Designer rant
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So I'm dealing with a stupid, programming illiterate designer.
He already had a go at working directly with the client and coming up with the design himself. That went nowhere. He produced 3 pages of "design" (more like pretty pictures) that couldn't even in theory be turned into a proper application.
Turns out, the guy knows nothing about software development.
And I'm not talking programming, not HTML, not even CSS. No, he just has no idea of what goes into making applications in general. You know, the idea of widgets, button states (hover/active), CSS frameworks, standardization of styles (forget about pixel perfect with this guy, nothing aligns with anything else).
I casually mentioned "SPA" during an early discussion.
Him: "What? Is that some programming thing?"OK, fair enough. He was given the wrong task for his skillset. Our mistake. We obviously need someone else to come up with an application outline and then let him just turn it into pretty pictures.
So I did that. 3-4 fucking weeks wasted, but OK. Lesson learned. Moving forward.
So he's given a bunch of annotated page mockups, and told to follow it to the letter and just turn it into a PSD, we can give to the frontend guys. Fine, he said. A day latter, he sends me the first (uninspiredly designed) page. And then nothing. I figured, "He's cranking those pages up, he'll just send everything over once he's done."
A week later, boss grows concerned. "See what's up with him."
I drop him an email. "Oh, I haven't been working on this project. Still waiting your feedback on the first page."
WHAT!? It wasn't enough I had to do half your job for you, NOW YOU WANT ME TO BABYSIT YOU THROUGH EVERY PAGE!?
But fine. Let's just get through this.
We establish a system where every time he does anything, he sends me an email with latest jpg-s of his super-creative work (basically just coloring in my sketches, like a child). These emails can come at any time of the day. Then I rush in to respond immediately and pat the idiot on the head "good designer, that's a good designer", so he'd fucking get back to work.
I make corrections here and there, but things proceed OK over the past 2 weeks.
Then shit hits the fan when it's time to do mobile layouts. Turns out, genius has NO FUCKING IDEA about mobile design AT ALL. Screen sizes, dpi-s, NOTHING. So I have to google that shit up for him, AND RESPOND AT ONCE, so he'd get back to work.
But now we've come to the main responsive pages, that need to transform from split-view to master-detail sort of layout on small screens. All this is explained in the annotations in my design doc.
He doesn't understands.
Sends me first attempt. All wrong.
I respond, and (my mistake!) casually list some of the features that need to be added to other pages. Lo and behold, on the next attempt, all the listed features are crammed into one page haphazardly. The guy obviously has NO IDEA what's going on and how all this will work.
So I reject again and tell him to just reread the spec and draw what's listed there. Just a few little changes for the mobile spec. That's all there is to it. How hard is that?
But no, I just had to return the proposal for the third time, because Mr. artistic soul can't read the fucking spec, where EVERYTHING IS ALREADY DRAWN OUT AND EXPLAINED.
ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS ADD 2 BUTTONS FOR THE MOBILE LAYOUT! I ALREADY EXPLAINED EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW! ALREADY DID HALF YOUR JOB! YOU HAVE ALL THE MATERIALS! ALL THE TIME!! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!!???
Oh oh! And look at this:
Hey genius, if you're making a multi-language site and you have a circular "Add" button, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T PRESUME OTHER LANGUAGES WILL HAVE EQUALLY SHORT WORD! Perhaps you could use an icon instead! Perhaps you might even, oh I don't know, DESIGN IT YOURSELF, YOU KNOW, LIKE A "DESIGNER" YOU SUPPOSEDLY ARE!!!
Gah! At this point, I spent so much time writing emails to this clown, I'd be better off just making the fucking PSD-s myself. It's not like this guy is producing anything special. At this point, he's more of an inconvenient voice-powered interface to Photoshop than an actual team member with understanding and professionalism you can rely on.
I hate designers.
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I casually mentioned "SPA" during an early discussion.
It took me like 4 Google searches before I came across one that had any mention of "Single-Page Applications". And I've never heard that acronym used myself.
