Security #2
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Inspired by the other security post here some days ago, here's mine:
It was pre-9/11 (actually it was the summer 2001) and I was visiting family in Texas (all the way from Europe). One of those family members had a ranch, full of loaded guns, and once a month shooed the cattle away from a large area and held an NRA meeting. Guns, beer, & barbecue - absolutely awesome for a teenage boy like me. I watched all the stereotypes from american movies coming to life (not to mention firing a lot of guns and eating a lot of meat). Wow that was cool!
Anywho... most of those guys made their own ammo and one of them fired a .45 calibre buffalo rifle. He poured out the gunpowder, gave me a cartidge and it was the most awesome souvenir I had ever had.
Fast forward, we're travelling back home, first from Dallas to New York, then from there to Netherlands before boarding on a flight to Norway. Everything went smoothly until we reached security at the dutch airport. My bag went back and forth in the scanner, and they started calling for other people. Shit, I put the ammo in my hand luggage!
Today, I guess I would have been shot or something. Back then... well, they apparently saw that I was with my parents and that they looked pretty harmless. Plus I was a teenage boy and they tend to be forgetful. So after debating with his colleagues and looking at this huge piece of ammo the main security guy asked me:
You promise you do nothing bad?
Yes.And they put it back in my bag and I boarded the plane.
I don't know what's the biggest WTF.. that I was allowed to carry ammo on board a plane, or that I brought it with me through two different airports in US without anyone noticing.
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@arh said:
I was visiting family in Texas (all the way from Europe).
The real WTF is that at some point people in that family left Texas to move to Europe. WHY? It's like taking back a Dodge Viper to the dealership and saying: give me a Cavalier instead, this one is too awesome for me.
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@Speakerphone Dude said:
@arh said:
I was visiting family in Texas (all the way from Europe).
The real WTF is that at some point people in that family left Texas to move to Europe. WHY? It's like taking back a Dodge Viper to the dealership and saying: give me a Cavalier instead, this one is too awesome for me.
They probably just left Texas to get some decent food...
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Not a WTF. THRWTF is that now adays you WOULD BE SHOT!
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@Speakerphone Dude said:
@arh said:
I was visiting family in Texas (all the way from Europe).
The real WTF is that at some point people in that family left Texas to move to Europe. WHY? It's like taking back a Dodge Viper to the dealership and saying: give me a Cavalier instead, this one is too awesome for me.
I dunno, some people are fucked in the head, like those guys who are only attracted to morbidly obese chicks.
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@Gordonjcp said:
They probably just left Texas to get some decent food...
What? They have both kinds of food there: barbeque and chili.
At the risk of starting another food argument: it's clear you've never been to Texas or had Texas cuisine. It's probably some of the better food Western civilization has produced.
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Speaking of Texas food and airport security...
A few years ago, just after the "OMFG! LIQUIDS!" rules came into play, I was on a business trip to Texas. I ate well, but saved the BBQ place for the last day. The group of us went and got-- well-- meat. Ribs, shredded pork, beef, everything. Awesome. And there were, of course, leftovers.
I packed up a sammich and a big container of truly terrifying BBQ sauce, put it on ice and got no sleep. Thank you late night working and early morning flights.
The next morning, I'm zombying my way through the cattle-line, while a granny ahead of me gets lambasted by the thugs for having too much handcream. Doesn't she [b]know the rules?[/b]. I dump my carry-on and shoes onto the xray, shuffle through and board.
30,000 feet up, seatbelt off, if mothafucking sandwich time! I crack out the mound of beef, and I'm sitting there, eating it, dipping it in my half-liter of bright red, very odorous liquid and I realize-- how the hell did I get this on the plane? How am I not in gitmo this very moment? Nom nom beef.
But then again, I do have a valid defense. This is Texas bbq sauce. The only thing it's going to terrorize is a vegetarian.
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@morbiuswilters said:
@Gordonjcp said:
They probably just left Texas to get some decent food...
What? They have both kinds of food there: barbeque and chili.
At the risk of starting another food argument: it's clear you've never been to Texas or had Texas cuisine. It's probably some of the better food Western civilization has produced.
Agreed. We have every type of food imaginable here in Washington-- even tiny towns have a Pho place-- but the one food you can't get is Tex-Mex, or whatever they're calling it now. It's generally amazing.
