From Hell's Heart I Stab at Thee



  • A great many of the stories emanating from Team WTF here at WTF Inc have been caused by one particular developer, let's call him D. Bag. This guy would take a week to research the options to a Linux command line utility (e.g.: grep). He would immediately volunteer for any task, no matter how sophisticated or complex, because he could do it. Then he'd get lost five minutes in on how to create a new package in eclipse. This has gone on for two years.

    In all that time, he's earned a reputation around here for being a walking talking human WTF. In private conversations with my boss, I couldn't believe he hadn't been let go and I repeatedly asked when he would be let go.

    This week, it finally happened; he got tossed.

    Although I wasn't there when it happened, I personally hope he was tossed out of our fairly-high-up windows.

    It turns out that there were complications in letting this guy go. Apparently (this is just a parallel to the actual reason), if you sexually harass someone and they complain about it, and then you lay them off for (unrelated) utter incompetence, they can complain that you fired them because they complained about something that's against company policy. Even though you can lay off a consultant because it's too sunny out, this is the sort of thing that gives HR headaches, so they insisted on dotting the I's and crossing the T's. It took a while, but it got done and he was tossed.

    We've since had a meeting with senior management and they've agreed that we need to get rid of all of these incompetent junior programmers. The plan is that we're going to (slowly) replace them with reasonably competent, but eager-to-learn mid level developers - who can think.

    This way we won't wind up with a whole hoard of highly paid consultants, but a team with 2 HPCs and the rest reasonably competent folks.

    The wheels turn, albeit slowly.

    Independently of all this, for the past few months, we've been getting random constraint violations when we insert stuff into the database, but never the same record twice. And if we run the exact same transaction again, it gets inserted without error.

    ?

    After a lot of tracking and digging, I found the following commit comment  in source control, courtesy of D. Bag:

        rec.id = ...; // OP: get sequence value from db
    + if (Math.random() < 0.000001) rec.id = 0;
    Commit comment: If I'm getting laid off anyway, then screw you!

    This was bucked through management to HR to Legal who is (allegedly) going after the guy.

    Once again, I need to have the talk with management about why we should be doing code walk throughs...



  • I guess this kind of vengence is expected based on the rest of the guy's incompetence, except maybe for the fact that it would be annoying to track it down.



  • Yeah... because sabotaging the company that's laying you off always works out so well. Surely once they lay you off, all the changelogs from source control with your name on them suddenly go to NULL leaving no trail whatsoever!




  • That was an ostension.



  • @levbor said:

    That was an ostension.

    Perhaps, but in this case, it's true. This guy was a world class moron.

     



  • @snoofle said:

    He would immediately volunteer for any task, no matter how sophisticated or complex, because he could do it. Then he'd get lost five minutes in on how to create a new package in eclipse.
     

    I used to have to fix the fuckups of a complete fuckwitted incompetant have a co-worker like that. Called himself the "Senior Technical Consultant" (we had no juniors) he'd invite himself to every meeting possible because it required a technical presence, then commit to some task but never complete it because he was always in meetings and never delivered on his promises.

    I threw him out of one meeting, despite his protests. I told him in no uncertain terms that (a) he wasn't using my meeting as an excuse for not doing what he'd previously promised (I'd overheard someone chase him up about it this morning)and (b) I was still awaiting him to perform the task he'd taken on in the last meeting - until he did that, I didn't want to over-burden him with new stuff (read: we no longer wanted to wait around to see if he'd actually done anything).

    @snoofle said:

    Apparently (this is just a parallel to the actual reason), if you sexually harass someone and they complain about it, and then you lay them off for (unrelated) utter incompetence, they can complain that you fired them because they complained about something that's against company policy.

    oookay. That strikes me as a dangerous precedent. I could complain snoofle brushed up suggestively against me, then decided to drop the allegations when it turned out to be a fuss about nothing (yes, it WAS just a phone in your pocket)... which then means I can play the "sacked troublemaker/whistleblower" card when I'm fired for shitting in the Director's coffee jug?

    I'm getting ideas for my next trip across the pond.

    @snoofle said:

    The plan is that we're going to (slowly) replace them with reasonably competent, but eager-to-learn mid level developers - who can think.

