That's how you do onboarding
-
I don't know why people keep adding me to their Trello teams, but sounds like this company has their shit together.
-
Gah! Trello!
-
@dangeRuss You've got a computer ordered, now just keep holding on for that font to be installed and you're in!
-
Trello: That's how you do waterboarding.
-
Be sure to contribute to the plan. I mean, they added you for a reason.
-
@anonymous234
By removing most tasks?
-
@Luhmann said in That's how you do onboarding:
@anonymous234
By removing most tasks?Or, more subtly, by marking them done.
-
How about adding some tasks.
Can you guys think of any funny ones?
-
Didn't read any of the tasks; just assumed this had something to do with the pic's vague resemblance to a penis.
-
@dangeRuss
Stock the office fridge with Belgian beer
-
Sadly, I wish I had an organized onboarding checklist like that, either for our Helpdesk or for the client company we support. It'd make things a lot easier with tracking certain bits and whether they've been completed or not.
-
@Luhmann said in That's how you do onboarding:
@dangeRuss
Stock the office fridge with Belgian beeradded
-
-
@dangeRuss @.@ That's not how trello works!
-
@dangeRuss said in That's how you do onboarding:
How about adding some tasks.
Can you guys think of any funny ones?How about "Attend 1-on-1 sexual harassment training"? Reasonably close to an actual onboarding task, and certainly not creepy at all.
-
Who is Stacey and Da
vle?Correction added
-
@asdf said in That's how you do onboarding:
How about "Attend 1-on-1 sexual harassment training"?
Depends. Is the other party cute?
-
This literally just in: https://xkcd.com/1812/ – I quite like the 3rd panel.
Filed under: Well timed.
-
A couple years ago at work, we all had to take mandatory sexual harassment training. I mentioned this to a certain female friend of mine, and she actually got all excited and asked me to take notes, because she'd always fantasized about being sexually harassed by her boss.
She ended up rather disappointed, as there wasn't anything really interesting or salacious in the training material. :P
-
@masonwheeler
Our sexual harassment training taught me that:- Strip clubs are not acceptable locations for teambuilding exercises. (Apparently, there's a story behind that rule.)
- If you ever go to a strip club, you should make sure that you don't meet a co-worker there, because going to a strip club with a co-worker in your free time constitutes sexual harassment.
-
@asdf Those are both oddly specific rules...
-
@masonwheeler said in That's how you do onboarding:
she'd always fantasized about being sexually harassed by her boss
Fetishes are weird.
@asdf said in That's how you do onboarding:
Apparently, there's a story behind that rule.
/me settles down for story time
@asdf said in That's how you do onboarding:
going to a strip club with a co-worker in your free time constitutes sexual harassment
Two platonic friends going to a strip club is sexual harassment now? I must have missed that memo.
-
@RaceProUK said in That's how you do onboarding:
Two platonic friends going to a strip club is sexual harassment now? I must have missed that memo.
Yeah, somehow engaging in such activities with friends from work creates a hostile environment for women, according to the slides. I mean, I get that you shouldn't talk about it in the office*, but otherwise .
*Our Moroccan co-workers were actually visibly uncomfortable the last time someone made an 18+ joke in our office.
-
@asdf said in That's how you do onboarding:
Yeah, somehow engaging in such activities with friends from work creates a hostile environment for women, according to the slides.
Even if it's two women going?
-
@RaceProUK said in That's how you do onboarding:
@asdf said in That's how you do onboarding:
Yeah, somehow engaging in such activities with friends from work creates a hostile environment for women, according to the slides.
Even if it's two women going?
Yeah, I wonder what would happen if some female team member pointed out to HR that this rule is horribly sexist and full of prejudices itself.
-
@asdf said in That's how you do onboarding:
If you ever go to a strip club, you should make sure that you don't meet a co-worker there
But if you try to find out her schedule (to avoid going when she's on stage, of course) that's sexual harassment too.
