The Chubby Checker

Cyrus Farivar / Aug 16, 2013 / Policy

Judge says Chubby Checker can pursue lawsuit against HP over penis-measuring app

Famed 1960s singer draws attention to now-defunct app that no one downloaded.

In 2006 an app called "The Chubby Checker" was listed in Hewlett-Packard's "App Catalog"
7 years later, Singer Chubby Checker, who nobody has given a shit about since the 1960s, sued HP and its Palm subsidiary, claiming trademark infringement
As near as I can tell, you enter your shoe size and the app tells you the size of your penis
This costs 99 cents
Why would you want to do this?
Apparently not many people want to do this, it was downloaded less than 100 times
Who the fuck even knew that HP had an "App Catlog"
Penis App <font face="courier new,courier">--></font> Palm <font face="courier new,courier">--></font> LOL

Lorne Kates

Chubby Checker is still alive? Huh.

In more exciting news, this is such a WTF that it's choking out CS's mail notification system.

Snooder

Actually, this makes sense. The basic essense of his suit is "HP has a process that they follow to keep shitty trademark infringing apps from the catalogue. They didn't follow it, and now my name is all over some dick-size app." Keep in mind, he hasn't actually won anything, this just gets him a chance to develop his case and explain himself.

da_Doctah

And let's also keep in mind that the singer's real name is Ernest Evans, and "Chubby Checker" was a stage name he came up with as a parody of Fats Domino (a term denoting obesity followed by the name of a public-domain board game).

Did anyone at Warner Brothers complain when they came up with the Volkswagen Rabbit? Because the VW signature model beetle is commonly known as a "bug", that would make the Rabbit "Bug's Bunny". Or am I the only one who notices these things?

mikeTheLiar

@El_Heffe said:

As near as I can tell, you enter your shoe size and the app tells you the size of your penis

But what about an app that you enter the size of your penis and it tells you what size shoes to buy?

dhromed

@mikeTheLiar said:

But what about an app that you enter the size of your penis and it tells you what size shoes to buy?

That would be shit. I got two pairs of shoes, 44 and 46, and they both fit just fine. SIZES LIE.

error

44 and 46? Are you a clown?

@joe.edwards said:

44 and 46? Are you a clown?

44 = 10.5 U.S.

Ronald

@El_Heffe said:

@joe.edwards said:
44 and 46? Are you a clown?
44 = 10.5 U.S.

Men wear 11 to 13. Below that you should shop in the kids section (or order online only). Above that you're one tall motherfucker and if I see you in a bar while I'm drunk I'll try to pick a fight because I'm not afraid of tall motherfuckers and I'll show you.

@Ronald said:

@El_Heffe said:
@joe.edwards said:
44 and 46? Are you a clown?
44 = 10.5 U.S.

Men wear 11 to 13. Below that you should shop in the kids section (or order online only). Above that you're one tall motherfucker and if I see you in a bar while I'm drunk I'll try to pick a fight because I'm not afraid of tall motherfuckers and I'll show you.

I wear size 14. Don't fuck with me.

Ronald

@mikeTheLiar said:

@El_Heffe said:
As near as I can tell, you enter your shoe size and the app tells you the size of your penis

But what about an app that you enter the size of your penis and it tells you what size shoes to buy?

Or an app that lets you film yourself while you enter your penis in various shoes? Oh wait there is already one for that, it's called chatroulette.

Ronald

@El_Heffe said:

@Ronald said:
@El_Heffe said:
@joe.edwards said:
44 and 46? Are you a clown?
44 = 10.5 U.S.

Men wear 11 to 13. Below that you should shop in the kids section (or order online only). Above that you're one tall motherfucker and if I see you in a bar while I'm drunk I'll try to pick a fight because I'm not afraid of tall motherfuckers and I'll show you.
I wear size 14. Don't fuck with me.

How many Es? Because if you wear size 14 with anything less than EE then that's disturbing. It's like a guy who wears size 32/60 jeans. Which is not really better than 60/32.

Zemm

@El_Heffe said:

I wear size 14. Don't fuck with me.

I'm 200cm tall and wear size 15. Don't fuck with me or the metric system.

Ronald

@Zemm said:

@El_Heffe said:
I wear size 14. Don't fuck with me.

I'm 200cm tall and wear size 15. Don't fuck with me or the metric system.

