Storage depot security

warrior

My (very small) company was moving a couple of months ago, and the place we were moving into wasn't as big as the place we were moving out of. Because of this, some stuff had to go into storage. I looked up a bunch of places, finally settling on one that had only opened its doors only a couple of months ago.

So my boss and I got in the car and headed down to the place. I was very impressed, it had a huge bank of monitors getting direct feeds from the numerous security cameras (Scarface-style), keypad access to electric gates, and a large bank of HDTVs which had a digital map of the facility, showing which units were taken and which were available, which were being accessed at the time, etc etc. Almost all of the units were indoors, and all were climate controlled.

My boss went over the terms of the contract with the reception lady, and eventually they signed the deal and the lady got to putting us in the system. We needed keypad access to open the doors, so she told us we needed to pick a 4 digit number to get into the facility. My boss picks one, and then the lady says it:

"Yep, that one isn't taken yet. It's all yours."

Doing a bit of mental math (10,000 codes divided by the roughly 600 units at the facility) I realized that perhaps some companies rely on the illusion of security more then actual security.

emurphy

~~Did you need a keypad and the 4-digit code, or just the 4-digit code? The former would still be a WTF, but somewhat less of an actual security risk.~~

Never mind, I was thinking "keycard" rather than "keypad". And yeah, that's quite the WTF - I did tech support for a self-storage software/hardware company way back in 1996 and they were already doing card access (one of the selling points was that customers behind on their bill could pay right at the gate, but would be locked out until they did).

morbiuswilters

@emurphy said:

I did tech support for a self-storage software/hardware company way back in 1996 and they were already doing card access (one of the selling points was that customers behind on their bill could pay right at the gate, but would be locked out until they did).

How is that ever a good thing? You know what that says to me? "Oh, we are so secure that even somebody who has a unit with us will be held up by a snottty teenager with a fake badge because his card doesn't make the little green light flash, due to the fact that he spent his last $5 buying cancer treatments for his cancer-stricken wife after her insurance company claimed her cancer was a pre-existing condition which effectively sentenced her to death, which gave the insurance company huge profits because they only make money when someone who pays them premiums dies and becomes unable to ever pay them money again. And then, to top it off, I've got to pay my $20 monthly balance to this little fucking puke so I can get her clothes out of storage so she can be buried in one of those profit-oriented graveyards that care about money more than people, and who will probably defile her corpse with horrific, right-leaning acts of sexual mutiliation while listening to Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin books-on-tape. And then, and only then, will I be able to get my Journey tapes out of storage."

renalexam

@morbiuswilters said:

How is that ever a good thing? You know what that says to me? "Oh, we are so secure that even somebody who has a unit with us will be held up by a snottty teenager with a fake badge because his card doesn't make the little green light flash, due to the fact that he spent his last $5 buying cancer treatments for his cancer-stricken wife after her insurance company claimed her cancer was a pre-existing condition which effectively sentenced her to death, which gave the insurance company huge profits because they only make money when someone who pays them premiums dies and becomes unable to ever pay them money again. And then, to top it off, I've got to pay my $20 monthly balance to this little fucking puke so I can get her clothes out of storage so she can be buried in one of those profit-oriented graveyards that care about money more than people, and who will probably defile her corpse with horrific, right-leaning acts of sexual mutiliation while listening to Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin books-on-tape. And then, and only then, will I be able to get my Journey tapes out of storage."

I was torn between sadness and humor until I reached the last sentence; then I laughed. The mental image went from a businessman trying to help his wife look respectful to the owner of my local beer distributor with his long hair and purple nose.

derula

@morbiuswilters said:

little fucking puke

Great, now I'm getting that image of two small piles of vomit having sexual intercourse with each other. Kinda cute, but also disgusting.

morbiuswilters

@renalexam said:

I was torn between sadness and humor until I reached the last sentence; then I laughed.

What?? That was the saddest part. It was pure comedy gold up until the last sentence, where you find out that the poor guy has been deprived of his Journey tapes all these months. It's the kind of twist-ending that kicks you in the balls and then stomps you while you're down.

smxlong

Since there is no username, just a key code, they need to all be unique if the intention is to be able to track WHO is opening the doors. That part in itself is not a WTF.

