Spaghetti UML

malaka

In another, recent thread, El_Heffe said: The information may be technically correct, but no sane person looks at that poster and thinks "Yeah . . . that looks good".

That quote is an appropriate intro for this WTF.

Circa 2005, I attended a large project meeting where this document, containing Use Case Diagrams, was distributed and presented. Page 14 is my favorite. Enjoy...

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mikeTheLiar

I like the fact that this was printed and scanned, including the coffee stains on the first couple of pages. Also, I like to think that some of those stick figures are actually superheros. The guy at the bottom of page 8 is clearly Mr. Fantastic, and the guy at the top of page nine is Spiderman. Below Spiderman is Peter North.

dhromed

The density of lines as the document progresses reads like a musical number. Some buildup, an interval, and then the ultimate crescendo.

I am in fact reminded of Orbital - Spare Parts Express , one of my favourite musicks of all time.

malaka

@mikeTheLiar said:

I like the fact that this was printed and scanned, including the coffee stains on the first couple of pages.

I was hoping those stains would show up and be appreciated.

error

@malaka said:

Page 14 is my favorite.

Hahaha. AHAHAHAHA.

This site has eroded my faith in humanity.

dkf

As the title on one of the pages says, “Use Case Diagram — Help”.

If pictures are worth a thousand words, that document is an ideal substitution for a management report.

mikeTheLiar

Looks like that link just died.

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<Code>AccessDenied</Code>
<Message>Request has expired</Message>
<RequestId>CCB8FB292DBBA16E</RequestId>
<Expires>2013-07-30T15:04:13Z</Expires>
<HostId>
YT3ePMalDoQM70zlzJahJaPPTDCbopc24PqLIgsNoxBbUE3qWH2XWx7n+b5EUu/h
</HostId>
<ServerTime>2013-07-30T15:05:26Z</ServerTime>
</Error>

dhromed

@mikeTheLiar said:

Looks like that link just died.

This is what happens when you deeplink to amazon's servers instead of using the original link. Stuff gets shuffled around. aws links are not supposed to be used by mere mortals.

malaka

@dhromed said:

@mikeTheLiar said:
Looks like that link just died.

This is what happens when you deeplink to amazon's servers instead of using the original link. Stuff gets shuffled around. aws links are not supposed to be used by mere mortals.

Man, I stink at this. Try this link?

mikeTheLiar

@malaka said:

@dhromed said:
@mikeTheLiar said:
Looks like that link just died.

This is what happens when you deeplink to amazon's servers instead of using the original link. Stuff gets shuffled around. aws links are not supposed to be used by mere mortals.

Man, I stink at this. Try this link?

I'd rather not.

malaka

@mikeTheLiar said:

I'd rather not.

Ah, shoot. Strike 3 for me. Shameful.

In the future, I'll just describe stuff: "On the first page, you see, there are 2 stick men. Now, the first stick man has an arrow that points to an oval that reads..."

Bah.

I like how page 14 has this certain "Oh, f**k this s**t!" quality to it.

eViLegion

Just in case you didn't know, page 14 helpfully labels every single relationship as <<uses>>, so as to help you understand the diagram.

Sutherlands

@mikeTheLiar said:

@malaka said:
@dhromed said:
@mikeTheLiar said:
Looks like that link just died.

This is what happens when you deeplink to amazon's servers instead of using the original link. Stuff gets shuffled around. aws links are not supposed to be used by mere mortals.

Man, I stink at this. Try this link?
I'd rather not.

You mean "I'd rather not"?

@Anonymouse said:

I like how page 14 has this certain "Oh, f**k this s**t!" quality to it.

I once encountered something similar to page 14. Although the one I saw didn't have the Superheroes, just lots of boxes and lines. It was supposed to show the layout and function of our ERP system (Enterprise Resource Planning). TRWTF was that it was used in some computer training materials for a bunch of 40-50 year old factory workers. Later, the person who created the diagram committed suicide after learning that he had brain cancer (true story). A terrible tragedy, but it does explain how those things get created.

malaka

@El_Heffe said:

A terrible tragedy, but it does explain how those things get created.

Normally, I don't laugh that soon after reading the words "brain cancer". Thanks.

dkf

@El_Heffe said:

It was supposed to show the layout and function of our ERP system

Is it a coincidence that you can't have “herp derp” without ERP? Twice?

@dkf said:

@El_Heffe said:
It was supposed to show the layout and function of our ERP system
Is it a coincidence that you can't have “herp derp” without ERP? Twice?

I don't think it's a coincidence at all. ERP tends to be a lot of herp derp.

error

@dkf said:

@El_Heffe said:
It was supposed to show the layout and function of our ERP system
Is it a coincidence that you can't have “herp derp” without ERP? Twice?

