Laidlaw's Rule
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The Harry Potter books work pretty well
Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. And then the murders began.
Not for the first time, an argument had broken out over breakfast at number four, Privet Drive. And then the murders began.
Harry Potter was a highly unusual boy in many ways. And then the murders began.
The villagers of Little Hangleton still called it “the Riddle House,” even though it had been many years since the Riddle family had lived there. And then the murders began.
The hottest day of the summer so far was drawing to a close and a drowsy silence lay over the large, square houses of Privet Drive. And then the murders began.
It was nearing midnight and the Prime Minister was sitting along in his office, reading a long memo that was slipping through his brain without leaving the slightest trace of meaning behind. And then the murders began.
The two men appeared out of nowhere, a few yards apart in the narrow, moonlit lane. And then the murders began.
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@RaceProUK said in Laidlaw's Rule:
In the light of the moon a little egg lay on a leaf. And then the murders began.
-- The Very Hungry Caterpillar
E_DUPLICATE_POST
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Firefox 52 kills plugins – except Flash – and runs up a red flag for HTTP. And then the murders began.
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In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. And then the murders began.
Ironically...
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Everything Changed When The Fire Nation Attacked
“Everything Changed When the Fire Nation Attacked” is a memorable quote from the animated TV series Avatar: The Last Airbender. In the context of image macros and web comics, the phrase is used to signal a sudden and dramatic turnaround in almost any given situation, similar to the usage of “I Took...
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Someone's been getting into the children's books.
And then the murders began
@dangeRuss said in Laidlaw's Rule:
One fish two fish red fish blue fish. And then the murders began.
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish by Dr. Seuss
@dangeRuss said in Laidlaw's Rule:
The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house All that cold, cold, wet day. And then the murders began.
The Cat in The Hat by Dr. Seuss
@dangeRuss said in Laidlaw's Rule:
In the great green room there was a telephone and a red balloon and a picture of the cow jumping over the moon and there were three little bears sitting on chairs and two little kittens and a pair of mittens and a little toyhouse and a young mouse and a comb and a brush and a bowl full of mush and a quiet old lady who was whispering "hush". And then the murders began.
Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise
@dangeRuss said in Laidlaw's Rule:
Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see? And then the murders began.
Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? Eric Carle illustrated, can't remember the author.
@dangeRuss said in Laidlaw's Rule:
In the light of the moon a little egg lay on a leaf. And then the murders began.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle
@dangeRuss said in Laidlaw's Rule:
Once there was a tree and she loved a little boy. And then the murders began.
The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
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The email notification pinged into view. It was from Carl. He was a proper cunt in every sense of the word.
Carl was annoyed about the fact that in the meeting I made him look foolish. I didn't tell him that I enjoyed a lot of time with his wife and his kids probably aren't his.
I had to think about the best way to respond. I could do a "respond all" and humiliate him or I could send the pictures of him having sex with a black man called Leroy.
I decided to just send him something innocuous that couldn't ever be seen as a friendly
I send an email to him with the subject title of "Did you like your night out with Leroy"?
Leroy was a very large black man with a penis size that equalled his impressive height.
I thought I had successfully quelled the company men via blackmail to give me a relatively simple life at work.
And then the murders began.
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@lucas1 Just the first line.
@lucas1 said in Laidlaw's Rule:
The email notification pinged into view.
And then the murders began.
FTFY
And then the murders began.
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Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
THIS TIME THERE would be no witnesses. And then the murders began.
Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul (Dirk Gently Book 2)
IT CAN HARDLY be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression "As pretty as an airport." And then the murders began.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. And then the murders began.
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. And then the murders began.
Life, the Universe and Everything
The regular early morning yell of horror was the sound of Arthur Dent waking up and suddenly remembering where he was. And then the murders began.
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
That evening it was dark early, which was normal for the time of year. And then the murders began.
The history of the Galaxy has got a little muddled, for a number of reasons: partly because those who are trying to keep track of it have got a little muddled, but also because some very muddling things have been happening anyway. And then the murders began.
So far as we know... The Imperial Galactic Government decided, over a bucket of jeweled crabs one day,k that a hyperspace expressway was needed in an unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy. And then the murders began.
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@abarker What?
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@dangeRuss said in Laidlaw's Rule:
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. And then the murders began.
Actually that was the prologue, I guess it should be:
The house stood on a slight rise just on the edge of the village. And then the murders began.