The WTF is allowing the customer to select a key code, which means that if you choose one that someone else has, they can't let you use it -- boom, you just learned a valid key code for another customer. All they need to do to fix the stupidity is to assign a key code instead of allowing the customer to choose one.

SQLDave

@morbiuswilters said:

@emurphy said:
I did tech support for a self-storage software/hardware company way back in 1996 and they were already doing card access (one of the selling points was that customers behind on their bill could pay right at the gate, but would be locked out until they did).
How is that ever a good thing? You know what that says to me? "Oh, we are so secure that even somebody who has a unit with us will be held up by a snottty teenager with a fake badge because his card doesn't make the little green light flash, due to the fact that he spent his last $5 buying cancer treatments for his cancer-stricken wife after her insurance company claimed her cancer was a pre-existing condition which effectively sentenced her to death, which gave the insurance company huge profits because they only make money when someone who pays them premiums dies and becomes unable to ever pay them money again. And then, to top it off, I've got to pay my $20 monthly balance to this little fucking puke so I can get her clothes out of storage so she can be buried in one of those profit-oriented graveyards that care about money more than people, and who will probably defile her corpse with horrific, right-leaning acts of sexual mutiliation while listening to Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin books-on-tape. And then, and only then, will I be able to get my Journey tapes out of storage."

Nice rant. It's been a while. I miss them (your rants).

operagost

@morbiuswilters said:

And then, and only then, will I be able to get my Journey tapes out of storage.

How dare you put your Journey tapes in storage, you monster?

bstorer

@operagost said:

@morbiuswilters said:
And then, and only then, will I be able to get my Journey tapes out of storage.
How dare you put your Journey tapes in storage, you monster?

He only put them in storage to make room for his Journey pinball machine. Besides, he still has the Journey 45s, the Journey CDs, the Journey MP3s, the Journey concert VHSs, the Journey DVDs, and, of course, the DVR'd final episode of The Sopranos featuring Journey.

Cad_Delworth

@bstorer said:

He only put them in storage to make room for his Journey pinball machine.

I didn't think those existed. And technically, they still don't. But then I saw this:

http://hyperspin-fe.com/forum/showthread.php?t=5224

Who the heck are "Journey" anyway? (Never mind: I just looked them up on AMG.)

@emurphy said:

I did tech support for a self-storage software/hardware company way back in 1996 and they were already doing card access (one of the selling points was that customers behind on their bill could pay right at the gate, but would be locked ~~out~~ inside and tortured until they did).

Much better this way.

smbarbour

Dammit! Now I'll be singing "Don't Stop Believing" for the next few days.

Weng

I fail to see your WTF here. Those gate codes are for auditing who comes in at any given time. I discovered (quite by accident) that I'd been using completely the wrong gate code on my girlfriend's gated community gate - and a bit more experimentation found that ANY six digit number worked - there are only five fucking houses. Yes, it's security that only keeps the honest people honest, but as long as it's not the only line of defense (presumably the storage unit building is attended and there are locks on the individual units) this is no different than most of the crap that passes for security these days.

dhromed

@Weng said:

crap that passes for security these days.

I keep milk and cookies and a pleasant, perfumed note on a cute little table near the window to mess with the heads of criminals so that tey'll be deterred from entering.

I guess that doesn't work either, huh?

:\

dstozek

@dhromed said:

I keep milk and cookies and a pleasant, perfumed note on a cute little table near the window to mess with the heads of criminals so that tey'll be deterred from entering.

How often do you change the milk?

dhromed

@dstozek said:

How often do you change the milk?

Let's just say I don't bring any girls over.

bstorer

@dhromed said:

@dstozek said:
How often do you change the milk?

Let's just say I don't bring any girls over.

Of course not; not enough dicks.

morbiuswilters

@dhromed said:

I keep milk and cookies and a pleasant, perfumed note on a cute little table near the window to mess with the heads of criminals so that tey'll be deterred from entering.

You know, all you're doing is giving BTK a snack that will replenish his strength after climbing through your window, allowing the "rape" to be all that more energetic.

On second thought, you're probably doing it on purpose.

dhromed

@morbiuswilters said:

You know, all you're doing is giving BTK a snack that will replenish his strength after climbing through your window, allowing the "rape" to be all that more energetic.