Bonus points if you can convince all the business users that what you really need is DERP.

dkf

@joe.edwards said:

Bonus points if you can convince all the business users that what you really need is DERP.

Defense ERP! Resource planning suitable for the quartermasters of the world's finest army!

HardwareGeek

@joe.edwards said:

@dkf said:
@El_Heffe said:
It was supposed to show the layout and function of our ERP system
Is it a coincidence that you can't have “herp derp” without ERP? Twice?

Bonus points if you can convince all the business users that what you really need is DERP.
Filed under: Distributed enterprise resource planning?

Share the herp.

immibis

I've always wanted to shoot laser beams out of my hands. Where can I sign up?

error

@HardwareGeek said:

@joe.edwards said:
@dkf said:
@El_Heffe said:
It was supposed to show the layout and function of our ERP system
Is it a coincidence that you can't have “herp derp” without ERP? Twice?

Bonus points if you can convince all the business users that what you really need is DERP.
Filed under: Distributed enterprise resource planning?

Share the herp.

I shared the herp, with your mom!

@immibis said:

I've always wanted to shoot laser beams out of my hands. Where can I sign up?

The guy shooting laser beams out of his penis is even more impressive. Or dangerous.

Paddles

My browser managed to open the PDF, but crashed when I tried to go to page two. Funny, I don't remember reading that Firefox had implemented peril-sensitive sunglasses, but based on what I saw on page 1 it seems like a logical conclusion.

Arnavion

Okay this is bothering me. Why does page 14 have an arrow that goes from one bubble to another (top-left to top-right)?

@El_Heffe said:

Later, the person who created the diagram committed suicide after learning that he had brain cancer (true story).

Makes you kind of wonder if there's a causal connection there...

Severity_One

With so many actors, in Holloywood this would be considered an ensemble cast. Very much a staple of disaster movies like "The towering inferno".

So all in all, very appropriate.

flabdablet

@joe.edwards said:

@dkf said:
@El_Heffe said:
It was supposed to show the layout and function of our ERP system
Is it a coincidence that you can't have “herp derp” without ERP? Twice?

Bonus points if you can convince all the business users that what you really need is DERP.

As the executive team is experiencing ongoing productivity loss due to the drill-down requirement of the existing ERP facility, the IT team has been tasked with implementing a replacement. We anticipate completion of all project deliverables for the new Headline ERP / Detail ERP split system in a six week timeframe.

MrDOS

@malaka said:

Man, I stink at this. Try this link?

Nah, try this.

TDWTF123

@dkf said:

@El_Heffe said:
It was supposed to show the layout and function of our ERP system
Is it a coincidence that you can't have “herp derp” without ERP? Twice?

The two facets of ERP are Holistic Enterprise Resource Planning and Departmental Enterprise Resource Planning.

DCRoss

And once you get HERP it never goes away.

@TDWTF123 said:

@dkf said:
@El_Heffe said:
It was supposed to show the layout and function of our ERP system
Is it a coincidence that you can't have “herp derp” without ERP? Twice?
The two facets of ERP are Holistic Enterprise Resource Planning and Departmental Enterprise Resource Planning.

My ERP Story (subtitle Herp Derp)

I work for a large chemical company and our ERP system ran on an IBM AS/400. Users accessed the system from their PC using a Windows client. This was back in the days of Windows 95 and the "Windows client" was a text-mode application with green text on a black background, just like running DOS on a monochrome monitor. Crude, even for the mid 90's, but it worked well and was easy to use. So easy to use, in fact, that it was decided we should train all the production workers to use the system.

At the time, productions workers would write down information about what they did on bits of paper and turn them in to their supervisor at the end of their shift. The supervisor would pass them along to a secretary who would enter everything into the ERP system -- materials used, finished goods produced, ect. -- whenever she got around to it. The problem with this, of course, was that information about inventory and production was always a few days out of date. Production scheduling and inventory control was always a mess. If you needed to know exactly what you had or where it was, right now, you had to go look for it.

So computer terminals were installed in various production areas and training classes were held to teach the workers how to enter information into the system. It took a while and it wasn't easy. Many of the workers were in their 40s and 50s and had little or no experience with computers, and there were more than a few who thought that compuiters were evil and ruining the world. But eventually things were actually running pretty smoothly. The workers were entering information into the system as they did their jobs and we had near real-time production and inventory information. Anyone in the company could immediately see exactly what we had, where it was and how much time was spent makng it. Things ran like this for nearly 10 years.