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@dangeRuss said in Laidlaw's Rule:
And Another Thing...
So far as we know... The Imperial Galactic Government decided, over a bucket of jeweled crabs one day,k that a hyperspace expressway was needed in an unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy. And then the murders began.
Man I guess I screwed up a bunch of these. That was also the prologue. Chapter 1:
According to a janitor's assistant at the Maximegalon University, who often loiters outside lecture halls, the universe is sixteen billion years old. And then the murders began.
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`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.I think the last line there might have beat Laidlaw to it.
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@lucas1 said in Laidlaw's Rule:
@abarker What?
@Yamikuronue said in Laidlaw's Rule:
Laidlaw postulated that any opening line of almost any story can be improved by changing the second line to "And then the murders began."
You changed the twelfth line, so I fixed it for you. ATTMB.
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@abarker Too Geeky for me and I am out.
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@abarker said in Laidlaw's Rule:
You changed the twelfth line, so I fixed it for you
I didn't really care, it sounded like an artistic porno which tbh is the maximum amount of respect this thread deserves.
Anyway I subverted the Genre so I am the real (piss) artist here.
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@Lorne-Kates Aw I was going to do that one :(
This book is largely concerned with Hobbits, and from its pages a reader may discover much of their character and a little of their history. But then the murders begin.
In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. And then the murders began.
The Deliverator belongs to an elite order, a hallowed subcategory. And then the murders begin.
A lot of people were in the room, but only three were important at the moment. And then the murders began.
I grasped the cold pistol handle and squinted at the target. And then the murders began.
In Bible-believing circles a great controversy exists. And then the murders begin.
"I like it," Jaelle said, smiling at me as she looked over my shoulder at the holo-screen. And then the murders began.
I don't remember much of my time in the shell, but what I do remember is good. And then the murders began.
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@Groaner said in Laidlaw's Rule:
Everything Changed When The Fire Nation Attacked
“Everything Changed When the Fire Nation Attacked” is a memorable quote from the animated TV series Avatar: The Last Airbender. In the context of image macros and web comics, the phrase is used to signal a sudden and dramatic turnaround in almost any given situation, similar to the usage of “I Took...
A while back, I was with the family over Christmas, and they decided to watch the first The Hobbit film. It goes into this big, long, elaborate intro of how glorious the ancient Dwarven kingdom was, before Smaug showed up and laid waste to it.
Right as it's about to get to that point, I said "But all that changed when the fire dragon attacked!" Had everyone (except the parents) cracking up laughing.
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@Jaloopa said in Laidlaw's Rule:
THE MORRIS DANCE is common to all inhabited worlds in the multiverse. And then the murders began
Other pratchett books work better i think
I dunno, if it's the Stick and Bucket Dance...
But I'll see that and I'll raise you
There was a man and he had eight sons. And then the murders began.
I heard the mailman approach my office door, half an hour earlier than usual. And then the murders began.
Eh... they actually began the night before.
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The pig go. And then the murders began.
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@masonwheeler said in Laidlaw's Rule:
A while back, Mason Wheeler was with the family over Christmas, and they decided to watch the first The Hobbit film. And then the murders began.
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Six years ago, a dragon rose in Ascalon.
And then the murders began.
It flew south, killing and corrupting everything in its path.
I stood beneath the dragon as it passed overhead. I survived where others did not.
All across Tyria, I found others who told of destruction caused by the dragons.
Humans and sylvari, battling undead that swarmed their shores.
Asura, driven from their underground cities.
Joining together, we gave birth to a mighty organization: the Vigil.
We're proud that you have chosen to serve alongside us. Your mentor will be Forgal, one of our finest soldiers, and the most stalwart norn I know.
He'll teach you to fight with the Vigil.
The Vigil was created to fight the dragons. To destroy them before they destroy us.
Some must fight, so that all may be free.
Welcome to the Vigil.
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@Zecc said in Laidlaw's Rule:
========== Build: 0 succeeded, 1 failed, 1 up-to-date, 1 skipped, and then the murders began ==========
I woke up today, exhausted before my mind even completed my very first thoughts, having realized that I was on the fourth day of a one day project. And then the murders began.
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Worked for none of the books I had lying around, except when you put the introductory sentence into past tense.
All events and people depicted in this book were fictional. And then the murders began.