JUST SAYIN'.
"Add the ham!" should become a catchphrase here.
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It took me like 4 Google searches before I came across one that had any mention of "Single-Page Applications". And I've never heard that acronym used myself.
I was going to post something about this, too. But I'm no designer, and maybe that's like knowing RDBMS.
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Gah! At this point, I spent so much time writing emails to this clown, I'd be better off just making the fucking PSD-s myself. It's not like this guy is producing anything special. At this point, he's more of an inconvenient voice-powered interface to Photoshop than an actual team member with understanding and professionalism you can rely on.
Solution: Next time he sends you a fucked up piece of whatever, when you reply, CC the bosses in on it. Especially whichever bosses had a hand in the initial design.
Let's assume your designer's name is Jerkwad. (It's a fair assumption)
"Hi, all. Jerkwad has the next round of designs ready for review. Wanted to loop you into the creative process, and get your opinions. I have some thoughts, but wanted to hear yours first."
One of a few things might happen:
- The bosses love the design, it's exactly what they want. The incompetence has taken root. Polish your resume.
- It will expose the designer's incompetence that he things this is "ready for review" level material. They'll get mad and come down on him.
- Possibly they'll get mad at you, since bosses, like animals, can't distinguish between individuals in a team easily. But in a meeting you can be diplomatic with them. You had some concerns about the standard of work being produced, but since Jerkwad is a professional designer, you were hesitant to criticize the creative process in situ. Basically get across that you're giving him the professional benefit of the doubt, and let Jerkward demonstrate his own incompetence.
Bosses don't like being brought problems. If you bring them once "this guy sucks his work sucks you need to do something about it", it will never get solved. Especially if same bosses had any hand in this guy's hiring. People outside of support roles don't actually like being brought problems to solve.
But if they discover a problem on their own-- especially one relating to a pet design of theirs-- it's way easier for them to "get mad and do something about it" on their own volition. Because then it isn't a problem. It's an initiative!
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Won't work in my case, no bureaucracy. It's just The Boss (company owner), me (the employee) and designer (the contractor).
Boss already knows what I think about this guy. But my job in the end is to push the project through, not feud with contractors over email. This guy was already introduced into the project and to the client, so now we are stuck with him. I just hope I don't have to work with him again once this is done.
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The problem with a group that small is the danger of somebody being hit by a bus.
Do you happen to know any reliable bus drivers?
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The problem with a group that small is the danger of somebody being hit by a bus.
Do you happen to know any reliable bus drivers?
I don't need a bus driver, I can just jump off the office terrace if this continues.
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This guy was already introduced into the project and to the client, so now we are stuck with him
Presumably only for the one project, right? right...?
Because if he stays on for future projects, you should probably not.
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I don't need a bus driver, I can just jump off the office terrace if this continues.
<stage whisper>Psst, he meant for the designer, not you.</stage whisper>
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better the designer than you.
who's going to continue your "intern histories" ?
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You should get him here, so he can defend himself.
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After I gently pointed out the problem with internationalization, he came up with an innovative solution:
Also, shows some remarkable initiative: "I was thinking, maybe the 'remove' button could have a 'minus' sign?"
You don't say!?
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I hate designers.
Back at previous employer, in one of my first larger projects, we had a great designer. She sketched out basic layout, created a document listing the screens and functions they should contain and created decent graphics to put in while avoiding anything that would require fancy functions that the PDA of that day (2007, WinCE4.2) would struggle with like transparency. And then the team and product leader had a long discussion with her where they ironed out any wrinkles in the workflow and she updated the document and it was pleasure to code by it.
Yes, she was one of a kind.
In the current job we have a separate UI designer, who started as a noob, but is getting the gist of it by now and separate contracted artist half a world away who sometimes struggles understanding what we need, but the UI we mostly manage too.
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What? Is that some programming thing?
Oh hey, you hired that girl from the jQuery thread.
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It is even legal to sell mathematically modified produce?
