for some acronyms to be left undefined because everyone knows what they mean, where by "everyone" he means himself.



  • @darkmattar said:

    So I decided to google it and find out what you're complaining about.
    Turns out that you could read, well, anything on their site about "how it works" and have answered every question you just had in less time than it took to complain about it.

    Don't even think about going there. It's obviously shit software, since a compulsive clicker like blakey can't figure it out at first glance.



  • Doesn't Heroku run on top of AWS? And don't both have an embarrassing history of catastrophic failures and prolonged outages?



  • @blakeyrat said:

    There's a list of "Dynos" (No definition of the term, natch, obviously everybody knows what a "dyno" is, duh!)
    Giant lizards that roamed the earth millions of years ago?



  • @da Doctah said:

    @blakeyrat said:

    There's a list of "Dynos" (No definition of the term, natch, obviously everybody knows what a "dyno" is, duh!)
    Giant lizards that roamed the earth millions of years ago?

    They aren't lizards, jackass.



  • @DaveK said:

    @blakeyrat said:
    the slightly-less-idiot dev who knows Heroku is on PTO today.

    pretty tired obviously?

    paid to ovulate?

    partial terrain overload?

    WHAT COULD IT MEAN



  • Click things randomly until you either succeed in starting the VM, or accidentally delete the VM.


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @morbiuswilters said:

    @da Doctah said:

    @blakeyrat said:

    There's a list of "Dynos" (No definition of the term, natch, obviously everybody knows what a "dyno" is, duh!)
    Giant lizards that roamed the earth millions of years ago?

    They aren't lizards, jackass.

    Doesn't the word dinosaur etymologically mean "terrible lizard"?



  • @joe.edwards said:

    @morbiuswilters said:
    @da Doctah said:

    @blakeyrat said:

    There's a list of "Dynos" (No definition of the term, natch, obviously everybody knows what a "dyno" is, duh!)
    Giant lizards that roamed the earth millions of years ago?

    They aren't lizards, jackass.

    Doesn't the word dinosaur etymologically mean "terrible lizard"?



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Doesn't Heroku run on top of AWS? And don't both have an embarrassing history of catastrophic failures and prolonged outages?

    Neither one of those sounds as bad as having to pay to deal with blakey day in and day out.

    You've been gone for a while, but blakey and his company are all about using the cloud.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Doesn't Heroku run on top of AWS?

    Yes, which is why I told this guy (before he was fired) that it's fucking stupid to use a cloud environment that just outsources to another, easier-to-use, more-featureful, cloud environment we have more expertise in. Pay more, get less... smart policy.

    @morbiuswilters said:

    And don't both have an embarrassing history of catastrophic failures and prolonged outages?

    AWS is good as long as you're not dumb enough to put all your instances in the same data center and availability zone. It can get tricky with shared databases, though.



  • @db2 said:

    Click things randomly until you either succeed in starting the VM, or accidentally delete the VM.

    My hunch is that the instance that actually ran the website is already deleted, either through incompetence or malice. (Maybe it's backed-up somewhere I can't find, who knows.)

    I told my boss our best bet was to use the "roll-back" feature on the one instance that looks like it's associated with the project and see if the website magically comes back up, but if it doesn't I'm stumped. He said nevermind.



  • @dhromed said:

    @blakeyrat said:

    A batch file that, when clicked, does nothing but close itself.
     

    ...you ran a batch file without having a look inside?

    Yeah. And I didn't die somehow. Shocking.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    @dhromed said:

    @blakeyrat said:

    A batch file that, when clicked, does nothing but close itself.
     

    ...you ran a batch file without having a look inside?

    Yeah. And I didn't die somehow. Shocking.

    Hey blakey, do me a favor and put this into a batch file and run it for me, okay?

    %0|%0

    It prints out my credit card number.


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @Ben L. said:

    @joe.edwards said:
    @morbiuswilters said:
    @da Doctah said:

    @blakeyrat said:

    There's a list of "Dynos" (No definition of the term, natch, obviously everybody knows what a "dyno" is, duh!)
    Giant lizards that roamed the earth millions of years ago?

    They aren't lizards, jackass.

    Doesn't the word dinosaur etymologically mean "terrible lizard"?

    I need to send that guy a cease and desist.



  • I tried Heroku once. I just needed to host a small web app, and they had a free plan, so it seemed good at first. But for some reason you have to install a client in your computer to manage your server-that-is-not-actually-a-server. And you need to use git to upload things to it. What the hell, I don't want to use a version control system, I just want to upload my files. Isn't there some kind of file transfer protocol I could use instead?


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