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Worst I had was airport security in the UK stopping me because I had a small swiss army knife on my keychain. My luggage was already checked in and I sure as hell wasn't throwing it away because they were afraid I'd MacGyver my way to hijacking the plane. I ended up mailing to myself.
Actually now that I think about it there was this time I had a close call when they almost made the C4 but I got lucky. If only the stupid detonator had worked.
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@morbiuswilters said:
At the risk of starting another food argument: it's clear you've never been to Texas or had Texas cuisine. It's probably some of the better food Western civilization has produced.
Oh, I have... Bland greasy meat slathered in hot sauce doesn't strike me as being particularly good. That said, I grew up on a farm in Scotland - what I call the minimum acceptable quality for meat (and food in general) is probably a bit more demanding than most people ;-)
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@Lorne Kates said:
30,000 feet up, seatbelt off, if mothafucking sandwich time! I crack out the mound of beef, and I'm sitting there, eating it, dipping it in my half-liter of bright red, very odorous liquid and I realize-- how the hell did I get this on the plane?
Well, the TSA seems to mostly be staffed by disgruntled incompetents. And they're unionized.
@Lorne Kates said:
How am I not in gitmo this very moment?
Worst they would have done is molassesboard you.
Okay, that was pretty bad. Dammit, there's got to be a funny joke in there somewhere..
@Lorne Kates said:
But then again, I do have a valid defense. This is Texas bbq sauce. The only thing it's going to terrorize is a vegetarian.
Doubtful. I love BBQ sauce on soy burgers.
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@Gordonjcp said:
Bland greasy meat slathered in hot sauce doesn't strike me as being particularly good.
How is something slathered in hot sauce bland?
@Gordonjcp said:
That said, I grew up on a farm in Scotland - what I call the minimum acceptable quality for meat (and food in general) is probably a bit more demanding than most people ;-)
You've got to be fucking joking. You people eat haggis, for Christ's sake..
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Well, it's bland before you add the hot sauce, then when you do it just tastes of... hot sauce. You could put hot sauce on cheap crappy tofu with much the same effect.
And, haggis is a kind of spicy sausage. You eat sausage, right? Know what's in it?
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@Gordonjcp said:
Well, it's bland before you add the hot sauce, then when you do it just tastes of... hot sauce.
I call shenanigans. Texas beef and pork are not bland. And if all you could taste is hot sauce, then you had mediocre barbeque.
@Gordonjcp said:
You eat sausage, right?
No.
@Gordonjcp said:
Know what's in it?
Yes, which is why I don't eat it.
Is your argument seriously "Our food is better because we have sausage"? Because, ya know, we have sausage, too. If you like it, cool, but it's hardly what I'd call great cuisine.
And even if you don't like the barbeque, there's chili and Tex-Mex, both of which are exquisite.
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If we're building a bottom-up list of food quality, you should put KFC's mesmerizingly disgusting shit first, then build from there.
KFC is an ongoing experiment (or elaborate practical joke, perhaps) in how low people are willing to sink before they say ENOUGH! So far, nobody has called them out yet.
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Seriously, fuck KFC. I am pissed-off at the human race for actively condoning that farce.
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@Speakerphone Dude said:
@arh said:
I was visiting family in Texas (all the way from Europe).
The real WTF is that at some point people in that family left Texas to move to Europe. WHY? It's like taking back a Dodge Viper to the dealership and saying: give me a Cavalier instead, this one is too awesome for me.
The typical moronic attitude of US-Americans:
Equating a state to a continent full of several very different countries, most of which have culturally different states/provinces themselves.For example, I trust you'll find Spain a very different experience from Russia. As I said: Moronic attitude.
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@dhromed said:
Seriously, fuck KFC. I am pissed-off at the human race for actively condoning that farce.
I've never had KFC. What's wrong with it?@Rhywden said:
The typical moronic attitude of US-Americans: Equating a state to a continent full of several very different countries, most of which have culturally different states/provinces themselves.
I'm sure at least a few Americans are like that, but let's not have a flamewar, I was enjoying this thread.
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@Rhywden said:
@Speakerphone Dude said:
@arh said:
I was visiting family in Texas (all the way from Europe).
The real WTF is that at some point people in that family left Texas to move to Europe. WHY? It's like taking back a Dodge Viper to the dealership and saying: give me a Cavalier instead, this one is too awesome for me.
