Conversation with a DBA
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Via email:
Request: Please run the permissions scripts for xxx in schemas: A, B and C in db yyy
Response: In which schemas do you need this done?
Email chain between my boss and DBAs from last night - after I left:
Boss: snoofle sent you the new script to populate the new table; why is there no data in the new table?
DBA: we ran the scripts
Boss: send me a copy so I can analyze
DBA: which ones?
Boss: THE NEW SCRIPTS SNOOFLE SENT YOU TODAY!
DBA: ok
Boss: You didn't run the scripts snoofle sent, you ran an earlier version which was developed before logic changes were added; you need to run the new scripts snoofle sent
DBA: which ones
Boss: The LATEST ones he sent; here's ANOTHER copy
DBA: when do you need this?
Boss: YESTERDAY; it's an emergency, remember the 50 emails about this from all this week?
...
Sigh.
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You obviously forgot to end your email with a GO statement, so the email did not commit.
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Christ, are those guys stoned, or just really really fucking stupid? It's one thing to be technically inept (lack of training), but something entirely different to have difficulty retaining and retrieving things from short-term memory...
It looks like a conversation with someone who has advanced alzheimers.
Person: What do you think of the coffee?
Alzheimers Sufferer: What coffee?
P: The coffee you are drinking.
AS: Oh, this coffee?
P: Yes, that coffee! Do you like the coffee?
AS: What coffee?
...
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@Quango said:
You obviously forgot to end your email with a GO statement, so the email did not commit.
+1 Like
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Which one (your Boss or the DBA) is Abbott and which one is Costello?
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Or which one is Punch and which one is Judy?
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DBAs, you can't live with 'm, period.
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@TGV said:
Useless fuckwits: you can't live with 'm, period.
FTFY. But I know you're talking of the same thing at snoof's place.
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@Quango said:
You obviously forgot to end your email with a GO statement, so the email did not commit.
Brilliant.
But TRWTF is sending scripts to run on production database via email and not having a well-defined way of referring to each "version" of the script...
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@DCRoss said:
Or which one is Punch and which one is Judy?
Which one is Larry, which one is Moe? (Snoofle: you're Curly.)
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@pure said:
@Quango said:
You obviously forgot to end your email with a GO statement, so the email did not commit.
Brilliant.
But TRWTF is sending scripts to run on production database via email and not having a well-defined way of referring to each "version" of the script...
You're making assumptions. We only know the boss RE-SENT the script via email, we don't know if Snoofle's email referred to an attached script or to a ticket (or something else). Additionally, there's nothing to indicate that the script isn't versioned, all we know from the information provided is that the boss either isn't aware of (or decided not to use) the version number.
Don't make assumptions.
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@blakeyrat said:
Don't make assumptions.
The scripts were versions, and attached to a ticket, and attached to each email. With these DBAs, I've learned to give it to them in every possible way because a) that's what they want because they're too lazy to go to the ticket, b) it's faster this way, and c) my boss insisted I just do what they want rather than have them take it from source control.The email specified svn version number, mantis ticket # and referred to the attached scripts, explicitly by name and in the order they should be run.
These guys are just lazy idiots.
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@snoofle said:
The email specified svn version number, mantis ticket # and referred to the attached scripts, explicitly by name and in the order they should be run.
Well. There's not a huge amount more you can do.
@snoofle said:
These guys are just lazy idiots.
Lazy? Inability to follow simple instructions sounds more like incompetence to me!
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Hrm ... I wonder if your DBAs read this site to get ideas as to how to fuck with you ...
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Snoofle's fairly safe - those DBAs haven't exactly demonstrated strong reading skills, judging by the earlier email exchange.
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@snoofle said:
These guys are just lazy idiots.
No, they're Baldr, reincarnated, of course. They're pulling the same stupid crap as he's famous for, except with their career rather than their lives. We can only hope they find some mistletoe.