    I've long argued that local govt tends to be very bottom-heavy, and that halving the headcount and doubling the salary would see a soar in productivity. Sounds like WTF Inc are heading in that direction.

    @snoofle said:

    I found the following commit comment  in source control, courtesy of D. Bag:

    "here's your evidence of intentional sabotage. Now aim at the target painted on my forehead."

    Why are some people SO dim?



  • Right, no one is going to read that commit message. Actually, I think the guy didn't even think commit messages are readable.

    The plan is that we're going to (slowly) replace them with reasonably competent, but eager-to-learn mid level developers - who can think

    Hey snoofle, give me a call



  • Wow, that guy's insanely stupid.

    Putting the code in without the comment would have made it pretty obvious, but probably not legally obvious. That would have given him some revenge.
    Like this, well, prepare to get your ass sued, moron.



  • @ubersoldat said:

    Right, no one is going to read that commit message. Actually, I think the guy didn't even think commit messages are readable.
    The plan is that we're going to (slowly) replace them with reasonably competent, but eager-to-learn mid level developers - who can think
    Hey snoofle, give me a call

    Me too.



  • @topspin said:

    Wow, that guy's insanely stupid.

    Putting the code in without the comment would have made it pretty obvious, but probably not legally obvious. That would have given him some revenge.
    Like this, well, prepare to get your ass sued, moron.




    Without the comment, he could have claimed it was accidental and the code was trying to fix something else, or anything that might get him cleared. With the comment? Yeaaah...



  • @Cassidy said:

    Why are some people SO dim?
     

    'tis what being emotional does to a person.



  • @snoofle said:

    Commit comment: If I'm getting laid off anyway, then screw you!
    Who tipped him off? Usually an employees permissions to just about every thing, except maybe their door key, are revoked before they are told their employment is terminated. Often the victim will ask something like "hey boss, why can't i log in," and the boss tells them to have a seat (or whatever is the prelude to termination). But i guess your employer doesn't follow those practices either.

    Many years ago a co-worker of mine simply rolled back random source control commits, he apparently guessed correctly because he didn't have any unsupervised access to the building after he was fired.



  • @snoofle said:

    After a lot of tracking and digging, I found the following commit comment  in source control, courtesy of D. Bag:

        rec.id = ...; // OP: get sequence value from db
    + if (Math.random() < 0.000001) rec.id = 0;
    Commit comment: If I'm getting laid off anyway, then screw you!

    You should comment out that line, just in case you ever need it in the future.



  • @flabdablet said:

    @snoofle said:

    After a lot of tracking and digging, I found the following commit comment  in source control, courtesy of D. Bag:

        rec.id = ...; // OP: get sequence value from db
    + if (Math.random() < 0.000001) rec.id = 0;
    Commit comment: If I'm getting laid off anyway, then screw you!

    You should comment out that line, just in case you ever need it in the future.



  • @zelmak said:

    @ubersoldat said:

    Right, no one is going to read that commit message. Actually, I think the guy didn't even think commit messages are readable.
    The plan is that we're going to (slowly) replace them with reasonably competent, but eager-to-learn mid level developers - who can think
    Hey snoofle, give me a call

    Me too.

    I'd raise my hand as well, but for some reason I keep thinking I'd end up like anyone who dates Taylor Swift... Famous with a Song written about me.

    Would be a predicament... Snoofle writing a story about me. Would I be proud or not?



  • @snoofle said:

    letting this guy go. Apparently (this is just a parallel to the actual reason), if you sexually harass someone and they complain about it, and then you lay them off for (unrelated) utter incompetence, they can complain

    Wait, males are legally protected from sexual harassment, too? Is it even possible to sexually harass a man? I mean, unless you're gay or something, and he isn't...



  • @ekolis said:

    Wait, males are legally protected from sexual harassment, too? Is it even possible to sexually harass a man? I mean, unless you're gay or something, and he isn't...