The typical moronic attitude of US-Americans:
Equating a state to a continent full of several very different countries, most of which have culturally different states/provinces themselves.For example, I trust you'll find Spain a very different experience from Russia. As I said: Moronic attitude.
To be fair, we're not any better. Most of us view Africa as a single country. Sure, they have the most varied genetic makeup of all continents and a lot more diverse culture than Europe. We know all that. But still, deep in our subconsciousness, they all live in small huts on a barren field waiting for WFP to drop maize from the air. Or they eat bananas and live in the jungle.
But I'd still take the Viper back to the dealer. I want a Ford Excursion!
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@DOA said:
@dhromed said:
Seriously, fuck KFC. I am pissed-off at the human race for actively condoning that farce.
I've never had KFC. What's wrong with it?There isn't anything particularly _wrong_ with their main product: fried chicken-- aside from the fact that breaded, fried foods have an inherent unheathly quality and should be a "sometimes" food rather than a staple. The white meat is a bit dry, but that will always be true when you cook the white and dark to the same temperature. (Dark meat is done at 181f. White meat around 161f-- and is dry and overcooked at 181f). The batter has a nice flavor, and the fries are ok.
No, it isn't their main product. Their ongoing assault on human decency comes in the form of their specialty menu items-- a continuing abusive relationship where KFC performs vile acts of kitchentude upon their customers, who then act incredulous, curious and ulitmately accept their fate. And so KFC ups the ante a bit in a strange dance that seems to be a mix of "I hope this will hurt enough that they'll make me stop" and "How much can I get away with".
Two recent exampes are (forgive me for not knowing the exact product names, or caring enough to search), the Holy Fuck What Is Wrong With You Bowl, where they took fried chicken-- and topped it with mass quantites of mashed potatoes, cheese and gravy. It's like a child's model of the crusts of the Earth, if the model was made out of fat and spite.
The other is the Silent Suicide Note-- where they make a sandwich out of bacon and cheese-- except instead of using bread, they use two piece of fried chicken. It had to be reformulated before it could be brought to Canada, because our food regulation agency classified the amount of sodium in it as somewhere between "remember that Futurama episode where Bender uses just below the lethal amount of sodium in his recipe, and Fry has two helpings?" and "imagine if elemental embodiment of The Dead Sea really liked blowjobs..."
It's like that relationship where the guy is too much of a pussy to break up with the insecure hanger-on he's dating, so rather than just ending it, he figures if he pushes things too far she'll make the hard decision for him. But instead, she meekly accepts everything he does to her, and he keeps pushing harder, but is now kinda liking being the asshole. So from what started with a little doggy-style bondage has now become forcing her to go down on a kidnapped nun while he erotically asphyxiates her with rosary beads, all the while anally fisting her while clutching the severed head of her pet poodle-- as foreplay.
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@Rhywden said:
Typcial moronic attitude of Europeans. 20 countries that are all pretty much the same, other than language, and each loudly proclaims "we're SO much different than all those other guys". Other than language Spain is to Russia as California is to Maine.The typical moronic attitude of US-Americans:
Equating a state to a continent full of several very different countries, most of which have culturally different states/provinces themselves.For example, I trust you'll find Spain a very different experience from Russia. As I said: Moronic attitude.
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@DOA said:
I've never had KFC. What's wrong with it?
I was actually curious about this, so I ate at KFC for the first time ever a while back. My verdict: most of the food is hopelessly bland, and when it isn't, you wish it were.
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@ais523 said:
You'll love Popeye's, then. Finally got a chance to try them out, and it's like eating a fried salt-lick.@DOA said:
I've never had KFC. What's wrong with it?
I was actually curious about this, so I ate at KFC for the first time ever a while back. My verdict: most of the food is hopelessly bland, and when it isn't, you wish it were.
If Church's ever rolls out their Cajun rice to all their branches, I will have no reason whatsoever to walk into a Popeye's again.
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@arh said:
Inspired by the other security post here some days ago, here's mine:
It was pre-9/11 (actually it was the summer 2001) and I was visiting family in Texas (all the way from Europe). One of those family members had a ranch, full of loaded guns, and once a month shooed the cattle away from a large area and held an NRA meeting. Guns, beer, & barbecue - absolutely awesome for a teenage boy like me. I watched all the stereotypes from american movies coming to life (not to mention firing a lot of guns and eating a lot of meat). Wow that was cool!Shit, I put the ammo in my hand luggage!