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Only if you show your working ;)
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The ham images are making me hungry.
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I got Thai fried rice. With beef, not ham.
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Also, shows some remarkable initiative: "I was thinking, maybe the 'remove' button could have a 'minus' sign?"
You don't say!?
Small steps, man, small steps. That might mean he's not bereft of the ability to learn.
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I got Thai fried rice. With beef, not ham.
Damn it, now I'm hungry. You win this time...
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I got Thai fried rice. With beef, not ham.
Close enough
Damn it, now I'm hungry. You win this time...
Just had lunch, or I would be too! Today was lasagna. This company is going to make me fat(ter).
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Must be time to add the ham... to your belly.
This would make an awesome movie one-liner, if the movie featured some sort of meatgun.Edit: googled "meatgun", got "10 arrested in panda-poaching case in southern China"...
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You mean like a pork pistol?
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mumble mumble ...rapier... mumble bazooka
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Just had lunch, or I would be too! Today was lasagna. This company is going to make me fat(ter).
If only the lasagna was my only problem. Where I work, in addition to great lunch, they have different cakes and pastries every day and every single one of them is freaking delicious. You have no idea how hard it is to not gain at least 10 pounds every week around here.
(Where was the first world problem thread again?)
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Font consistency? Color consistency? FUCK THAT! NOTHING CAN CONTAIN MY CREATIVITY!
Notice how "Save" button is red and "Cancel" button green?
SO WHAT!? MY DESIGN IS BEYOND YOUR NARROW MINDED CONVENTIONS!
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Have you tried making him read up on typical HIGs?
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Have you tried making him read up on typical HIGs?
Sure let me waste more of my time on this guy.
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Have you tried making him read up on typical HIGs?
The guy doesn't even understand what the spec says. You expect him to understand what a typical HIG says?
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Notice how "Save" button is red and "Cancel" button green?
SO WHAT!? MY DESIGN IS BEYOND YOUR NARROW MINDED CONVENTIONS!
Has he been checked for color blindness?
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Can I get a version of that at 184x184 pixels?
I'd like to make it my steam avatar.
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No!
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But it really resonates with my personality.
No-one else adds ham like I add ham. Oooh the hams I have added. Never will you have ever seen a ham more added than when I've finished with it.
I AM THE ADDER OF HAM.
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But it really resonates with my personality.
No-one else adds ham like I add ham. Oooh the hams I have added. Never will you have ever seen a ham more added than when I've finished with it.
I AM THE ADDER OF HAM.
Such ham-fisted arguments don't add much confidence I won't get doxed by this guy being on steam (although, given he's a Mactard, it's less likely, but still).
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I AM THE ADDER OF HAM.
Whenever I look at this it looks like a phillips head screw. But I would not care to screw ham. Maybe screw for ham?
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I've screwed a ham, I sadly don't remember her name anymore.
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Thank god it's not up to us sloppy programmers to design these accordion buttons.
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I think I already know the answer to this but... why are they all different?
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I think I already know the answer to this but... why are they all different?
"You see, it's all a part of my creative vision. Each plus signifies our everlasting yearning for consistency and order, which we, alas, can never achieve. What? OF COURSE I DIDN'T JUST LAZILY DROPPED THESE OVER THE CIRCLES AND CALLED IT A DAY, I'M AN ARTISTE, DAMMNIT!"
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At least he wasn't lazy like us programmers, which would have just copy/pasted, so they'd all be consistently off-center
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The funny [probably not for you] thing is, if I was this designer guy, and wanted to annoy you on purpose, that's exactly the sort of stuff I'd come up with.
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Page 1: list of items with one level of categories. Categories designed as accordion panel, with items inside.
Page 2: list of items, without categories.
Page 1 is finally done. Frontend guys will fix the +/- button alignments, whatever. Let's just move on. For page 2, all he needs to do is remove category panels and copy-paste item styling from page 1.
Nope. Items are now styled as category accordion panels from page 1, with +/- buttons removed.