    There are certainly people whom I would not want to randomly brush up to me, talk to me, or even come near me, even though they are female. Besides, there's plenty of things a man could do even if he was not gay. Yes, it seems to me it is perfectly possible to sexually harass a man :P



  • @Aeolun said:

    @ekolis said:
    Wait, males are legally protected from sexual harassment, too? Is it even possible to sexually harass a man? I mean, unless you're gay or something, and he isn't...

    There are certainly people whom I would not want to randomly brush up to me, talk to me, or even come near me, even though they are female. Besides, there's plenty of things a man could do even if he was not gay. Yes, it seems to me it is perfectly possible to sexually harass a man :P

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh8IqApRjjg

  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @snoofle said:

    This week, it finally happened; he got tossed.
    Tosser tossed. A happy outcome even with the "little presents" left behind in the code.



  • @snoofle said:

    We've since had a meeting with senior management and they've agreed that we need to get rid of all of these incompetent junior programmers. The plan is that we're going to (slowly) replace them with reasonably competent, but eager-to-learn mid level developers - who can think.
     

     

    But but but. What will then happen with TheDailySnoofle? :-(



  • @ekolis said:

    Is it even possible to sexually harass a man?
     

    ... did you actually just type those words?



  • @ekolis said:

    Wait, males are legally protected from sexual harassment, too? Is it even possible to sexually harass a man?
    Please tell me you're not serious.



  • Where can I apply? :D



  • He should have commented "Maybe I needing later"... :-)

     

    @esoterik said:

    @snoofle said:
    Commit comment: If I'm getting laid off anyway, then screw you!
    Who tipped him off? Usually an employees permissions to just about every thing, except maybe their door key, are revoked before they are told their employment is terminated. Often the victim will ask something like "hey boss, why can't i log in," and the boss tells them to have a seat (or whatever is the prelude to termination). But i guess your employer doesn't follow those practices either.

    Many years ago a co-worker of mine simply rolled back random source control commits, he apparently guessed correctly because he didn't have any unsupervised access to the building after he was fired.

    Snoofle said he was fired "this week" and the problem has been present for "the past few months". I guess Snoofle has been trying to get him fired for at least as long...

     



  • @Medinoc said:

    Snoofle said he was fired "this week" and the problem has been present for "the past few months". I guess Snoofle has been trying to get him fired for at least as long...
    Several of us have been trying to get this guy fired for more than a year (he's really that bad). At some point several months ago, he became aware of it.

    Perhaps we should have been more stealthy about it, but we all hated this guy, and the WTFs he created for us to find and fix - so much - that we didn't even try to hide our disdain for him...

     



  • We have a guy like that. He's been doing harmless documentation for the last 6 months and we're just kind of hoping he quits.



  • Just don't take away his stapler.



  • @snoofle said:

    Perhaps we should have been more stealthy about it, but we all hated this guy, and the WTFs he created for us to find and fix - so much - that we didn't even try to hide our disdain for him...
     

    There are people so bad that everyone secretly hates.

    Then there are people so bad that everyone hates and don't even bother to try and conceal their distain.

    Then there are people so bad that they aren't even aware of it, despite the levels of obvious distain.

    I have worked briefly alongside one of the latter. She talked herself up so much she was impervious to any attempts at dislodging her self-built pedestal. I'm still not certain if she was intensely thick-skinned and completely delusional or highly cunning and very successful at trolling spiteful behaviour. Either way, it didn't make for a good working environment.

    Snoofs: are you (or someone) required to write a reference for this individual?



  • @Cassidy said:

    Snoofs: are you (or someone) required to write a reference for this individual?

    A reference? What is this, 1975?


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @snoofle said:

    Perhaps we should have been more stealthy about it, but we all hated this guy, and the WTFs he created for us to find and fix - so much - that we didn't even try to hide our disdain for him...
    Are you using a source control that attaches who did each change so that you can go back and audit everything that this guy did without trawling through everyone else's work too?

    Wait, you're at WTF Inc. Everything was just live-edited into a common directory on a single server where everyone would just log in as root...



  • @PJH said:

    @ekolis said:
    Wait, males are legally protected from sexual harassment, too? Is it even possible to sexually harass a man?
    Please tell me you're not serious.

    No, I was not serious. I was more marveling at the fact that male sexual harassment is actually taken seriously these days.


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