I assume you had just the shell, since it'd be awkward to put the bullet back on after taking it off and removing the gunpowder. If so, what you had was scrap metal, not ammo--not that less enlightened governments (like Massachusetts, in the USA) understand that.
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@morbiuswilters said:
@Speakerphone Dude said:
Like this one?@arh said:
I was visiting family in Texas (all the way from Europe).
The real WTF is that at some point people in that family left Texas to move to Europe. WHY? It's like taking back a Dodge Viper to the dealership and saying: give me a Cavalier instead, this one is too awesome for me.
I dunno, some people are fucked in the head, like those guys who are only attracted to morbidly obese chicks.
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@arh said:
I'm no expert, but isn't a cartridge with the powder poured out pretty much just "a lump of metal"?one of them fired a .45 calibre buffalo rifle. He poured out the gunpowder, gave me a cartidge
[ . . . ]I don't know what's the biggest WTF.. that I was allowed to carry ammo on board a plane
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@Lorne Kates said:
Jhesusghodchrist, I saw one of my friends eat something truly awful at a local big-chain pub recently. It was a dinner-plate-sized plate, with a dinner-plate-sized inch-thick slab of cookie dough in a vaguely bowl-like shape on top of it, filled to brimming with scoops of ice cream coated in syrups and stuffed with like chocolates and sweets and sprinkles and wafers and flakes and just ... stuff. Stuff made out of sugar and fat. My arteries thickened measurably on coming within ten feet of it.Their ongoing assault on human decency comes in the form of their specialty menu items
I think I have to go have PTSD all over again just at the thought of it.
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@Speakerphone Dude said:
@arh said:
I was visiting family in Texas (all the way from Europe).
The real WTF is that at some point people in that family left Texas to move to Europe.
Erm.. it's possible they left Europe to move to Texas.
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@El_Heffe said:
20 countries that are all pretty much the same, other than language, and each loudly proclaims "we're SO much different than all those other guys". Other than language Spain is to Russia as California is to Maine.
Just to be completely clear, which 60% of Europe did you decide to discount for the sake of your analogy?
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@FrostCat said:
@arh said:
Inspired by the other security post here some days ago, here's mine:
It was pre-9/11 (actually it was the summer 2001) and I was visiting family in Texas (all the way from Europe). One of those family members had a ranch, full of loaded guns, and once a month shooed the cattle away from a large area and held an NRA meeting. Guns, beer, & barbecue - absolutely awesome for a teenage boy like me. I watched all the stereotypes from american movies coming to life (not to mention firing a lot of guns and eating a lot of meat). Wow that was cool!Shit, I put the ammo in my hand luggage!
I assume you had just the shell, since it'd be awkward to put the bullet back on after taking it off and removing the gunpowder. If so, what you had was scrap metal, not ammo--not that less enlightened governments (like Massachusetts, in the USA) understand that.
No, the bullet was put back in. The gunpowder was only removed so that it would be safer to have around. However, it looked real enough and it could easily have been used to threaten anyone aboard a plane. Kinda like bringing a gun with blanks. I bet a .45 rifle bullet could do a lot of damage on board.
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@Hatshepsut said:
@Speakerphone Dude said:
@arh said:
I was visiting family in Texas (all the way from Europe).
The real WTF is that at some point people in that family left Texas to move to Europe.
Erm.. it's possible they left Europe to move to Texas.
You hit the nail right on the head! Actually, if anyone in Texas has a job for a senior database/middleware/app developer with love for database design, procedural SQL and proficient in both C# and Java, by all means contact me! I do PIC assembly as well and can even talk to people.
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I have a little airport story.
Just over a year ago I was flying out of Tel Aviv. I was the lone Australian travelling with a group of Americans (btw, this is a bad idea: you'll be asked about 4 times as many questions (both inbound and outbound) by the Israeli security if you stand out in this way). Anyhow after I handed the security-person my passport and she ran off with it to analyse it or somesuch, she returned after a few minutes (without it) and asked me if I wanted to have it back or if they could sell it. And then she laughed about it. Apparently while we are warned that making jokes in an airport is a very bad idea, it's okay if it's them that do it to us :PI also learned way earlier in my trip that a nearly-empty toothpaste tube is not okay because it could potentially hold more than the allowed amount of liquids even though it actually doesn't. Good thing I had another small tube in my main luggage.