It turns out they were leasing the IBM AS/400. Since IBM had long since discontinued the AS/400, it was decided we need something more modern. New servers were purchased along with new software from a company called JD Edwards (who has since been bought by Oracle). A team of people worked on customizing the software and migrating all our data over from the old AS/400. 3 years and a few million dollars later, the new system was almost ready to "go live" and we could start training people on using the new system. About that same time, the person in charge of our warehouse/shipping operation, who had also been on the team implementing the new system, suddently "retired". It was rumored that the new ERP system was so full of WTF that he couldn't stand the idea of having to work with it any longer. But that turned out to be the least of our problems.

One day, out of nowhere, it was announced we were being bought by another, much bigger company. And the new company used an SAP system. The 3 year/multimillion dollar JD Edwards project was out the window and we had to start over, migrating to SAP. The SAP software is several orders of magnitude more difficult/convoluted that the old primitive system and training all the production workers would be a nightmare. But, our new overlords solved that problem for us. They are so anal about restricitng access to computer systems that there's no way they would ever allow common factory workers to have access to something so important.

So now, production workers write information on bits of paper that they turn into their supervisor, who forwards the bits of paper to someone who enters the information into the system, when they get around to it -- when they're not on the phone to the help desk because the shitty SAP software never works right and won't let them do whatever it is they need to do.

I think they were right. Computers are evil and ruining the world.

Arnavion

@El_Heffe said:

I think they were right. Computers Oracle and SAP are evil and ruining the world.

Surely.

Lorne Kates

@Arnavion said:

@El_Heffe said:
I think they were right. Computers Oracle and SAP are evil and ruining the world.

Surely.

Don't call me Anna.

Do not look at a file called "use case diagram.pdf"

So a guy on a forum sent me a link to a file called "use case diagram.pdf" with just the comment Enjoy...

So I opened the link and just looked at the first page and there were these two Actors and as I looked there came these UML bubbles and I was like YOOOOO
And then on page 2 there were even more UML bubbles and the two Actors were like YOOOO, but I was like YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
But then I went on page three and there were THREE. Motherfucker, THERE WERE THREE Actors and they had all these UML bubbles with them and I was like YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Right after I saw that I deleted the file from my PC and cried in the corner until I calmed down. In short: do not open a file named "use case diagram.pdf". Trust me. I've already sold my soul to Satan and I know there's no heaven for me, but you can still save yourself. Do not open a file named "use case diagram.pdf"

@Lorne Kates said:

@Arnavion said:
@El_Heffe said:
I think they were right. Computers Oracle and SAP are evil and ruining the world.

Surely.

Don't call me ~~Anna.~~ Shirley

mikeTheLiar

@mikeTheLiar said:

Also, I like to think that some of those stick figures are actually superheros. The guy at the bottom of page 8 is clearly Mr. Fantastic, and the guy at the top of page nine is Spiderman.

@TDWTF G+ Profile said:

I think the Emperor from Star Wars is using lightning on page 3, and page 14 is- incredible.

See what you did there, I do.

Ben L.

@Sutherlands said:

@mikeTheLiar said:
@malaka said:
@dhromed said:
@mikeTheLiar said:
Looks like that link just died.

This is what happens when you deeplink to amazon's servers instead of using the original link. Stuff gets shuffled around. aws links are not supposed to be used by mere mortals.

Man, I stink at this. Try this link?
I'd rather not.
You mean "I'd rather not"?

It's not difficult for someone to reupload a 10MB file.

Mcoder

@DCRoss said:

And once you get HERP it never goes away.

That's valid for any case of ERP.

Ben L.

@Mcoder said:

@DCRoss said:
And once you get HERP it never goes away.

That's valid for any case of ERP.

LERP?

@Ben L. said:

@Mcoder said:
@DCRoss said:
And once you get HERP it never goes away.

That's valid for any case of ERP.

LERP?

Live-action Erotic Role Play?

witchdoctor

I'll just keep pretending that this has to be auto-generated from a list somewhere. I know it's unlikely but my sanity requires it.

beginner_

@El_Heffe said:

I work for a large chemical company and our ERP system ran on an IBM AS/400.
...
One day, out of nowhere, it was announced we were being bought by another, much bigger company. And the new company used an SAP system.

Lol. I work at a chemical company too which used (or actual to some extend still uses) AS/400 and an ERP system on it and then in a 9-digit effort (no joke) migrated to SAP. Which of course is a complete PITA as far as I hear. I'm in the lucky postion of not needing to use it directly

Now the thing is this company bought another chemical company a couple years ago and the company it bought couldn't met orders for about a week because of their new ERP system was not working propery once it went live and that obviously was the last nail in the coffin.

dkf

@beginner_ said:

9-digit effort

So which finger did they not use?

Ben L.

@Mo6eB said:

@Ben L. said:
@Mcoder said:
@DCRoss said:
And once you get HERP it never goes away.

That's valid for any case of ERP.

LERP?

Live-action Erotic Role Play?

linear intenterprise resource planning