Now thats a story I would read.
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Recently bought a Lovecraft collection
When I drew nigh the nameless city I knew it was accursed. And then the murders began
Iwas far from home, and the spell of the eastern sea was upon me. And then the murders began
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Doesn't really need improving, but here goes:
I still remember the day my father took me to the Cemetery of Forgotten Books for the first time. And then the murders began.
C.R. Zafon, The Shadow of the Wind
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Tried it on anything other than books?
Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this sun of York. And then the murders began.
Or song lyrics:
Well, she was just seventeen. You know what I mean. And then the murders began.
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Hmm…
The scent and smoke and sweat of a casino are nauseating at three in the morning. And then the murders began.
Flames danced in a glass. And then the murders began.
The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel. And then the murders began.
The speckled blue eagle floated high in the sky above the hopes and works of mankind. And then the murders began.
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1. e4 c5 2. Nf3 e6 3. d3 ...This used to be my favorite. And then the murders began.
--Bobby Fischer, My 60 Memorable Games
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Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious summer by this sun of York;
And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house
In the deep bosom of the ocean buried.
And then the murders began.-- W. Shakespeare, Richard III
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to wound the autumnal city.
So howled out for the world to give him a name.
The in-dark answered with wind.
And then the murders began.-Samuel R. Delany, Dhalgren
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April is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
And then the murders began.
— T.S. Eliott, The Waste LandA bird came down the walk:
He did not know I saw;
He bit an angle-worm in halves
And ate the fellow, raw.
And then the murders began.
— Emily Dickenson, A Bird Came DownStately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. And then the murders began.
— James Joyce, Ulysses
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Fear not this night; you will not go astray.
And then the murders began.
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@Mikael_Svahnberg said in Laidlaw's Rule:
Isn't that the one where the whole book is just a single run-on sentence?
It's just one part of the book, not a whole section. And then the murders began.
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Playing the Bereshith card:
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And then the murders began.
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@Mikael_Svahnberg said in Laidlaw's Rule:
Isn't that the one where the whole book is just a single run-on sentence?
What's the size limit on a NudeBB post?
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@da-Doctah said in Laidlaw's Rule:
Tried it on anything other than books?
The Hypertext Markup Language (HTML) is a simple markup language used to create hypertext documents that are platform independent. And then the murders began.
Founded in 2004 by Alex Papadimoulis, The Daily WTF is your how-not-to guide for developing software. We recount tales of disastrous development, from project management gone spectacularly bad to inexplicable coding choices. And then the murders began.
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Please Read: A Personal Appeal From Wikipedia Founder Jimmy Wales. And then the murders began.
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@Lorne-Kates I've hit it once when I made an ascii-art rendering of my avatar using discourse's avatar CDN, but IIRC it was an oddly unspecific number. 155 263 characters or something like that. And then the murders began.
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This is cheating a bit
This is but one of the legends of which the people speak...
Long ago, there existed a kingdom where a golden power lay hidden. It was a prosperous land blessed with green forests, tall mountains, and peace. And then the murders began.
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And here's one where it doesn't really alter the original effect much at all:
That was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie and Dim, Dim being really dim, and we sat in the Korova Milkbar making up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening, a flip dark chill winter bastard though dry. And then the murders began.
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@da-Doctah said in Laidlaw's Rule:
Well, she was just seventeen. You know what I mean. And then the murders began.
Lornes! Now it's underaged trans-hookers?? Is there no line too sacred?
And then the murders began.
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@pydsigner said in Laidlaw's Rule:
Lornes! Now it's underaged trans-hookers?? Is there no line too sacred?
Get 'em
startedfinished early. Can't accuse me of being ageist.
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Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down. And then the murders began.
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ASP.NET developers have been asking for a way to combine Forms and Windows security. And then the murders began
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Whether we listen with aloof amusement to the dreamlike mumbo jumbo of some red-eyed witch doctor of the Congo, or read with cultivated rapture thin translations from sonnets of the mystic Lao-tse; now and again crack the hard nutshell of an argument of Aquinas, or catch suddenly the shining meaning of a bisarre Eskimo fairy tale: it will always be the one, shape-shifting yet marvelously constant story that we find, together with a challengingly persistent suggestion of more remaining to be experienced than will ever be known or told. And then the murders begin.
Why did the first book available on my desk have the longest opening sentence?