Another thing I learned by the example of others is: if you have a 1 AM flight (i.e. the one out of Tel Aviv to JFK), don't take sleeping pills until the aircraft is actually in the air. We had to drag around a few people after someone messed up the fuel mixture, requiring everyone to disembark. We were finally in the air by 4 AM :( And they we had a wonderful time changing our connecting flights. I also learned that it was a good idea to leave plenty of hours before my flight back to Australia, since still made that one despite the delay. (whew!)
I can't comment on Texan food, but in LA they serve apple juice far nicer than anything I've had back Down Under.
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@arh said:
I don't know what's the biggest WTF.. that I was allowed to carry ammo on board a plane, or that I brought it with me through two different airports in US without anyone noticing.
Which reaffirms my belief that US airport security is a joke; at least pre-9/11 it was.You don't easily get shot in the Netherlands. It's a pretty cool country. Although I am surprised they let you take ammo onboard a plane, but as you said, it was pre-9/11.
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@El_Heffe said:
@Rhywden said:
20 countries? More like 50. And yes, me being from the south-east of the Netherlands, I speak a distinct language (actually a bridge language between standard Dutch and standard German), and culturally I'm quite different from those in the west of the Netherlands. This is in a country less than 200 by 150 miles in size.The typical moronic attitude of US-Americans:
Typcial moronic attitude of Europeans. 20 countries that are all pretty much the same, other than language, and each loudly proclaims "we're SO much different than all those other guys". Other than language Spain is to Russia as California is to Maine.
Equating a state to a continent full of several very different countries, most of which have culturally different states/provinces themselves.For example, I trust you'll find Spain a very different experience from Russia. As I said: Moronic attitude.As far as I know, all 50 US states have pretty much the same setup, with a governour, senate, house and counties. In Europe, we have parliamentary republics, presidential republics, semi-presidential republics, constitutional monarchies with a ceremonial head of state, constitutional monarchies where the monarch wields some power, and even an absolute monarchy (Vatican State).
Whilst Europeans are largely aware that there are cultural differences within the US itself, to claim that such differences are equally large as they are in Europe is ludicrous, and showing a lack of both insight and knowledge (which, unfortunately, didn't stop you from opening your mouth).
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@morbiuswilters said:
Is your argument seriously "Our food is better because we have sausage"?
Eh? You introduced the sausage argument of "your taste in food is worse because you have haggis".
I also thought Aberdeen Angus Steaks were reputed to be the best in the world... but that could just be Scottish propaganda. I'm guessing the meat quality in both Scotland and Texas benefits greatly from the quantity of livestock grown there.
@morbiuswilters said:
there's chili and Tex-Mex, both of which are exquisite.
I know the first one, but thought it to be a Mexican invention (which explains the terminology of the second one). They put chocolate in the Texan version?
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@Lorne Kates said:
There isn't anything particularly _wrong_ with their main product: fried chicken-- aside from the fact that breaded, fried foods have an inherent unheathly quality and should be a "sometimes" food rather than a staple. The white meat is a bit dry, but that will always be true when you cook the white and dark to the same temperature.
What's wrong about the product is the chicken is coated but not marinated; all the fat cooks out into the coating, leaving the inner tasteless and dry.
Their wings and legs contain less dryness, mainly because the ratio of meat to coating comes down more generously on the batter side.
I tried Buffalo Wings when in States-side; the coating had been allowed to penetrate the flesh and provided a tastier experience all around.
A KFC is what I use to take away the hunger pains until I can get some "proper" grub.
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@Gordonjcp said:
@Speakerphone Dude said:
@arh said:
I was visiting family in Texas (all the way from Europe).
The real WTF is that at some point people in that family left Texas to move to Europe. WHY? It's like taking back a Dodge Viper to the dealership and saying: give me a Cavalier instead, this one is too awesome for me.
They probably just left Texas to get some decent food...
Or maybe just to get away from this guy http://totallylookslike.icanhascheezburger.com/2008/07/15/george-bush/
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@morbiuswilters said:
You've got to be fucking joking. You people eat haggis, for Christ's sake..
Hey, nothing wrong with that, it's actually really great with mushy peas and mashed potato.