Jesus, a giant nazi.

@Ronald said:

@Zemm said:
@El_Heffe said:
I wear size 14. Don't fuck with me.

I'm 200cm tall and wear size 15. Don't fuck with me or the metric system.

Jesus, a giant nazi.

Or maybe a giant kangaroo.

Mcoder

@Zemm said:

200cm

Most people call that 2m.

RTapeLoadingError

@El_Heffe said:

Or maybe a giant kangaroo.

As an aside I don't believe the Chubby Checker app would be able to accurately predict a kangaroo's penis sized based on the size of his feet

dkf

@Ronald said:

It's like a guy who wears size 32/60 jeans.

Wolfram|Alpha tells me that that is about 53% of a pair of trousers. Which is a somewhat disturbing image (unless you happen to frequent certain types of bar that I have read about in the popular press).

pjt33

@dkf said:

@Ronald said:
It's like a guy who wears size 32/60 jeans.
Wolfram|Alpha tells me that that is about 53% of a pair of trousers. Which is a somewhat disturbing image (unless you happen to frequent certain types of bar that I have read about in the popular press).

They're denim plus-sixes.

taustin

@Snooder said:

Actually, this makes sense. The basic essense of his suit is "HP has a process that they follow to keep shitty trademark infringing apps from the catalogue. They didn't follow it, and now my name is all over some dick-size app." Keep in mind, he hasn't actually won anything, this just gets him a chance to ~~develop his case and explain himself.~~ get some publicity and maybe sell some albums

HTH. HAND.

FrostCat

@Ronald said:

@El_Heffe said:
@joe.edwards said:
44 and 46? Are you a clown?
44 = 10.5 U.S.

Men wear 11 to 13. Below that you should shop in the kids section (or order online only). Above that you're one tall motherfucker and if I see you in a bar while I'm drunk I'll try to pick a fight because I'm not afraid of tall motherfuckers and I'll show you.

This is exactly why I wear shoes with a boot knife like that German chick in that James Bond movie.

Lorne Kates

@FrostCat said:

This is exactly why I wear shoes with a boot knife like that German chick in that James Bond movie.

John Cleese?

esoterik

@Lorne Kates said:

Chubby Checker is still alive? Huh.

If he is still alive, then who died in that plane crash?

@esoterik said:

@Lorne Kates said:
Chubby Checker is still alive? Huh.
If he is still alive, then who died in that plane crash?

I believe you're referring to "The Big Bopper".

da_Doctah

@El_Heffe said:

@esoterik said:
@Lorne Kates said:
Chubby Checker is still alive? Huh.
If he is still alive, then who died in that plane crash?
I believe you're referring to "The Big Bopper".

I believe you mean Ronnie Van Zant.

Or John Denver

@da Doctah said:

@El_Heffe said:
@esoterik said:
@Lorne Kates said:
Chubby Checker is still alive? Huh.
If he is still alive, then who died in that plane crash?
I believe you're referring to "The Big Bopper".

I believe you mean Ronnie Van Zant.
Or John Denver

Pick one: http://listverse.com/2008/01/09/top-10-musician-plane-crash-deaths/

Randy Rhoads
Otis Redding
Ricky Nelson
John Denver
Jim Croce
Stevie Ray Vaughn
Ronnie VanZant / Steve Gaines
Buddy Holly / Richie Valens / The Big Bopper

da_Doctah

@El_Heffe said:

@da Doctah said:
@El_Heffe said:
@esoterik said:
@Lorne Kates said:
Chubby Checker is still alive? Huh.
If he is still alive, then who died in that plane crash?
I believe you're referring to "The Big Bopper".

I believe you mean Ronnie Van Zant.
Or John Denver

Pick one: http://listverse.com/2008/01/09/top-10-musician-plane-crash-deaths/
Randy Rhoads
Otis Redding
Ricky Nelson
John Denver
Jim Croce
Stevie Ray Vaughn
Ronnie VanZant / Steve Gaines
Buddy Holly / Richie Valens / The Big Bopper

Aaliyah
Patsy Cline
Dean Paul Martin
Jim Reeves
Jud Strunk
two-thirds of the Bar-Kays
all of the band Chase
seven members of Reba McIntyre's backup band
Glenn Miller
promoter Bill Graham

and of course, Kyu Sakamoto, in case you missed the tag in my earlier post.