-
@hungrier
Are you guys hiring?
-
@asdf said in That's how you do onboarding:
Yeah, I wonder what would happen if some female team member pointed out to HR that this rule is horribly sexist and full of prejudices itself.
They'd probably be all like, "Well, when men start suing about that the slides will probably be updated."
Life is like that.
-
@dangeRuss Not sure why Install Printer is a First Day task.
-
@JazzyJosh
How else are you going to convert infiniscroll threads to bathroom reading material?
-
@dangeRuss said in That's how you do onboarding:
Can you guys think of any funny ones?
Construct wooden table.
-
@JazzyJosh How else will you Wooden Table?
-
@RaceProUK said in That's how you do onboarding:
Construct wooden table.
I was listening to Writing Excuses--a podcast about writing featuring several authors, including Brandon Sanderson--and in a recent episode Brandon actually mentioned a wooden table! :D
Completely different context than we use around here, but it was still funny because of that. He said that his editor advised him, instead of writing "there was a wooden table in the room," say what kind of wood it was made from. It's essentially free description, since using the name of the wood instead of "wooden" takes exactly the same amount of words.
-
@masonwheeler It'd also be a good way to establish the wealth of the owner:
There was an oak table in the room.
There was a pine table in the room.
There was a chipboard table in the room.
Guess which one went to Ikea :D
-
@masonwheeler Which was interesting because another of the guests immediately shared the opposite problem: people can end up with purple prose because they feel the need to elaborate on every single item in the room.
-
@izzion You do that pre-first day silly. What if the guy had beans last night? You gotta make the guy comfortable on the first day.
@dangeRuss Block installation of Chrome and Firefox.
-
@Yamikuronue said in That's how you do onboarding:
How else will you Wooden
As a male chauvinistic pig I always bring my own wood
-
@Yamikuronue Well that's easy to avoid. Just make the table some wood that's brown rather than purple! :D
-
@Yamikuronue This is a reference I don't get.
-
@JazzyJosh said in That's how you do onboarding:
@Yamikuronue This is a reference I
don'twooden get.
-
-
@JazzyJosh said in That's how you do onboarding:
@Yamikuronue This is a reference I don't get.
The wooden table is a classic
-
o i c
-
@RaceProUK said in That's how you do onboarding:
@dangeRuss said in That's how you do onboarding:
Can you guys think of any funny ones?
Construct wooden table.
First thing I had to do at my workplace was to assemble my chair. They only got the desk in a day before. And yes, it was an IKEA chair
-
@homoBalkanus said in That's how you do onboarding:
@RaceProUK said in That's how you do onboarding:
@dangeRuss said in That's how you do onboarding:
Can you guys think of any funny ones?
Construct wooden table.
First thing I had to do at my workplace was to assemble my chair. They only got the desk in a day before. And yes, it was an IKEA chair
That's so going in.
-
@izzion This would seriously make a nice toy for people with too much money. A toilet paper roll holder, with a mini printer that printed stuff from the internet 24/7.
-
@asdf said in That's how you do onboarding:
Yeah, somehow engaging in such activities with friends from work creates a hostile environment for women, according to the slides
That's modern feminism for you. It used to be "men and women are the same, and if you say otherwise, you are sexist!", now it's "men and women are clearly different, strip clubs and sex jokes are a man's thing that makes women uncomfortable and are therefore sexist!"
-
@RaceProUK said in That's how you do onboarding:
@masonwheeler It'd also be a good way to establish the wealth of the owner:
There was an oak table in the room.
There was a pine table in the room.
There was a
chipboardhandful of Norse men table in the room.Guess which one went to Ikea :D
-
@anonymous234 said in That's how you do onboarding:
strip clubs and sex jokes are a man's thing
Lolwut? Usually it's more "Sex doesn't belong in the workplace in any form." There's got to be a story behind @asdf's stupid rules
-
@Yamikuronue what about strip club workers?
How would they avoid meeting coworkers in a strip club?