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@ASheridan said:
FTFY...@morbiuswilters said:
You've got to be fucking joking. You people eat haggis, for Christ's sake..
Hey, nothing wrong with that, it's actually really great withmushy peasneeps andmashed potatotatties.
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@Cassidy said:
I also thought Aberdeen Angus Steaks were reputed to be the best in the world... but that could just be Scottish propaganda.
Actually I believe that wagyu beef (aka Kobe beef) is generally considered to be the best.@Cassidy said:
@morbiuswilters said:
there's chili and Tex-Mex, both of which are exquisite.
I know the first one, but thought it to be a Mexican invention (which explains the terminology of the second one). They put chocolate in the Texan version?
Texas was Mexican until the "great" general Santa Ana lost it. He's a character: managed to lose about half of the territory Mexico claimed, but somehow he kept making political comebacks.
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@Severity One said:
Whilst Europeans are largely aware that there are cultural differences within the US itself, to claim that such differences are equally large as they are in Europe is ludicrous, and showing a lack of both insight and knowledge (which, unfortunately, didn't stop you[El_Heffe] from opening your mouth).
Case in point: some European cultures lack a concept of sarcasm. Can you imagine?
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@DOA said:
Worst I had was airport security in the UK stopping me because I had a small swiss army knife on my keychain. My luggage was already checked in and I sure as hell wasn't throwing it away because they were afraid I'd MacGyver my way to hijacking the plane. I ended up mailing to myself.
Yeah, I had the same thing once, except it was with a pocket retractable screwdriver, and I was travelling domestically in Canada. Land of the free, yup.
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@PJH said:
@ASheridan said:
FTFY...@morbiuswilters said:
You've got to be fucking joking. You people eat haggis, for Christ's sake..
Hey, nothing wrong with that, it's actually really great withmushy peasneeps andmashed potatotatties.I knew it! The Geordie is a closet Jock!
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@Cassidy said:
Eh? You introduced the sausage argument of "your taste in food is worse because you have haggis".
Yeah, and after all look at some of the great American culinary masterpieces - grits, chitlins and hot dish. Grits just sound so appealing from the name alone, and I mean who doesn't love the taste of sweetcorn cooked in drain cleaner? Chitlins are made from pig guts boiled until they no longer taste of pig piddle (or indeed anything else). Hot Dish appears to be sliced boiled potatoes with a can of soup and a packet of crisps thrown over them, which is the sort of thing I might have made when I was an impecunious student arriving home at 4am from the student union "Two Pints for a Pound" night...
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@Severity One said:
@arh said:
I don't know what's the biggest WTF.. that I was allowed to carry ammo on board a plane, or that I brought it with me through two different airports in US without anyone noticing.
Which reaffirms my belief that US airport security is a joke; at least pre-9/11 it was.They were better at screening weapons than the TSA is. Despite having less budget, having less legal right to detain people, and having the exact same staff of high school drop-outs manning the machines.
That said, they did suck. Did they suck worse than the TSA does now? Nope. The TSA sucks more because they can detail you even if you decide not to enter the secure area of the airport after-all. The airport run security staff couldn't do that.
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@Gordonjcp said:
Hot Dish appears to be sliced boiled potatoes with a can of soup and a packet of crisps thrown over them, which is the sort of thing I might have made when I was an impecunious student arriving home at 4am from the student union "Two Pints for a Pound" night...
If I were from the land of Baked Beans on Toast I don't think I'd try making that particular point.
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@da Doctah said:
If I were from the land of Baked Beans on Toast I don't think I'd try making that particular point.
Grim, who the hell eats baked beans on toast?
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@Gordonjcp said:
Let me Wiki that for you.@da Doctah said:
If I were from the land of Baked Beans on Toast I don't think I'd try making that particular point.
Grim, who the hell eats baked beans on toast?
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@da Doctah said:
Let me Wiki that for you.
Oh, it's on Wikipedia so it must be true...
I've never heard of anyone eating baked beans on toast before, and a quick ask around seems to suggest that no-one else around here has either. It sounds pretty horrible. Mind you, it talks about the "full English breakfast" - maybe they eat it in England, I don't know.
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@Gordonjcp said:
Grim, who the hell eats baked beans on toast?
I do. Maybe not for breakfast, but it makes a delicious lunch.