I guess I should stop spiking the food with coke.

:\

bstorer

@morbiuswilters said:

You know, all you're doing is giving BTK a snack that will replenish his strength after climbing through your window

BTK has figured out windows?! Shit! I knew I should have installed a moat last fall when they were on sale.

dhromed

@bstorer said:

BTK has figured out windows?! Shit!

It is learing faster than we anticipated!

alternative

He started on OSX, but before long, he will figure out Linux.

belgariontheking

@bstorer said:

BTK has figured out windows?!

What's so hard about them? 196 hits with a wiffeball bat and they break, just like a six year old's spine. by seven, it takes 205 hits.

bstorer

@belgariontheking said:

@bstorer said:
BTK has figured out windows?!
What's so hard about them? 196 hits with a wiffeball bat and they break, just like a six year old's spine. by seven, it takes 205 hits.

How many hits would it take with a Super Sledge or Deathclaw Guantlet?

blakeyrat

Depends on whether you have the Little Leaguer perk or not.

Oh wait, a 7-year-old? Kids are invulnerable in that particular post-apocolyptic wasteland, so the answer is infinite. TRICK QUESTION!

Someone_You_Know

@blakeyrat said:

Depends on whether you have the Little Leaguer perk or not.

Not for the Deathclaw Gauntlet.

bstorer

@blakeyrat said:

~~Oh wait, a 7-year-old? Kids are invulnerable in that particular post-apocolyptic wasteland, so the answer is infinite. TRICK QUESTION!~~

Disregard all that, btk. Continue hitting the child and counting the blows until he dies. This is very important research. Don't stop under any circumstances, not even for food or bathroom breaks.

blakeyrat

@Someone You Know said:

@blakeyrat said:
Depends on whether you have the Little Leaguer perk or not.

Not for the Deathclaw Gauntlet.

Oh, well, instead of sharing a cute little joke, we better spend the next 50 posts debating the which perks apply to which weapon types. Otherwise, people might just chuckle and move on without being pedantic dickweeds!

Ironically, you are in fact "Someone I Know" as I know a ton of people who ruin jokes by being pedantic dickweeds. I don't like those people, but I know them.

dhromed

AFAIK, the deathclaw gauntlet ignores armour, dealing only damage to the person's main health.

Therefore you can't break a window with it.

Someone_You_Know

@blakeyrat said:

@Someone You Know said:
@blakeyrat said:
Depends on whether you have the Little Leaguer perk or not.

Not for the Deathclaw Gauntlet.

Oh, well, instead of sharing a cute little joke, we better spend the next 50 posts debating the which perks apply to which weapon types. Otherwise, people might just chuckle and move on without being pedantic dickweeds!
Ironically, you are in fact "Someone I Know" as I know a ton of people who ruin jokes by being pedantic dickweeds. I don't like those people, but I know them.

Good lord.

dhromed

@blakeyrat said:

I know a ton of people who ruin jokes by being pedantic dickweeds.

YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE, BY VIRTUE OF SAYING WHAT YOU JUST SAID, UNLESS YOU WERE KIDDING, IN WHICH CASE I TAKE IT ALL BACK AND THEN I WOULD BE SORRY.

morbiuswilters

@dhromed said:

@blakeyrat said:
I know a ton of people who ruin jokes by being pedantic dickweeds.

YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE, BY VIRTUE OF SAYING WHAT YOU JUST SAID, UNLESS YOU WERE KIDDING, IN WHICH CASE I TAKE IT ALL BACK AND THEN I WOULD BE SORRY.

You just ruined the joke.

derula

@morbiuswilters said:

@dhromed said:
@blakeyrat said:
I know a ton of people who ruin jokes by being pedantic dickweeds.
YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE, BY VIRTUE OF SAYING WHAT YOU JUST SAID, UNLESS YOU WERE KIDDING, IN WHICH CASE I TAKE IT ALL BACK AND THEN I WOULD BE SORRY.
You just ruined the joke.

That was the whole point, you dickweed.

alegr

@Weng said:

I discovered (quite by accident) that I'd been using completely the wrong gate code on my girlfriend's gated community gate - and a bit more experimentation found that ANY six digit number worked - there are only five fucking houses

Five fucking houses! That's a lot of places to go for a fuck if your GF is having menses.

dhromed

I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE

Someone_You_Know

@dhromed said:

I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.

FTFY.

dhromed

WE'RE ALL THAT GUY.

bjolling

@dhromed said:

WE'RE ALL THAT GUY.

I'M NOT THAT GUY, FRIEND

dhromed

@bjolling said:

@dhromed said:
WE'RE ALL THAT GUY.
I'M NOT THAT GUY, FRIEND

I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND, PAL.

stratos

I don't know what's funnier, that everybody knows the reference when talking about clubbering children to death, or that nobody has posted that in this context the correct perk is obviously little leaguer.

dhromed

@stratos said:

nobody has posted that in this context the correct perk is obviously little leaguer.

Except, the people who did.

blakeyrat

@stratos said:

I don't know what's funnier, that everybody knows the reference when talking about clubbering children to death, or that nobody has posted that in this context the correct perk is obviously little leaguer.

Are you... joking?

I can't even tell anymore.

bstorer

@alegr said:

@Weng said:
I discovered (quite by accident) that I'd been using completely the wrong gate code on my girlfriend's gated community gate - and a bit more experimentation found that ANY six digit number worked - there are only five fucking houses
Five fucking houses! That's a lot of places to go for a fuck if your GF is having menses.

Also, I'm pretty sure five houses with a secured gate qualifies as a compound, not a gated community. Presumably the fucking is all after the express approval from God, as relayed to us by Leader.

Someone_You_Know

@stratos said:

I don't know what's funnier, that everybody knows the reference when talking about clubbering children to death, or that nobody has posted that in this context the correct perk is obviously little leaguer.

Not for the Deathclaw Gauntlet.

dhromed

@Someone You Know said:

@stratos said:
I don't know what's funnier, that everybody knows the reference when talking about clubbering children to death, or that nobody has posted that in this context the correct perk is obviously little leaguer.

Not for the Deathclaw Gauntlet.

I wonder if children are truly invulnerable, or whether they just have a ridiculous DR, like 99,999,999 or something. In that case, the Gauntlet should kill em off easily, as it ignores armor.

You still can't break a window with it, though.

Someone_You_Know

@dhromed said:

@Someone You Know said:
@stratos said:
I don't know what's funnier, that everybody knows the reference when talking about clubbering children to death, or that nobody has posted that in this context the correct perk is obviously little leaguer.

Not for the Deathclaw Gauntlet.

I wonder if children are truly invulnerable, or whether they just have a ridiculous DR, like 99,999,999 or something. In that case, the Gauntlet should kill em off easily, as it ignores armor.

You still can't break a window with it, though.

I believe they're actually invulnerable. I haven't decided whether that's better or worse than having no children in the game at all, which is how they addressed the same issue in Oblivion.

It wouldn't necessarily have to be a high DR, though; they could just give them a ridiculously high number of HP, so the Gauntlet wouldn't help. They did something similar with the simulation equipment in Anchorage, which had CND values in the neighborhood of a million, giving the appearance of non-degrading equipment.

DescentJS

@Someone You Know said:

@dhromed said:

@Someone You Know said:

@stratos said:

I don't know what's funnier, that everybody knows the reference when talking about clubbering children to death, or that nobody has posted that in this context the correct perk is obviously little leaguer.

Not for the Deathclaw Gauntlet.

I wonder if children are truly invulnerable, or whether they just have a ridiculous DR, like 99,999,999 or something. In that case, the Gauntlet should kill em off easily, as it ignores armor.

You still can't break a window with it, though.

I believe they're actually invulnerable. I haven't decided whether that's better or worse than having no children in the game at all, which is how they addressed the same issue in Oblivion.

It wouldn't necessarily have to be a high DR, though; they could just give them a ridiculously high number of HP, so the Gauntlet wouldn't help. They did something similar with the simulation equipment in Anchorage, which had CND values in the neighborhood of a million, giving the appearance of non-degrading equipment.

If I recall correctly, they are actually set to "Essential". Which means that they fall down, then get up again after a short delay. It's the same flag used on important quest characters.